13. Quinn

CHAPTER 13

Quinn had an armload of groceries and a head full of food thoughts when he nearly ran into Hunter on their back deck. It was chilly out, but Hunter was still curled up on the deck furniture, his Kindle in one hand, a thermos of something warm in the other.

"Hi," he said, putting the Kindle on the table in front of him. He looked as stressed and tired as Jon had described, and it broke Quinn's heart.

"Hey. Aren't you cold?"

"I guess I wanted to run into you. Maybe get to have a real conversation, if you're up for it."

"That sounds great." After leaving Weston's a day later than planned, Quinn had slept in late, wallowing in his own self-pity. He was well practiced at wallowing. But as lunchtime had swung around, he'd finally dragged himself out of bed and to the grocery store. "I was going to make a late lunch. Do you want to come in? Is it a teacher day or something?"

"Jonny convinced me to take a mental health day," Hunter said. It was still weird to hear Hunter call his brother Jonny. "Yeah, I'd love to talk."

He followed Quinn inside and took one of the grocery bags out of his hands, putting the contents away easily. Hunter had been the primary reason Quinn had eaten anything at all during the first few months in their duplex. It made sense that he knew where Quinn kept the tomato sauce.

Hunter took his jacket off and hung it up next to the back door, then extended a hand to take Quinn's from him too. Hunter was wearing a vintage black Sleater-Kinney t-shirt that Quinn knew was from 1996, because Hunter had told him every detail about it when he'd found it on eBay a couple years ago. He also knew Hunter would never put that shirt in the dryer. Just knowing the most random things about his best friend was calming. Settling.

"I miss you," Hunter told him when the groceries were put away.

"Same. I miss you, too. Jon said that school has been rough."

Hunter shook his head, like he was trying to shake the bad thoughts out. "It has been this continual nosedive the last few years. Less administrative support, dwindling resources, more kids than ever. And the kids are…something else. A few of my records have gotten broken. I brought my record player home. My maps have gotten ripped."

"Wow, kids are assholes."

"Those kids are going through shit we never had to go through. I have sympathy. They're traumatized, and they're looking at our generation and seeing how fucking sad we are. Why work on a history paper when you're going to have to work for entry-level pay for your entire career, when you can play computer games all class and get that dopamine hit. Still, it's not like having sympathy for them helps me teach them anything."

"I'm sure you have a lot of kids who are grateful that you're there."

"I think we're all miserable together."

"That too."

"Speaking of misery and how to alleviate it, thanks for putting up the Christmas lights. Jon said you did at least half."

"Jon is way too nice. I kept the lights from tangling while he put them up."

"Still. I appreciate it."

"I probably owe you about a thousand house projects." He grabbed the stuff for sandwiches he'd picked up and handed Hunter a plate, letting him have first go at it.

"It's not about the manual labor. It was never about that. I just wanted to see you." Hunter carefully folded sliced turkey onto his bread, layered on some lettuce, and then added mayo and mustard.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to feel more human. I promise it wasn't personal."

"I know. In my heart I know that."

"I'm still working on getting better. And I'm sure I have half a dozen apologies to you that need to percolate a bit." Hunter moved aside, and Quinn took his own turn at the sandwich station.

"You don't have to apologize. Jon said you already apologized to him. I want to know what our path forward is."

"I might not have to apologize but I'm going to. I am so sorry for overreacting to something that I should have been supportive about. I'm sorry I made something so exciting for you into a mess. If someone had told me the situation hypothetically, I would never believe that was how I acted. I'm still not drinking."

Hunter reached for his hand to give it a squeeze, and then after a pause he pulled Quinn into a hug.

A Hunter hug was a foundational comfort. Hunter was his person. He hoped he always would be. He hoped things would be normal again.

"I know you and Jon weren't sneaking behind my back. I know I missed it because I was checked out."

"We had just talked about how to tell you, before everything went down."

"I wish it had gone differently. And I know I've given you a lot of shit about your sex life?—"

Hunter laughed. "Sometimes the patterns that start early in a relationship just…keep going."

"It was unkind to joke about even in college. It just felt like you had unlocked this part of being an adult that I didn't have the key for. You had all these fun stories, and I had the difficulties of relationship sex. I was insecure." He picked at his nail polish. How did anyone keep their nail polish looking nice for long periods of time? His was almost gone.

"I felt the same way about you. You had a long-term relationship you were planning a future for, and I was trying to find a roommate on Craigslist."

"And yet, you still weren't mean to me about it."

"I love you. I believe you understand how you hurt me and that you don't want to do it again. Our relationship isn't this fight. It's years of you being there for me when no one else was. For not judging me in high school for living in a one-bedroom apartment and for holding my hand through the process of coming out. I think we've tortured ourselves enough by now. I forgive you."

Hunter hugged him again. Quinn wasn't sure he deserved it, but he'd take it. And in return, he'd prove to Hunter that he could be better. "I love you more than anyone."

"Same. And we're going to be okay. This is for life. We'll get through the bump."

Hunter let go, and they grabbed their plates and headed to the kitchen table. Quinn took a bite of his own sandwich, which was a pile of turkey haphazardly dropped between two slices of bread, and ranch instead of mayo. Griffins were ranch people.

"How are your meds?"

"Good. I think the current one is, like, the one. It makes me tired as all shit, but I'm creeping toward happiness, too. I feel like I can breathe."

"Tell me about Duluth. Jonny said you've been going a lot?"

"I hope this means we can stop playing telephone with my brother, by the way. I've been up twice, but I hope I get to go back."

"And there's a gentleman caller up there?" Hunter waggled his eyebrows at him, and Quinn felt a welcome blush creep up his cheeks.

"His name is Weston."

"Tell me about Weston."

"You've seen him before. He streams video games."

"The cute emo one?"

Quinn smiled at that assessment. "Yeah. He would have done numbers on MySpace."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"We're doing casual." The sting of their conversation the day before was still fresh.

"Do you want casual?" Hunter knew him better than anyone. As much as Quinn talked about the idea of hooking up with a random person, it was not ideal. What he liked about Weston was that he knew Weston.

"Not really. But he does. It's what we agreed on at the beginning, so I'm not going to rock the boat. And I'm damaged goods."

"Being divorced does not mean you're damaged."

Quinn shrugged. They could agree to disagree on that.

"Is he coming down here to visit you?"

"We've mentioned it theoretically but haven't made any plans."

"I want to meet him when he comes to visit."

"Yessir." He gave Hunter a salute.

"You look better. I know that doesn't mean anything necessarily. But I looked at your vacant, sad face for months, and you've got some life back."

"I'm starting to push my head above water. It's been almost a year."

"It's good to see, man. I'm proud of you."

There was still a tentative energy between them. Quinn was used to Hunter feeling like an extension of himself, and now they felt like two separate people. But they were talking, laughing. God, Quinn missed his best friend so fucking much.

"How are you and Jon doing?"

"Good," Hunter said, his smile going soft. "He is exactly what I need, you know?"

"Yeah, you really seem like a good pair."

"I don't know how much you talk to Syd about her classes, but she and Jonny have been co-obsessing over rainwater collection, so that's coming our way this summer, just so you know."

"Like, barrels?" The conversation was comfortable, easy in a way it hadn't been in a while.

"I honestly don't know. Jonny has emphasized it is ‘not just about barrels' and I'm too scared to ask questions. But they have plans for the yard. They're thinking they could go into business together."

"Oh, what?"

"I think it would be a good idea for both of them. They're such opposite personalities, but I think they're really kindred spirits, you know?"

"Yeah, they balance each other."

"Jonny said he only has one more year of lawn care in him, so it'll be interesting to see what he does after it."

"Being employed sucks," Quinn said.

"Tell me about it." Hunter sighed before changing the subject. "Do you think we'll get any trick-or-treaters tomorrow?"

"I assume so? I hadn't thought about it. I need to get candy."

"I already bought way too much. Do you want to hand out candy with me? Sit on the porch in our old superhero costumes?"

"That sounds amazing."