10. Sebastian

10

SEBASTIAN

"Sebastian!" Patrick greeted me with a big grin, stepping back so I could come into the house. "We're so glad you could make it."

"Thanks for inviting me." I held out a tall, skinny gift bag as he closed the door behind me. "I come bearing wine."

He took the bag and pulled the wine bottle out just far enough to read the label. "Holy shit. How did you get your hands on this?"

"My old sound guy's wife is a sommelier. She's been my hookup for fancy wine for years. I swear she can find anything."

"It's a good thing I don't know anyone like that. We'd be broke in no time." He slipped the bottle back into the bag. "Thank you. Jonah is going to love this."

Jesse and Adam's dad and stepdad were two of my favorite people. They'd always been good to me, and especially good to my sister. They were also wine enthusiasts, and I liked to bring them bottles of their favorites or elusive vintages they'd mentioned in conversation as a thank you for everything they'd done for us.

Hannah might not have had our parents' support growing up, but she had a second family who loved her unconditionally, and that meant the world to me.

I'd never tell anyone this, but Adam's family was the reason I'd felt okay leaving to pursue my music career after grad. I'd known my little sister would be taken care of and protected, and that had taken a huge burden off me.

"Where's the birthday boy?" I asked, following Patrick into the main part of the house.

"Out back showing off his garden." Patrick's smile was soft, and his eyes were filled with love and affection. "His new rose hybrid is blooming, and he's like a proud papa showing everyone his babies."

I chuckled. "I'd better go see the new additions to the family."

"I'll hide this—I mean, put this in a safe space." He wiggled the wine bag and gave me an exaggerated wink.

One thing I liked about Jesse and Adam's family was that they preferred small, intimate gatherings where people could relax in a no-stress atmosphere over the stuffy and massive parties my family liked to host.

The open concept living area was covered with campy, silly birthday decorations. Most of them were geared toward a child's party with cartoon tools and tractors and other construction-related equipment. And someone, probably Adam, had gone hog wild with the streamers. An intricate network of thin strips of crepe paper crisscrossed the ceiling, light fixtures, and any other piece of tall furniture that tape could stick to.

Their dining room table had been stocked with platters of finger food and snacks, and the server, or whatever those giant cabinets people put in dining rooms were called, was set up as a makeshift bar, complete with a drink mixing station, a beer cooler, and lots of non-alcohol choices.

The crowd wasn't huge, but clusters of people were scattered about the room, chatting and snacking while soft music played in the background.

"Wassup!" a loud voice said in my ear a second before someone grabbed my shoulders from behind.

"Jesus!" I jumped a mile, my arms windmilling comically as I nearly fell on my ass.

Laughter greeted me when I finally spun around to greet my would-be attackers. "You guys are menaces," I shot Adam and my sister my best big brother look.

"You should see your face right now," Hannah said with a snicker, her eyes alight with humor.

Adam had both of his hands over his mouth, his face red from holding in what would have most likely come out as belly laughs.

My fake anger melted away at their antics. "Come here and give me a hug." I held out my arms and advanced on them.

Both made a show of pretending to run away but let me grab them in a bear hug.

"So, how's your first summer of freedom going?" I asked when I let them go.

Hannah made a face. "If this is freedom, then I don't want it."

"That's what you get for taking a job with your dad instead of mine." Adam grinned and poked her in the side.

She jumped and let out a little yelp. Hannah was insanely ticklish, something Adam loved to exploit. "I'll get you back for that." She pretended to kick him in the shins.

"Sure you will." He smirked, looking so much like Jesse in that moment I nearly did a double take.

The brothers were nearly identical when it came to their looks, but opposite in personality. Jesse was sullen and serious, while Adam was one of those people who radiated kindness and fun. He drew people to him with his big smiles and friendly nature.

Jesse could stand to take a few lessons from him.

"But back to what I was about to say before someone rudely interrupted me." Hannah shot Adam some exaggerated side-eye. "If this is freedom, then I don't want it."

"Dad being his usual asshole self?" I asked.

She nodded and crossed her arms, her expression petulant. "Does he have another setting?"

"Not that I've seen. Is it as bad as I think it is?"

She nodded grimly. "I swear he's incapable of seeing me as an adult. He questions everything I say and won't even listen to me unless I give him all sorts of sources and crap to prove that my suggestions or proposals are worth looking at. No one else has to do that. But apparently I do because I'm his daughter and he has to make sure that people don't think he's giving me preferential treatment."

"Do you have an office?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"What about a job title beyond just employee?"

"Not officially."

"He's treating you like an intern. No one would ever accuse him of preferential treatment. Especially because I know for a fact you're not getting paid as much as you should be. And definitely not as much as you'd get if you had a dick."

"Nope," she grumbled. "Apparently you can't be good at business unless you have a penis."

"Don't call it that." Adam made a face. "It sounds weird."

"What does? Pe-nis?" She enunciated the word and shot him a sweet smile. "What's wrong with pe-nis ?"

"Same thing that's wrong with moist ." His grin was mischievous.

Hannah put her finger on Adam's lips to shush him. "No."

He arched his eyebrow at her but kept quiet.

"Fine." She dropped her hand and turned to me. "Apparently you can't be good at business unless you have a dick."

"Better." Adam waved at someone over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry he's being such an asshole," I said to Hannah.

"I don't know why I was expecting things to be different." She let out a weary sigh. "I was never supposed to take over the business. He's not going to suddenly be okay with passing it on to me instead of you just because I got my degree."

Adam gave her hand a little squeeze as Quinn, his and Jesse's older stepbrother, came to stand with us.

"Wassup, bro." Adam slapped Quinn on the back hard enough he rocked on his feet.

"Wassup, brat." Quinn punched him in the arm just as hard as Adam had hit him.

"Aren't you glad you have a sister?" Hannah asked me.

"Considering you spent most of your life jump scaring me and giving me a complex, I'd say being greeted with slaps and punches is preferable to psychological warfare."

She waved dismissively. "That was for your own good."

"Sure it was." I flicked my gaze to Quinn. "How's it going?"

"Good." He stuck his hand out for me to shake. "How have you been?"

"Good."

"Oh, crap." Adam slapped his hand against his forehead. "Ow." He rubbed the spot absently.

"What did you forget?" Hannah asked.

"Nothing important," he said cagily. "I just need to go and do…something." He took a sliding step to the side. "Nothing to worry about. Be right back." He darted away.

"There was, in fact," I said, doing my best impression of that voiceover actor that every single movie trailer used. "Something to worry about."

"I got this." Hannah patted Quinn's arm and hurried after Adam.

"She's the best." Quinn sipped his drink.

"She is."

The back patio door slid open, and Jonah and a crowd of people I didn't recognize came into the house.

"I should go say hi to your dad. Back in a bit," I said to Quinn, slipping past him.

Jonah was deep in conversation with two men but beamed a big smile when he saw me approaching. "Sebastian! I'm so glad you could make it."

Something in my gut twisted. My own family didn't even greet me with that kind of enthusiasm. What did it say about me that my little sister's boyfriend's family liked me more than my own parents?

"I wouldn't miss it." I shook his outstretched hand. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." He glanced at the two men he'd been speaking with. "I'll be right back."

They nodded.

Jonah put his hand on my shoulder and led me over to a quiet corner. "How are you doing?"

"Good."

"How is it being back?" he asked.

I paused. I wasn't crazy close to Jonah and Patrick like Hannah was, but they'd been a part of my life since I was eight. They'd welcomed me into their family, even with all the crap between Jesse and me.

"It's been a bit rough," I said honestly.

"I can imagine," he said sympathetically. "It's a big change going from life on the road to being back in your hometown."

"Yeah." I scrubbed my hand through my hair. "I forgot there'd be a transition period. I guess I thought I could just come home and be Bas again, you know? That everyone here would see me as the kid I was before I left, and I could just put all that crap behind me."

"That hasn't happened?"

"Not really. Not yet, at least. It will. Eventually."

"That didn't sound very convincing." He smiled.

"It'll get easier." My smile fell a bit. "Hopefully."

"I know this isn't the advice you want, but I'm going to give it to you anyway because that's what dads do."

My chest squeezed a bit. I couldn't remember the last time either of my parents had asked me how I was doing and actually meant it. Or when my father had given me advice that wasn't "Quit music and take over my business like you're supposed to."

"Be kind to yourself. I know that's cliché, but this is a huge change, and it's going to take time for you to process everything."

I nodded slowly, taking in his every word.

"You're also young. Being in the entertainment industry ages you. It makes you grow up way too fast, and it matures you before your time." He flicked his gaze to Quinn, who was talking animatedly with Jesse. "Just remember that you're only twenty-five. I know that feels ancient when you've left the career you've spent your whole life working toward, but it really isn't. You've got time to figure out who you are now and what you want your life to look like."

"Thanks," I said, my voice gruff with emotion. "I'm trying to remember that."

"It takes time. And you'll get there." His expression went serious. "I know you and Hannah don't have the best support at home."

I couldn't stop my little snort of derision.

"But you have people in your corner. You don't have to do everything alone."

"Jeez, Mr. Miller. You're going to make me cry in the middle of your party." I blinked a few times.

"You haven't called me Mr. Miller in years." He patted my shoulder in that way dads did. "And Patrick and I are in your corner too, not just Hannah's," he added pointedly.

"Thanks." I cleared my throat. "That means a lot. You guys…"

He smiled knowingly. "We're family. That's what family does."

"I should let you,"—I motioned to the room—"It's not polite to hog the birthday boy's attention. But you'll have to show me your roses later. Patrick said your new hybrid bloomed?"

His eyes lit up. "It did! Come find me before you leave."

"Will do."

He patted my arm again. "It's really good to see you."

"You too."

I managed to keep my composure as Jonah headed over to the two men he'd been talking with, but barely.

I hadn't been prepared to be bitch-slapped with all that today.

Woodenly, I went to the drink station to pour a soda.

I'd spent the last three days waffling between coming to the party and skipping it. I was always invited to any sort of family thing when I was in town, but for the last few years, I'd worried that it was just lip service. That they only invited me to be polite or because of my sister.

I'd been gone for so long, only coming back a few times a year for quick visits. I wasn't really part of them, not like when I lived in town.

"Hey, Bas," a voice called.

Shaking off my thoughts, I glanced toward where Jesse and Quinn stood.

"Come settle something for us." Quinn waved me over.

Jesse's expression was weirdly blank as he sipped his drink, his eyes following me as I came to stand with them.

I'd also thought about skipping the party to avoid this very situation.

I didn't know how to act around him. That night at the club had messed with my head. He'd helped me with that guy at the bar and again in the back room. He'd comforted me. Hugged me.

We weren't those people, but the part that was really fucking with me wasn't him being nice. It was how much I'd liked it.

His hug had been the only thing that kept me from losing my shit and going into full panic mode. His soft voice and the way he'd taken over had done things to me they had no business doing.

I liked take-charge Jesse, and I found him as hot as arrogant Jesse.

What the actual hell was wrong with me? Why was Jesse, of all people, the only one who made me feel anything? It was true he mostly made me feel rage, frustration, and irritation, but there'd been a few moments over the past few weeks that had shifted things.

Like when he asked me about my favorite venue at the party while I tried to sidestep all the questions I didn't want to answer. Or when he found me in the woods and helped me get out of my head.

He'd helped me with McKenna, that guy at the bar, the whole photo incident.

He didn't have to do any of that. I wouldn't have faulted him for just walking away and leaving me to handle my own messes. But he hadn't.

And he hadn't held it over my head later. Not until I'd started goading him and escalated things.

I didn't know what to do with nice Jesse. All I knew was he confused the hell out of me.

"What's up?" I asked. Hopefully they couldn't see how off-kilter I was.

"We need you to settle something," Quinn said. "Have you heard of the Dark Forest theory?"

"I think so. Is that about aliens?"

He nodded. "It's the theory that any advanced civilization would treat other intelligent life as an inevitable threat and preemptively destroy any they find. Is that ringing any bells?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. "That's connected to that paradox thing, right? The fermented paradox?"

"Fermi paradox," Jesse said excitedly. "Yeah. It's one of the theories to explain why we haven't seen any real evidence of aliens or interstellar species when it's statistically impossible that we're the only planet with life on it."

I'd forgotten he was into all this existential stuff. It was weird to see him so animated while talking about something. It softened his usual neutral mask and made him even more handsome, if that was possible.

"I think it's a very human-centric theory," Jesse continued. "That we came up with it because that's what we'd do."

"Like projection?" I asked.

"Exactly. That's how humans have always worked—destroy the unknown before it destroys us. So, of course we assume others would do the same."

"So you don't think there are other civilizations wandering around and looking for resources to pilfer or technology to steal?" I asked. "You think they're all peaceful?"

"No clue. Maybe." He shrugged. "Who knows if war is even a thing in other civilizations. But I'm getting off track. Quinn thinks other species are out there and keeping the lights off, so to speak, because they don't want to be found. That they'd also see any sort of advanced species as a threat."

"And Jess thinks they're doing it because we're so primitive they don't consider us a threat."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Primitive?"

"We're so primitive. We'll never even be a level-one civilization. There's no way we'd ever be interesting to a level two or three one."

I had no idea what Jesse was talking about, but his enthusiasm and the way his eyes lit up when he spoke were hard to look away from.

"I mean, we're not that far removed from monkeys," I said. "We're basically just big apes who evolved to have opposable thumbs and the ability to make tools."

"Exactly." Jesse grinned triumphantly at Quinn. "I win."

"Wait a minute. He never said he agreed with you. He just called us monkeys and apes." Quinn huffed out a laugh. "I'm not disagreeing, but which theory do you think is more plausible?"

"Out of those two? I'd say both."

They exchanged a look.

"I think it's more likely that they're hiding from everyone else out there, and they're not bothering us because we're just apes with bendy thumbs."

Jesse snickered.

That sound plucked at my already frayed nerves. This was different for us, and I didn't hate it.

"But I have another theory," I added.

"What's that?" Jesse asked, some of his enthusiasm fading and replaced by wariness.

He probably thought I was going to start crapping on him and his ideas.

"I don't know a ton about space or anything, but the distances are really far, right?"

They nodded.

"What if we have no idea what's out there because everything is so freaking far away? Unless these aliens have warp speed or whatever it would be called, it would take hundreds, if not thousands, of years to travel between solar systems and galaxies, even at the speed of light. Maybe no one in our part of space is there yet. Or maybe they were, but they lived and died a long time ago. We've only existed as a species for a blink of an eye compared to how long the universe has been around. Who knows what came before us—or what will come after?"

Both men gaped at me.

"Or not," I said, some of my defenses coming back.

"I never thought of that. Not really," Jesse mused. "We don't even know what most of the universe is made of or how old it really is. Why it's expanding, or what will happen when it can't expand anymore. We have theories and guesses, but we don't actually know anything for sure."

"Humans are arrogant that way," Quinn said. "We like to think we understand everything, but we don't. I doubt we ever will."

"So, did I settle anything?" I asked them.

"Not at all." Quinn shot me a grin. "But at the same time, yes."

"Glad to help."

Quinn nodded at someone, his gaze fixed over my shoulder. "I have to go help Adam with something."

"What?" Jesse asked as Quinn tried to slip away.

"Nothing. Be back in a bit." He slapped Jesse's chest in the brotherly way he always did.

"That was weird, right?" I asked, my eyes on Quinn as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"That was weird," he confirmed.

Silence descended on us.

I shifted awkwardly and took a few swallows of my drink.

"Everything been good since…" Jesse's question trailed off.

"Yeah. Mostly." I didn't bother telling him I was almost positive I was being followed and had been since that night. There wasn't anything he could do about it. And he'd already helped me enough. I could handle this on my own.

Another pause.

"I didn't think you'd come today."

"Why not?" I asked, my voice sharper than I'd intended.

"Didn't think it was your kind of thing." He shrugged and looked into his drink. "You're not really the festive birthday type."

"Yeah, well, you know me. I can't say no to a good spread."

"You haven't touched the food."

"I'm waiting for everyone else to finish before I dig in. Being polite and all that."

"Right," he said dryly.

"I didn't realize I needed your permission to accept an invite." I shot back the rest of my drink. "I'll see myself out."

"Of course you'd leave."

I stopped mid-step. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't say you couldn't be here, or even that I didn't want you here. I just said you weren't the festive birthday type. You looked like you were attending your own funeral every time your parents threw you or Hannah a birthday party."

"That's because those parties were about as fun as a funeral. No ten-year-old wants a black-tie party complete with ice sculptures and servers wearing tables."

"Yeah, that was a weird year." He chuckled into his drink. "Ten-year-old me felt very uncomfortable chasing down servers wearing tables on suspenders to get snacks."

"Every year was a weird year with my parents."

"Have you gone back to Envy?" he asked casually.

"No. Not my scene."

"You seemed to enjoy it the other night."

"It was fine." I shrugged like he hadn't completely rocked my world that night.

"Fine?" he scoffed. "You expect me to believe it was just fine when you were coming down my throat?"

I glanced around. Thank fuck no one was close enough to hear us.

"That part was pretty good." I pretended to think about it. "Not as good as when I gave you that." I ticked my chin at his neck. "Too bad it's gone. I was hoping to admire my handiwork."

His neck flushed pink above his collar, and his eyes were intense as he stared at me, like he was trying to read my thoughts.

"Now that was fun. Knowing you were walking around with my brand. Did your coworkers see it? Did you think of me every time you looked in the mirror?"

His neck went even redder. "Did you think about me when you saw the one I gave you?"

"Maybe."

The energy between us was different. The snark was still there, but it wasn't as biting or harsh. It almost felt teasing. At least what would pass for teasing between us.

"Maybe?" His eyes flashed with dark desire. "I think you did."

I shrugged. "Think what you want."

"You want a repeat." His grin was sly and way too sexy.

"You wish," I scoffed.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you didn't like it."

"Tell me you didn't like it." I smirked at him. "That you didn't love letting me take control."

He glared at me.

"I think you're the one who wants a repeat. You want me to drag you off into one of these rooms and blow your mind at your family party."

"Sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this."

"Am I wrong?"

"Five minutes, my old bedroom."

I gaped at him as he stalked away.

What the fuck?

How had we gone from teasing to sniping to him telling me to meet him in his childhood room so we could get each other off again?

I should leave. I definitely shouldn't go to his room in five minutes.