19: DANICA

I think about his question. Then I think about how when I thought he was angry with me, I wanted to find a bottle of alcohol when we arrived back at the cottage. I think about how tempted I was to take my keys and drive until I found a liquor store.

I glance at my hands and notice that they're no longer trembling like they were before.

"I don't know, Zenon," I answer honestly. "There was a moment where I was tempted to find a bottle of alcohol. A moment when I needed something to ease the pain because I thought that you were angry with me. I let you down, and I wasn't sure how to handle that."

"What did you do?" he asks.

"I walked around to the front of the cottage and took the trail leading back to the shops. I walked past several storefronts before I turned around and came back this way. But that happened only after I stopped at one store with tinted windows and saw myself. I saw the familiar desperation in my eyes, the yearning for something, anything to take the edge off, and then I saw how uncomfortable I was with my own thoughts, uncomfortable with myself."

"And yet, you still turned around and came back. You didn't keep looking for anything."

"But what if I hadn't seen myself? I've been down this road before."

"No what-ifs, Dani. There's only what is. You went down that road, but you turned back once before. That's the only thing that you need to concern yourself with is the reality of what you are choosing to do. I told you that I'm here for you. You came back. You returned to me and waited for me. That's all I can ask of you. That's all anyone can ask of you. You reached out for help. You're making progress already, sweetheart."

Tears prick my eyes as I look into his.

"I shouldn't be starting a relationship."

"I thought you said that we were just friends."

Smirking, I shove him in the shoulder and shake my head. I wipe the tears on my face and lick away the teardrops near the corners of my mouth.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't, Dani. What are we doing, meu bem?"

Smiling, I say, "I haven't heard you call me your darling in such a long time."

A smile lifts the corners of his lips.

"You never stopped being that to me. Now, stop avoiding the question. No pressure. It's whatever you want, but I need to know what you want."

I reach out and toy with the onyx ring on his right pinky finger. Twisting it in alternating directions, I calm my breathing and ease my troubled mind.

"I want you, Z. I want you to give us another chance. I want you to be patient with me. But most of all, I want you to teach me how to love...selflessly, I mean," I say after a few beats.

Zenon reaches a hand up and cups the side of my face.

"Then that's what you shall receive, meu docinho," he says.

"My sweet," I repeat, turning my head sideways to kiss his palm.

"One day at a time. We'll do this together but it's one day at a time, understood?"

"Yes," I say softly.

"Listen. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of repercussions after what happened today. Pictures of you and Zee Zee, me punching the guy, and breaking his camera. I have no idea who all caught that on their camera phones. But I'm sure that social media is probably blowing up by now with stories and people's perceptions. Are you going to be able to handle it?"

"It's nothing new."

"It is new. You don't have the same coping mechanisms you once did to face this stuff. You will be facing this full-on and raw with nothing to chase the pain away. Can you handle it?"

I close my eyes and think about the post that I created when I first arrived here.

"I'm not sure. I would like to believe that I can, but I know that it will be hard."

"Then don't face it full-on."

"What do I do?"

"Stay off your phone. Stay off the internet. Just accept this time for what it is; a time of reflection and peace. Let this be your hiatus from the world. We have an entire stretch of beach at this end that's far removed from the rest of the beach. It's private, and it's ours. We can remain secluded if that's what you'd like."

Releasing a soft breath through my nose, I say, "The first night that I was here on the beach with you and the crew you met, I took a selfie. And I posted that selfie on my social media platforms. And I wrote a caption that I was taking a hiatus. Ironically, you used that exact term today."

"That's what it is. Your hiatus. You don't have to be anywhere doing anything that you don't want to do, Danica. You have a team of people to handle everything for you. Turn off your phone and turn off the world. I'm here, and I will handle whatever needs to be handled. Maybe call your family and let them know that you're okay. Other than that, you don't need to talk to anyone about anything."

"What will I do?"

"Get to know Zee Zee. Get to know me again. But most importantly, get to know yourself, Dani."

A small smile tilts my lips, and I say, "I once heard a wise man say that one of the hardest battles you'll ever have to fight is the one that you fight with yourself."

"He is a very wise man," Zenon says. "Who is he?"

"A friend of my Cousin Kincaid. His name is Marvin Ramsey."

"I suggest that you take that time now to begin fighting that battle while we're here to support you. It's still the beginning of summer. I don't have anywhere I have to be while I map out my plans. You don't have anywhere you need to be, and Zee Zee's out for the summer."

A smile turns up my lips.

"That sounds like a perfect summer to me," I say.

"Where's your phone?" he asks.

I point at the table behind him. "I set it over there when I first got back. It was ringing, but I wasn't ready to talk to anyone, so I turned it on vibrate."

"Smart girl."

"Now. Let's choose two people that you trust and call them. You call those two people only and let them know that you're okay and what's going on. They can let the rest of your family and friends know what"s going on. I don't want you overwhelmed, okay?"

My heart fills with joy. I've never had anyone to take care of me before, not like this. Sure, my team takes care of my physical and online appearance, they take care of my business, and they take care of my finances, but no one has ever taken care of my heart and my spirit this way.

I watch as Zenon stands, grabs the phone, and returns to me. He hands me the phone and says, "I'll give you some privacy. We can eat sandwiches for lunch, but I'm going to start cooking something for an early dinner. How does that sound?"

"That sounds phenomenal," I say.

When he heads to the kitchen, I walk into my bedroom and stare at my phone for several minutes. There are a number of people that I could call, but who do I want to call?

Fingering the contact list in my phone, I make the first call.

"Hey, Dani. You good, girl?"

Blowing out a long breath, I say, "Yes, big bro. I'm good for the first time in a very long time."

"I saw some crap on social media about you being involved in a brawl. There were pictures of you and some kid in the back of a car. What's going on?"

I give Onyx the shortest but most accurate description of events that took place earlier.

"Damn, that's crazy. Do you need me to come to where you are?"

"Yeah, it's crazy, but no, I don't need you to come here. I'm fine. I just wanted to let someone know what's going on with me. After leaving rehab, Onyx, I don't want to go back. But I also don't want to mess up my journey. It's not easy, you know?"

"I can imagine that it isn't, but I'm proud that you're tackling it and no longer running from it," he says.

I hear the love and affection for me in my big brother's voice. It's been there all along, even when he was furious with me. I just couldn't hear it since the drugs were blocking everything out.

Now, everything is as clear as day, including his love for me.

"I'm taking a little break from life to get myself together mentally and spiritually. I'm sober, and I need to stay that way."

"This guy. Is he good for you?"

"He's the best, Onyx. I screwed up once before and pushed him out of my life. I don't plan on doing it a second time."

"Yeah, learn from me," he says wisely.

My brother almost lost his marriage three years ago when his wife spiraled into depression after an assault, and he cheated on her. Thankfully, they are back together, and their growing family is intact.

"Would you do me a favor?" I ask.

"What's that?"

"Call Mama and Daddy and let them know that I'm okay?"

"I think it would be good if you did it yourself."

"I will, in time. Not right now, though."

"Okay, I got you. And Dani?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for caring enough to call," Onyx says.

A smile tilts my lips. "Thanks for caring enough to answer."

"Always. I'll always be here for you, little sis."

"Love you."

"I love you even more, Dani."

We end the call, and I can breathe a little easier. My next call may not go quite as easy, but I don't know.

I stare at the phone again and breathe. Before I know it, I'm lying on my back and drifting off.

"Hey," I hear Zenon call to me.

I look up, and he's standing in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"Seems like that's all anyone asks anymore," I say softly. "I am. I have one more call to make."

"Okay. I'll be here when you're ready," he says, pushing off the door and walking out of the room again.

I hear the front door bang closed, followed by the high-pitched laughter of teen girls. I smile, and my heart dances. Who am I that I should be so blessed as to experience this?

My fingers fly over the surface of my phone.

"Hello? Dani?"

"Hi, Jade."

"Oh, my gosh! I've been trying to reach you for the last hour. What's going on? I thought you were away on the island, but I saw pictures of you on social media that showed you in downtown Charleston."

"I was. Zenon and I went back into town to pick up his daughter, and I—"

"Wait! Zenon? Did I hear you correctly?"

"Yes."

"Zenon-Zenon?"

"Yes."

"Zenon Diaz, as in former lover and midfielder for the Italian soccer team who screwed up the game and his career?"

"Wow, Jade. Judgy much?"

"Sorry. I'm just...it just...it blew my mind when you said that. You guys didn't end on the best of terms."

"I know, and we've been dealing with that."

"How did you run into him again?"

"Well, when I arrived at the cottage, he was already here."

"Already on the island?"

"Yes, and no. He was already at the cottage. I had given him a key years ago and told him that he could escape here if he had nowhere else in the world to go for peace of mind. It seems like he took me up on the offer."

Jade is silent for several seconds, and the logical thinker that she is, I know that she's calculating some things in her mind, and it's confirmed with her next statement.

"Aah, that makes sense. It's the fifth anniversary of their loss to Brazil when he went bonkers on that guy."

"Right. So, the media was going crazy over there, especially considering they're hosting the World Cup over there again. He needed to get away because they turned their attention back to him again."

"Damn. What are the odds that the two of you are both going through hell at the same time?"

"Yeah, well, it's happening."

"Are the two of you getting along, Dani? I don't want you to get stressed out and become overwhelmed."

"I'm not. We're dealing with things very well, and he's handling them far better than I expected him to. He's been my strength over these last few weeks since I left rehab."

"And yet you know that you shouldn't be getting into a relationship."

"Full transparency, Jade, I've been sexually involved with him. But I realized that wasn't good, so I stopped it myself. Besides, his thirteen-year-old daughter is here now. So, none of that will be happening. It's just us taking time to get to know each other again."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. Listen, I'm taking a hiatus from the spotlight for a minute."

"Speaking of which! Why did you post that picture? I have to circle back to that even though we discussed it before. When the pictures from earlier today were posted, that picture of you on the beach popped up again. Now everyone's making a game out of where in the world is Nica, and you're driving poor Lana insane."

"Well, they know by now roughly where in the world I am."

"Are you guys going to stay on the island now that you've been spotted back in town?"

"I am. There's no point in running. People already know that I'm from Charleston, so it's not unusual for them to have spotted me here. I'm staying on the island, Jade, and I'm not running. Not anymore."

"Well, good for you. Is there anything that I can do in the meantime?"

"I don't think so. I need to just heal. You keep being you and fielding the questions that come your way. I'm not taking any calls, and I've already informed Onyx what's going on. After we finish talking, I'll be powering the phone off for a while."

"Good for you."

"Yeah, I need this time out. If there's an emergency and you need to get in touch with me, you know where the cottage is."

"I do."

"She can call me," I hear Zenon's deep voice from the doorway.

I look up, and he's looking at me with so much love and affection. I smile back at him, lick my lips, and duck my head.

"Hey, Z says that you can call him if you need to."

"I won't disturb you two unless it's an emergency," Jade says.

"Good. I'll text you his number."

"Okay. You take care of yourself, Dani, and relax, breathe, and heal, girl."

"I will."

"Love you, sis," she says.

"I love you more," I reply before ending the call.

Zenon walks to where I'm sitting on the bed and reaches for my phone. He sits beside me, and I hand it to him and watch as he scrolls to my history and pulls Jade up from there. He texts her his phone number, and she texts back a winking face right away. Then he powers it off.

Setting my phone on the nightstand, he kicks his shoes off and pulls his legs up on the bed, stretching them out before him.

Zenon leans back against my headboard, and I sit close beside him, loving how good it feels to be close to him as he wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"You made your phone calls?"

"I did."

"Do you feel better about it?"

"I do."

"Then let's just enjoy the rest of our summer together."