Chapter 24

The first thingI notice when I wake up is that we aren’t moving anymore. I blink slowly, lifting my head away from the window as the world shifts back into focus. We’re parked in front of my house, surrounded by a dark sky broken up by street lights. The lights are on outside of the garage of my parent’s house, and I watch them nervously for a moment.

“Hey,” Mr. Holt smiles tiredly from the front seat. He’s turned to face me, careful not to hit Cam’s bad arm as he sleeps. “We’re here.”

“Okay... Thanks again, for letting me ride with y’all.”

I stay in the car, watching the door. My stomach is heavy, as I think about something I’d successfully ignored while I was worried about Cam; they knew. Everyone knew. I yelled, across a football field, at the top of my lungs, that Camden Holt is my boyfriend. Anyone who didn’t know probably would by Monday. And I’m not sure how that is going to go.

“They probably know, right?” I ask my boyfriend’s father.

“Yes,” I don’t have to clarify. “They probably know. Elliot, is there any part of you that really thinks it won’t be okay?”

“I don’t know,” my lip quivers slightly, and I draw in a sharp breath. “Probably not, I guess.”

He considers me for a minute.

“If you need a couch to sleep on tonight, just give me a call. But,” he unlocks the car doors, nodding his head towards the house, “you won’t.”

I nod, reaching for the handle before I can change my mind. The car stays parked on the street until I make it to the kitchen door at the side of the house, pausing to take a breath with my hands on the knob. With a twist of the wrist, I open the door and slowly push it wide. The smell of freshly baked cookies wafts over me, bringing tears to my eyes as I step inside.

Quick footsteps sound down the hall, and then mom is there at the archway. She steps closer, arms stretched out as if she can’t get to me fast enough. My feet are frozen, bolted to the floor, and my heart is beating so hard I can feel it in my fingertips as mom wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me in close.

“Oh, my baby…” She presses a long, tight kiss to my curls.

“Beth told you?” I ask.

“Yes,” she lets out a wet laugh, squeezing me. “Beth told me.”

“Are you mad?” My voice sounds so small, I can hardly believe it belongs to me as I wait for her answer.

“Elliot,” she pulls back, cupping my cheeks between her folded hands. “I love you to the ends of the Earth. There is nothing you could do that would make me love you less. Of course I’m not mad at you, my lovely boy… and I’m so sorry if we ever said or did anything that made you think we would be.”

She lets out a startled oof as I throw myself back into her arms, drawing in a shaky breath as I squeeze her hard.

“You didn’t,” I whisper.

“El,” I hear dad’s voice as he enters the room. “How are you doing, bud? How’s Camden’s arm?”

Normal. Everything is so normal. Like they really aren’t upset, at all. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to stop the tears that threaten to fall when his hand presses against my shoulder and he joins our hug. I hear him kiss the top of mom’s head, and feel him pull us both closer to him.

“He’s gonna be okay,” I sniff. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“It is,” dad agrees.

“Hey,” mom pulls back. “I made cookies. Are you too tired to break into them?”

“No,” I laugh, wiping my eyes with my wrist.

“Great,” she smiles, squeezing my arms one more time before letting go and walking back into the living room.

Dad keeps his arm around my shoulder, guiding me after her into the living room where a plate of cookies is stacked on the coffee table. Beth sits on the couch, eyes and cheeks puffy like she’s been crying. She looks up at me, lip trembling, uncertainty in her gaze until I raise one side of my mouth into a smile and reach for her hand. Her relief is palpable as she takes the offered hand, pulling me down to sit next to her and leaning her head against my shoulder.

“Don’t be mad,” she says quietly. “I didn’t want them to hear from someone else, but I didn’t think about it as outing you until I’d already said something…”

“Bethie, I’m not mad. I kinda out outed myself back there, you know?”

“Yeah,” she laughs. “Go big or go home, I guess?”

“Something like that.” I shake my head and reach for a cookie.

“So,” mom rubs her hands against her knees. “You boys played a good game, tonight.”

“We won,” Beth adds as she grabs a cookie from the plate. “After you guys left, there was no way we were leaving without that win… Mike Samson was like a machine.” She blushes when I raise an eyebrow. “You know, just very, leader-y…” she shoves the rest of the cookie in her mouth before she can trip herself up any further.

“That’s good,” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I’m glad. That will make Cam happy, even if…” I stare at my knee.

Even if he doesn’t get to play the rest of the season…

God, tonight had been so scary. Cam went down, and everything kind of shot by and went in slow motion at the same time. Just a second, an accident, landing the wrong way, and Camden is going to miss the rest of this season. Has he thought about that? Does he realize, in all of the foggy-headed painkiller-induced pleasantness that his year is done? Dad reaches over, putting a firm hand on my knee.

“The good news is, bones heal. Camden is safe, and he’s going to be alright. Everything else doesn’t matter so much, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nod, sniffing hard to quell the burning feeling in my eyes. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“I think,” mom stands, rolling her shoulders to stretch them. “That I’ve had about enough excitement for one day. I’m going to head to bed, if you’re okay, honey?”

“Yeah, mom.” I sit back. “I’m okay. I think I’ll stay up a bit later, though…”

“If you need us,” she puts a hand on my cheek. “We’re just right here. I’ll leave the door open, okay?”

“Sure.” I stand up and hug her tightly. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, my baby,” she squeezes back, patting my hair down soothingly. “So, so much.”

She kisses the top of my head and releases me, stepping to the side to kiss Beth’s forehead as dad gives me a hug and makes his way to the bedroom, as well. I cross to the empty couch and sprawl against the right arm. Beth and I sit silently, wiping out the rest of the cookies until she finally clears her throat.

“So,” she shifts. “You didn’t, like, know before? When you were with Casey, that you liked boys?” When I hesitate she blushes and stammers out. “I mean, I guess I’m just assuming you like boys… I know some people like both, and you could like both, I guess I just thought maybe you only liked boys and so, you know…”

“Are you okay over there?” I laugh awkwardly, shifting on the couch and messing with the edge of a throw pillow before I answer. “Yeah, I like boys. Only. I, uh, I think I kind of wondered. For a little while. A piece of me, you know? But, I thought I was happy enough with Casey, so…” I shrug.

“But you didn’t always know you liked Cam?”

“No. Yes… I don’t know…” I tug at a strand of my hair. “It’s not just that easy, Beth. But, I love him. And I’m happy he’s my boyfriend.”

“Are you glad people know now?” She traces the pattern on the couch with her finger. “Or do you wish it was still a secret?”

“I’m scared,” I admit, not making eye contact. “When people didn’t know, it was just us. I didn’t have to worry about people being mean at school, or being weird about playing football with me… Now all of that is just, kind of, out there. I’m afraid of being treated differently, and there’s nothing I can really do about it, you know?”

“That makes sense,” I hear her get up and cross to my couch, settling next to me and tucking her feet up to the side as she leans against me. “No one will be weird.” She says firmly. “And if they are, I’ll kick their ass.”

“Thanks, sis,” I can’t help but laugh, leaning back into her petite frame.

We sit there for a few minutes, just keeping each other company, until the adrenaline of the night has passed and we begin fighting yawns. I climb up the stairs, barely getting my dirty clothes off before I fall onto my bed and drift to sleep, trying my best to think about anything but school on Monday…

When I wakeup the next morning, it feels like a nail has been driven into my skull. I definitely didn’t drink enough water last night, and the shock and stress of the evening only made it worse. The vein in my temple pulses, my eyes itch from the inside, and I feel a buzzing in the back of my head that’s almost…

Oh, no, wait a sec…

I reach my hand under the pillow, pulling out my cell. I’d grabbed it from my bag where Beth left it last night, but it’s still on vibrate. Cam’s face spreads over the screen when I tilt it towards me, and I smile sleepily as I answer.

“Hey you,” I drawl, my voice thick with sleep.

“Ooh,” he laughs. “Hey yourself… I realized I didn’t really thank you, for coming to the hospital last night.”

“‘Course,” I yawn, rolling on my bed to hold the phone more comfortably. “I couldn’t have just let them take you… How’re you feeling?”

“Sore,” he admits. “I took this morning’s pain pills, but they don’t dull the edge as much as the stuff from the hospital. My arm aches, every time I move it.”

“I’m so sorry, Cam…” I frown. “I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better…”

“Well,” I can almost hear his grin through the phone. “You could come over and keep me company?”

“How could I say no to that?” I roll over onto my back, staring blearily at the ceiling and waiting for the command to get up to reach my legs. “Just give me a few minutes, I’ll be over soon.”

“Sounds good,” the phone rustles as he adjusts his shoulder. “Hey, Elliot? I love you.”

“I love you too, Cam.”

I smile to myself as I end the call, letting my forearm fall over my eyes. When I’ve had enough time to think clearly and see straight without bothersome fuzzies in my field of vision, I swing my legs off the edge of the bed and sit up with a stretch. My hoodie hangs from the corner of my dresser, and I tug it on over my head on my way out of my bedroom door.

The house is still quiet, with bedroom doors still shut and lights still off after our late night. I stop to write a note on the fridge letting my parents know where I’m heading, then tug on sneakers and slip out the back door and down to the street. Early morning sunshine warms my shins as I walk, hands shoved deep into the front pocket of my jacket. The back of my neck prickles as I get closer to Camden’s house, like people are watching me and the weight of their gaze is leaving a mark. I start walking faster, anxious to see my boyfriend.

Realistically, I know the odds that anyone on our street is watching me through the blinds are low. But as I fell asleep last night, all I could think of over and over was that everyone knows. Everyone. Knows. They know that I’m gay, that Cam is gay, that we’re in a relationship… And there’s a part of me that feels free, like I don’t have to worry that anyone will find out because it’s out there. But I’m still so scared of the fallout… What are our teammates going to say? Or coach? Casey was great, really cool about everything, but what about the other cheerleaders?

Cam must have been watching for me, because I’ve barely come to a stop in front of the door before it opens. His hair is mussed, sticking up at weird angles, and he wears his glasses. His right arm is wrapped in bandages and rests in a dark blue sling, the wide strap reaching up and around his neck to keep it in place. Tears well up in the corners of my eyes, and all of my anxiety slips away as I take two quick steps closer and wrap my arms around him, pulling him tightly to me and releasing a shaky breath.

“I’m okay,” his left arm drifts up the side of my thigh and my hip, resting on my waist with a slight squeeze as he pulls himself closer. “Look, see? All good!”

“I’m sorry,” I shake my head. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Confusion soaks through his tone.

“For outing you.”

We fall into silence for a moment. My eyes squeeze shut… What if he hadn’t thought about that? What if he didn’t even remember? Was he mad? What if he never wanted to speak to me again? What if-

“Babe, come inside.” He interrupts my inner monologue. “I’m fine, I think I’ve been ready for people to know for a little while…” he tugs me along behind him with his good hand, turning to look at me over his shoulder. “But, are you okay with this?”

I’m quiet as I really think about my answer. It’s like a million people are living in my head, each shouting their opinions on me at top volume. Some of them are nice, supportive, encouraging… Others are not.

“I’m scared,” I admit at last. “Of losing you, of people not reacting well…”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Cam shrugs. “Some people say some stupid things, and we ignore them?”

“People do a lot worse than saying not nice things.” I reach for his hand, tracing shapes onto it with my thumb as I stare down.

“Okay, so yeah. There are hateful people in the world. But El…” he reaches out, gently pushing my chin up with his pointer finger until I’m looking him in the eyes. “I want to kiss you, in public. I want to hold your hand in the hallway, and tell people about my amazing boyfriend.”

“Yeah?” My voice wavers, thick with emotion that his words raise in me. “You think people will be okay with all of that?”

“Honestly?” He tucks a rogue curl behind my ear. “I couldn’t give a shit what people think. But yeah,” I lean forward and he closes his eyes as we rest our foreheads together. “I do.”

We sit there together like that on the couch for a while, sitting in the words Cam has woven between us. After a while Cam’s stomach audibly rumbles, making his hunger known, and we both laugh.

“Come on,” I stand, offering my hand and tugging him up beside me. “Let’s go find something to eat.”

I feel Cam’s eyes on me as I lead him to the kitchen, depositing him on the stool with a kiss on my way to the refrigerator. They follow me as I get out supplies, rummage under the cabinets for a pan, then report to the stove to crack eggs into a bowl.

“So,” he finally speaks. “Speaking of you outing us to the school.”

“Were we speaking of that?” I choke on a surprised laugh, looking at him over my shoulder and raising an eyebrow.

“I won’t be at school tomorrow,” he continues as if I didn’t say anything. “But I’ll be cleared to come back before Friday. And I was wondering, since everyone knows we’re together now, if you had a date for Homecoming?”

“Camden Holt,” I can’t stop the wide grin that covers my face. “Are you asking me out to Homecoming?”

“Yes, Elliot,” he watches me. “I suppose I am.”

“Well…” I cross to him, resting my forearms against the island on either side of him as I lean in close. “In that case, yes. I would love to.”

His slow smile sends a warm wave down my body as I claim his lips, kissing him like I could work all the things he made me feel straight into his brain. From the way he kisses me back, I think he receives the message. The smell of eggs cooking pulls me back to reality, and I can’t help but grin as I turn back to the stove and go back to making our breakfast.

“So, the Homecoming dance… We only have a week. What will we even wear?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Cam grins. “We’ll figure it out.”