Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

RYDER

A fter I dropped off Violet and George, I sent Faith to bed. She went easily because she was exhausted from the long day. I wanted to spend the weekend doing holiday things with Faith, but I also wanted to see Violet.

I sat on the bed, cradling my phone. I shouldn't spend more time with a woman when I wasn't sure I was ready to date again. But the divorce would be final soon, and Stacy had already moved on. There was no reason why I couldn't.

I should wait until the divorce petition was signed in December. It was only a few more weeks. Even though I'd need to go back and appear in front of the judge for everything to be final, I was no longer dreading it. I was actually looking forward to it, and I think it had something to do with Violet.

We're home.

Thanks for inviting us.

I wanted to talk to her and keep the conversation going. But we didn't have anything specific to discuss. That didn't stop my fingers from hitting Send on video calling her.

When the video feed popped up, the camera was focused on a lovely view of Violet's cleavage. Her nipples were visible through the silky-looking fabric, and her skin was the same blush color as her lingerie.

Violet was soft and feminine. I should have known she'd sleep in sexy lingerie versus an oversized T-shirt.

She fumbled with the phone. Then the camera rose to her face. "Sorry about that."

Her cheeks were flush, her gaze averted.

"I didn't mind." My voice was gravelly.

She rolled her eyes, but the strain around her eyes eased. "I bet you didn't."

"I'm going to video call more often," I teased, hoping to relieve her embarrassment.

"When I'm in bed wearing—" She gestured down at her body, the camera moving down so I could see the lacy edge of her shorts and the bare skin of her legs. The blood in my body heated.

It was as if I'd been dormant for years and was finally coming up for air. Everything about Violet was in vivid color, and my fingers itched to touch her bare skin.

"I shouldn't want you, but I do." I couldn't believe I'd voiced what I'd been thinking out loud. It was like her state of dress gave me permission to be honest with her.

Her breath caught. "Ryder."

I looked away from her expressive blue eyes. "I have a daughter to think about. A demanding job. I wasn't looking to date."

"I'm not either. I told myself I wouldn't for a while. That I'd take time to focus on myself and the business."

I looked at her. "I can't help how I feel about you though."

Her eyes widened, and her lips parted. "And how is that?"

"I want to see you." I wanted to lick her exposed skin, tug down the camisole she was wearing, and suck a nipple into my mouth. I could practically taste it. She'd smell like lavender and woman. Everything I'd ever wanted.

"You have Faith."

I cleared my throat, trying to remember I had responsibilities. "Not tonight. Maybe later this week? When Faith is with her mother."

"All those things you listed as issues— Nothing's changed."

I groaned, knowing she was right. "This feels like the right move. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you."

"This wouldn't be a one-night stand or a friend-with-benefits kind of situation?" Violet asked hesitantly.

"That's not my style. But I have to be honest with you. I don't know what I can offer." My stomach sunk at the thought. I was in a state of flux. I wanted her, but I wasn't sure I was ready for the repercussions in my life. The custody situation with Faith wasn't settled.

Violet nodded, but there was hurt in her expression. "I know."

"You deserve better."

Her face hardened. "I do."

"But I'm a selfish bastard who wants whatever he can get." I'd never been this honest with a woman before. Maybe it was the way my marriage ended. If I wanted something, I needed to be upfront about my desires.

Her eyes narrowed on me. "This is a bad idea."

I looked away, cataloging the things in my room so I didn't get distracted by her bare skin. "We can think about it. Decide if this is what we want."

"But you don't want a relationship." She bit her lip as if she was struggling internally with the decision. I wished I was with her; I could do a lot of convincing with my fingers and mouth.

I nodded. "Not now. I don't know when I'll be ready for all that entails. But I know I like you."

Her forehead creased. "This is everything I said I wouldn't do. Fall for an unavailable guy again ."

"I'm here, talking to you, and wishing we were together. How is that unavailable?" I asked even though I knew what she was talking about. I wasn't free to be with her.

"Neither of us is in a place where we can be in a relationship." She chewed her lip.

"We can take it slow." The last thing I wanted to do was upset Violet. She and her grandfather were important to me.

Violet nodded. "I'll think about it."

My lips curved into a grin. "I want to do some holiday things with Faith this weekend. Do you have any ideas?"

Violet nodded. "If you're up for it, the other tree farm hosts a light show. I think they have a walk-through night this weekend."

Hope swirled in my gut. This could work. "Faith would love that."

Her brow furrowed as if she was thinking. "Then there's the botanical gardens in D.C."

That would mean a long drive, and I'd insist on picking Violet up to go with us. "That's a possibility."

"There's an ice show at the Gaylord. They have other things going on there too. An outdoor skating rink. Hot chocolate stands. A candy store. Faith would enjoy it."

"All those options sound nice. I'll ask Faith what she wants to do in the morning."

Violet focused on me. "I'm glad I could help."

I was almost afraid to ask, but I promised I'd be true to my desires. I wouldn't hide them anymore. "Would you go with us?"

"Shouldn't you spend this time with Faith?" Violet asked hesitantly.

"You know the area a bit better than I do. I haven't been back in years."

She pursed her lips. "I did all the holiday things last year when my best friend, Luna, visited from Florida."

"Then you'd be the perfect tour guide." This was turning out better than I thought it would. I wanted an excuse to invite her with us, and this was it. "Are you working tomorrow?" I asked her, knowing it was the last hurdle.

"I'm off, but I have to go into the shop on Saturday and Sunday."

A thrill shot through me. "We'll spend the day together. Then I'll have the rest of the weekend with Faith."

Violet sucked her bottom lip into her mouth.

I already had a plan to get her to say yes if she was waffling. I wasn't sure why this was so important to me. But everything inside me was telling me that Violet had come into my life for a reason, and I should explore it. Even if it wasn't the right timing or what anyone would expect from someone going through a divorce.

"Okay," Violet said finally.

I grinned. "Faith will be excited."

"You know she'd be happy to be with you if you stayed in too. You don't have to plan elaborate things to do with her."

"I know." I wondered if Violet was referring to herself and her interactions with her parents. "I never got to do the holiday stuff. I was usually busy working, and I let Stacy take the lead on that kind of thing. I'm just happy to have this time to spend with her."

"You're a good dad," Violet said.

I knew Violet didn't have the best relationship with her parents, but I'd be a better dad for Faith. She deserved my time and attention.

"That means a lot to me," I said to her.

Violet's lips twitched as if she knew she'd been manipulated into going but wasn't that upset about it. "Good night, Ryder."

I wanted to stay on the phone with Violet, but I sensed that she needed time to think about our next step. I'd already put myself out there, telling her what I wanted. Now she had to decide if she was on board or not.

"Night."

When I let go of the worries about what everyone would think, I was excited about spending the day with Faith and Violet. Fuck society's expectations. No one knew my particular situation, and I deserved to be happy.

T he next morning, I made omelets and toast for us while I talked to Faith about our options for the day. "We could see the botanical gardens. It's decorated with holiday stuff and has running trains. And would be indoors so we wouldn't have to worry about the cold."

"Okay."

Just okay? I could never tell what her reaction would be. Lately, "I'm bored" and "that's stupid" were her frequent go-to response. "Then maybe check out the White House or the monuments."

Faith cut her omelet. "Will it be just us?"

"I invited Violet because it was her idea." I could have patted myself on the back for that explanation.

Her eyes lit up. "Is she coming then?"

"Let me double-check." She was supposed to be thinking about our relationship and what she wanted. What if she decided that I had too much baggage? That she wasn't willing to take a risk with me? I'd have to be okay with it, but I couldn't stop the disappointment that settled in my gut.

Are you still up for sightseeing today?

When she didn't answer right away, I added:

Faith wants you to come.

I wasn't using my daughter to convince her. It had seemed like Faith wanted her there.

I'll be there.

I fist bumped in the air, and when I lifted my gaze, I caught Faith watching me. "Did you just fist bump?"

I slowly lowered my hand. "Is that not cool anymore?"

Faith rolled her eyes. "Does it mean that Violet's coming with us?"

"Are you sure you don't mind if she joins us?"

Faith pursed her lips. "I like Violet."

I braced my hands on the counter. "I do too."

"Are you going to date her like Mom's seeing Phil?" Faith asked slowly.

"I'm not going to lie. I like her, but I didn't intend to start dating again so soon. I didn't think I'd be ready, and I'm still not sure I am. I just— I enjoyed spending time with her." I liked how I felt when I was with her. I didn't feel like a failure. She gave me hope that maybe I could still have a family, just maybe a different version that I'd thought. "If you're not okay with this, then I'll tell her it'll just be us today."

Faith sighed.

"I know you'd rather I be with your mother."

"I didn't like it when she told me you were separated and that she was dating Phil."

I hated that I wasn't there for that conversation. One more thing that Stacy handled because I wasn't physically present. But I hadn't realized the thing with Phil had happened so soon. "That quick, huh?"

"I was surprised she was dating someone, but I've had time to get used to you being separated. I know you're going to date at some point, and I like Violet."

"If at any point you change your mind, tell me. I can handle it. You're more important to me than dating."

She raised a brow. "Really?"

I walked around the counter to hug her. "Yes, really. I love you. I know I haven't been around because of my job, but I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I want things to be different."

Her lips curved into a smile. "I love you too."

The entire interaction had my hope soaring that I could have Faith and Violet. But I was still cautious. Stacy taught me that nothing was permanent.

After breakfast, we drove to pick up Violet. She wore a simple outfit of a sweater, jeans, and boots, but she'd never looked sexier. I think it was because we were both open to something happening between us, and Faith was okay with it too.

Things were looking brighter than they had yesterday.

"Are you excited for the botanical gardens?" Violet twisted in her seat to talk to Faith.

I appreciated that she included Faith in everything that we did.

Faith shrugged. "I'm not big on plants. But I liked the holiday decorations."

"I'm excited to see the trains," Violet said as she grinned over at me.

I couldn't help grinning back at her. There was a lightness in my chest. One I hadn't felt since I was dating Stacy in the beginning of our relationship. When anything seemed possible.

But I wouldn't think about her or Phil today. Today was for me to spend time with Faith and Violet. To see if something was possible between us. I was still being cautious even if my heart was beating hard, and my hand was itching to touch Violet's thigh.

I wanted that connection with her.

Violet turned on the radio station that played holiday music all day during the season. With a grin in my direction, she turned it up. She started singing, and to my surprise, Faith joined her. I couldn't remember Stacy ever singing with Faith in the car or anywhere else for that matter.

I didn't feel the need to talk or sing along with them. I just enjoyed the moment.

When the song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" came on, the two of them were dancing in their seats and singing. I loved the pure joy I saw on Faith's face.

She'd been almost sullen after the separation, and I'd been numb. Maybe it was finally time for us to heal and move on to the next chapter in our lives. And I couldn't think of a better person to do that with.

A commercial came on, and Violet turned the radio down, bumping my arm. "Don't you love Christmas music?"

My lips twitched. "Not so much until today."

Violet grinned. "You would think you would, growing up on a Christmas tree farm."

I looked in the side-view mirror and signaled a lane change. Traffic had picked up the closer we got to D.C. "Actually, I got sick of it quick when it was pumping out from speakers the Wednesday before Thanksgiving all the way until Christmas."

"Is that why Teddy's so resistant to any changes on the farm? He doesn't like Christmas."

"I'm sure it wasn't the same for any of us after Mom died. Dad tried to keep the traditions, but it was impossible. He wasn't Mom. And as much as Teddy and Wes tried to make up for the loss, they weren't either."

"I'm sorry about your mother. That must have been hard."

"It was a long time ago now. But I think the thing with Charlotte is partly not liking change, and not liking her. Or maybe he likes her a bit too much. I don't know. Teddy doesn't exactly talk to any of us. Same with Axel."

"Axel's your brother that's in the military?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but he's retiring soon."

"Are you looking forward to seeing him more?" Violet asked, and I loved that she wanted to know about me and my family.

"He hasn't been home much, and when he is, he's closed off. I don't feel like I know the man he's become." I wasn't sure what he'd been through. He'd stayed away from the farm, almost as much as I had.

I parked as close as I could get to the gardens. We got out of the truck, I paid for parking, then we walked toward the domed building.

I wished I could hold Violet's hand, but this wasn't a date. She'd agreed to a day with us, not to anything more.

Inside, it was warm, the perfect climate for the plants and flowers growing. I took off my coat. Then Faith handed me hers. I'd grabbed a map that indicated we were in the Garden Court, and it was filled with gorgeous flowers. It was busy, but we meandered behind another couple with a girl a little older than Faith and what looked like a four-year-old boy.

The girl held the boy's hand as he skipped next to her. Did I want another child? A chance to do things right this time? Would I be in a position to take more time off of work? Maybe work a standard schedule.

The pathway led into the Mediterranean area featuring the fruits and food from the five different regions. Faith stopped to look at the plaques of information.

Violet snapped pictures as we walked. I wondered if she'd like flowers. It was too cold for a garden, but maybe I could send her a bouquet. Would she appreciate it, or would she say something snide about picking them up at a grocery store? After Stacy had said that a few times, I'd stopped bringing home flowers.

I'd been burned before, but I was willing to try again with Violet. She was different from Stacy. And something inside me told me that Violet would appreciate it. That she didn't expect gestures like that. It wouldn't matter where the flowers came from but that I'd bought them for her.

The idea sent tingles down my spine.

When we entered the Orchid Room, Violet curled her hand around my arm as she leaned closer to read the sign that indicated there were hundreds of flowers. "They're beautiful."

Too soon, she pulled away to take photos of the blooms.

"Can I take a picture of you?" I asked Faith.

She eagerly stood in front of the orchids, a grin on her face. I snapped a few pictures before Violet snagged my phone. "Stand next to her. I'll take one of both of you."

My heart squeezed. "Thank you."

I put my arm around Faith, and she leaned into my side. I wasn't sure how much longer Faith would let me hug her or put my arm around her. Other parents had told me to expect a change during her teenage years, but I'd eat up every moment that she'd share with me.

"One more," Violet said as she handed her phone off to someone else, just assuming they'd take it. "Can you take a photo of us, please?"

She'd already moved to Faith's other side, standing close enough that her shoulder brushed my fingers. The woman took a few photos, then gave the phone to Violet. "Are these okay?"

A smile spread over Violet's face. "These are perfect. Thank you."

She tilted the phone in my direction so I could see the screen.

We looked so happy posing in front of the flowers with Faith between us. We looked like a family.

Would Violet be interested in something with me? Even though I had an ex who liked to make things difficult for me?

Today was supposed to be a chance for us to get to know each other better. When I was with her, she made me feel like I could move on and be a better man.