40. Declan

40

DECLAN

This was it. The day I’d been waiting for all my life. This was what I’d been born and bred to be. When I laid my head on the pillow tonight, Wolfe Enterprises would be mine.

As I sat behind my desk, waiting for Harry to arrive, I felt…nothing. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t anxious. I wasn’t anything. I was numb. I wondered if it just hadn’t sunk in yet. Maybe I’d feel something after I signed the papers and it was official.

Right now, all I could think about was what Ashley was doing. I’d seen Skylar post photos on Instagram, so I knew that Ashley was there watching Luna open presents. If I were being honest, I would rather be there with them. I wished I was there to witness the joy on Luna’s face as she unwrapped the dollhouse that Hank made for her. Or the art kit and easel Ashley got her. I sent my own present. I got her a Barbie beauty salon because I knew she loved giving people makeovers. She’d talked to me about these makeovers in the hospital when we were waiting for her brother to be born, and on Thanksgiving, Ashley had sent me a lot of ‘after’ photos when she’d been the recipient of her niece’s makeovers.

I had never been sentimental about the holidays, but this year was different. I just wanted to be wherever Ashley was. It didn’t feel right not being with her. I’d messaged her this morning, just like I had yesterday and the day before that and every morning since we’d said ‘I do.’ Since Harlan and Daphne’s wedding, her response rate has dropped to ten percent, which is a significant decline from the fifty percent it had been prior.

Since the Christmas party, she hadn’t answered any of my FaceTimes or phone calls, but she’d at least responded to my morning texts half the time. Now, I’d only gotten one response from her in the past five days.

On the way to Harlan and Daphne’s wedding, when I asked her if she was busy or avoiding me, she hadn’t come right out and said that she was distancing herself from me because the deadline to our arrangement was growing closer, but I knew that’s exactly what it was.

It was either that or she’d met someone. I wasn’t blind. I’d seen the way men at the wedding had looked at her. I didn’t think she was seeing anyone now since we were still legally married, but there was nothing in the contract to keep her from lining up her next prospect.

The thought of her being with another man felt like I was being punched in the gut by The Hulk. I couldn’t breathe. It was worse than the time I’d fallen off the horse onto my back and got the wind knocked out of me. My chest was tight, my muscles were tense, my heart was racing, and I was dizzy. I felt like I was having a panic attack, just like I had that day in my dorm room during senior year of college.

That was the only feeling I had today. Anxiety over the divorce I didn’t want to happen. I’d never been someone who wanted to prolong the inevitable. The opposite was true. I would rather rip off the Band-Aid. But with this situation, I wanted, no, I needed more time.

A knock sounded on the door.

“Come in.”

It opened, and Hannah leaned inside. “Mr. Levine is in the conference room.”

I stood and walked over to her. “You didn’t need to come in today.”

“You needed a notary, and I didn’t have anywhere to be.”

Hannah’s family was in the UK, and since she’d just been over to see them when we were in London a few weeks back, she’d decided not to go home for the holidays. At least, that’s what her excuse was. I had a feeling it had more to do with her parents being divorced and her not getting along with either of their new partners. Also, I’d heard it mentioned that Leo wasn’t going back since his sister was here. I wondered if they were going to see each other today.

I’d definitely picked up on some lingering looks as they passed each other in the halls since the party. And I’d gotten onto the elevator once with the two of them and felt like I could cut the sexual tension with a knife. I’d considered bringing it up with her but decided that it was a can of worms that I’d rather not open. I didn’t want to set a precedent for speaking about personal lives since I didn’t know what was happening in mine and wouldn’t want to be asked about it.

When we entered the conference room, Harry stood, and I held out my hand. “Harry, thanks for coming in today.”

“No problem. The kids are at the ex’s house this year.”

Kids. Exes. I would bet a million dollars that Harry and his wife, in this case, his second wife, had gone into their union under the guise of being in love , yet look where it ended. More than fifty percent of first marriages ended in divorce, and over seventy percent of second marriages did.

Why was love so important to Ashley?

I’d seen the look in her eyes when I told her that Hannah loved her, that everyone loved her. I could see how much that four-letter word meant to her. I just didn’t know why.

Wasn’t commitment something more solid to base a relationship on?

What could I do to convince her that what I was offering was a thousand times better than an emotion that changed like the wind?

You could lie to her ; I heard my grandfather’s voice in my head as I signed the first paper.

Dexter Wolfe considered himself a good man, but he would do anything to get what he wanted. His moral compass and mine didn’t always align. I told myself that he was from a different era, but the truth was we were just different people. He cheated on my grandmother. A lot. And I don’t think he ever felt bad about it.

He may be the reason I never considered love a qualification for marriage. He always claimed that Gran was the love of his life. He said that the first time he saw her sitting by the water in a park in Paris, he fell in love. He knew he was going to marry her. He asked her to marry him two days later.

He loved her, which was his excuse for not leaving her even though he cheated on her. He loved her, but he didn’t respect her, he didn’t honor her, and he didn’t support her dreams. He wasn’t a true partner to her. He made her stop painting. He didn’t allow her to work. He expected her to stay home and be a wife and mother, all in the name of love.

It took about an hour for all the documents to be signed and notarized, and the entire time, all I could think about was Ashley and other papers that we would be signing.

“Congratulations.” Harry stood after the final initial was notarized. “I know your grandfather would be so proud.”

Would he? Then why hadn’t he just left the business to me? Why had he made me jump through hoops just to gain the role that he’d groomed and mentored me for and promised would be mine?

“Thank you.” I shook his hand.

Hannah walked Harry to the elevators. When she came back, I was checking my phone. I still hadn’t heard anything from Ashley. It had been radio silence for the past three days since she last responded to a good morning text, and I didn’t like it. Not at all. In fact, I had a sick feeling in my stomach.

“So, do you have big plans?” Hannah smiled.

“Big plans?”

“To celebrate!” Hannah enthused.

“No, this was just a formality,” I downplayed the significance since I was already acting CEO and had been doing the job for ten months.

“I meant your first Christmas as a married couple.”

Right. Hannah didn’t know that this was all about to end. I thought about telling her the truth. There was no reason why I shouldn’t. It’s not as if I’d done anything illegal. But for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to admit our deception—not because I had a moral or ethical problem with what we’d done. My grandfather’s stipulation was ridiculous. I didn’t want to tell Hannah because, for some reason, if she knew, then it would seem real to me. And right now, it still wasn’t.

That was probably because the only people who knew that this was an arrangement were people Ashley told. Everyone in my life believed that this was a legitimate marriage. Somewhere in my mind, I started to believe there was a chance it might be able to be one.

“Ashley’s at her sister's opening presents with her niece. I’m heading out to Firefly now.” It was the truth. I was going to Firefly. I was going to see my grandmother, but Hannah didn’t need to know that. “What about you? Got a hot date?”

“Maybe.” A small grin tugged at her lips as she grabbed her coat and purse. “Well, tell everyone I said Merry Christmas.”

“I will. Thanks again for coming in.”

I walked back to my office and sat at my desk. I had everything I’d ever wanted, and all I felt was empty. I felt nothing. I opened the top drawer of my desk and took out the pictures that Luna had drawn for me at Thanksgiving. When I did, my chest ached. Two pieces of printer paper with a six-year-old’s drawings of our wedding and Ashley and me with a baby and Mr. Purrfect made me feel more than the stack of papers I’d just signed giving me ownership of a billion-dollar company.

None of it made sense to me, but there was only one person I wanted to talk to about it. And at least for now, she was still legally obligated to talk to me. Well, not legally obligated to, but she was still my wife. I’d shown up uninvited on one holiday, and it had been a good surprise. I hoped it would be again.