20. Sebastian

20

SEBASTIAN

"You really don't care about any of this?" he asked.

"No. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not surprised, but at the same time, I'm really not." I shrugged. "I don't really know how to explain it, but it makes sense. And you weren't hurting anyone. In fact, it sounds like you helped them."

This time he shrugged. "Maybe. But I didn't go into it to be magnanimous." He shot me a little grin.

I smiled back, remembering the last time we'd talked about him being magnanimous and benevolent.

"Maybe not, but that still doesn't change anything."

He settled back on the couch, looking way more relaxed than he had since the afterglow had faded after that mind-melting sex.

Silence descended on us, but it wasn't strained or uncomfortable.

And didn't escape me that this was the longest conversation we'd ever had without it devolving into an argument.

It also didn't escape me that Jesse said only family knew about his dad. Yet he'd told me.

What did that mean? Did he consider me family like Jonah said? Or had he told me because he figured I'd eventually find out because of Hannah?

There was also the possibility that his confession had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him needing to talk to someone about it.

Four years was a long-ass time to keep something like that to yourself. Jesse wasn't a talker, but that didn't mean he was immune to needing support or even just someone to listen to him.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

The flames were burning low in the fireplace, shrouding the room in a blanket of shadows that was slowly lulling me closer to sleep.

"Yeah." He grabbed his phone off the coffee table and hit one of the buttons to flash up the screen.

"What time is it?" I sat up and stretched my arms over my head. My shoulders and back were tight after all those hours of being cold and panicked.

"Almost midnight." He flipped the phone around in his hands a few times. "I guess we're sleeping here tonight."

"Looks like." With another exaggerated stretch, I stood, then dropped my arms. "Can you get the flashlight while I put the fire out?"

"Sure."

I snuffed out the flames, making sure to get the embers. When it was out, we kind of stood in the dark room, surrounded by inky blackness and the single beam of light from the flashlight.

"So, this is kinda awkward," I started. "But there's only one bed."

He didn't say anything for a full ten seconds. It was too dark to see his features, so I had no idea what he was thinking.

"This is a three-bedroom cabin, and there's only one bed?" he asked slowly.

"Funny thing about bedrooms is that they can be multi-purpose." I waved for him to follow me up the stairs. "There are technically three bedrooms up here, but only one is currently being used as one."

"How does your family use a cabin with only one working bedroom? There are four of you."

"Yeah, about that. This isn't my family's cabin." I paused on the landing at the top of the stairs.

Jesse came to a stop beside me, his forehead scrunched up in confusion.

I thought that was ridiculously endearing and had the insane urge to kiss him. Not a deep, let's start something kiss, just a quick peck on the lips.

"This is actually mine and Hannah's cabin." I walked over to the closest door and pushed it open. "Our grandparents left it to us. See, it's a bedroom, but no bed."

He shone the flashlight into the room, running it over the canvases, easels, and boxes of brushes and paints littering the floor space. "Is this an art studio?"

"It will be once I finish unpacking everything."

"But where does Hannah sleep if there's only one bedroom? Do you guys have a schedule where you trade off who comes up?"

I closed the door and headed down the hall to the next room. "My sister is more of an indoor person and doesn't particularly enjoy the woods—or outside in general."

Jesse chuckled. "I've noticed."

I pushed open the door in the middle of the long hallway. "We made a deal that since I'd be the one using the place, I'd pay for the upkeep and make sure the property was maintained and release the trust our grandparents set up for the costs to her so she could pay for college."

He shone the light into the room, illuminating the recording equipment and mini studio I'd set up. "You paid for her school? I thought your parents did?"

I snorted and closed the door. "Hell no. They're all about earning what you have and working hard and all that jazz, even though they literally had everything handed to them by their parents and got to experience life on easy mode."

"So, do you both still own it, or did you buy her out?"

"We co-own it. I just used the trust as a way to trick her into accepting money for school." I opened the bedroom door and paused to let him go in first.

"Hannah's as stubborn as Adam when she wants to be." He stopped a few steps away from the bed.

"What?"

"Nothing." He scrubbed his hand through his messy hair. "It's just been a while since I shared a bed with someone."

"Yeah?" I yanked off my t-shirt and tossed it onto the dresser. "Like how long?"

He put the flashlight next to my shirt. "Not since Adam got over his recurring nightmares when he was ten." He shot me a quick look, then hastily pulled off his shirt.

"I've shared a lot of beds."

Jesse froze, his hands on the waistband of his sweats.

"My old drummer and I used to bunk together on tour when we couldn't afford enough rooms for everyone to have their own bed." I pushed my sweats down over my hips and let them puddle at my feet. "I hope you're not a snorer. I will violently wake you up like I did to him if you are."

"Not a snorer." His eyes were glued to my dick. "At least not as far as I know."

Neither of us had bothered putting underwear on after fucking on the couch. Was this too weird for him?

"Do you want boxers or anything? I usually sleep naked, but I can put some on too."

"No, it's fine. It's not like we haven't seen it all." He finished undressing and put his clothes next to mine on the dresser. "Which side do you sleep on?"

"The middle." I shrugged when he shot me a confused look. "Why would I cram myself on one side if I have the whole thing to myself?"

He smiled affectionately. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because I'm a bevy of quirkiness and whimsy?" I asked with a playful grin.

"You sound like my buddy Asa." Jesse pointed to the right side of the bed. "Dibs."

"Dibs? Are we twelve?" Grabbing the flashlight, I went to the left side of the bed. "And who's Asa?"

"My buddy from work. He's like a walking thesaurus. I played Scrabble with him once on our lunch break, and he absolutely destroyed me."

I pulled back the sheets and climbed between them. Thank god I'd changed them before I left last weekend. "I haven't played in years. We should play a round sometime."

"Hard pass." He climbed into the other side of the bed.

"What? Don't want to risk getting your ass handed to you?"

He pulled the sheets over himself and settled on the pillow. "Do you really think that's a good idea with our history?"

"Why not? We could make it interesting. Loser has to bottom."

He barked out a laugh. "That's not an advantage for you or anything."

"It's not like you don't love my magic dick." I waggled my eyebrows at him.

"I regret telling you that."

"It's not like you could hide it. I mean, I did make you come hands-free. Twice ."

He shot me a flat look, but it melted into a smile a moment later. "You're ridiculous."

"You mispronounced amazing ."

His smile was still in place, but there was a look in his eyes I couldn't place. He didn't look upset or angry, but something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. "This is just turning out to be a really weird night."

"Yeah." I sighed and rolled onto my side so I was facing him.

He mirrored my pose.

We stared at each other for a long time.

He looked good in my bed. Like he belonged.

"I'll get the light." Twisting around, I flicked off the flashlight, plunging the room into near-total darkness.

I settled back on the pillow, my eyes slowly adjusting to the change. I couldn't make out any of his features, just the outline of his body under the covers.

I was bone tired after all the shit that had gone down tonight, but my mind started spinning with a crush of thoughts as soon as I closed my eyes.

Things had shifted between us tonight, and they'd been moving in that direction for a while. I had no clue if he felt it too, but I couldn't deny that my feelings had changed.

"I don't think I ever hated you," I said into the dark, my voice barely above a whisper.

"No?" came his soft answer.

"No. You annoyed the shit out of me, and I hated how you had everything I wanted, but I never hated you."

"I had everything you wanted?"

Maybe it was the cover of darkness, but this was easier to say when I didn't have to look at him.

"I thought you did, but now I know that what I saw was just what you wanted me to. What you wanted everyone to see."

"What did I have that you didn't?" He didn't sound upset, just curious.

"A family that loves you. I have my sister, but that's it. My parents don't give a shit about me, and they never will. I remember Hannah coming home from hanging out at your place and she'd tell me about your family game nights and movie nights and all these other things you did together. I was jealous.

"And I know things weren't all sunshine and roses for you, but you were popular and athletic and smart, and I was a weirdo with long hair who spent all his time in the music room."

Jesse didn't say anything for a long moment, and my nerves got worse with each passing second since I couldn't see his face and had no idea what he was thinking.

"I think I was jealous of you too," he said softly, his tone almost wistful. "Do you have any idea how it feels to be the invisible sibling?"

"No."

"I do." He sighed and shifted on the bed, the mattress creaking slightly. "I went from being the oldest, the one who always had to take care of Adam because our mother was too busy fucking around and our dad was always working. Then Dad married Jonah, and suddenly I'm the middle child, sandwiched between two insanely talented brothers who took up most of our parents' time."

I nodded slowly, even though he couldn't see it. I knew about how Jesse had been a de facto parent for Adam when they'd been little, the same as I'd had to do for Hannah.

"My older brother is a literal triple threat and was always at some lesson or performing in something. And my younger brother was a star quarterback and would have gotten a full ride to any D1 school he wanted if he hadn't blown out his shoulder senior year. Between games and practices, he took up the little time that Quinn didn't."

I kept quiet, sensing he had more to say.

"It felt like the only time anyone ever cared about me was when I accomplished something. And even then, it was always second to whatever Quinn or Adam had going on. So, I just kept trying harder. Getting good grades wasn't enough. I needed to get straight A's. Being on the team wasn't enough; I had to be the starter. I tried so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be, but it was never enough."

I took a chance and slid my hand across the bed until my fingers touched something warm and soft. When he didn't pull away, I ran my hand down his arm and loosely held his hand.

He gripped it tight. "I know they didn't do it on purpose. And I know my parents love me as much as my brothers, but back then, I was an angry eight-year-old who just had their whole life turned upside down." He chuckled softly. "Then Adam and Hannah became friends, and suddenly you were always around too. Another kid my age who had more talent in his little finger than I have in my whole body. I was jealous, and I hated how everything just seemed so easy for you. I know it wasn't," he added quickly. "But as a kid, it felt like you had everything, and I was the one everyone forgot about."

Silence fell again, but the rhythmic slide of Jesse's thumb over my hand assured me he was probably just processing like I was.

This version of Jesse was foreign to me. I wasn't used to seeing his vulnerable side.

He shared a huge part of himself with me tonight, and he hadn't asked for anything in return. He allowed himself to be vulnerable, and he'd proven that he trusted me when we went bare and again when he told me about his dad.

He might not feel what I did, and I wasn't even sure what that was, but things had irrevocably changed between us.

"Jess?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Would I be reading the room wrong if I kissed you right now?"

He didn't answer, instead he slid across the bed and right into my arms.

Our lips slotted together in a soft kiss, and it felt like coming home. Like kissing him was the most natural thing in the world, and we should have been doing this all along.

Silently, I rolled onto my back. He moved with me, settling his big body over mine, his hips between my spread thighs.

Our cocks rubbed together, but instead of frotting, Jesse just pressed down on me, pinning me in place as he kissed me like he never wanted to stop.

My entire body felt like it was on fire, like magma was flowing through my veins, getting hotter and wilder with each swipe of his tongue and press of his lips.

Shamelessly, I moaned and wrapped my legs around his thick thighs, angling my hips until his cock slipped from where it teased mine to rubbing against my crease.

"Bas?" he asked between kisses.

Instead of answering, I reached between us and gave him a long, slow stroke. I wanted him inside me, wanted to feel him with no barriers.

Even if he went back to hating me tomorrow, I wanted to share this with him.

He resumed kissing me, rocking his body over mine in a slow, sensual wave that drove me wild with need.

He slid his hand between us and gently pushed my hand off his dick so he could grip both of us.

"What do you want, Bas?" he asked, his voice rough, like he'd just tried to swallow sawdust.

"You. I want you to fuck me."

He let out a shuddering breath and squeezed our dicks until I gasped. The sting of pain melted away, leaving behind an almost desperate need inside me.

Running my hands down his back, I squeezed his ass hard. He moaned and pulled away from our kisses.

I couldn't see more than his outline in the dark, making everything that much more intense and intimate.

Jesse pulled the covers off us and tossed them back. Then he was moving down my body, peppering my neck, chest, and stomach with a volley of kisses, his hands moving greedily over every part of me he could reach.

I had no idea what he was planning, but I didn't hesitate when he pushed my thighs up.

My breathing picked up, coming out in staccato bursts, and I gripped my knees, holding myself open for him.

His hands ran over my stomach, thighs, and ass, the touch teasing and far too light to give me any sort of relief.

I was about to beg him to do something, anything, when wet heat engulfed my dick.

My cry was loud and unrestrained as he moved over me, taking more than half of me on the first swallow.

I closed my eyes, even though it was dark, I gave myself over the sensations. And to him.

He teased my dick for a few minutes, his magic mouth keeping me right on the edge and giving me more pleasure than I ever thought possible.

Just when I was about to beg for more, he pulled off me. The sound of him spitting was followed by a soft touch on my hole as he circled it with the pad of one slippery finger.

My moan echoed in the room, but it was cut off when Jesse popped off me and gripped my thighs in his strong hands.

Not being able to see him was disorienting, but it made every touch that much better as my other senses kicked into high gear.

Hot breath fanned over my dick, then a hot, nimble tongue pressed against my hole.

The garbled cry I let out was the most ridiculous sound I'd ever made, but Jesse's low moan told me he didn't mind as he swiped that magical tongue over my opening.

I threaded my hands in his soft hair, holding on but being sure not to tug or pull. That wasn't what this was about. I just needed to touch him, to have that extra connection as he drove me to the brink of orgasm, just to pull back and let me fall back to earth.

The sounds that came out of me as Jesse worked me over would have been embarrassing if I'd had the presence of mind to be embarrassed. The choked moans and guttural cries that fell from my lips barely sounded human, but Jesse didn't seem to mind as he stabbed his tongue inside me, fucking me with it in a way that was almost too much, but not nearly enough.

I needed more, needed all of him.

My entire body felt like one open, raw nerve, but instead of fighting it, I relaxed and rode the waves, allowing myself to just be in the moment and not worry about anything other than how good he felt.

Just when I thought I'd lose my mind, he pulled his tongue out of my ass and moved up my body.

"Lube?"

"Table. Drawer. Inside." I managed between pants, my whole body buzzing with pleasure.

He moved off me. I heard the drawer open, heard him rummage around inside, and then he was on me again, his lips covering mine in a deep kiss.

I kissed him back, not caring where his mouth had just been, and wrapped myself around him like a boa constrictor.

Jesse was the only guy to ever do this for me, and the only one who'd ever wanted to. I'd known it had to feel good after seeing my partners' reactions, but I'd had no idea it could feel that good.

We kissed for a few moments as Jesse let me catch my breath. When I had recovered, he broke the kiss and sat back on his heels.

"Open up for me," he whispered, the snick of the lube cap opening punctuating his soft command.

Without hesitation, I lifted my legs and held them in place.

Jesse's finger gently touched my hole. I drew in a deep breath, and on my exhale, he pushed it inside me.

I was so turned on from his teasing that he slid in with minimal resistance, and soon he was able to pump it in and out of me in long, slow glides that lit me up from the inside and scrambled my already hazy brain.

His other hand stroked my dick as he worked me over with first one, then two fingers. By the time he slipped in a third, I was babbling deliriously and rocking against his hand.

"Bas?" He paused his thrusts.

"Do it," I begged. "Fuck me, Jess. I need you."

Gently, he pulled his fingers out of me.

I lay there, my chest heaving and my brain foggy with pleasure as he flipped the lube open again.

A moment later, something broad and slippery pushed against my hole. The bed shifted as he lay over me, holding himself up with one hand as he used the other to keep his dick in place.

Blindly, I reached up and grabbed his shoulders, tugging him down on me.

He came willingly, laying over me and kissing me deep as he slowly pushed inside me.

He wasn't as big as me, but he was bigger than the few dicks I had taken, and it hurt, even with him being gentle and all the prep.

Jesse must have sensed my discomfort and took his time sliding inside me, his kisses so full of passion they made my head spin and my heart flutter with something I couldn't place. Like nerves, but not quite.

I expected him to start fucking me in earnest when his thighs brushed my ass, but he just held still, giving me a chance to get used to his size as he kept kissing me like he never wanted to stop.

My head was a blurry mess as he began to move, his thrusts long and slow and perfectly angled to hit my prostate with every drag.

I'd never had sex like this, and it wasn't just bottoming or letting him have complete control over me.

This wasn't fucking, it was making love.

Something exploded deep in my chest, like a burst of adrenaline similar to being startled, but so much stronger and more profound.

Pleasure seemed to move between my ass and my dick, growing with each passing second until I could barely think straight.

My body tightened, and my mind went blank as I came, shooting between our bodies and gasping into his kiss.

Jesse stiffened, his cock pulsing and his kisses frantic as he cried out against my lips, his whole body shaking as he came at nearly the same time.

Warmth filled me, and the knowledge that he'd come inside me was enough to send another ripple of pleasure through me, like a second, much less intense orgasm.

Jesse collapsed on me with a groan, his face pressed against my neck and his arms threaded under me, holding me so tight it was hard to pull in a full breath.

I held him just as tight, my mind blissfully blank as the afterglow settled over us.

"I'm starting to understand why you like cuddling," he mumbled after a long while, his voice dreamy.

"It's pretty great," I managed, my head a mess of half thoughts and errant emotions as I tried to get control of myself.

I might be on the brink of a full-on freak-out, but that didn't mean I had to drag Jesse into my turmoil.

I was just fucked up about tonight, that's all. Between the flat tire, the wait for Jesse, including the hour I spent in a constant state of near panic, and the generator crapping out, I'd had a stressful as hell night.

Add in the tender moments that happened when we'd showered, the sex on my couch, Jesse's confessions, and what just happened, it was no wonder I was so out of sorts.

I just needed to get a good night's sleep, and hopefully I'd be able to look at everything with a clear head in the morning.