Chapter 8

“DO YOU have a game today?” Marnie asked.

“I do,” Gregory said. “Do you and Weston want to come?” His mother had offered to sit with them, but he wasn’t willing to forget or trust her after what she had said the last time they’d met or forgive her for her harshness. The truth was that she had called a few times and been nice for the past week, but that didn’t mean that her intentions had changed.

“Yes.”

“Are we playing those carpet bastards again?” Weston asked with a grin. “I know you can beat them.”

“That’s enough of that language,” he scolded, reminding himself to have a talk with Uncle Stevie as well as the rest of the guys about what they said in front of the kids. He didn’t want them talking like that. “And no, we’re playing the Lancaster Comets today, so we have to get dressed because we’re going there.” He smiled gently.

“Is Mr. Fillian going to be there?” Marnie asked.

“I don’t know.” Fillian had been very busy the past few days. They had sent a few texts back and forth, but that was all. Gregory was starting to wonder if taking things to a physical level had been a mistake—a step too soon. Though he thought things had been intense between them, and amazing, when he’d woken the following morning, the bed had been empty and cold, meaning that Fillian had left some time before. “Go get ready to go. It’s supposed to be a nice day today.” He already had his bag with his uniform. He packed a cooler with drinks and snacks for the kids and took that down to the truck.

By the time he was done, Weston and Marnie were dressed, and they made the hour drive east to Lancaster and the large park on the edge of town.

“There’s a playground. Can we go?” Weston pointed as they walked toward the field.

“If you like,” Gregory agreed. “But only for a little while. The game will start in half an hour, and I need to have you nearby.”

Weston sighed as though all the unfairness of the world rested on his shoulders. “Okay.” He and Marnie ran off, and Gregory carried his gear and the cooler toward the field, keeping an eye on the kids.

“Where’s Fillian?” Stevie asked as he dropped his stuff near the metal stands. “I thought he would ride with you.”

Gregory shrugged. “No idea.”

Stevie’s eyes widened. “Is there trouble in paradise? I thought the two of you were thick as thieves.” He shook his head.

“Don’t be a smartass,” Gregory retorted. “And for God’s sake, watch what you say around the kids. Weston has picked up some interesting turns of phrase, and I don’t want him to get any more.” He just knew Uncle Stevie was responsible.

“Fine. I’ll be careful about what I say in front of your kids. Shit, damn, piss, fuck, fuck, poop, wanker, bugger, ass. Motherfucker!” He smiled as Gregory rolled his eyes. “Gotta get it out now or else it builds up.” He turned as that grin became wicked, and Gregory wondered what else he was going to be subjected to. “Look who’s here. It seems you’ll get your chance to figure things out.” He winked as Fillian set his gear next to Gregory’s. “I’ll leave you alone so the two of you can get your sh… stuff together… and you can stop moping like a lovesick teenager,” Stevie added in a stage whisper before darting off.

“What was that about?” Fillian asked, following Stevie with his gaze.

“I don’t know,” Gregory answered flatly. “The game starts in fifteen. I need to change and check on the kids.” He turned and pulled off his shirt, took out his jersey, and put it on. Then he jogged to the playground. He leaned on the fencing, watching them. It was better than talking to Fillian at the moment.

Until he’d seen Fillian, he hadn’t realized how hurt and angry he was. They had slept together, and then Fillian had snuck out of bed like a thief in the night. Yeah, Gregory knew that he couldn’t stay, but the least Fillian could have done was wake him up to say goodbye. Instead, he’d left, which made Gregory feel dirty and more than a little embarrassed, especially by the way he’d acted. Then, over the next few days, Fillian hadn’t texted or called. He’d answered Gregory’s messages, but that was it. Gregory couldn’t help wondering if he’d done something wrong. That voice in the back of his head kept telling him that he had rushed things and scared Fillian off somehow.

He focused on the kids and sighed. Maybe it was too much to expect that any single guy would take on someone like him. Asking a guy to accept him as well as two young kids was a hell of a lot. Gregory had thought Fillian liked all of them, but maybe that was too much to hope for.

“Daddy,” Weston said as he raced over, “I wanna stay here while you play your game.”

“I know you do, but you have to come over where I can see you.” He didn’t want to bring up Lawrence and frighten him, but the play area was too far away, and even though Lawrence hadn’t been seen around for the past week, it didn’t mean that he had given up. Every day without him showing up only raised his hopes that he had moved on and had found someone else to fixate on a little more.

“Daddy,” Weston whined, pooching out his lower lip. “The games are so long.” He made it seem like the entire world was going to end or that his head would explode if he had to watch the whole thing.

“We brought things for you and Marnie to do, remember?” Gregory said.

A hand settled on his shoulder, and Gregory tensed. He knew it wasn’t Fillian. The touch was wrong. He turned quickly. “Hey, Cherie.”

“Stevie sent me over to remind you the game starts in a few minutes and Coach is going to want to talk to all of you before the game.”

“Thanks. Marnie, Weston, we need to go back to the field.”

“I can stay here with them for a while,” Cherie said. “You can let them play and run out all their energy.”

“Are you sure?” Gregory asked.

Cherie smiled and ran her hands over her belly. “It will be good practice for me. Stevie and I aren’t telling a lot of people because it’s still early, but I’m due in January.” Now that Gregory looked closer, her smile was a little brighter, and her eyes shone.

“Congratulations.”

“Go on before Coach pops a button. I’ll bring the kids over in a little while,” Cherie said, and Gregory thanked her before calling Marnie and Weston over and telling them to be good and to mind Aunt Cherie. Then he over and joined the guys.

“Glad you could join us,” Coach growled. “Now, let’s get down to brass tacks. These Lancaster guys mean business. They’ve beaten everyone else so far this year and clobbered the carpet bastards a few weeks back, so we’re going to need everyone to put their heads, bodies, and asses in this game.” He glared at Fillian and then at him. “Got it?”

“Yes!” they all replied together.

“Now go out there and kick some ass.” They broke apart and got into position, and play began.

Gregory didn’t have time to think about the kids, because if he did, there was a Lancaster guy ready to take him down. The play was rough, dirty, and damned gritty. The Lancaster men played loosely enough with the rules to make the game extra physical. Gregory’s team had plenty of ability and strength to counter, but it made for a hard game that tested the endurance of every player.

Early in the second half, Fillian had the ball and was about to pass to Stevie when he was tackled hard. A second and then more opposing players piled on. “Shit,” Gregory said under his breath, pulling one of the players and then another off Fillian while Stevie ripped the jersey off a third when he yanked the back of his shirt to keep him from joining in.

Whistles went off everywhere while the coaches and refs pulled men off Fillian, who somehow had managed to come up with the ball.

“You okay?” Gregory asked him. Fillian groaned, and Gregory helped him to his feet. “Catch your breath while they sort all this out.”

Fillian nodded. “Jesus. What kind of truck hit me?” He continued taking deep breaths.

“Are you sure you’re all right? That was one hell of a hit and jam-on.” Gregory let Fillian breathe and turned away, checking for Cherie and the kids, who had joined the rest of the spectators on the stands. He waved as Lancaster was assessed a penalty for roughness. Gregory’s team were already slightly ahead, and Fillian made good, which added padding to their slight lead, but Gregory knew it was only going to increase the physical play of the Lancaster team. He could feel it deep down.

Play resumed, and sure enough, the level of physicality increased. It was clear that this was going to be a game of endurance. “Hold the damned scrum and let’s kick some ass,” Stevie growled as they huddled together, ready to go at the other team.

“Go, Daddy!” wafted over the field as the rest of the onlookers grew quiet. Gregory looked at Fillian, who gave him energy, so in their push down the field, he dug deep, grunting and setting a grueling pace that the other men matched, overwhelming the Lancaster team, setting up another score. That seemed to break their spirit, and while the game continued to the finish, there was no doubt who the victors were going to be.

“Beer to celebrate!” Stevie called as the guys backslapped and lifted Gregory onto their shoulders.

“Put me down or you’ll hurt yourselves,” Gregory chided. They complied, and the celebrations continued.

“See you back in town. Molly’s at six,” Stevie called, and the guys whooped and put up another cheer before gathering their gear and heading to cars. Gregory got his things together as Weston and Marnie hurried over, and he hugged both of them.

“Let’s get to the truck, okay?” He was tired, revved up, and just wanted to get home. He got the kids in their seats, thanked and hugged Cherie for looking after them, and then headed for home.

Marnie and Weston fell asleep in the back seat after about fifteen minutes, giving Gregory time to think—not that anything fell into place.

“Can we get Molly Tots?” Marnie asked as he exited the freeway at the edge of town.

“I think I just want to go home, okay? I’m really tired. I’ll make some dinner and we can all watch a movie together with popcorn and stuff.” They loved movie nights, and Gregory wasn’t up for being social, especially if Fillian was going to be there. The more he thought about it, the more it felt like he was pulling away, and the last thing Gregory wanted was to have some huge talk about how it was all too much. He understood, but he’d let himself get his hopes up, and he felt stupid about that. Moreover, he didn’t want to have to stare across the tap room at Fillian all evening. “I’ll make you tater tots with cheese and bacon.” He wasn’t above a little bribery to get what he wanted.

“Okay,” Weston huffed, while Marnie wiggled in her seat, clearly happy. Gregory was just relieved.

He got them home and parked in back to carry the cooler and his gear upstairs. He got the laundry going and the kids settled at the table before hurrying off to shower. He had no idea how long he would have before they argued about something, so even though they were coloring and happy, he grabbed clean clothes and jumped in the shower, then washed quickly to get the dirt off.

The hot water was so damned tempting. It felt good, and he wanted nothing more than to spend a few minutes under it. His mind was already conjuring up images from the other night with Fillian leaning over him, his strong compact body glistening with a light sheen of sweat.

A crash from the other room pulled him back to reality. He turned off the water, grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around his waist before peering out the bathroom door. “What was that?”

“Weston knocked over the crayons,” Marnie said. Both kids were on the floor, picking them up and putting them back into the plastic container.

“I tried to find the blue one, and it was all the way on the bottom,” Weston explained as someone knocked on the door. Marnie hurried over and opened it before Gregory could stop her.

“Hey,” Fillian said to her, and Gregory knew the second his gaze lifted and it fell on him. “Gregory,” he said softly, a little breathily. “I came to see if you were joining the others, but from the looks of things, I guess you all are staying in.”

“Daddy is going to make cheesy tots, and we’re going to make popcorn and watch movies.” Weston hurried over and took Fillian’s hand. “You can sit here and watch with us.”

“I think Fillian was planning to go celebrate with the rest of the rugby team,” Gregory said, his skin heating under Fillian’s gaze. “I’m going to get dressed. I’ll be back out in a minute.” He figured he’d give Fillian a chance to escape without a bunch of drama. Gregory dressed in light sweats and a T-shirt before returning to the living room, where the kids sat next to Fillian as they all watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons.

“Aren’t you going out with the guys?” Gregory asked.

Fillian stood and joined him in the kitchen area. “Is that what you really want me to do?”

Gregory shook his head. “Don’t play games with me,” he retorted. “You snuck out, and then you go mostly silent on me for days. Now you show up like nothing happened. I don’t know what you want or what you’re looking for. I know you’re busy and so am I, but….”

Infuriatingly, Fillian nodded. “Then why don’t we talk once the kids are in bed?”

Gregory nodded and went back to making the kids their dinner, trying to cook and keep his attention on the food rather than on Fillian.

LAUGHTER FILLED the room as Gregory made up plates and took one to each of the kids. He also made one up for Fillian and handed it to him before sitting down to eat and start Mulan . It was Marnie’s favorite, and tonight was her turn to pick. In the next round he was going to have to make sure that both kids chose different movies or his head was going to explode.

“Are you sure you don’t want to watch something else?” Gregory asked, trying a final time.

“I wanna watch Mulan ,” she reiterated.

“Do we have to?” Weston whined, looking up with pleading eyes Gregory understood very clearly.

“We’ll watch Mulan this time, but not again,” he told Marnie before starting the movie. “I’m going to make popcorn.” At least he had an escape.

Fillian got up to help him. “I take it movies are a flashpoint.”

Gregory got the first bag of popcorn in the microwave. “Marnie always wants to watch this one, and it’s getting a little old for the rest of us. All I can say is that at least it’s not Frozen . I ended up deleting it from the player before I went crazy.” He put on some butter to melt and got out the large popcorn bowl as well as some napkins. “But it seems she’s just as fixated on this one.”

“I guess she likes it,” Fillian said. “It does have a strong girl lead.”

“I know, and I want her to be strong, but I also don’t want my brain to melt. Not that it really matters. I’ll make some popcorn, and they’ll be ready for bed when the movie is over and I can put on something else… and it was her turn.” He smiled as Mulan sang her first song on screen.

Once the first batch of popcorn was done, he made a second and added it to the bowl, then lightly poured over melted butter while tossing the popcorn, watching Fillian as he leaned against the counter. “Why are you still here? Honestly. I could almost feel you putting distance between us, and if that’s what you want to do, it’s okay. You have a right, but I can’t have an off-again, on-again kind of thing. Being with me means being part of the kids’ lives as well as mine, and they deserve some stability.”

“I get that. But it’s a huge step.” Fillian shifted his weight. “After… last time, I got to thinking, and….” He sighed. “Look, I needed some time to think.”

Gregory could well understand that. “Yeah, me too.”

“I love the kids. They’re great, and they seem to like me.” He smiled at them as they sat entranced in front of the television. “And I like you too. You’re really sexy, and we seem to have a good time together. But I keep wondering where the bad stuff is. There’s always something hidden somewhere, and I keep wondering when something is going to happen and everything will fall apart, because it usually does for me. So I tried keeping my head clear so I could figure it out, but all I did was think about what you and the kids were doing.” He shrugged. “I missed all of you.”

“And that was bad?”

“No. It meant I was looking for trouble rather than just taking things as they were. I kept wondering if I had done the right thing, and I still keep asking myself if I’m getting in over my head.” Fillian watched the kids while Gregory filled glasses of ice water.

“Did you come up with any answers?”

Fillian shook his head. “Not really. I guess I was looking for something that didn’t have an answer. I mean, no one knows what’s going to happen next. And the more I thought about things, the more I thought about you and the more I missed you.”

“Then why didn’t you call or let me know? Maybe I was asking the exact same questions. Did you think of that?” He made sure the kids weren’t paying attention to them. Then he turned back to Fillian.

“I was scared. I can handle chasing a speeder down the highway at a hundred miles an hour, but just the thought of Weston or Marnie being unhappy makes me want to do whatever I can to make things better. I’ve never felt that before… for anyone. Do you know how frightening that is?” Fillian rolled his eyes. “Of course you do.”

“Yeah, and I understand the fear. Those first months I had the kids, I barely slept. I’d lie awake worrying that I was going to hurt them or do something to scar them for life.”

“They adore you,” Fillian said.

Gregory set down the bowl on the counter. “Every time one of them calls me Daddy, it warms my heart. When I first got them, they both called me Uncle Gregory. Then over time Weston started calling me Daddy Gregory. I never pushed either of them. Arthur was a good father, and I didn’t want to take his place. But I’m not afraid to tell you that the first time they each called me Daddy, I went into the bathroom and cried. I did it for Arthur, because he never got to see them grow into the amazing people they are and will become. And… being daddy to anyone was something I never thought would happen. Part of me even felt guilty, because maybe I was taking Arthur’s place. But then I realized that he would be pleased that his kids were happy. That was all Stephanie and Arthur ever really wanted for them.” He sighed, pulled out an old wooden tray, and put the popcorn bowl and the glasses on it.

“I think you’re a great dad,” Fillian said, moving closer before Gregory lifted the tray. “And I promise I’ll try to be a better boyfriend.” He kissed him, and Gregory returned it.

“Just don’t cut me out.”

Fillian nodded and kissed him again. Then Gregory took the tray in and they all sat down to watch the rest of the movie, with Fillian’s hand slipping into his.