22. Jade

Istand beside a pool of deep blue, almost black water, wearing a long white dress that brushes my ankles.

Something about that water makes me nervous and I’m not sure why. I can swim, so it isn’t a fear of drowning. Dad taught me years ago. Not at a local pool where other kids learn—that wasn’t safe, he said. In a small river in a forest.

Feet away from the water, I stop and I can’t make myself move any closer.

I squeeze my hands into fists. When my nails cut into the fleshy part of my palm, I’m only barely conscious of the sharp sensation.

The female laugh comes without warning.

I nearly topple into the water as I spin around.

I’d thought I was alone out here, and I am.

In this green glade with bright grass as far as the eye can see, it’s just me.

So who was laughing? Where are they hiding? And why did that laugh sound so achingly familiar?

No matter how hard I strain to see, nothing moves in the grass, and no laughing woman pops into view.

All too soon, the pool of water recaptures my attention.

It terrifies me, and I don’t understand why it would, but something pulls and pulls at me to creep a little closer.

So I do.

After taking a deep breath for courage, and ordering myself to stop being stupid, I remind myself it’s just water and it can’t hurt me. I look down.

It’s me.

My reflection, actually.

See, Jade. Nothing to be so afraid of.

My shoulders relax and I smile at such a ridiculous, pointless fear.

“You’re weak.” The female voice comes from right behind me, hot breath kissing the back of my neck.

I scream and tip over, flailing desperately to save myself from crashing into the water. A hand grips my wrist and yanks me back.

The moment my bare feet sink into the soft, springy grass, I whirl around.

And I stare.

At me.

Down to the long, white dress, loose dark hair, and big, dark green eyes. But the expression in her gaze is not me. I would bet anything that I have never looked as fierce as that.

The woman who looks like me but isn’t lifts her chin as she scrutinizes me. “You’re afraid all the time. Don’t you ever get tired of it?”

She even has my voice.

And not.

There’s a confidence in the way she speaks, the way she tilts her head and peers at me that’s as unfamiliar to me as the look in her eyes.

This woman doesn’t look like anything in the world scares her.

“Who are you?” I demand as I back up. Not too far, though. I still have a terrifying pool right behind me.

She throws her head back, and that same laugh from before rings out.

My laugh. But different.

I stare at her and struggle to make sense of what’s happening. This is so beyond confusing and weird.

This must be a dream.

Then I remember what else has happened in my dreams and my heart stutters as I inch back another step. “A demon…”

She laughs again. “Not a demon. I’m you. No. I’m what you could be if you stopped being afraid.”

Something about the way she says it makes me defensive. I stiffen my back. “I’m not afraid all the time.”

Her smile widens. “Need I remind you of the attic?”

No, she doesn’t. I remember all about the attic. I remember hiding behind a door that wasn’t that strong, a bolt I could have kicked open if I wanted to, and my fear that kept me as much of a prisoner as any chain could have.

But it was safe.

Dad had gone on a hunting trip and hadn’t come back. I’d sat in our apartment, like always, waiting, chewing on my nail and waiting some more.

And then the knock came after another sleepless night of sitting on the floor watching the front door. I’d fallen in my scramble to open it, thinking it was Dad, swung the door open and it wasn’t Dad at all.

It was an older, graying man I’d never seen before. My uncle, he said.

Dad wasn’t coming back, and I had to go with him.

He’d avoided saying Dad was dead because he wasn’t. I didn’t learn it until years later. But back then, life as I knew it was over.

In shock, I’d gone, and that had been the start of my new life living in an attic with a man who wasn’t my uncle at all, but a reclusive former neighbor.

Where else would I have gone when I believed the only person I loved was dead?

“The attic was safe,” I say instead.

“The world can be safe.” She takes a step toward me, and her expression hardens. Fierce. “But you have to make it.”

I edge back and my right heel dips into the cool water. I yank it out again before something can reach out and drag me in. Is that why the pool of water is so terrifying?

“I don’t know what you mean.”

She smiles and her eyes flash yellow. Not gold like Shep’s eyes. This is like staring into the hottest part of a flame, so intense I want to look away. Yet I can’t. “Yes, you do.”

I struggle to think of a response as she closes the distance between us. “You ran away from me before. I was trying to show you what we could be, and you didn’t want to see.”

“I didn’t run away. I’ve never seen you be?—”

“The kitchen. You looked at the refrigerator and you saw me.”

What I saw was a gold firedrake. Not her. Or me. I scrub a hand over my face. Shit, this is getting really confusing.

“What do you want?” She must want something, and I’m still not convinced she isn’t Patten’s dad in disguise looking to feed on me.

“Nothing,” she says simply.

She’s a foot away from me now. So close the heat from her body is intense, like standing beside a roaring fire. Her eyes are still that flame yellow, and if I could back up some more without falling, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

“Actually. I do want something. For you to embrace what we are. Always scared, running, hiding, never fighting the way you could. It’s boring.”

“No, I don’t?—”

“That demon who tried to feed on us.” Her voice is vicious and her eyes flare even brighter. Orange now. “We hurt him. Made him burn. Made him afraid of us. The world scares you because you let it. Fight.”

“How do I do that?” I ask, my mouth dry.

“Oh, that’s easy.” Her expression transforms with her delighted grin.

Right before she shoves me.

My arms windmill, and I slam into the surface of the water.

Swimming is impossible. This is no water I’ve ever felt before. Thick and sticky. My movements are sluggish, and no matter how hard I kick my feet, a current drags me down.

My lungs are heavy, filling with whatever strange water this is when I see it. Some… thing above me.

It slices through the water, smooth and easy. As it closes the distance, I realize it’s me.

I’m swimming toward me. And as I watch, my body ignites into flame and I transform from a woman to a firedrake. Brilliantly gold with hypnotic bright flame-gold eyes.

Me. It’s me.

I’ve run out of all the air in my lungs when the gold firedrake opens her mouth. Fire pours toward me, igniting me into flame.

“Jade?”

I shove myself upright, skin burning, an ashy taste in my mouth, and I swear, in the second before I’m fully awake, that smoke or steam is drifting from my skin.

Patten is rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “You okay? You were whimpering.”

We’re still in his bed. I’m hanging off the edge, was probably minutes from tumbling right off it to the floor.

I look at Patten, almost afraid to ask. “I don’t seem… different to you, do I?”

He gives a jaw-cracking yawn. “Still beautiful. Why?”

Do I tell him about my weird dream and of changing into a firedrake?

Will he think I’m crazy?

“You’re not blinking,” he says.

“Sorry.”

He lies down and draws my head back to his chest. “Then come here. Go back to sleep. It’s still early.”

Sleep?

After the dream that I just had, sleep is off the cards.