38. Declan

38

DECLAN

It took every ounce of self-control not to take over. The urge to flip Ashley on her back and regain control of this encounter was so intense, so overwhelming, I could barely restrain myself. It had been a long time since I’d relinquished control like this in the bedroom, not since my high school girlfriend, and even that had only happened one time.

The worse my OCPD became, the more I needed to control things in all aspects of my life, especially when it came to intimacy. But this felt different. I couldn’t explain what was happening. There was part of me that wanted to reclaim my dominance, but there was something stopping me. I couldn’t explain what it was. A feeling so intense it was overriding my preprogrammed impulse.

Something was telling me to give her what she wanted, what she was asking for.

She’d asked a question, and I knew my answer, “Yes.”

Emotion swelled in my chest to the point that I was having a difficult time breathing as she took her time exploring my body, and a realization hit me. The first time we were together, we didn’t know each other’s real names. The second time was on our wedding night. It was passionate, but we were still coming to terms with reconciling that we’d worked together and did not know each other’s identities. Now, we knew one another on a completely different level. We’d talked for hours and hours about nothing and everything. We’d spoken or texted every day for nearly three months. We knew each other’s families. We had routines. We had things that we’d miss about each other, or at least I knew I did.

And this was most likely going to be the last time we’d be together. Our arrangement would be coming to an end in a few weeks’ time. After that, I had a sinking suspicion Ashley wouldn’t want me in her life. Our communication would be limited to her non-profit. I would be lucky to see her once a year at the charity event or maybe at my grandmother’s birthday, but that was it.

These past few weeks, she’d been pulling away from me. That was why this needed to be different. That was why I needed this to be making love. Not just sex. Not just fucking. I needed to show her how things could be with me. I needed her to know what she was walking away from. If that meant giving her access to me and letting her have free rein of my body in a way I’d never let another woman touch me, then that’s exactly what I was going to do.

My hands fisted at my sides in frustration. Her fingers spread out on my abs as she settled between my legs. Slowly, she dragged them down to my thighs. I watched as my cock bobbed in an attempt to get her attention. She took her time, kissing my chest, my arms, my stomach, my thighs, and my cock. She drove me to the brink of explosion before she climbed on top of me, straddling me. Her thighs were on either side of my hips. Her hand reached between her legs, and she gripped my shaft. She began to grind her sex against it. Her arousal coated my cock, allowing her to slip up and down it easily. I felt my balls tightening as my cock surged with pent-up release.

She sat up and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she lined my engorged head up with her opening before she slowly lowered down and sank on top of me. I watched as I disappeared inside of her body. Pleasure built in my body as her inner walls clamped around me, hugging me tightly. Once I filled her completely, she leaned forward, and her hands rested on my chest.

Not able to remain completely passive, I moved my hands to her thighs and gripped them as she lifted up and then lowered down again. She took the lead, setting the pace of our lovemaking. It was slow at first. But, each time she lowered back down onto me with just a little more force. With each second that passed, the intensity between us heightened. It wasn’t just the physical pleasure that was building; it was more than that.

Instinctively, my hands moved up the sides of her body. My thumbs traced the half-moon curve of the base of her breasts. She leaned forward further, and I cupped her perfect mounds. Using my forefingers and thumbs, I teased her nipples by pinching them. When I did, I felt her inner muscles spasm around my cock. The sensation tipped me over the edge, and I needed more of her.

I sat up straight and pulled her close to me, needing to feel her skin against mine. Her legs wrapped around me, and so did her arms. One hand gripped her ass, while the other firmly held the back of her neck. My forehead rested on hers as our breaths intermingled with each other. I massaged the fleshy mound of her ass cheek.

“I missed this. I missed you,” Ashley whispered as her nails dug into my shoulder blades. The sting shot straight to my balls.

Our hips moved together in perfect sync as our bodies remained intimately joined. The friction came from the internal movement, not from external thrusts, as her body pumped me with her inner walls.

Her lips parted in a silent gasp as I covered her mouth with mine. My tongue met hers in a sensual dance, sliding against one another. Our bodies were wrapped up in one another like pretzels, our chests pressed together, skin to skin.

My fingers flexed, gripping her neck as I tilted her head back and deepened our kiss. I felt her thighs begin to tremble as her hands ran up and down my back greedily. It was as if she couldn’t touch me enough—couldn’t get close enough to me. I knew exactly how she felt. The desperation in her movements mirrored my own desires and fueled the flames of my arousal.

I could feel my cock growing inside of her as her velvety, snug canal throbbed around me, her inner muscles squeezing my shaft in short surges. With each pulse of her body, she grew wetter and wetter. I could feel her cum dripping down my balls as our hips ground together. I could feel the tension building in her body. She was the one creating the friction and pressure to take herself up and over the edge, which only served to turn me on more.

She was close. So close, and I knew exactly what it would take to push her up and over the edge. My middle finger dipped into the crevice of her ass and teased the tight knot between her cheeks. As I rubbed her most forbidden area, I felt her pussy clamp down on me.

“Oh fuck, fuck,” she cursed against my mouth as her fingernails dug into my shoulders.

“Good girl, come for me. Come on my cock,” I commanded roughly.

“Ahh,” she let out a whimpered cry as her body began to tremble and her stomach contracted.

As soon as I knew that she’d reached the pinnacle of her pleasure, I closed my eyes and allowed my own release to take me. I poured myself into her in spurts as pleasure unlike anything I’d ever felt ricocheted through me like a silver ball in a pinball machine hitting the high score. Wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over me as one final surge of gratification overtook me.

When the last burst of aftershock subsided, I drifted back into the moment and leaned back against the headboard, bringing Ashley with me. Looking down at her, I brushed her hair from her face and kissed her forehead. When she started to get up, I tightened my hold on her waist.

Her head lifted, and her gaze met mine. “I have to get showered.”

“Can you stay?” My heart was pounding wildly against my chest, and it was only partly due to the energy I’d just exerted. “Can you spend the weekend here, with me?”

She broke our eye contact and looked down as she bit her lip. I could tell that she was considering my proposal. It was the same expression she’d had when the jury had been out on whether or not she’d marry me. I really hoped that the verdict would be the same. When her eyes met mine again, I knew I wasn’t going to like this jury’s decision.

“I need to get back. I promised my sister I’d watch Mason and Luna so they could go Christmas shopping this afternoon.”

“I can watch them with you.”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t want… it will confuse Luna if she gets attached to you.” Ashley blinked, and when her eyes opened again, I could see that a wall was up as she pushed off my chest, stood, walked into the bathroom, and shut the door.

My heart sank as I heard the water turn on. I knew that I was the one changing the rules here. We’d agreed to this arrangement, and I was the one wanting more. I wanted to spend time with her. I was the one calling and texting every day. I was the one who had shown up at Thanksgiving. I was the one who asked her to stay last night. I was the one who wanted to spend the weekend with her.

And I feared I was the one who was going to be hurt when this was over.