You’re a Shittier Version of Daisy Buchanan （22）

New Year's Day

R: Should be getting in around 9ish tonight. Miss you.

J: See you then. Gonna head over to Aud's for a bit. Miss you too.

The brief holiday break had flown by, much to JT's delight, as being away from Audrey and Ryker for that long was excruciating for him. Classes didn't start back up for another week, but the D1 athletes always came back early due to practices, the hockey team's first one being the next morning.

Ryker had headed home to Ohio to spend Christmas with his dad and sister, and had spent the majority of his trip dodging questions from his father about the girls he'd been hooking up with at college.

"Ryk, you still haven't told him?" Raeann asked him one night while they hung out talking at the kitchen table after their dad had gone to sleep.

"Clearly, I have not."

"You really should just tell him. He's kind of a boob, but he's not gonna care. I promise you," his sister assured him.

"I will. Someday."

Audrey had gone back to Kearney for a very brief visit with her parents. She'd never gotten along well with her mother, though, and since this trip was no exception, she'd returned to State College after only three days of being home.

JT had begged her to come down to Tampa and spend the rest of the break with him, Ryan, and Ty, even having offered to pay for her flight, but she'd declined.

"I can't ask you to do that, stud. Besides, I have plenty of prep work to do for next semester's classes. I'll see you soon, OK?"

And, aside from a few text exchanges here and there mixed with brief conversations on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve, they really hadn't spoken that much over the break.

He'd texted her last night in a bit of a panic, his brain beginning to spiral into dangerous territory.

What if she's losing interest?

What if you guys are drifting apart?

What if she finally realized what a complete, piece of shit loser you are and is done with your dusty ass?

J: We OK? You seem distant.

A: We're fine, Jacob. I love you.

And that was the last they'd spoken. JT had spent most of his time over break helping out at Ryler. There was a massive clinic the day after Christmas and Ty needed him to work on some stickhandling drills with the 14u defensemen.

"You gonna be able to see, kid? Look at your fuckin' eyes. Someone finally get tired of your mouth and beat your ass?" Ty had asked upon picking him up at the airport.

"Nah. I can't even believe I'm saying this out loud right now, but a stripper accidentally headbutted me in the nose while I was getting a dance."

"Wow, that is…not what I was expecting you to say," Ryan had responded, lifting a hand to JT's chin and tilting his head from side to side, checking out the damage. "Doesn't look broken. Hope it was at least a good dance."

"Oh, it was top tier. You know, up until I bled all over myself."

Though it'd been bittersweet, one of JT's favorite moments from the break was when he'd finally gotten to meet Lauren Kadin-Jaros, her new husband, Radko, and her two sons, Adam, 14, and Peter, 12. When Ryler had first opened, Ty had called Lauren to let her know that any time they wanted to come, they were more than welcome. Since they'd been in Florida visiting TK's family for the holiday, they made it a point to stop by and finally see the arena.

As soon as Ty spotted the boys, he'd immediately latched onto them and wept, as holding them was akin to holding a piece of his good friend again. He'd proudly taken them into Kadin Memorial Rink and shown them the picture and plaque that honored their father there, and there wasn't a dry eye in the entire place.

"You know, you've probably heard people say a lot of things about your dad, but most of it's bull. Your dad was one of the finest people I've ever met. He had the biggest fuckin' heart...sorry, the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. He helped save my life. I just…wish I could've done the same for him."

Lauren wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "You did everything you could for him, Hayes. We all did. Trav was his own worst enemy. You know that. He only ever had the kindest things to say about you and Ryan. He really did love you, both of you."

"We loved him, too," Ryan said, as he added one more blubbering mess to the hug.

JT looked on, tears streaming down his face as he watched the boys wipe their eyes while staring at the picture of their daddy.

The daddy they'd never gotten to know because drugs had taken his life before they were old enough to have even one decent memory of him.

That in and of itself was fucked, but knowing how much it hurt to miss a parent, he understood and experienced their pain on the deepest of levels.

He'd also been reunited with Tyson, which was a little awkward. After they'd made about thirty seconds of small talk, Tyson had propositioned him for sex, suggesting they "pick up where they'd left off" in August before JT had left for college.

"As much as I'd love to, I, uh, can't. I'm sorta spoken for at the moment."

"Oh. That's cool, though," Tyson had replied, trying to cover his disappointment. "Who's the lucky guy? Or girl?"

"Both, actually. One's my teammate and roommate and the other is my English tutor. And yes, they know about each other. It's…I'm really happy for once, actually."

"Well, then, I'm happy for you, JT," he'd replied, eyeing up Matt as he walked past them on his skates toward Baylor Memorial, winking at Tyson. JT's former teammate turned back toward him and nodded in Matt's direction. "You, uh, think he's gay?"

JT had smirked. "Is the pope Catholic?"

Back inside his dorm now, which was eerily silent due to the lack of music and yelling, JT tossed his bags onto his bed and checked his phone to see if anyone had texted him.

And by anyone, he meant Audrey.

Nothing.

He hadn't told her when he'd be coming back from break, nor had she asked, but he decided that 10 days without seeing her was long enough. He threw a few necessities into his backpack, set up an Uber to her apartment, and took a few hits off his pen while he waited.

He'd cut back a lot , almost to the point of not needing it at all, but right now, he couldn't seem to get his mind to stop racing. He debated sending a quick text to let her know he was on his way, but ultimately decided to surprise her.

Which, as it turned out, would prove to be a huge mistake.

???

"JT. Oh…my God. Hi," Audrey stammered as she opened the door to her apartment to let him inside, followed by him wr apping his arms around her and squeezing. "What are you…what are you doing here? I didn't think you were back yet."

"I wanted to surprise you," he said, going in for a kiss, which she half-assedly returned. "I missed you like crazy and I couldn't go another minute without seeing your beautiful face."

"You've been smoking," she said matter-of-factly.

"A few puffs. I…my mind's kinda been going crazy these past few days. I just needed a little bit to take the edge off. You, um, you look really pretty," he told her, noticing that her makeup and hair were done, something that didn't happen unless she was going somewhere or teaching.

"Thanks," she said, moving into the kitchen and busying herself by drying and putting away some dishes.

"Did you go out somewhere tonight?" he asked, setting his bag down and having a seat at the counter.

"I, uh…I mean, Jess and I went to grab some dinner, and I came back here. I'm actually not…I'm not feeling too hot. I was just about to lie down before you showed up."

"Aud, can you look at me?" he asked, feeling himself begin to get agitated, but doing his absolute best to keep it under control. "I haven't seen you in, like, two weeks, you're being distant as fuck, and you're putting away dishes?"

"JT, don't…"

"Don't what?" he asked, raising his voice and standing up. "I've been thinking about you nonstop, Audrey. We talked, like, twice the entire break. Did you even fucking miss me at all?"

"Of course I missed you, JT. I just…don't feel well…"

"Bullshit," he interrupted, inching closer to her. "I know you well enough to know when you're lying to me. And right now, you're lying to me." He came within a few inches of her face and reached a hand out, taking one of hers into it. "I'm gonna ask you one more time. Aud, are we OK?"

She avoided eye contact with him. "JT, I have to tell you something…"

Here it comes.

She's done with you.

Realized that you're a waste of her time and she's out.

JT closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and tried to push the negative talk from his mind.

Maybe not. Maybe she really doesn't feel well. Or maybe…maybe she's sick.

Oh, my God.

What if she's fucking sick, like Mom was?

"JT, you're shaking," she observed, lifting a hand to the side of his face, which he promptly pushed away, then backed up. "Hey…"

"Say whatever you have to say, OK? It's obviously not something good, so just…fucking get on with it already!" he yelled, looking around and fidgeting with his hands.

"Don't raise your voice to me, JT," she warned. "You can be upset, but you don't get to yell at me."

"And you don't get to string me along," he said through gritted teeth. "So, what's the big news, Ms. Winston?"

"JT, you know I don't like to be called that."

He shrugged, indifferently. "Then spill it."

"I've been talking to Evan again. Just…talking. Nothing else, I swear."

The anger beginning to rise in him, he crossed his arms and stared at her, his eye twitching and his leg starting to shake .

She continued. "He realizes that he fucked up with me and wanted to know if maybe…we could give things another shot."

He forced a smile. "Awww, how cute. So, you gonna go for it?" he mocked. "Get your perfect little pro hockey player boyfriend back, maybe start barfing up your food so he doesn't leave you again because you're too fat for him?"

What the fuck are you saying right now?

Get the fuck out of here before it gets worse.

Go.

Abort.

His heartbeat thumping wildly in his ears, he snatched his bag up off the floor and took off toward the door, turning the doorknob several times but unable to open it because it was locked. He shook it aggressively, then pounded against the door with his fist.

"JT, stop. Please."

He fumbled with the lock, then threw the door open and stormed out and down the hallway, Audrey following right behind him. "Please what, Aud?" he called without turning around. "You fucking made your decision."

"What are you talking about?" she yelled, following him into the stairwell and trying to catch up to him as he made his way to the ground floor and out the front door of the lobby. "JT, stop!" she screamed, stopping him in his tracks on the sidewalk in front of the building. "Talk to me, baby."

He turned around slowly and moved toward her, poking a finger into her chest. "Don't you dare call me ‘baby' right now. Are you still in love with him?"

"I love him, JT, yes."

"That's not what I asked, Audrey. I asked if you're still in love with him."

"Oh, so you can date other people, but I can't, right? How is that fair?"

"Answer the fucking question!" he yelled, backing away from her and running his fingers through his hair. "Are you still in love with him?"

"It's… stability , Jacob," she admitted, defeated. "It's fucking stability. I'm working two jobs and I can barely afford a studio apartment…"

"Oh, you're fucking unbelievable, woman," he sneered, spinning in a circle, unsure of what to do with himself. He threw his backpack to the ground, took a deep breath, then nodded a few times. "You know, I've figured out why you like Gatsby so much. You…you're fucking Daisy Buchanan. Just another pretty face that lacks any sort of depth. In love with money and ease, affectionate when it suits you, but completely incapable of loyalty. Isn't that right?"

Egged on by the look of shock on her face, he continued. "Yeah, what? Didn't think the dumbass hockey boy was capable of character dialysis…fuck, I mean, analysis ? I wrote a whole paper on that psychotic twat…well, I speeched-to-texted a whole paper on that psychotic twat, and guess what? That's you, babe. That's who you are. You're a shittier version of Daisy Buchanan."

"How dare you?" she shouted, crossing her arms.

He threw his arms up and shrugged. "I said what I said."

"I had no choice, JT. I had to at least hear him out after what he did for me…"

"And what exactly did he do for you, besides leave you for a skinny chick and make you feel like shit about yourself to the point where you stopped eating?"

"JT, he paid off my entire lease through the end of this year. He didn't have to do that, but he did… "

He threw his head back, exaggerated a laugh, and clapped a few times. "You know, for someone so smart, you're really stupid sometimes."

"Excuse me?"

"You thought that was him? You really think that piece of shit paid off your lease? That's…that's rich, Aud."

"What are you…"

"It was me!" he screamed, moving toward her as several people walking into the building stopped to watch, but moved on when JT made eye contact with them. "Yeah, that's right. Keep walking."

"JT, what are you saying right now?"

" I paid off your lease, Audrey! I took the two thousand I made from my sexual exploitation video and five G's from my trust fund and I paid off your fucking lease so you could get a car. It was me , not him. Me. Because I love you that much that I couldn't stand to watch you work so hard and struggle so bad."

He turned to walk away, but promptly came back. "And, for the record, sweetie? Do you have any idea how sick fucking loaded I am? My dead parents left me a shit ton of money. My dad was partial owner of a construction company, and my adopted dads were NHL players. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have to work a day in my life. You want stability, Daisy?" He turned both of his thumbs toward his own chest. "You're looking at it."

There wasn't a word that existed in the English language that could adequately describe the look of shock on her face as she tried to process everything she was hearing. That look of shock, however, quickly morphed into a look of disgust. "You…had no right to do that, JT," she said, tears running down her cheeks. "I am not your fucking charity case!"

"Then why are you so eager to be his?" He approached her, arms extended, and even though everything in her told her not to, she threw herself into them. "I fucking love you, Audrey. I know I'm young, OK? But I've been forced to grow up way too fast. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I know it's not perfect, but please stop fucking fighting me and just let me love you the way I know how to. Please ."

The two of them stood sobbing in each other's arms right there on the sidewalk for a few minutes, before Audrey pulled away, wiped her eyes, and spoke. "I see you with Ryker, Jacob. And believe me, I'm not jealous of him. I love Ryk. But he's…your number one. And he'll always be your number one. The two of you are perfect together, and I won't ever have that with you, no matter how much I try. I just…I want to be someone's number one, too."

"Audrey," he said, tilting her head up with a hand under her chin. "It's not like that. What I have with Ryker is what I have with Ryker. What I have with you is what I have with you. There are no ‘numbers', babe. I love both of you. And I told you before, if you wanna date someone else, whatever. I can learn to deal with it. But, if you think for one second I'm gonna let you lower yourself back to that cheating piece of shit? You're out of your fucking mind. You deserve better than that."

"Jacob…"

"Hey."

A third voice took them by surprise, and both of them whipped around quickly to see Evan Verdano standing a mere 10 feet from them. "I, uh, forgot my wallet, so I…who's this?"

JT swaggered toward him, then looked at Audrey. " This Verdano?" he asked, staring into Evan's soul.

"That's me. And you are?"

"Audrey's boyfriend, bitch. So, this motherfucker was here? In your apartment, Aud? Tonight?"

"Sure was, bud."

She came up behind JT, grabbing him around the waist and attempting to pull him back from Evan. "Don't…"

Evan scoffed. "Awww, the little boy's jealous. That's cute. And judging by the hockey hoodie, it looks like you're just a cheap, imitation replacement, eh?"

"Oh, yeah, totally. Yo, how's the AHL? Heard you just couldn't cut it in the show. It's cool they can just send you right back there any time they want, even though you're old as fuck. Guessing they're not too concerned about waivers." JT shrugged, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, for sure," Evan said, moving closer to JT, Audrey pulling him back. "Nah, the AHL's good. The women definitely aren't as hot though. Much, uh, lower standards." He scanned Audrey up and down, then snickered. "Anyway, it's cool. Enjoy my leftovers, bud. Aren't you a little young for her, though? Lemme guess: some unresolved mommy issues?"

DEFCON 1 had been activated.

In record time, Evan was on the ground on his back, JT straddling his hips and raining punch after punch down on his face, alternating with which hand he struck him. Audrey's panicked screams had attracted the attention of two older men nearby, who grabbed JT under his armpits and pulled him off Evan.

But JT DiMara's anger had already taken over, and once it took over, there wasn't much anyone could do to stop it. He broke away from the men and lunged back at Evan, knocking him over again and kicking him several times in the stomach.

A hand firmly on his shoulder caused him to pause, then close his eyes as she whispered in his ear, "4-7-8. Breathe with me, baby. Please?" The two completed the breathing exercise three times, then she removed her hand and backed slowly away from JT.

"I'm gonna press charges, you piece of shit," Evan coughed out, rolling himself onto his back and trying to sit up, wiping his face and noticing the blood. "There are cameras out here, and that's called assault."

Emerging from the fog and officially freaked out, JT scanned his surroundings, wide-eyed and breathless, his knuckles torn open and covered in blood.

This had the potential to not only end his college career, but to land him some possible jail time as well.

JT picked up his bag and ran as fast as he could back to Bigler Hall.

Please let Nerd be there.

Please.