Chapter 15

15

LEILANI

L eilani's heart pounded in her chest like a jackhammer, threatening to burst its way out from where it was supposed to live tucked away safely behind her ribs any second in its desperation to follow after Adaze. None of this made even the slightest bit of sense to her. How could everything go so wrong so fast?

Things had been going so well between them, so why did Adaze run off without so much as a word. Why didn't she just talk to her about…. Whatever that was.

And what on earth was going on with her reaction to Veronica?

Clearly the two of them knew each other, but how? What had happened between the two of them?

Her stomach churned. She couldn't believe this was happening. None of this was right. Why was she pushing her away like this? She couldn't believe she just left her here. How could she even hope to go after her?

Adaze had gotten in her Porsche and drove away. She practically raced out of the parking lot really. Leilani knew she would be long gone by now. Even if she was able to drive after her, she didn't know where Adaze would be going.

"Hey," Rory's voice pulled her out of her spiral.

Leilani blinked, a bit shocked to find the other woman standing in front of her, bent slightly so they were at eye level. Her words stuck in her throat. All she could do was stare at her.

"Are you okay?" Rory asked, a deep frown on her face.

For a moment, she just kept looking at her with a blank face while she struggled to put together her words. "I don't know," she finally said.

"That was a lot. Do you want me to drive you home?"

Her eyes burned. She couldn't help but feel like if she left now, everything would fall apart in a way that couldn't be put back together. Maybe that was true or maybe she was just clinging to the hope that Adaze would drive back and talk to her. She forced herself to shake her head. "No, I can't just leave." That simple sentence seemed to unleash her words at long last, snapping her out of her haze. Then, with confusion on her face, she turned to Veronica. The other woman was frozen, as if she'd seen a ghost. "I don't understand what just happened. Do the two of you know each other or something?"

Veronica grimaced, avoiding her eyes. "You could say that. I'm so sorry. I should have asked your girlfriend's name."

Leilani's mouth hardened into a thin line. "I don't have time for this, Veronica. I need you to tell me what's going on, right now. Every second we spend here Adaze is getting even further away. At this point I don't even know if she's coming back."

She sighed. "Alright, fine. Let me just figure out where to start. Has Adaze ever mentioned an ex-wife?"

"Once or twice, the day we first met, but she doesn't like to talk about her and I was never sure how to ask. I figured she would talk to me when she needed to or when she was ready. Why?"

"That sounds about right. I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised to hear it." She took a deep breath. "Okay, what do you know about her?"

"Not much. Mostly just that it ended really badly. The anniversary of their divorce is the day we met, but that's it. Honestly, if we'd met in another way I don't know if she would have told me yet. Why? What does this matter? Do you know her ex? Are you friends with her or something?"

Veronica ran a hand through her hair. "Right, well, kind of. Not exactly. It's actually worse than that. I am the ex-wife," she finally met her eyes. They brimmed with tears and regret. "I'm her ex-wife that cheated on her and broke her heart."

The ground fell out from under Leilani. Blood rushed in her ears. Her heart pounded against her ribs like a jackhammer. None of this made any sense. For what felt like hours but couldn't have been more than a few seconds, she couldn't speak. All she could do was stand there while waves upon waves of emotions crashed over her, pinning her to the sea floor. Finally, she found her voice.

"You what!?" she exclaimed in a shaky voice, hands clenching at her sides. "Why would you do that? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, obviously I didn't realize you were dating my ex-wife! I just—" She cut herself off with a sigh. "It's so obvious what I did was wrong, in retrospect. Hell, that's me trying to let myself off the hook for the blame. The truth is, I knew what I was doing was wrong at the time, but we were young, we got married even younger, too young really. She hardly came home most nights and when she did it would be long after I went to sleep, then she'd be gone before I woke up. It was like she'd already left me behind, all alone in the massive house where we were supposed to build a life together. I tried to talk to her about it, but she told me I needed to respect her work. I told myself she knew what I was doing and if she had a problem with it she would have told me. It wasn't true, but it's what I told myself. If I could go back and change it, I would. I would just tell her I couldn't do it anymore and walk away, but at the time, I thought it would do less damage. I thought I could keep it from her."

"Why?" Leilani's voice cracked. "Why would you think that was better than just telling her you weren't happy and walking away?"

"I don't know," Veronica shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. "It sounds so obvious now, but things always are in retrospect. I just—I couldn't bring myself to walk away and because of that I hurt us both so much more, especially her. I guess the simple truth is, I was too weak to bring myself to do it, so I created a situation where I knew she would."

"That's horrible."

"I know."

Leilani took a deep breath. "I think I need some time alone. I'm going to go for a walk, please don't follow me."

She didn't so much as call after her as Leilani marched into the forest. Rory and Sierra on the other hand did.

They were still calling after her as the trees closed around her. Only in the privacy of the forest did she let the tears fall from her face.

She couldn't believe she hadn't realized Veronica was Adaze's ex-wife. Sure, Adaze hadn't told her what happened or even the other woman's name, but there had to be something she missed.

Leilani was so consumed by her thoughts that she didn't realize she'd been followed until a hand grabbed her shoulder.

She jumped, whirling around, to see Sierra and Rory both frowning at her.

"I said I needed a minute."

"And we gave you a minute before chasing after you, but friends don't let friends race off alone into the woods while in visible emotional distress."

Leilani couldn't help but let out a small laugh even as tears continued to fall.

"Do you want to talk about where your head is?" Rory asked. "Or would you rather just walk in silence for a bit?"

She shook her head. "There's nothing worth talking about."

"You don't seem to think so."

"It's stupid."

"If it's making you cry, it isn't stupid."

She hesitated then sighed. "I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like I betrayed Adaze."

"Why?" Sierra asked.

"Because this whole time I've been hanging out with her ex-wife!" she groaned. "I don't know how I could do that."

"So what? You didn't know who she was or that it would make Adaze uncomfortable, even if you did know who she was, then it's time for a conversation, not this."

She shook her head. "It can't be that simple. There had to have been some kind of signs I missed."

"Even if you did miss something, that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. If Adaze can't see that, then that's her problem." Sierra sighed. "Like I said, should this have been a conversation, of course, but that doesn't mean it was okay for her to race off and abandon you here."

"I just don't want to lose her."

"I know, but that isn't up to you. The ball is in her court. All you can do is wait for her to make a move."

"Do you think she'll leave over this?"

Sierra shook her head. "If she does, then she doesn't know what she's missing out on, and you deserve better than that."

"I don't want better. I want her."

"I know you do. All we can do is hope she is the kind of person you deserve."

Leilani cried as her friends rubbed her back. Her world was collapsing around her. She couldn't imagine a way out, but at least she had them to try and light the way.