13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Darren

Dillon and Cade were waiting in the packed parking lot, leaning against Dillon's pickup, when Christian and I walked up to them. They smiled and waved at us.

"Welcome to small-town America, Christian," Dillon said. "Parades, games, crafts—"

"Cotton candy, funnel cake," Cade finished for him.

Dillon rolled his eyes. "Always with the food."

Cade leaned into Dillon after glancing around to make sure no one was watching. "Right before our first kiss, we had funnel cake. The sugar was still on your lips. It's my favorite food."

Dillon's cheeks pinked, and he smiled shyly. "I remember."

"I'm looking forward to it. I haven't seen much since I moved here," Christian said.

Before we headed out, I adjusted Christian's pink and teal Fair Isle knitted scarf and tucked some hair under his matching knitted hat with a bright white furry pom pom.

I loved how he dressed, combining feminine and masculine. He was creative, and I dressed boringly, wearing a plaid shirt, hoodie, and my fake Carhartt jacket.

Christian stared up at me. His large, pretty brown eyes mingled with flecks of red—like the color of foxes that lived around here. His lips were plump and glistening with lip gloss.

How'd I get so lucky to have such a beautiful person in my life?

"You look gorgeous today. Hell, you look gorgeous every day, but…"

He smiled brightly and took my fingers in his hand for a second before letting go. "And you're as handsome as always."

Only grownups called me that, but I liked it when Christian said it. "Thanks."

We followed the crowd toward the main street where the parade was to be held. I itched to hold Christian's hand, hating that I wasn't allowed to show off how I felt about him. I could tell Dillon and Cade seemed to be in the same boat as I walked behind them, but they walked close together, brushing shoulders or touching hands before separating.

We found a spot on the sidewalk to stand and wait for the parade to begin. Christian stood on his tippy toes behind some people who were taller and couldn't see well. He wasn't as short as he claimed he was, but he still struggled to see.

I crouched down. "Hop on."

He glanced around the crowd of people. "Are you sure?"

"On, Christian."

He hopped onto my back, wrapping his legs around my waist and his arms around my throat, resting his chin on my shoulder. I hooked my arms under his legs to hold him steady.

"Thanks," he said .

His scent covered me, and I took a deep breath of him. He smelled of lemons and something sweet—such a summer scent that contrasted with the cold temperatures.

Soon, the parade started. I'd been to it before, and while it was no Macy's Thanksgiving Parade , it was our town and something I wanted to share with Christian.

There were decorated tractors pulling kids, cheerleaders, and marching bands from the different high schools, and of course, there were floats and Santa at the very end.

When it was over, we walked over to the huge Christmas decorations in the center of town and took pictures of each other before moving on to get photos with Santa. I took probably a hundred pictures on my phone of Christian, looking fucking adorable, sitting on Santa's lap.

What did he ask Santa to bring him for Christmas?

Christian was the only one of us to talk to Santa, so we moved on to check out the crafts and food. He suddenly jumped up and down, squealing. "Oh, my god! They have a Pride stand! Here, in small-town central, of all places!"

He grabbed Cade's arm and tugged him toward it. They both looked at soaps in the shape and color of rainbows, unicorn-themed stained glass, and more.

"How are you and Christian doing?" Dillon asked as the other two were engrossed in buying all they could.

"So good. I'm falling hard for him, Dil."

His smile was broad as he patted my back. "It feels good, doesn't it?"

"It scares me."

His thick, black brows furrowed. "Why?"

I shrugged. "He's such a good soul."

"And you don't feel worthy of that?"

I glanced back at Christian, feeding off his excitement. "You could say that."

"You're a good soul, too, Dare. "

"I'm not always."

"If you're expecting perfection, then you'll never be happy or accept yourself."

"Maybe. Since when did you get so smart?"

He cocked a brow and smirked. "I've always been smart, thank you very much."

And innocent. He and Cade both were. They hadn't seen true darkness—the darkness that can consume and blind you as you're hurting someone. I didn't tell him that. Dillon was an idealist, but I really enjoyed being surrounded by positive people. I needed it.

Looking back, I could see how being friends with David and Angus was so toxic. Hell, I'd been toxic, too. But I'd fed off their negativity. Now, I fed off positivity. Sometimes, it made me feel like some parasite, unworthy of their friendship and giving nothing back compared to what I had taken.

Christian came running back with excitement on his face. "What did you buy?"

He sucked in his full bottom lip before he let it go. "Something for you, but you can't see it yet."

"Well, why'd you buy it for me if I can't see it?"

"It's for Christmas, silly."

Christmas. What was it like to have a traditional Christmas full of warmth and love, opening presents, and eating delicious food?

"You got me a present for Christmas?"

He nodded with his beautiful eyes that looked like topaz. I'd planned on getting him something, too, but I didn't know what yet. Maybe they'd have something for him here.

"Thank you."

Christian grabbed my arm and pulled me off toward a building away from people. "Why do you look so sad?"

I shuffled my feet on the ground, not wanting to be a mood killer and ruin everyone's day .

"I'm sorry."

"God, I want to touch you right now… But don't be sorry. Talk to me."

"I'm just not used to this. People giving me presents?" I shook my head and stared out at the crowd, not wanting to look at Christian, afraid I'd make him feel as bad as I did. I should've been happy, dammit! "We don't do much for Christmas and never have. It's not just from being broke all the time, but my family…"

"What's Christmas like for you?"

"I don't want to ruin today. We're having a good time."

"Tell me," he insisted more firmly.

"I mean, sure, we put up a tree every year that's more sad than joyful. I would get one gift from Mom, but she always puts Dad's name on it, though he had no hand in the gift-giving. She usually makes ham and mashed potatoes, which isn't too bad, but we don't talk or laugh. Then, Dad goes into the living room to drink beer and watch football. I watch it too because I love the game and learn from every play. I should be grateful I have a Christmas at all and shouldn't be sad because I love the idea of it.

"The worst part of that is having to go to mass on Christmas Eve. I'm going to try to bow out this year. I've been skipping church on Sundays, but Christmas Mass is for Mom, too."

"Fucking dammit!"

I suddenly burst into laughter. Christian rarely ever swore. "Why are you so mad, baby?"

"Baby? Oh, don't stop calling me that. I like that so very much… Anyway! You deserve the best Christmas." His eyes went large, and he clapped, the sound muffled by his mittens. "I know! You should come over to my house. We have the best Christmases, and I'll even watch a football game with you. "

I glanced around at the people, and since no one was paying attention to us, I grabbed his knitted hands. "Yeah? You'll sacrifice your hatred of sports just for me?"

"Yep!"

"I'd like that."

"Then I'll tell Mom you're coming. Oh, my god, this is going to be so much fun!"

That was a greater gift than whatever he bought for me, especially at this moment. Just a little talk, and already I felt like I could take on the world. That was Christian for you.

I told myself, fuck it, grabbed his hand, not letting go, and tugged him back to Dillon and Cade. "Come on, let's have some fun."

Cade and I stopped by a game where you threw balls at some green glass bottles. If you broke two, you'd win a large stuffed animal. It wasn't easy since there were rows of them, and the shelves holding the bottles were narrow.

Cade got one bottle, but after a few tries, I broke two.

"Which one do you want, Chris?"

He pointed up high. "The rainbow bear, of course. Duh," he laughed and winked.

I looked at the man running the stand. "Can I get that bear?"

He reached up, snagged a bear, and handed it to me. I gave it to Christian, who hugged it close to him. "Thanks, Dare! I've never had anyone win anything for me before. Actually, I don't think I've ever won anything, period."

The four of us explored more games and food stands, eating way too much sugar.

"David and his asshole friends at ten o'clock," Dillon warned. I instantly dropped Christian's hand, feeling a surge of guilt, but I just wasn't ready for this.

Sure enough, David walked over to us with Angus and Darcy. Darcy had a party this past Halloween, and she'd invited Dillon and Cade to torment them about being too close for stepbrothers, all because she'd been crushing on Dillon. It nearly ended in disaster, with Dillon almost telling the world he was queer, but I'd stopped him. It was bad enough that our football team would probably ostracize Dillon, but you don't date your stepbrother unless you can deal with serious repercussions.

Since then, David and Darcy had been on my shitlist. Angus hadn't been there, at least.

"You used to be cool and a badass, Darren, now you hang around these brother fuckers and that—"

I knew exactly what he was going to say because I'd used that word once, much to my regret. I didn't hesitate when I fisted his jacket and pulled him close to my face. "Don't you fucking say it. If you say shit about any of my friends, I will fucking kill you."

"Get off him, you psychopath," Darcy said while Angus just stood there laughing. David was completely unfazed.

"Please, you know what they're saying about you in school, right? You hanging around the stepbrothers who love each other, and now you're hanging around the new kid who looks like a fucking girl. You perving on a—"

My hand instantly went to his throat, and the red colors swirled in my mind again.

I squeezed tighter until David's face started to turn as red as my mood. He punched my wrists, but I was stronger.

"Dare, he's not worth it," Christian said gently, instantly turning that rage into a blue calm.

I let David go and shoved him back, then pointed at him as he rubbed his throat with a scowl, but his eyes were nervous. "I've had enough of your shit. Looking back… being friends with you was toxic. I am not like you anymore. Your life at home is shit like mine, so I get it, but it's no fucking excuse."

If Christian hadn't been there, I would've beaten the living shit out of David. Maybe. Dillon or Cade might have tried to stop me, but I would only listen to Christian.

One thing was certain at that moment: I really needed help, but I had no idea how to go about it. This rage and anger needed to be reeled in better. If not, one day, I could seriously hurt someone. What if that someone was Christian?