Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

RYDER

L ast night, I set up Violet's tree in her house. Then I took an exhausted Faith home. I planned to decorate the tree in the morning after I made her a breakfast of pancakes and bacon. I hoped this would be a new tradition for us.

When I'd settled into bed, Violet sent a picture of her in front of her tree that now had lights on it. I wished we could have stayed and helped her decorate.

My heart skipped a beat as I took in Violet's smile. I'd put that there. She was overjoyed at the tree in her shop. It had been so easy to please her.

With Stacy, she wouldn't have gone to a farm to cut down a tree. She would have deemed it a waste of time when we could grab one from a lot. I couldn't even remember the last time she'd been at my family's farm.

We'd never decorated the tree as a family. Stacy took the task over because her decorating sense was better.

But Faith was just a child. What did it matter if the tree wasn't perfect? Or there were ice-cream-cone decorations instead of magazine-worthy ornaments.

I was glad that Faith got to experience what it was like to decorate a tree however she wanted. We'd only used Violet's decorations, but she'd gotten a kick out of the ice-cream-themed decorations Violet had collected over the years.

I'd wanted to start a new tradition where we added a meaningful ornament from a family trip or a museum visit, but Stacy had turned up her nose at the idea of placing them on the tree. So I'd kept my childhood ornaments in one box and the ones I'd collected for Faith in another.

What I was waiting to use them for, I wasn't sure. Maybe when Faith was old enough to live on her own? Her first Christmas away from home?

I ran a finger over Violet's smiling face on my screen. There was something about Violet. She exuded a happiness and a never-ending well of hope radiated from her core. I wanted to bottle it up and keep it with me when I couldn't be near her.

Thank you for joining us today.

Thank you for my trees. Best day ever.

The best part of my day was seeing the look on your face when you saw your ice-cream ornaments on your tree.

I've been saving those forever.

Wish we could have stayed and decorated your tree at home.

That would have been nice. But this way I have something to do on Thanksgiving morning. I like your suggestion of decorating the tree then.

I wished we could do the trees together, but we were just friends. It was crazy enough that Dad wanted to invite her to family dinner. But I was glad he did. It gave me an excuse to spend more time with her.

The question was, what was I doing with Violet? I felt like I was in limbo. Not quite divorced, not quite single. I wasn't in a position to offer her anything even if I wanted to.

When Stacy first suggested a separation, I assumed we'd get back together. Why wouldn't we work on our marriage?

But the longer I spent on my own, the more I realized how unhappy I was in our relationship. How much she dictated everything from our vacations to the activities we participated in and the people we surrounded ourselves with. And for some reason, the Calloways had been deemed unworthy of her time and attention.

Why hadn't I realized that before now? My wife had disregarded my family, my history, and everything that made me who I was. Yet Violet had treasured the time at the farm. That didn't mean she was the right person for me either. But it highlighted the differences between her and Stacy.

I was so intent on keeping our family together; I didn't see how toxic Stacy had become. How our family was ruled by her dictates. What she wanted is what happened. When did I lose myself in that relationship?

How would I get all the pieces of myself back? I felt like the more time I spent in Maryland the better I felt, and the more I came back to myself. The Ryder that was proud of his family and wanted to be part of it. The Ryder that had interests and desires outside of what Stacy wanted.

I was slowly healing. When I first moved here, I couldn't imagine moving on, but now I wanted to take the next step with Violet.

Would Violet think of me every time she saw her tree? Would she think of me when she was decorating tomorrow?

I'm so happy that Faith will be here this weekend and I can do all the holiday things with her.

I'm happy for you too.

I only recently realized how much Stacy controlled. Even my time with Faith. We rarely had one-on-one time together to bond. But that was my fault since I was working all the time.

Texting Violet felt like a journal entry, an admission of sorts. I hadn't been the perfect dad, but I wanted to make up for it now.

My phone buzzed.

"Violet?" I asked, adjusting to a more comfortable position on the bed.

Her face filled my screen. Her eyes were wide.

I glanced down at my body just now remembering I was only wearing basketball shorts. I wasn't prepared to see anyone tonight.

I reached for the shirt I'd thrown off when I lay down on the bed. "Sorry. You want me to put on a shirt?"

Her cheeks were pink. "Not on my account."

I chuckled, liking that I was affecting her.

She looked away, and her cheeks flushed pink. "I wanted to talk to you. Your texts?—"

"I shouldn't have let loose on you like that. You don't want to hear me complain about my marriage."

"I don't mind. I want to get to know you better."

"For years, I let my wife dictate my choices. I didn't even realize that she'd isolated me from my family until recently. She used so many excuses. When Faith was young, it was too long of a drive for a baby. Then later, our family was in Virgina."

"We don't always see what's happening in a relationship until later."

Had she experienced something similar?

"I assume the relationship is one thing," she continued, "but then it turns out not to be something else. I thought there might be a future, or something more serious, but the guy's there to have fun." Violet shrugged. "Maybe I want something that doesn't exist."

"What's that?"

"Love. The kind that lasts forever." Violet shook her head, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I sound crazy right now."

"Why is wanting to love and be loved crazy?" That was everyone's base desire. Whether they admitted it to themselves was another matter entirely.

"Most guys I meet aren't ready for commitment. They just want to have fun with their friends."

"I don't know who've you been dating, but they sound immature."

"I thought I'd be married and have kids by now. Instead, I worked at an office like my parents wanted for years, biding my time to open the shop. If my grandmother hadn't given me the money, I'd still be in Florida working the front desk of a medical office."

I shook my head. "You would have figured it out."

Her forehead wrinkled. "How can you be so sure?"

"You wouldn't have wanted to give up on your dreams. You would have found a way to make it happen. You weren't saving those ice-cream decorations for no reason."

"I think it was good for me to get away from my parents and my sister. When I was there, I felt less than. Like I wasn't capable or smart. But here I feel so much freer."

"It takes guts to even start a business. Most people never take that risk. They just talk about all the things that they wanted to do, never taking the first step."

"It was brave. I had Grandpa's support, but I did it on my own," Violet said with a touch of awe in her voice, as if she'd never thought of it that way.

"You did."

"Thank you. I guess I don't stop long enough to think about how far I've come and what I've accomplished. I'm always thinking about how much further I have to go."

"That's a good reminder for me too. I felt like a failure when Stacy first mentioned divorce. But I've figured out a lot of things about myself. What I want in a partner. Who I am. The nonnegotiables."

Violet smiled. "We're both growing."

"That's life, right? We keep going. It's a never-ending process."

Violet nodded enthusiastically. "Yes."

I wanted to extend the conversation, but she yawned. "I'll let you get some sleep. You'll need energy to spend the day with my family."

Violet smiled tiredly. "I can't wait."

Her reaction was so different from Stacy's. She was never excited to visit the farm.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow." The year before, we had an ice storm, and Claire and Sutton ended up staying overnight. It might have been selfish, but I hoped for some kind of weather delay so I could spend more time with her.

"Should I bring some of my ice cream? Vanilla would be great with whatever pies Daphne's serving."

"We can pick it up on the way." Violet only lived a few minutes from me anyway. It wouldn't be any trouble, and then I could have her to myself for a little bit. Faith usually listened to a book on her earbuds in the truck.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

We hung up, and I settled onto my pillows. I might have been in a rented house, but now it felt more permanent. I felt content in a way I hadn't in a long time, even though my life was more in upheaval than ever.

I didn't have a permanent place to live. The divorce wasn't final. And I wasn't sure how it was going to work with me in Maryland and Stacy in Virginia. But I didn't think I wanted to move back. I was tired of Stacy dictating my life.

And I thought this was one more way she hoped to do so. I'd move close to be near Faith while Stacy dated other men. What if I could get more time with Faith? What if we could make it work with me living in Maryland?

It felt selfish, but Faith loved spending time with my family. Why couldn't I make this move permanent? I had to believe there was a way for us to make this work. And Faith was getting older; a judge might take into account her preferences. I just wasn't sure what she wanted.

I'd need to talk to her about it soon. I wanted her to be involved in any plans I made. I went to sleep with hope that I could make this work. Maybe I would get another chance at happiness.

T he next morning, Faith was awake early, excited to decorate the tree. I played holiday music and cooked us a huge breakfast while Faith sorted through my boxes of decorations.

Faith marveled in each ornament, begging me to tell the story behind it.

After we ate, we changed into holiday sweaters, something Stacy wouldn't have let us wear. Then we tackled the tree. I hung the lights, and then we took turns hanging the ornaments.

"I love that each of our ornaments has a story," Faith said, and my heart squeezed. Stacy only wanted decorations elegant enough to grace a magazine cover. But this was so much better. I snapped pictures of Faith in front of the tree, hesitating to send them to Stacy.

Would she say something mean? I wanted to keep this moment to myself. I couldn't bring myself to send it.

"Let's get one of you, Dad." Faith snagged my phone and maneuvered me in front of the tree. Then she stood on a chair so she could get the perfect shot.

"Smile."

I thought about my conversation with Violet. How she looked in front of the tree she'd cut down. How happy I felt when I spent time with her.

"That's perfect." Faith hopped off the chair and showed me the screen. "You should send these to Violet so she can see that our tree fits."

"She was worried about that." I dutifully sent one of me and the tree.

Violet sent a picture of her tree that was full of lights and Santa ornaments and candy canes. I showed it to Faith.

"I haven't had candy canes in?—"

"Forever." Stacy insisted they were for decoration and not to be eaten.

Faith sighed. "I wish I could spend Christmas with you too."

My heart broke. "We're sharing holidays. I'd love to have you here all the time, but you need to see your mom too."

"I know, but Mom is different."

I wondered if she was only just now seeing those differences like me. "We can make our own traditions, and Mom will do what she does. Are you ready to pick up George and Violet?"

"Yes!" Faith cried. Then she ran to get her bag. I told her to pack some extra clothes in case she got dirty playing with her uncles and cousins. Our football games could get a little out of hand.

Last Thanksgiving, I was in a fog, not sure what the next year would bring. But I was slowly emerging from that, seeing things clearly.

I was looking forward to the good things in my future. And I couldn't wait to spend the day with my family and Violet and George. In no time, we were in the cab of my truck headed toward George's house.

Even though it was cold this morning, he was waiting for us on his porch. I got out to open the door for him.

"I can handle a door," George grumbled.

"Happy Thanksgiving." Nothing was getting me down today. I was spending it with all my favorite people.

"Will there be enough turkey at this place?"

I chuckled. "More than enough. Don't worry about that. And if we run out, my sister always makes way too many pies."

"Violet's bringing ice cream. It's going to be the best Thanksgiving ever," Faith singsonged.

George turned around to say, "It sure is, young lady."

I wondered if George would be down today because his wife wasn't here to share it with him. But he seemed to perk up when Faith talked to him. I was glad we included Violet and George. I wouldn't want them to be at a restaurant on a day like today.

At Violet's, I left the truck idling while I knocked on her door.

She opened it with a big smile, wearing a soft-looking green dress with leggings and knee-high brown boots.

"You look like you're ready to eat turkey." She actually looked good enough to eat, but I couldn't say that to her.

She merely raised her brow.

I offered her my arm. "Are you ready for my crazy family?"

Violet sighed. "I don't think I'll ever be ready, so let's just go."

"Was it just your family when you celebrated in Florida?" I asked her as we covered the distance to my truck.

"My parents, me, and my sister."

I opened the back door for her so she could sit next to Faith. "Well, prepare to be blown away."

Then we were headed toward the ice-cream shop where I helped Violet pack cartons of ice cream into a cooler. Then I carried it out to the truck.

"You didn't have to bring anything, you know."

"I wanted to."

Stacy would have bought a bottle of wine or an elaborate gift basket, not something she made. I had to stop comparing the two women. It was only going to get me into trouble.

On the way to the farm, Faith talked about our excursion yesterday.

"You want to get your tree today, George?" I asked him when Faith paused for a breath.

"I haven't put up a real tree in years. It was just easier to do the artificial one."

"You'd love a real one. The smell is amazing," Violet said.

I parked next to the line of Pine Valley Farm trucks and one police cruiser. I helped Faith and Violet get out of the cab, leaving George do it himself. I knew he was too proud to ask for help. Then I snagged the cooler from the back.

When I reached the porch, Faith was talking to Teddy. He was listening with rapt attention to whatever Faith was rambling on about.

When he saw me approach, he grabbed the cooler. "We'll take this, but you can go on home."

I laughed, used to his ribbing. "I come with the ice cream."

"I think it comes with Violet. She can stay. You can go." Teddy tipped his head toward my truck.

"Whatever." I almost called him an asshole but remembered to stop myself in front of Violet and George. They didn't need to know we were cavemen yet. They'd figure it out soon enough.

Inside, Faith ran over to Izzy, who was playing with dolls. Everyone else had congregated in the kitchen where appetizers were laid out on the table. Daphne and Dad were busy cooking.

I greeted everyone, introducing them to Violet and George. Then Wes suggested a football game, and we filtered onto the porch.

It was a tradition for us to play on the holidays, and we'd slowly integrated the girls into our game too. The effect was that it was less violent than it used to be. Also a lot more fun.

We split into two teams. Faith and Izzy were on Cole's team because they insisted. Teddy, Violet, Sutton, and Wes on mine; Claire, Owen, and Jameson on Cole's.

Someone played, "I Believe that We Will Win," on their phone, and the trash talking started.

"You're going down," Jameson grumbled when he lined up across from me.

I gestured toward Faith and Izzy. "They your secret weapons?"

"And Owen." Owen was Claire's son who was the starting quarterback for his middle-school team this year.

I nodded because he was talented. "You're the weak link in this group."

Jameson growled, which was funny to me. He'd always been the fun-loving brother, but he was taking the game seriously this year. Probably because he was playing with his stepson.

Izzy hiked the ball to Owen. He took several steps back and threw it in Claire's direction. She dove but landed on the ground, the ball bouncing away from her.

I reached a hand out to her. "Ouch. That looked like it hurt."

Claire brushed off her jeans. "You'd think I've played enough with these two that I could catch a ball."

Jameson enveloped her in a bear hug. "You've got this, baby."

She smiled at him, and he kissed her.

I waved a hand in their direction. "Get a room you two. We're playing football here."

"You're just jealous." Jameson shifted his arm so that it rested over Claire's shoulders as they walked to their team's side of the field.

Was that the weird sensation in my chest? My gaze drifted to Violet who was watching me. Was it wrong to want to date so soon after a divorce?

We played until Izzy and Faith got bored. Then Owen declared he was starving.

We grabbed drinks on the porch. Dad brought out a cooler of water and beer. I leaned on the column of the porch, watching Violet chat with Claire, Daphne, and Fiona. She was already friends with Daphne and Claire, and she was quickly endearing the rest of my family to her.

"Axel's going to be back for good soon," Teddy said, drawing my attention away from the ladies.

"We'll need to get together and discuss what we want to do about the farm," Wes said.

"What do you mean? You aren't thinking of selling, are you?"

Wes grimaced. "We need to make some changes, or we'll be in the red this year."

We'd broke even the last few years which was good for tax reasons, but bad for sustaining the business long-term. We needed to turn things around.

"Let's not talk business on the holiday," Teddy said.

"But when though? You never want to talk about it," Wes continued.

Growing up, Wes was Teddy's right-hand man. He never disagreed with him. I wondered if it had anything to do with his relationship with best friend and now-wife, Sutton. He'd offered to marry her when her grandmother told her she couldn't inherit if she was unmarried. Their relationship turned from fake to real. Sutton seemed to bring out a different side of Wes.

"With Axel coming home, we need to make some decisions as a family," Wes prodded, but Teddy turned and walked into the house.

"Good luck with that," I said to Wes.

Wes touched my shoulder. "You're home now. You're just as much a part of this."

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to be involved. "You can count on me."