Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

KYLEN

"Marry me."

Dani laughed and smacked him on the arm before resuming the scalp massage. Her lap was soft, and her fingers were the perfect amount of gentle and strong. He'd just come back from getting his grandmother officially settled into her new place, which had been great…

Until it wasn't.

Until she yelled at her carer and spit on the poor woman. Then she threw a tantrum and knocked her lunch all over the floor. Kylen had been mortified, but the staff smiled at him, waved it off, and told him that's what they were there for. His gran wasn't a "problem child" or anything else he was worried about.

She was just like everyone else.

Eventually, she settled down and was allowed to go into the rec room, where they were having a paint-by-numbers session. Kylen left when he realized she no longer wanted him there.

"It gets easier," the nurse told him, walking him toward the main doors. "And then it gets harder again. And then easier again. It's a vicious cycle."

He sighed, but he was smiling because it was the first time in a long time he felt like he could breathe without worrying that the ten seconds he took to make sure he had enough oxygen, something was going to happen to her.

"I'll be by soon," he promised. Then he left.

He checked his phone when he got home, but he hadn't heard from Dallas in a while, and he was starting to panic like maybe he'd said something wrong. He knew he'd had the near slip where he almost told Dallas he was in love with him, but Dallas hadn't seemed to notice.

Unless he had, and now he was starting the slow ghost.

Kylen would live if that happened, but he would be crushed all the same. He wanted Dallas to trust him—to believe him when he said he didn't need all the little details about relationships that everyone thought were necessary. He didn't need sex. He needed someone who loved him for who he was.

He didn't need big fireworks and constant sparks.

He needed someone steady. Someone he could trust. A man who would be careful with his heart.

Most of the time, that felt like too big an ask, but then Dallas had come along, and Kylen had allowed himself to get his hopes up.

Now, he was wallowing, but being with Dani helped. She was always the perfect source of comfort when things were too much. He could picture doing this in the future, only there would be five of them. Flora would be playing with her toys, he and Dallas would be curled up together with Audra, and Dani would be near him, just being herself.

God, he wanted that so much his throat ached.

"What is it? "

Kylen closed his eyes and turned his face away from the TV. "Dallas hasn't texted or called in a while."

"Have you?"

"I'm trying not to be clingy."

Dani threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, quidero, you will always be clingy. It's what you do. And if he's the right man for you, he won't care. He'll welcome it. Don't twist yourself into new shapes to make someone else more comfortable."

Kylen knew what she was saying was right. It made sense. But his want for Dallas superseded all logic. In the moment, he was willing to peel away all his layers and become a whole new person for him if it meant he got to keep him.

But that wasn't realistic. That road would lead to regret. It would lead to hating himself, and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Sorry," Dani said quietly, tugging on a lock of hair. "I wasn't trying to be an asshole."

Kylen rolled onto his back, head still on her thighs, and kneaded his toes into the arm of the sofa. "It's not you. I'm being a coward. And lovesick, which is making me—I don't know—loopy, I guess?"

"I like you loopy. But I like you more when you're reasonable." She tapped his nose. "Call him."

Kylen glanced over at his phone. He'd put it on the coffee table so he'd stop checking it. The ringer was off, but it was still on vibrate, and it hadn't made a peep. "I don't know if it'll hurt more to sit in this silence and assume I'm being ignored or to reach out and find out that I really am being ignored."

Dani scoffed and reached forward, grabbing the phone off the table. She dropped it on his chest, and it hit his sternum with a soft thud. "Call him," she said again.

Kylen was half-glad she was twisting his arm. And he was all the way glad she was letting him keep close while he did it because it would tear him to shreds to find out this way that Dallas was done with him for good.

He dialed, and it rang.

And rang.

And kept ringing.

"…not available right now. Please leave your message."

He ended the call and let his phone fall back down, closing his eyes. "He didn't pick up. I don't think he—" Kylen jolted when his phone began to vibrate. For a second, he thought it was a text, but then it kept going.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw Dallas's name on the screen.

"Answer before it goes to voicemail, dipshit."

Right. Right ! "Hey," Kylen said. His voice cracked, and he flushed, clearing his throat. "Sorry. Hey. Hi. Sorry to call you."

Dallas was quiet for a long moment. "Where are you right now?"

Kylen pushed himself off Dani's lap, frowning. "I'm at home. Why?" Dallas sounded all wrong. "What's happening?"

"Shit hit the fan. I wasn't going to answer your call. It's so fucking much. But I'm…Christ. I think…wait. Are you with Flora right now?"

"Yeah, but I'm also with Dani. Do you need me?" Kylen turned his gaze to Dani, who nodded frantically and shooed him away. He glanced at Flora, who hadn't even registered that he'd moved .

"I think I might," Dallas admitted in a voice so soft Kylen barely heard him.

"Where are you?"

"Adele's. I can ping you the address. There's a lot going on though, and it might get worse tonight. I don't—" His words were cut off by the sound of the baby crying. "Ah, fuck."

"Go take care of her, and ping me the address," Kylen said, walking toward his room to change out of his tattered comfy clothes. "I can be there soon."

"Alright," Dallas said. His voice wobbled a little, and Kylen pictured him bouncing Audra as he paced the room and tried to hold the conversation. "But my ex is involved, so please know what you're getting into."

"I don't care what's going on. I want to be there if you need me." He nearly dropped his phone trying to get his shirt over his head. "Ah. Fuck. Sorry, I'm changing. Anyway, if I'll be in the way, I don't have to come by, but I'm here for you. Okay?"

"I really want to see you," Dallas said quietly.

That was all Kylen needed to hear.

The drive to Adele's place was the most reckless Kylen had ever been behind the wheel. He took turns a little too fast and pushed the speed limit almost to the point it might have been a felony, but he made it without incident. He followed Dallas's instructions to park at the neighbor's—Lane, he said, who was also in the dad club—and then he crept over the lawn and knocked gently on the door.

It took a while for someone to answer, and Kylen sucked in a breath when a muscular, shirtless man in low-hung sweats appeared. He had tattoos on his arms, and half his face was covered in shaving cream, the other half freshly shorn.

"Kylen," he said, his voice a soft rumble.

"Hey. Hi. Sorry to show up here so late, but Dallas said I could come by."

"Don't worry," Adele—he assumed it was Adele—said as he ushered Kylen inside. "We were expecting you. Audra's asleep, and Dallas is in the guest room. Second door on the right," he told him, gesturing down a dark hallway. "I'd be happy to give you a tour if you want first, but I need to get this beard off my face."

Kylen grinned at him and shook his head. "Please don't worry about me. I'm the one disrupting the harmony here."

"You're not doing anything of the sort," Adele told him. He locked the door with a firm click, then added the chain at the top, and Kylen couldn't help but wonder how bad things really were. Adele seemed to have caught his expression because he sighed and rubbed at the clean side of his chin. "I'll let Dallas explain it all, but if it's all the same, I'd prefer no one else leave tonight."

Kylen's stomach twisted. "Is he in danger?"

"No," Adele said. "But he is waiting for you."

Kylen understood the dismissal and hurried down the hall. He could hear soft music coming from the first bedroom—'90s rock, he was pretty sure. If that had been his room back in the day, the music would have been followed by the faint scent of incense trying to cover up weed.

The thought made him smile a bit, but his grin disappeared quickly when he pushed on the half-open door and found Dallas perched at the edge of a large bed with his face in his hands. Kylen's heart ached almost like the pain was his own.

"Can I hug you?"

Dallas didn't look up, but he nodded. "Yeah. Yes. Please."

He wasn't going to make the man wait a second more for the comfort he clearly needed. He slipped between Dallas's parted thighs and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to his middle. Dallas went loose against him apart from stiff arms, which held Kylen's thighs.

"I'm so sorry," Dallas murmured against his stomach. He rubbed his face back and forth, sniffing. "I didn't mean to fuck up your night."

Kylen touched the side of his face, urging him to look up. "You didn't fuck up my night. I don't care what's going on. Seeing you will always be one of the best parts of my day."

Dallas's eyes shone in the dim light. "My ex got served."

Kylen sucked in a sharp breath. "She didn't take it well, I assume?"

"She lost her damn mind. Monty called about twenty minutes ago. He's been on the line with her attorney, and they got her calmed down. They said she went home, but Monty told me I should stay here for a few days. Adele thinks she's afraid she's going to lose all of her custody to me, and she snapped."

Kylen didn't want to agree with that, but he couldn't help it. He'd seen what stress could do to people. His sister was unkind and made his life hell, but a small part of him wondered if Grace was under some kind of pressure he didn't know about. His family was prone to irrational fits, and in those moments, they never cared who they hurt.

Afterward, they were always sorry, and Kylen could understand. But he was also tired of being cannon fodder. It was why he left. It was why he wasn't talking to any of them now.

"At some point, she'll see reason," he told him. He released his grip on Dallas and kicked off his shoes, crawling onto the bed. Dallas followed, and a moment later, the two of them were curled together against the headboard. "You have a good lawyer, and you have good friends. You're both safe."

"I know. I think what sucks the most is that I don't know how bad it really is. I don't want to give Audra back, but I also know what it feels like to have someone keep my daughter from me. I don't think I can be that person."

"What does Monty think?" Kylen asked.

"He's going to call in the morning with what I should do. There's a chance I won't see Audra again until the hearing if I give her back. But there's no telling what Katie will do if I don't."

Kylen squeezed his eyes shut and buried his nose in Dallas's soft hair. "I'm sorry you have to make this choice."

"Me too." Dallas held him a little tighter, and for a while, the two of them just sat and matched breath.

The room was quiet. The house was quiet. Kylen had never had peace like this when Flora was a baby. She was up every two hours until she was a toddler, and even now, she struggled to make it all the way through the night. He wondered if he'd have been able to handle his family better if he'd been allowed to get more than a few hours of sleep at a time back then.

"How's Granny?" Dallas asked. The sound of his voice in the silence startled Kylen, who grinned and turned his gaze up to the ceiling fan .

"She's good. She's settling into her new routine. It's…" He hesitated. It wasn't all fun and games.

"What?" Dallas pressed. He lifted his head and met Kylen's gaze. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but I could use the distraction."

Kylen bit his lower lip, then let it go. He watched Dallas's eyes track the movement and saw his pupils dilate. It was unexpected, though Kylen understood. Stress sometimes got him hot and bothered too. He didn't want to push boundaries though. He'd make sure Dallas always felt gorgeous and wanted, but he'd always let him make the first move.

He gave Dallas a smile and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. "She's been getting a little mean. Spitting. Hitting. I had a panic attack over it and almost considered pulling her out, but the staff promised me that this is what they do. They're trained to take care of it."

"And I know your grandmother probably loves Flora more than life itself, but she might not know how to love her safely right now," Dallas pointed out.

That thought had crossed Kylen's mind. He'd just been too afraid to say it aloud. When Flora was born, he envisioned her having the love and support he'd been given growing up. He hadn't realized how bad it was going to get and how quickly. He was mourning the loss of her but also the loss of what should have been.

He took a breath, then shrugged. "Yeah, I know I made the right choice. Just like I know I made the right choice when I decided not to see my family again."

Dallas turned his body and frowned. "Is that really what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

Dallas bit his lip, his brows furrowing the way they did whenever he was struggling with his thoughts. "I'm all for cutting people off when they won't change. But you do love your family."

He did. Sometimes he wished he couldn't. Sometimes he wished he could just drop a wall of silence between himself and the rest of them forever and leave it at that. But he wasn't ready to give up on them.

Dallas touched his cheek gently. "Exactly. You love them. So why not go for something else?"

"I don't understand," Kylen said, shifting closer.

"Make them see you for who you are. Stick to your plan."

"Parading you around like a hot trophy boyfriend?" Kylen's tone was tinged with bitterness—not really because he was angry with Dallas, but because he felt guilty now that he'd fallen so hard so fast for this man. And Dallas didn't deserve to be some trophy on his arm.

Dallas chuckled and shrugged. "I've been called worse things. But that is kind of what I meant. I was going to play your dutiful boyfriend madly in love with you so they wouldn't have a choice but to understand that you are who you are—and you love who you love."

"And you still want to do that?"

Dallas lifted a brow. "Why wouldn't I? It's a hell of a lot easier now that I know I like you."

Like. Not love. Which was fine. Kylen could keep his own feelings to himself for a while. For as long as Dallas needed him to, so long as that didn't stretch on until forever. He knew he couldn't wait that long. He wanted Dallas, but he also wanted to be happy.

"Sorry, am I crossing a line?" Dallas asked into Kylen's persistent silence.

He quickly shook his head. "No. God, not at all. I just…" He hesitated. He didn't know what he thought about Dallas's offer, but only because he wasn't convinced it would make a difference. He wanted to believe his family had a breaking point—that there would be some kind of lightbulb moment where it clicked and they realized that yeah, he was a goddamn gay man, and that wasn't going to change because of one night with a woman.

"Let me think about it. We have a few weeks."

Dallas nodded, then reached out and pulled Kylen against his chest. "Is this okay?"

Kylen laughed softly and nodded against his lover's bulging pec. He wanted to rub his face against it, but he didn't want Dallas to be uncomfortable. "Anything you want is okay."

Dallas stiffened, but before Kylen could pull away, his hand began to travel down Kylen's spine, over his sweats, and then Dallas's warm palm cupped his ass cheek. "This?"

Kylen pulled back and met his gaze. "Anything. But I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I don't know that I'll ever regret being with you," Dallas murmured.

Kylen's heart throbbed in his chest. "How about a kiss first. Take it slow. Listen to yourself—to what you want."

Dallas lifted his free hand and cupped Kylen's jaw. "I'm not going to get hard tonight, but being with you—being physical with you—makes me feel really, really good. So if you're okay with it, I'd like to play with you."

Kylen shuddered. Hard. He fought back a groan because the last thing he wanted to do was shout the roof down in a house full of strangers—and Dallas's baby. But he definitely wasn't going to say no to that offer .

"I'm all yours."

Dallas shuddered, his gaze locking onto Kylen's. "You mean that?"

Kylen surged forward, speaking right up against Dallas's lips. "More than I've ever meant anything in my life."