Chapter 15

Simka’s devastated face will forever be burned into my memory.

I’ve heard of this, the emotional rollercoaster that comes with new matehood. The bond must have settled on her this morning, igniting into a flame when she woke up to find me gone. She had no understanding with which to fight it.

I should have stayed. I should have explained to her what was at stake, but I thought if I offered Gorren something tangible, I might learn what I need to know—and then we could get out of here before she imprinted on me, too.

Now it’s much too late.

I didn’t run after her. Either she’ll escape and run all the way home, back to her father and her village, or someone will catch her trying. I’m not surprised when one of the orcs guarding the edge of the camp appears, dragging a howling woman back to our tent. She hisses like a cat and claws at him, demanding to be released. She is a wild animal, barely contained as the irritated orc hauls her through the mud.

When I finally see her face, it’s red and streaked with tears, and deep inside me, something breaks. My Simka, as feral as she is beautiful, as fierce as she is soft inside. When the orc sees me, he thrusts her against me.

“Take your fucking woman,” he growls. “If she tries to get away again…”

The fact that she is Vavi’s sister may not save her. I nod and grab Simka around the middle, all while she thrashes.

“Fuck you!” She spits right on my face. “Just let me go!”

“No,” I say calmly, lifting her off the ground and carrying her under my arm into the tent. I secure the flap closed and toss her onto the bed so she can calm down. I think she’s going to try to flee again, but instead, she falls still where she landed. Then, after a few seconds of silence has passed, Simka curls up tight in a ball.

I want her to say something to me. I want her to scream at me, at least, and tell me how she feels about what I’ve said. I deserve it, whatever comes out of her mouth. It was cruel, I know. She should get her rage out now, so she can move on with her life later, after I’m gone. I’ve done what I can to make that possible.

Instead, she lies there, not moving or making a sound. Every instinct in my body is pulling me towards her, demanding I comfort her, apologize to her, tell her that she means more than anything in this whole damned world to me. But it wouldn’t be fair, not when I’ve told her in no uncertain terms where we stand.

It’s much better this way.

I sit down on the edge of the pile of furs, just far away enough I won’t be tempted to touch her. Simka’s little body is shaking, but I hear no sobs, no tears. That’s good, at least, that her strength has protected her this much.

“You can’t escape like that,” I tell her. “You’ll only make it worse.”

“I know.” Her voice isn’t sad or angry. It’s simply there, full of nothing. Empty.

“You won’t try again? Not until it’s safe, and we’ve made a plan?”

She shakes her head, never once looking up. “I won’t.”

“That’s good,” I say. When she offers nothing else, I decide that I have to get away from her or I won’t be able to stop myself from drawing her into my arms and squeezing her tight until I’ve drained all her sadness away.

When I’m outside the tent, I find Vavi approaching, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

“Corporal,” she murmurs. “They found her? They brought her back?”

I nod.

Her head droops. “Were the two of you lying to me all along?”

I nod again.

“But now… it found you. Didn’t it?” But she already knows the answer, so I don’t speak. “Well, I hope you’ll treat her well.”

“It should have never happened,” I say. “It shouldn’t have picked us. It shouldn’t have picked me.”

“Too bad.” Her eyes are so like Simka’s that it makes my stomach flop over when she narrows them, scrutinizing me. “Now it has happened. So what are you going to do about it?”

When I say nothing, Vavi tsks and steps into the tent without another word.

But she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t realize I’m doing what’s best for Simka, for her future offspring. They’ll never have to know the life that I did without a father.

Besides, refusing the bond won’t hurt her the way it will me. She’s human. She’s safe, and she won’t suffer once the sting has worn off.

This is what’s right, even if it carves out a hole in my chest.

* * *