34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Christian

The Counseling and Psychological Services, or CAPS, had several options for us to get the counseling we needed. Still, Darren and I opted to do couples counseling with a therapist while addressing personal problems as well.

Dr. Marta Hernandez was younger than I expected, so I hoped she was experienced enough to help us through some issues Darren and I were still struggling with.

She had long, sleek, dark brown hair that spilled down over her shoulder. She wore casual jeans and a feminine button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up over her forearms, but she still looked put together and professional.

It was surprising Darren got therapy, yet it wasn't. Seeking outside help went against his need to control things, but I also understood that he'd always wanted to seek help with things he struggled with, but only to gain more control over his life.

Darren went first, talking about his abusive father, his need to control everything, and how that had impacted our relationship. Honestly, I was surprised he brought it up, though he'd gotten much better with it.

"Darren, for you to fight back at not only your abuser, but your aggressive nature, is impressive. That's incredibly difficult to do. I think you're too hard on yourself, and you need to start forgiving your younger self. You've done great things, made wonderful friends, and formed a loving relationship. That's nothing to snuff at."

He picked at his fingernails, so I grabbed his hand and forked our fingers together. He squeezed my hand, but didn't look at me. "Yeah, but I still have these… anger issues that I struggle to control sometimes. It's like an itch in the back of the brain. I'm terrified one day I'll turn into him ."

"I understand your worry, but I don't think that's likely. You are asking these important questions and constantly working on yourself. I struggle to see you giving in to those urges."

"That's what I said."

She looked at me and smiled. "It's good he has you." The doctor glanced back at Darren. "With that said, there are ways to work on your control and anger issues. I would like you to try some relaxation techniques and learn ways to recognize your triggers. There may be signs like struggling to focus or having exaggerated thoughts. Maybe your heart and breathing rates increase with headaches and muscle tension. Pay attention to your body, not just your mind. Deep breathing and stretching your muscles are good. Maybe some meditation in the morning."

Dr. Hernandez went on to give Darren some pointers about relaxing whenever he was overly tense.

"As for your control issues, this is typical for someone who's been hurt a lot. Controlling your environment is vital to survival sometimes, but it could also hurt those around you; like you forgetting about Christian's wants and needs. We need to strive to let go of our control more when we can't change it. Only focus on what you can change, but you need to be open and ready for things to not go according to plan and adapt."

"Yeah, I've been trying to work on all that. Christian's good at telling me when I'm being an ass."

I snorted a laugh and looked at the doctor. "I've never said that."

Darren looked over at me, smirking. "You didn't have to."

"Darren, what are your plans if you don't get into the NFL? Can you cope with that? While you may be good enough, they aren't going to be tolerant of you and Christian. This is a real struggle in professional sports."

"I went into this relationship prepared for the possibility, but Christian's worth it."

The doctor gave him a soft smile. "Then I think you'll be okay."

After a few more plans for Darren to deal with his issues, it was my turn.

"And you're here because you said you feel lost academically and mentally?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I looked at Darren and shrugged. "A lot had to do with Darren's control. I never wanted to get in the way of his dreams, but I'd lost mine along the way. We've resolved that issue between us, but still… it lingers."

"Like I told Darren, don't be so hard on yourself. You're still a freshman. You're not alone in not knowing what you want yet. What I tell them is to keep taking interesting classes, and hopefully, something will click. I didn't even know I wanted to be a therapist until I took some psychology classes. I had no plans when I started college."

It was a relief that even she struggled. "Yeah, but there's nothing yet."

"What did you like to do for fun? Did you do anything interesting in high school?"

Darren bumped my shoulder. "Tell her about Mr. Samuelson."

"Who's Mr. Samuelson?" she asked .

"I volunteered at a nursing home to talk to the elderly who were alone or lonely. I basically worked as a friend. They had assigned me to Mr. Samuelson, a veteran whose legs were paralyzed. He pushed away his family, and eventually, they stopped talking to him, so I befriended him. He was crabby at first, but he warmed up, and we soon became pretty good friends. I never did it again after he died. It hurt a lot."

"I can imagine, but look at the good you did for him. He didn't die alone, he died with someone who cared about him. That's wonderful, Christian. Have you thought about doing something in geriatric social care?"

I shook my head, having no idea what it was.

"You could major in sociology, maybe move on to grad school, become a therapist, or even specialize in the elderly and their needs. As a social worker, you would focus on health care, mental health, financial and legal concerns, housing, and social support. Maybe you could even start your own organization of volunteers. The older community really needs it. They are too easily forgotten, especially as families get busier and busier."

That did sound interesting. "Thanks, I'll look into that. I didn't even know that was a thing."

"You don't have to, but it's something, at least. Maybe it will lead you onto another path, but hopefully you have some sort of direction."

Before our hour was up, I briefly talked about my sexual assault by my roommate and how it left me still afraid. I left out the part that Darren beat him up instead of calling the police on Mark.

She gave me some tips to regain my control and suggested group therapy with those who'd also been through what I have. Having commonalities would help me not feel so alone. Most importantly, she said my reaction was completely normal and understandable. While attending group therapy, she wanted to see me a couple of times a month.

Now that Darren wasn't playing football, we had more time together. He still trained, but not like before. His busy schedule would only get worse when he reached the NFL, so it was something I needed to get used to. At least I was making friends again and not feeling so alone.

I'd also found some bravery way deep down inside me and looked up Mark on the student roster. Relief and a sense of freedom filled me to see that he'd left. It was a weight that I didn't even know I wore until that moment.

No more lingering fears that he'd be around some dark corner, ready to snatch or hurt me.

After my rocky start at UVA, everything had been great, and I finally had direction.

"Look at what I got," Darren said when he walked into my new dorm room, which was made for just one person. I loved it. There were no more roommates to worry about, and Darren and I could have more alone time if we wanted.

I looked up from my laptop, working on some homework. "What?"

He tossed a box my way, landing on the bed where I sat. I picked it up, read it, and raised a brow Darren's way. "A prostate stimulator? Your dick stimulates just fine, Dare."

His smile was devious. "I didn't get it for you, Gorgeous, although I wouldn't mind playing with your ass. You've got a great ass."

I sat up, wide-eyed and overly excited about this idea. "You want this to go in your ass?"

"I do," he said with an extra drawl that was too cute.

"Are we doing this now?"

Darren had a flash of uncertainty in those emerald eyes, but he quickly recovered. "Yes. "

"Are you sure, baby? You don't need to have anything near your ass if you don't want to."

"No, I want this."

"Is this your way of working up to having me inside you?"

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe?"

I chuckled. "Don't worry. I love being your little bottom."

Darren bent down and kissed me before grabbing the box and opening it. "Let me wash it and… prep."

I rubbed my hands greedily and sniggered. "I can't wait!"

"Weirdo," he chuckled. "Okay, I'll be back."

Darren soon returned, wrapped in a towel and looking so sexy. God, he was handsome.

He dropped the towel, standing there confidently in all his naked glory, handing me the toy and the remote control. I grabbed them and snagged the lube, sitting on top of my nightstand.

Once I got it all oiled up, I pointed at the bed. "In."

He raised a brow. "Wow, give you a toy, and suddenly, you're all power-hungry."

I smirked. "You shouldn't have given me this much control over your ass, then," I winked.

He snorted a laugh and sat on the edge of the bed. "Ass up?"

"Nope. On your back. As I'm playing with you, I want your gorgeous cock in my mouth."

Darren leaned forward and captured my lips. After shoving his tongue into my mouth and exploring for a moment, he pulled away. "You sure know how to turn a guy on," he said.

He eased down onto the bed, and I shoved his thick thighs back, pouring lube over his hole. My eyes never left his as I worked him open a bit. He didn't need much since he'd already prepped, and the toy wasn't huge.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Does it hurt?"

" Your dick hurts. This little thing shouldn't. Have no fear, my dear."

"I don't know why I'm so reluctant. I guess because I've only been the one to do the fucking all these years."

"Whatever makes you comfortable, baby. Now, hold back your legs."

He nodded and pulled his thighs back as I slowly worked the toy inside him carefully. I watched his face, looking for any signs of discomfort.

When his ass gobbled it up, I gasped. I hadn't expected it to be so hot, especially since I was always on the receiving end. "God…" I rasped.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing's wrong unless you count your hot ass stuffed with a toy wrong."

Darren grinned and peeped an eye open at me. "I'm sexy, huh?"

"Very."

He settled on the bed, looking smug. "Of course, I'm sexy. I work hard to look this good."

"You'll get no argument from me. How do you feel?"

"Weird. Full."

I picked up the remote and turned it on to its lowest setting. "Now?"

His body shuddered. "Good."

I turned up higher and higher until his back started arching off the bed.

"Fuck…"

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, fuck… it feels strange… good… too good."

That was my cue.

I left the vibrator pulsing in his ass and fisted his cock, which was already leaking from his prostate massage.

He eased his legs down as I sat between them and licked up some beading pre-cum.

"Oh, shit," he grunted.

"You've felt nothing yet. "

I licked his dick like a popsicle, hitting those sensitive areas before I swallowed half of him down because he could only go so far.

A groan slipped out of him, and his hands fisted my hair while spreading his legs further apart.

"Yeah, right there… Mmmm."

I couldn't suck him for long because my jaw ached every time, so I bobbed faster, sucking and licking, drool building and leaking out of the corners of my mouth while my fist did the rest of the work.

"God… I'm being massaged from the inside out."

Darren was getting close as his cock grew harder and hotter. He was doing everything he could not to force himself deeper down my throat, and his body clenched tightly.

Suddenly, my mouth was filled with his hot, bitter cum. I gulped it down as fast as he gave it to me, but some spilled out and dribbled down my chin.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" he rambled, slurring his words.

I popped off him, but his body wiggled and writhed. "Get it out. Get it out."

I smiled and worked the toy, slipping it out easily, and his body finally relaxed.

I hovered over him, enjoying his blissed-out face. "A little overstimulated, baby?"

He nodded, opened his eyes, and grabbed my neck, pulling my face down toward his and licking up his cum from my jaw. My body shuddered, and my already hard dick throbbed and leaked in my underwear.

Darren wrapped an arm around me and flipped me onto my back, making me squeak.

"Your turn," he growled.