22. Zack

"How was he this morning?" I asked Callum, who lay on the sand beside me.

The sun shone down on us, and even though it was a couple hours before noon, we both held fruity drinks with little umbrellas. He'd slathered sunscreen on me, and I'd returned the favor, lingering and teasing with my touch until he'd gotten hard, high cheekbones pink and fucking gorgeous.

I'd almost suggested heading to my room again, but I'd yet to just sit and relax on the beach.

"He's focused on his MacBook, typing like mad. Usually, issues with work set him back emotionally, but he's…recharged, I guess you could say."

Work. Typing. Following his dreams.

How they'd met made a little more sense.

"And did your return to the suite have anything to do with said recharging?" I teased, turned on a little by the thought of them together.

That alluring flush returned to Callum's face.

"Mmm," I hummed in appreciation, shifting to adjust my junk that perked up yet again. While I wasn't one to poke into a client's personal life, I got off on the sex talk that always ramped them up. Made them lust for my dick or hole.

And Callum?

He'd been putty in my hands the night before, and I couldn't deny wanting to play some more regardless of how badly I'd been tempted to tear down my walls and let him in.

We'd shared blow jobs before he'd left my bed that morning, since he'd declined my dick up his very sore ass. Mutual climaxes via each other's mouths hadn't been nearly enough to ease my insatiable desire for him. It was too bad Landon couldn't join us too. At least then I'd have another hole at my disposal.

I refused to think about him in any other way that didn't prove dangerous to my emotions. Bad enough just the presence of his best friend made me want to toss caution to the wind.

"What did you do to him?" I pushed for information, simply for something to fantasize about while being lazy beneath the sun's warmth. "Finally have a taste of his pink pucker? Spill your cum in him like you've been dreaming about doing for the past eight years?"

"Not exactly."

"Get on your knees to suck his brains out of his dick?"

"Jesus, Zack." Callum laughed, glancing my way—with a goddamned dimple in his cheek.

"Fuck. Me."

One of his eyebrows hitched up. "I mean, that could be arranged…"

Groaning, I squeezed the base of my officially granite-like dick. While my thoughts had been quick to go there upon first meeting Callum, with how he'd let himself go with me the night before, I feared inadvertently doing the same should I be on the receiving end of his devoted attention.

The man was hard to resist, and I didn't trust myself not to lay my lonely heart bare at his feet, especially after seeing that little dent of kryptonite in his cheek. I wanted to keep Callum smiling day and night.

"You said you volunteer at a LGBTQ club for teens," I stated, doing a one-eighty that caused him to blink because fucking boundaries, goddamnit. I could not allow myself to be tempted more than I already was when it came to him.

"You remembered."

"Of course I did. It's something else we have in common besides binging DIY shows." I turned my focus skyward, eyes closing. "I spend a lot of my free time at the homeless shelter but twice a month hang out at Humanity House, an LGBTQ community for teens, in Malden."

I had no wish to flay my heart wide open, but that didn't mean I couldn't connect with another caretaker, a nurturer who understood that part of me. We talked about the different programs available to the kids and how they seemed much more accepting of all identities.

Fuck knew those before us had fought hard to be recognized. The least we could do was put in the work for future generations.

"You're a good man, Zack." Callum's quiet statement had me squinting his way.

"So are you."

Callum sat and stared out over the water, arms wrapped around upturned knees. I wondered what went through his thoughts that left zero trace of his dimple behind.

The gentle waves on shore acted as a soothing rhythm that set me at completely ease. Somewhat vulnerable too, same as I'd been in the shower with Callum the night before.

Rather than pushing, I waited, giving Callum time to work through his thoughts. While I wouldn't have minded his sharing, I wouldn't ask for more than I was willing to give in return.

"I fucked up," he whispered, eyes closing briefly.

My initial thought at his confession was that he'd made a mistake in hiring me and forcing a showdown between me and Landon, but something deeper lay behind his words. A festering guilt I'd gotten a glimpse of before.

"Being an escort means I oftentimes get to play therapist." I tried for a light tone. "I'm available if you need to get shit off your chest, and since we both signed NDAs, you can be sure I won't repeat a word."

He glanced at me, studying my eyes as though seeking my true intentions.

Yeah, I cared, even though I wouldn't admit to it.

A soft smile curved his lips as though he'd figured me out, not enough to entice that dick-stiffening dent to appear in his smooth cheek, but my chest ached all the same.

Releasing a slow exhale, he turned his attention toward the swells beyond shore again. "Not even Landon is aware of the full extent of my greatest shame, but it's the driving force behind every choice I've made since meeting him."

The fact Callum shared with me something only his best friend knew hit me hard. Fucking baffled me.

I waited with bated breath, longing to connect with his past trauma that had created my same need to shelter others. Why hadn't he shared the whole story with Landon? Maybe because he'd always needed to be the strong one and couldn't allow himself to appear weak?

If that was the case, fuck my life because that meant he felt safe with me. Trusted me, even after I'd told Landon he loved him. I didn't deserve that kind of forgiveness or a second chance. How could he entrust me with something that important?

"Someone very close to me made terrible decisions when we were kids and ended up in jail," he finally said, his tone low and full of the grief I'd expected. "I had plenty of opportunities to step in but didn't. To this day, I regret not doing more or saying something to prevent what had happened."

My words about sexual assault and how Callum had reacted with what I'd thought had been a heart attack suddenly made a little more sense. Empathy swelled inside me, and I wanted to dive deeper, uproot all of his hurts, and help him find a way to eradicate them from his life.

Still, I wasn't one to pry, especially about something that had obviously caused him a great deal of emotional pain.

"We can lead others to water, but they've got to drink on their own. Whatever went down, it wasn't your fault." I offered what I could. "They made their choice and reaped what they sowed."

"Same as Landon did with you," Callum mused quietly.

I wasn't going to touch that with a ten-foot pole. I refused to take on any blame for what Landon's actions had brought onto himself. From what Callum had told me that first night he'd come to my room, begging me to at least hear Landon out, I expected the messes Landon had gotten himself into hadn't been pretty.

"That's another reason for my volunteering," Callum said, digging his toes into the sand at the edge of our blanket. "For the longest time, I thought I was a bad person, that I couldn't follow my own instincts. That I wasn't trustworthy. I believed those three lies for years before I realized I could do better. Be better. It's originally why I attached myself to Landon, why I've come to care for him so deeply. Nurturing him fulfills a part of me left empty from my inaction all those years ago."

"And you soothe his neediness as well as give his emotions a safe place to land."

"Yes." Callum shot me another small smile.

"It's nice to be on the receiving end sometimes though, isn't it?" I asked, speaking about the night before and what he'd allowed me to do for him.

Longing flooded Callum's eyes.

"You let me take care of you," I reminded him.

"And it was one of the best nights of my life. I'd like to do the same for you. I can't imagine you get that very often considering your job demands that you place other's needs above your own."

Fuck, did he nail that truth with accuracy.

"Getting others off is a kink of mine, so I'm always satisfied, but yeah, I'll admit I wouldn't mind being worshiped. Adored. Loved on without having to expend any mental energy."

"I can do that for you, Zack."

The offer made me want to crawl toward him on hands and knees, beg him to satisfy me in the ways no one ever had. Make me feel as though I belonged—for real. But these five days weren't about me and the deepest desires I'd never shared with anyone. How he pulled the truth from me so damn easily, I had no fucking clue.

"You can trust me," he pushed gently.

And therein lay the problem. My heart refused to emerge from behind the shredded foil attempting to hide it from view. I'd been set aside, forced away from what I'd hoped to call home one too many times.

It was my turn to escape into inner thoughts while staring over the ocean. Regardless of the character Callum portrayed, of what I'd taken note of with how he cared for Landon's wellbeing, what I longed for, I refused to be swayed.

"Vulnerability isn't an option," I stated, my tone quiet but firm. "My biological parents left me to the state rather than raising what I'm assuming they saw as a mistake. Countless foster families only cared about the monthly checks they received. Landon pushed me away too, which regardless of his reasons, only toughened me up even more. My entire childhood lacked in love or affection of any kind, and I've spent almost thirty-three years emotionally on my own. I'm not capable of lowering my walls."

"I could demand as your client that you let me have you however I wish."

I brushed off his words since they were as far from a threat as possible. "You wouldn't."

"So you do trust me."

Heaving a weary exhale, I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at his gorgeous face when his voice held a hint of a smile. "Elite contracts allow for personal boundaries, Callum, and bottoming for you after what we've gone through the past couple of days wouldn't be me just offering up my hole as if you were simply another client."

Again, I'd said more than I'd planned on, but Callum deserved my honesty at the very least.

"Zack," he whispered, and I forced myself to meet his gaze.

I might have hard limits, but he'd somehow blasted through them all. Even without having full access to my body, he'd found a way to pry me open and burrow inside.

Pain and desire filled his green-blue irises, and I fought the need to reach for him. Lose myself in his body as I'd done the night before.

"Please, Callum—don't ask for more than I'm willing to give," I rasped my request, barely hanging onto my self-preservation.

"You have my word."

As much as I didn't want to allow myself to, I believed him.