18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Ryder

I wanted Meghan so badly, that I became desperate with need.

In all of my years of training, I knew better than to give in to your own needs. I had been beaten, starved, and hunted down and still, I had held better resolve than when I am with Meghan. With her, I crumble at the slightest smile. Her touch could undo me in a heartbeat. And, it did.

I had told myself that I would wait before I kissed Meghan. I would have some self-restraint and wait until she was more comfortable being with me. I knew I needed to gain her trust first. I know it sounds absurd, but dealing with a broken woman is like being out in the fields.

When you are hunting the enemy or trying to get a victim to trust you that you are the bad guy here to save the day-- well, it requires a level of expertise. And, if I had been in combat, I would have been dead or lost my target. Meghan blinded me to everything else and this was a dangerous game we both were playing.

Too bad, I refused to stop playing.

Still holding her in my arms, I saw the look in her eyes that told me, she was beginning to see that I wasn't, in fact, the enemy but a good guy. Her heart was racing wildly against my chest as we both struggled to breathe.

"What exactly do you think is yours?" Meghan asked me, that sassy attitude back.

I could throw another comment back and continue our normal banter, or I could dive right in and tell her exactly what I wanted. Looking deep into her eyes, I smiled.

"Meghan, I want you. We have both been burned and lost those we cared about. We don't have to run from the bullets and pain anymore. Give me a chance," I pleaded.

This was the moment of truce. Either she would agree or I would be left cold and alone.

Meghan looked at me like she was trying to reach deep down into my soul. I knew she was trying to read me, I had seen it by CIA operatives over the years. For someone with no military background, Meghan sure did have the tactics of one.

"I want to stop running, but I don't know how," she admitted, and there it was. She finally broke down and admitted something aloud that I knew she had been holding in for far too long.

Holding her tighter, I needed to not only hear my words but feel what I was saying. "This won't be easy and we will both make mistakes. But, we will take it slow. Go out on dates, get to know one another. But, I won't give up on showing you that love can exist after heartache," I told her.

I heard her gasp as a tear rolled down her beautiful face. I wanted to crumble under her touch and do everything in my power to fix her hurt. In time, hopefully, I would. Taking my tumb, I captured the tear and wiped it on my jeans. Her face was too precious to have tears smearing her skin.

Grabbing my hand, Meghan sighed. "I don't know what I am doing, and maybe tomorrow I will wake up and realize it was all a mistake, but…" she paused, as she struggled with the next words to say. I waited breathlessly. As she continued, I felt her hand squeeze mine. "I am willing to give this, us a try."

That was all I needed to hear to know that I had hit my target and everything was going to be fine. "That's all I am asking for," I admit.

Meghan smiles and suddenly, it's like the world was turned back on again. The city lights are brighter and the noises come rushing back again.

"Come on, let's finish our drinks," I say, wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders.

We begin to walk back toward our table on the patio. "Are you going to continue questioning me like we are in an interview?" Meghan asks, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

I chuckle, glad to have her sense of humor back. "Possibly. I need to see if we will be compatible in ten years," I joke.

Playfully punching my side, Meghan laughs before sitting back down in her chair. "You are such an ass."

"And you love it," I resolve, smoking.

After we leave the bar, Meghan and I are both reluctant to go our separate ways. We stand outside the building, neither of us wanting to end the night just yet. "How about a walk on the beach?" I suggest.

I look at her and smile. Her face is illuminated by the streetlights, and she looks beautiful. "Sure," she replies.

I'm grateful she agreed to continue our date. I seem to get lost in this woman and I can't get enough of her.

We make our way across the street and onto the boardwalk, our footsteps muffled by the sand. The moon hangs low in the sky, casting a soft glow over everything. For a moment, the world feels like it's in a dreamlike state, and I'm grateful for the company of this woman beside me.

As we walk, the silence between us feels comfortable, almost like a cozy blanket. I can sense her next to me, her steps matching mine, and I can hear her breathing in the crisp night air. Finally, she breaks the silence with a contented sigh before starting to speak.

"I love living here," she says, and even in the darkness, I can feel her smile radiating warmth.

I feel the same way. "I never thought I'd find a place that could feel like home, but Sunnyvale has become just that for me. I was hesitant to accept the job offer and move here, but looking back, I'm grateful that Aiden pushed me to take the leap."

I had fallen in love with the community and the slower pace of life.

"I'm glad we are both here," I say, squeezing her hand gently. She looks up at me, her smile widening, and I can see the love in her eyes illuminated by the silver glow of the moonlight.

Settling down and getting married wasn't something I ever thought possible for myself. But with Meghan, she gives me hope that one day, I can have all of those things.