Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

KYLEN

Kylen thought he'd broken Dallas with the way his face was going on a journey.

He wasn't sure Dallas was even aware of how expressive he was. It was like art, watching him work through everything. Kylen had been pretty damn sure for a while now that Dallas was into him. But he hadn't been sure Dallas realized it.

The kiss had proven him wrong though. He knew the little scoring quip had been a self-defense mechanism because the way Dallas had kissed him had been so very, very real. And the way Dallas had held him as soon as he got in—it wasn't just friendly. It was different.

And Kylen wanted to lean in.

It was clear Dallas was trying to figure himself out, and Kylen most certainly wasn't going to push, but he was lonely and turned on, and he could tell Dallas was feeling the same way. Maybe it would end in disaster once they both climbed out of the pits they were in, but Kylen was willing to take the risk .

He'd done it with Dani, and now they were best friends. This could very well be just like that.

"Nothing will change between us if you say no," Kylen finally said into the silence that had stretched on and on. He tucked himself back inside his boxers. "I will never, ever make you feel like you're being punished because of something you don't want to do."

Dallas swallowed heavily and reached out a hand like he wanted to stop him, but he still didn't touch. "It's not that." Except there was a hint of a lie in his tone. "I don't want to let you down."

"You won't." Dallas's breathing became a little unsteady as Kylen leaned in. "You won't," he said again.

Dallas licked his lips, then nodded and surged forward. Their lips met, frantic, sloppy, uncertain. Dallas seemed on the verge of hysterical, like he wasn't sure what to do. It was a far cry from the sexy, confident man who had taken what he wanted on Kylen's porch.

Was this his fault? Had Kylen fucked up?

"Relax," Kylen murmured. He gentled the kiss with several tiny pecks, and Dallas began to relax in his arms. "You want this, right?"

"I really want this."

"So take it. I'm here. I'm yours."

Dallas's breath trembled on his exhale, but there was a notable shift. His shoulders relaxed, and his arms came around Kylen's waist, and he hitched him close. Their knees were in the way, but all Kylen had to do was drop his foot to the floor and twist, and then he'd be straddling him.

He just didn't know if he was brave enough to do that yet.

"Should we—on the couch?" Dallas asked, not willing to pull back far enough to make a complete sentence .

Kylen grinned into the kiss and forced himself to break it. He buried his face in Dallas's neck and tasted the salty skin over the beat of his pulse. "Bedroom."

Dallas said nothing as he let Kylen lead the way. The room was cool, the lights dim, the bed half-made. Kylen thought about making apologies, but then Dallas took him by the hips and lifted the hem of his shirt over his abs, then over his pecs, then finally tore it from his body and tossed it behind him.

"I really want to see your cock." The words surprised Kylen because Dallas hadn't been so forward with him until this moment. "Can I?"

Kylen nodded. "As long as I get to see yours."

Dallas took several steps toward the bed, then dropped to the mattress, back to the headboard. His shirt was pulled up, his trousers still buttoned, and he palmed himself. He was so hard, and Kylen's mouth watered at the thought of what it would feel like to let that cock rest against the back of his tongue.

Dallas swallowed heavily, then said, "Okay?"

"Yeah, babe. I'm okay," Kylen said carefully. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off, then stood there with his cock straining at the seam of his boxers. He watched Dallas watch him. He felt almost drunk on the way Dallas stared with open, naked hunger on his face. "Good?"

Dallas nodded, then passed his hand down his face. "More?"

At the request, Kylen pulled the hem down, letting the elastic rest behind his balls. He was hard and desperate to be touched, but Dallas didn't reach for him. Not right away. He just stared for a long, long moment. Long enough that Kylen started to feel a little self-conscious.

"I know I'm not the most fit?—"

"No," Dallas said, then held out his hands. "No, that's not what—no. I'm really into you. You are so fucking beautiful."

Kylen let himself feel those words as he crossed the room, and Dallas had him before his knees touched the bed. Damn, the man was strong. He all but lifted Kylen and pulled him down, knees bracketing his thighs.

"Hi," Dallas said softly.

Kylen couldn't help a small laugh as he leaned in, nuzzling a soft, chaste kiss against Dallas's lips. "Hi, gorgeous."

"You really think I am?"

Kylen nodded. "Yes. I really think you are."

Dallas groaned, then eased Kylen back and looked him in the eye. "I need you to know that I've never done this before. Even my experience with women is pretty limited. I might not be very good. I might get it all wrong." He was scared, that much was obvious, and Kylen hated that. Nerves were natural, but something was holding him back, and Kylen was desperate to know what it was so he could soothe it.

But he wasn't going to ask. Not now. Not when Dallas had made himself so vulnerable for him.

"It's going to be fine, I promise. This isn't rocket science, baby. It's just two people making each other feel good. I promise, you're not going to get it wrong, and it is not going to be bad."

"Just promise me you'll tell me if I'm not doing a good job, okay?" Dallas begged.

There it was again. That something in his voice. It was sort of desperate and afraid, and Kylen knew the one thing he couldn't do was ignore it. Someone had hurt Dallas in ways Kylen would hopefully never understand, and that made him ache because Dallas was one of the best people Kylen had ever known.

Pulling back, Kylen pinched Dallas's chin and captured his gaze. "I swear I will tell you."

Dallas's breath stuttered in his chest like he was waiting for Kylen to drop a "but" or some other qualification to his promise. But he had no intention of doing that, and when Dallas realized it, his entire body went lax.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Kylen kissed him as an answer. Dallas gave himself to it, arching his body against Kylen's, hands seeking bare skin, dragging a firm, almost angry touch up his spine. It felt so fucking good. Kylen hadn't been handled like this in so, so long. The few and far-between hookups he'd had between his daughter being born and this moment had been quick and dirty—which had been fine by him.

But they were also impersonal. They were two men getting off, using each other to do it. This was the first time in a long, long while that Kylen was with someone who cared about how he felt. Dallas was very obviously new at this. Every kiss, every touch, there was hesitation. Dallas was studying him.

His focus was intense.

But he was a fast learner. Dallas's hand found its way past the slit in Kylen's boxers, and the moment his warm palm touched him, he let out a soft cry and grabbed Dallas's wrist to stop him.

"I'm sorry," he gasped.

"Oh my God, did I hurt you?"

The tremble in his voice almost made Kylen laugh. Instead, he gentled his grip and kissed Dallas on the side of the jaw. "No, gorgeous. It feels too good. I haven't done this in a long time, and if I'm not careful, I'm going to blow my load before we get started."

Dallas let out a tense laugh and eased back. "Yeah, uh, me too. But…maybe we should."

Kylen frowned. "Should what?"

"Get off right now," Dallas said. "I don't have anywhere to be, and Flora won't be home tonight. Make me come," he said very softly. "Let yourself go now. We can take it slow next time."

The fact that Dallas wanted a next time sent Kylen's head into a spin. But the offer was too good to refuse. Kylen's refractory rate was nothing like it used to be, but he knew he'd be up for another round tonight. Maybe more than one.

And if he only got this one night, he was going to make it one to remember—for both him and Dallas.

"Kiss me," Kylen said.

Dallas groaned softly as he shoved his hands into Kylen's hair and held his head in place. There was a single moment of stillness, and then Dallas surged forward and took Kylen's mouth in a fierce, messy, wild kiss. His toes curled, his breath hitched in his lungs, and he only just had enough sense to undo his button, drag down his zipper, and shove his hand down the front of Dallas's pants before taking him in hand.

His cock was thick, cut, and throbbing with the beat of his pulse. Kylen began to jack him, frustrated with the fabric of his boxers in the way, but he couldn't bring himself to take the few seconds needed to pull them off.

Dallas didn't seem to care. He panted into Kylen's mouth, his hips thrusting forward in time with Kylen's hand, and after a few short strokes, it was over. Dallas let out a soft cry, his entire body going tense as he came. It rushed from the tip of his dick in heavy, thick, hot ropes that smeared all over Kylen's fingers.

He was still shuddering when Kylen pulled his hand out, and he didn't bother cleaning himself off as he grabbed himself and began to jerk off. Dallas made a desperate little noise, and Kylen opened his eyes just in time to see Dallas reach for him. He batted Kylen's hand out of the way and took him in a firmer grip than Kylen preferred to use.

"A little lighter, sweetheart," Kylen murmured.

Dallas took instruction so fucking well. He loosened his fingers just a bit, then held his hand still so Kylen could fuck his fist. It was wholly erotic in ways that Kylen didn't know how to explain. His body was hot, his head spinning, and it only took a few jerks of his hips to tumble over the edge. He gave a soft moan as he buried his face in the front of Dallas's shirt, and he let the feeling wash over him.

It wasn't as good as being fucked or fucking someone, but it was so goddamn close. And it was so much better than he'd had in years.

Maybe ever.

That thought terrified him because it wasn't just the sex. With any other man, this would have been mediocre at best. But it was Dallas, and Kylen's heart had already tripped and fallen for him. This just sealed it. He was never going to feel like this again.

And he had no idea if there was a chance he'd be allowed to keep it.

"Tell me it was okay," Dallas murmured after a long beat.

Kylen cleared his throat, then lifted his head and took Dallas's chapped, dry lips in a kiss. "It was more than okay. Now, don't move. Just hold me, because I feel like I'm about to shake apart."

Kylen didn't mean to doze off. He hadn't realized he was even tired, but he woke with a start after realizing he wasn't alone. They were in his bed, Dallas half-propped up against the headboard. The position had to be murder on his back, and he had no idea how long Dallas had been like that.

"Why are you still holding me?"

Dallas glanced down at him. "You told me not to move."

Kylen snorted and carefully pushed himself up to sit before realizing Dallas's legs were probably dead asleep. He shifted sideways and immediately missed his warmth. "For future reference, the moment I start snoring, you're allowed to shove me off."

"I didn't want to. That felt really good."

God, wasn't that the truth. It was the best little nap Kylen had had in years. He stretched his arms, then snuggled in close, and Dallas's arms quickly came back around him. He was so warm, so soft, so unlike any man Kylen had ever been with.

He traced a touch over Dallas's abs where his shirt had ridden up. His skin was soft there and covered in coarse hair. "Who hurt you?"

Dallas frowned. "Hurt me?"

"You're afraid of being bad at sex," Kylen pointed out. Dallas immediately stiffened, but he knew they had to talk this out before they fucked again. "Someone clearly messed with your head, and I want to know what happened."

"It doesn't matter."

Kylen met his gaze and narrowed his eyes. "Yes, it does. I need to know because I will not hurt you like they did. Was it your ex? "

Dallas swallowed thickly. "I…yes. But it wasn't really her fault."

"Babe—"

"No. I mean, yes, she's responsible for the things she did. I'm not making excuses for her cheating or the way she's treated me. But…" He trailed off, his gaze cutting to the side. In spite of his massive body, he seemed small and uncertain. "I've known for a long time that I'm not, you know, normal."

"That's subjective, but okay," Kylen said.

Dallas pulled a face, but he was fighting back a smile. "That's what Adele always says when one of us is being a dipshit about being different."

"Good," Kylen said. "I like this guy already."

He noticed Dallas stiffen and look angry for a second. Was that jealousy? He didn't want to hope. After a beat, Dallas cleared his throat. "Anyway, so, yeah. I've never been into sex the way most people are. At school, everyone was so obsessed with it, and I didn't understand what the fuss was about. Then people noticed that I, uh, wasn't the same as they were."

Kylen's heart began to sink. "Dallas…are you coming out to me right now?"

Dallas looked petrified, but he nodded. He let Kylen go and sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. "Asexual. You know that, right?"

"I know it." Oh fuck, had Kylen just crossed a line? Dallas had seemed so into it. He said he wanted it. Was there something he missed?

"I didn't understand what was going on with me because sometimes I would really want to have sex. And we would, and it was nice. But then she'd expect it all the time, and I just…wouldn't. My ex took it really hard. She blamed herself first, and then she blamed me."

"So just now, with me…you wanted that, right?" Kylen asked.

Dallas took him by the chin. "Yes. I wanted that so much. And I want more with you right now. I really, really like you. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I'm greysexual, so emotionally connecting with you has been everything."

Kylen's relief was almost painful the way it rushed through him. "Okay. Okay. That's…thank you for trusting me with that, sweetheart. I know that wasn't easy."

Dallas let out a trembling laugh. "No. It wasn't. But it's worse because I don't know how often I'll want this again. And I don't want you to think it's you."

Kylen couldn't help a small chuckle as he sat up and pried one of Dallas's arms away from his legs, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "I know how asexuality works. I know how greysexual works too. I know that just because you like me, having my dick isn't going to suddenly turn you into some randy horndog who wants to fuck three times a day."

Dallas flushed a brilliant red. "Oh my God."

Kylen smiled, unrepentant. "I'm being serious."

"I know. That's the worst part," Dallas groaned, hiding his face.

Kylen laughed as he climbed to his knees, then straddled Dallas's thighs. He was warm and solid beneath him, and Kylen had a sudden and furious need to figure out a way that would allow him to keep this man forever.

When Dallas dropped his hands, Kylen cupped his face and tilted his chin up. "I understand what you're saying."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Kylen told him, stressing the word. "It means sometimes we'll be all over each other. And sometimes we won't."

"It probably means we won't more than we will," Dallas corrected.

Kylen nodded. That wasn't an issue for him. He liked sex. He got horny. He enjoyed it when he had it. But he could live without it. There were so many more fulfilling things in life than getting off. Stroking his thumbs over Dallas's cheeks, he stared at the fear in his eyes. "What has you so scared?"

"This," Dallas said. His voice was rough, and his fingers trembled as he curled them around Kylen's wrists. "I like you a lot. This feels so good. Right here just…just being with you. Holding you. I crave this so much more than I have ever or will ever crave sex."

"I'm okay with that."

"You say that now, but…"

Bowing his head, Kylen nodded. "I understand. I do. I can tell you that I've basically been celibate for the last seven years, and you still won't trust me because if I had the chance to not be, I would have taken it."

"Yes," Dallas whispered.

Kylen looked up into his face again. "Then all I can ask is that you give me a chance to prove it."

Licking his lips, Dallas gaze cut his gaze away. "I want to, but I need time. I don't think I can let myself have this and be crushed by losing you."

Kylen hated that answer, but only because life had ruined Dallas so badly that he had nothing left in him for trust. He couldn't be mad at him, of course. He understood in more ways than one what it was like to be beaten down by others just because he didn't fit into the status quo.

So what he could do was offer patience .

Taking Dallas's wrists, he brought his hands up and pressed two soft kisses over each set of his knuckles. "Okay."

Dallas raised a brow. "Okay?"

"Yes, sweetheart." Kylen smiled at him and squeezed his hands before letting go. "Take all the time you need. And we can even call off the fake boyfriend family thing. I'm not even speaking to them right now, and if I go, I can just tell them we split up."

"No," Dallas told him firmly. "I want to be there for you. If you don't go, that's fine, but if you do, you have me."

Kylen wanted to kiss him again, but he had a feeling it would only complicate matters. So he slid off Dallas's lap and swung his legs over the bed. "I need some water. Can I get you anything?"

"No, but…" Dallas trailed off, and Kylen walked over to his dresser to grab a pair of sweats as he waited for Dallas to finish his thought. Just as he pulled the hem over the curve of his ass, Dallas cleared his throat and said, "Is it better if I leave?"

Turning, Kylen met his gaze and shook his head. "I really don't want to be alone right now. If you don't mind."

Dallas sagged back against the headboard, the relief on his face transforming the way he looked. "Really?"

Kylen walked back over to the bed and held out his hand, and Dallas took it. "Friends for now?"

Dallas closed his eyes and nodded. "For now."

That was something. Not everything, but for that moment, it was enough.