Chapter Nineteen

Colson's heart broke for Harper. Who knew behind that arrogant smirk and brittle facade lay a man so shattered, he survived by sheer courage and love for his brother? He sensed that any pity or sympathy would be met with a chill rivaling the Antarctic, but that didn't keep him from wanting to hold on to Harper and warm him up, soften the hard lines on his face with gentle kisses. Colson wanted to show Harper that what he believed to be a roadblock was in reality a door, opening up a new, fuller life.

"Meaning what? You're willing to take a chance on something more for us?" Colson hoped that meant a forward step together, but with Harper, he couldn't be sure. And it wasn't as if he were an expert in healthy relationships. He'd rushed into living with Evan after only knowing him for a short while, caught up in the frenzy of lust and passion. By the end, he'd been clueless as to the distance that had grown between them, and Evan's cheating.

"I-I guess. But I should ask if that's what you're interested in." From Harper's wary eyes and furrowed brow, it was apparent that he had no idea Colson wanted the same thing. He was so busy thinking up reasons to keep himself at a distance, he was clueless as to how desirable he truly was. All the trauma he'd learned to deal with had caused him to retreat, tortoiselike, into a protective shell where no one could reach and hurt him.

"I know I make my living with words, but as the saying goes, actions speak louder." Colson leaned forward and pressed a kiss on Harper's lips, then traced the little constellation of freckles dotting the juncture of his neck and shoulder. "Does this answer your question?"

Finally a smile broke through, reaching Harper's eyes. "Yeah. It helps. I know you've met David a few times, but this will be different. Like I said, I don't bring people home or into my life. I don't want David to become attached, only for them to disappear on him. I can't be sure he'll understand, and I'd never want him to think he was the reason. Because as far as I'm concerned, if someone doesn't believe what I'm doing is right, that's their problem, not mine, and I don't want that kind of negativity in our lives."

It made sense, but Colson knew from their previous interactions that Harper had little faith in people. "You must get overwhelmed sometimes. It can't be easy to have that constant worry on your mind." After his parents had told him to leave, he'd lived with his grandparents, and it broke his heart to see their health slowly deteriorate. He had no choice but to agree with their doctors to move them to a place where they'd be looked after by people better equipped than him to handle their increasingly complex medical issues. They needed care he couldn't give. Even years later, the memories were still too painful, which was the main reason he'd never gone back to the house they'd left him in Connecticut.

"I don't think of him as a burden. He's just so pure and happy for the most part, how can I feel sorry for myself? He's the one who's had a raw deal in life."

"Do you think you're anticipating negativity?"

Harper shrugged. "I've had a lot of practice. However…" He paused and worried his lip. "I'd like you to come to my house and see exactly how we live."

Colson knew that few people were allowed into Harper's personal space. "I'd like that. I consider it a privilege to learn more about your brother."

"Enough about me." Harper laid heavy hands on his shoulders. "Tell me about what happened with your mother."

As emotional as Harper's story had left him, Colson was oddly detached relating his conversation with his parents.

"She hasn't changed. Neither of them has. My father was quick to point out again that he'd sensed my weakness from an early age, while my mother lives in a fantasy world about my sexuality." If only he could rid himself of his bad memories of them. "She continues to try and force me to admit that I could date women and be ‘normal.' Anyone who thinks bigotry is the stuff of books and movies is fooling themselves. I'm living that life." Now it was Harper who held him against his broad chest. "You want to know something funny? Not funny ha-ha, but something so outlandish that if I put it in one of my books, no one would believe it?"

"Of course. I want to learn everything about you."

Simple words that did something complicated to his heart.

"It was the year I turned eighteen, and all the kids were having high school graduation parties, but not me because my parents couldn't be bothered." Harper's arms tightened around him. "It's okay. My grandparents took me out to the theater and an incredible dinner. Anyway, I was at my friend Kit's house, using the bathroom. When I opened the door, Kit's father was waiting for me. His much older, extremely conservative father who'd never said more than five words to me."

"Did he—"

The walls closed in on Colson, but Harper's presence remained a force field of kryptonite to keep those walls from crushing him. "He was drunk, I could smell the liquor on him, but he still had the strength to pull me into a spare bedroom. Told me he'd seen me cruising the gay bars in Bridgeport. I was terrified at that point of being outed and didn't say anything."

"That bastard," Harper swore, and Colson loved the outrage on his behalf.

"He said he'd noticed me for years during pool parties. That I had a sweet ass, and how he'd like to be the first to break it in." Almost twenty years had passed, but his skin crawled at the memory of those pudgy, soft hands on his body. That afternoon had been the source of nightmares for weeks after, but now he could repeat the events as if they'd happened to someone else.

"We were in a bedroom, alone. I could hear the splashing and laughter from everyone in the pool right outside the window. Even if I screamed, or fought him, it was his house, and he was a hedge fund billionaire. His staff would make it go away. And he was right. I had been at the bars down there. Maybe he'd been there as well, but who were they going to believe? He had enough money to pay people to say what he wanted."

His breath hitched, and he grew cold even as sweat dripped from every pore.

"He assaulted you?" Harper's deadly tone shocked him to awareness.

"He tried, and I froze. It was almost like I was asleep and caught up in a nightmare. I could feel everything happening, but I was watching it from a distance. He had me pinned beneath him on the door, my face pressed against the wood, and I could feel him rubbing between my legs. When he reached to unzip his pants, I woke up and smashed my heel into his foot, my elbow into his stomach, and ran like a fucking bat out of hell."

"Did you tell anyone?" Harper smoothed those big hands over his shoulders, back, and neck, as if to wipe away any remnants of that day. Their strength sent Colson into sweet bliss.

"No. Only you know. I haven't even told Hogan. At the time, there was no one I could trust. Certainly not my parents, who wouldn't have believed me anyway. I loved my grandparents, and I didn't want to upset them. I was alone."

"Good thing you don't have to worry about that anymore."

He met Harper's intent gaze. "No?"

"No," Harper repeated. "I'm here. You're not alone."

Their lips met, and hunger blazed through him, hotter and brighter than any time before. Harper's tongue flirted with his lips, then demanded entrance, and Colson granted it, sucking its velvet softness ravenously. They played cat and mouse with their kisses, alternating licks and nibbles, until Harper placed shaky fingers on his cheek and pulled away. Regret played out over his handsome face.

"I hate to do this, but I have to go home. I swore to myself that coming here tonight would be only to let you know how I feel and to see if it was mutual. That it was more than sex."

Aching with pleasure, Colson gathered his wits. "I think we've come to that conclusion." He stole another kiss, ending it by holding Harper's full lower lip between his teeth and tugging. "Although I want you."

"God, you're killing me," Harper groaned and put several feet between them. "I don't want to leave, but I have to."

This was such a different Harper than the frozen-faced, snarky man who'd once thought him a murderer. Harper's face was flushed, his mouth swollen and well-kissed, and his moon-bright eyes glowed with undisguised passion.

"I have to get in early. We have a new robbery ring that's going around on scooters. But I'd like to see you this weekend." Looking vulnerable, he ran a hand through his hair and seemed to be running something through his mind, then came to a conclusion. "Maybe you can come by and meet David then? He can get used to seeing us together."

"Is that what you're planning to tell him? That we're together?" He held his breath. Hoping. He'd fallen hard for Harper, and it was more than sexual. His passion and commitment to his job were a massive turn-on, the kindness he'd shown Millie was a reflection of a deeply sensitive man who'd spent his whole life in service to others, and his single-minded devotion to his brother indicated a heart overflowing with love.

Oh, yeah. He was head over heels, shut the front door, in it to win it.

"I'd like us to be." The intensity of Harper's stare devoured Colson, and his lips tingled as if he could feel Harper's mouth on his.

"Me too."

***

The following evening, he spoke to Hogan and filled him in on the trip to his parents and some of what happened with Harper.

"Wait, so that man in the wheelchair the kids were talking to, that's Harper's brother?"

"Yeah. Small world, huh?" Colson grinned at Hogan's snort.

"You could say that. Let me ask you something. And don't take it the wrong way."

"I will if you're going to be negative."

Hogan released a long, drawn-out sigh. "It's not being negative so much as I wonder if you understand what you're getting into."

Of all the people in his life he'd expected to understand, Hogan was at the top of the list, which was why his comment stung.

"Explain what you mean by ‘getting into.' Because I'm not liking what I'm hearing."

"Don't get your ass in a sling. I think it's great that Harper has dedicated his life to taking care of his brother. It shows tremendous strength of character on his part. But are you willing to do the same? Do you want the responsibility of a third person in your relationship? Especially one who'd require so much care?"

It was a fair question, and he'd spent hours since Harper's visit asking himself the same. But he'd concluded that Harper was who he was because of how the circumstances of his life had shaped him. Losing his parents and caring for his brother were what made him a superior detective and gave him a caring heart. He had an innate sense of fairness, right and wrong, and compassion.

"I'm not mad you asked me that. But I look at it this way. Would I leave my husband if something happened to him and he'd need lifelong help? What kind of person would that make me?"

"But you're not married to him. This is a choice you're deliberately making to step into a situation."

Colson smiled. "Yeah, I am. You didn't see the passion and fierce love in his eyes when he spoke about David. Anyone who has such a big heart is the kind of person I want in my life. And if you're thinking I'm going to be missing out on things, don't. I'm a homebody at heart. I don't need to travel to the ends of the earth to find what matters to me. I'm not changing who I am to fit my life to Harper's. I'm rediscovering me. I'm more than someone who writes books. That burnout opened my eyes. I need something else in my life other than words on a page. I'm finding a family. A home."

"I hope so. You deserve the best. That's all I want."

"Then wish me luck. Because it's all I want as well."

"Okay, so now, dude, what the fuck is up with your parents? Did your mother really think because she had a heart attack that you were going to change who you are?" Any other time, Hogan's outrage would be funny, but not concerning his parents.

"Lifestyles of the absurdly rich and extremely self-absorbed, what can I say?" he deadpanned. It had taken him years to get over their abandonment yet only minutes for it to rush over him like a tidal wave, threatening to knock him over and drown him. "And from the way she argued with me, I wonder how sick she is. She's always been the queen of manipulation and selfishness." When his grandparents died and left him their house, a nine-room estate with six acres, she'd tried to get him to give it to her, since he was so young and lived in New York. She'd couched it in terms of doing him a favor and taking away the burden of taxes and upkeep, but he'd refused.

"I remember," Hogan said darkly. "She never liked me, that's for sure, and tried to break up our friendship."

Colson winced. "Yeah. She had her opinion on who she wanted me to be friends with and didn't appreciate my refusal to join the fraternity her father had belonged to."

"Especially in favor of hanging out with the scholarship kid from Brooklyn. That was a real fuck-you to her." Hogan chuckled.

"But that was never the reason. You understood me. You felt like you didn't fit in because everyone was rich, while I had my sexuality to worry about."

"And now we both have what we want."

Thinking about Harper and David, Colson smiled. "Yeah, I think maybe we do."