Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

January 29 th

4:27 P.M.

Lucy wasn't even sure why she was crying.

Zander was being so sweet and tender with her, washing her hair with so much love and care. Each touch reminded her both of how lucky she was to have him, not just alive, but there in the bath with her taking such good care of her when he had to be hurting from his own injuries, but also of how close she'd come to losing him. Not just losing him to Zimraan and his need for revenge, but to Zander's own fears and insecurities.

Knowing that he was there, with her, and he'd promised to stay, filled her with too many feelings. They built inside her heart, her gratefulness warring with her fear that Zander could still change his mind until they had to come out.

Somehow, at the same time as holding her close like she was the most precious thing in his world, Zander had also managed to be clear-headed enough to ensure her broken arm was kept out of the water, draped over his shoulder as her other arm wrapped around his chest, clinging to him in a silent plea for him not to leave her.

She needed him.

More than she'd ever needed anyone else.

It was a different kind of need, it felt soul-deep, like if he went, he'd take a part of her with him that she would never be able to get back.

"Shh, baby girl, I'm here, I'm here," Zander whispered into her hair as he tucked her face close against his neck. One of his large hands cradled the back of her head, his fingers massaging her scalp just as they had been doing moments before as he worked the shampoo through her long, dirty locks. His other arm was around her waist, keeping her anchored against him the same way she was doing with him.

The thought made her smile.

They might be adrift in the middle of a vast ocean, with no clues how to navigate the emotional landscape before them, but they weren't alone. They had each other. That was a thought she kept hanging onto. The more she thought it the more she could make it a reality.

"I'm not going to leave you, baby, that's a promise."

His words set off another wave of tears, but this time joyful ones. Earlier in the hospital, he'd told her he would stay with her always, but since she continued to sense his doubts and insecurity, she continued to have doubts, too.

Maybe she was going to need to hear a few more times that Zander wasn't going anywhere.

"You swear?" she asked through her tears, nuzzling at his neck.

"Baby, I might never think I'm worthy of you, but as long as you want me here by your side that's where I'm going to be."

"I'm always going to want you by my side."

"Then I'm always going to be here."

Smiling as she lifted her head, she feathered a line of kisses along his stubbled jaw. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks, but she ignored them because warmth was spreading inside her.

This man was hers.

Forever.

He'd told her that he was going to be by her side for as long as she wanted him, and she was going to hold him to it.

She wasn't letting him go and he had better get himself used to that idea.

"I need you, Zander," she whimpered, shifting until her center lined up with his hardening erection.

"Baby girl, we can't," he groaned, although by the heated look in his eyes he clearly wanted to. "You have broken ribs, a broken foot, a broken arm, cuts and bruises everywhere, bigger wounds with stitches, and you've had two seizures in the last week. The doctors said no strenuous activity for at least a month."

"Can't wait a month," she told him. And really it was as simple as that. In the last week she had survived a plane crash, being kidnapped and tortured in Mexico, being kidnapped and tortured in Syria, and a fall out of a helicopter. It wasn't wrong for her to want to celebrate being alive. Being with the man she loved.

"Don't want to hurt you," Zander murmured, sweeping his fingertips across her wet cheeks to catch the last of her tears.

"You won't. We'll be careful. Not hot and steamy this time, just you and me making sweet, gentle love. Unless you're in pain," she added. Just because he had no broken bones didn't mean he wasn't injured and hurting, too. There were bruises over most of his body, horrible black and blue marks that made her want to cry every time she looked at them.

"No, baby, I'm not in pain. I just can't hurt you again."

"It won't hurt, I swear, and even if it did, I don't care. I need to feel you inside me, Zander. I need to feel that you're alive, that I'm alive, that we survived and we're here together. Please, Zander. I just need … you."

"Baby, I don't think I can say no to you about anything."

"Thank you." She dropped a kiss to his lips as his large hands framed her face and his serious eyes met hers. There was so much tenderness and affection in those deep brown depths that more tears filled her eyes.

"You let me do all the work though, okay?"

"Okay," she quickly agreed, anything so that he would hurry up and get inside her, filling the void in her heart.

When his lips met hers, the kiss was so soft and sweet, he was making love to her with his lips and she loved it. The fingers of her good hand tangled in his hair as he lifted her and gently lowered her onto his hard length. Already she was wet and aching with need, and he slid in smoothly in one thrust, filling her as perfectly as she had known he would.

Like the protective alpha male that he was, he kept a grip on her hips so that he was the one doing all the work, and somehow, he managed to position his hands so not only could he hold onto her hips but with every gentle thrust his thumbs grazed her throbbing bundle of nerves.

Sensations built inside her.

Wonderful, beautiful, sweet, tender sensations.

Lucy knew what it was to be loved. She came from a wonderful if overprotective family. But she had never known what it was to be cherished in this way.

It was such an amazing feeling that she was pretty sure she could have come from it alone.

Combined with the feel of Zander inside her, the friction he created with each thrust, and the brush of his thumb over her sensitive bud, there was no way an orgasm couldn't be shimmering to life inside her.

It hit her with the intensity of a bomb.

Only instead of fire, it felt like shimmery glitter exploded all around her.

It sparkled with an intensity that couldn't help but remind her that she and Zander had both survived, and that even if it was a bumpy road getting there, they could have a happy ever after that neither of them had even realized they craved.

When Zander came seconds later it seemed to increase the intensity of her pleasure, making it go on and on until she wasn't sure she could take a second more of it. But Zander was there, kissing her, holding her, his scent and his body surrounding her, cocooning her in a bubble that she would be perfectly happy to live in for the rest of her life.

"Thank you," she murmured as she touched another kiss to Zander's lips like she couldn't get enough of the taste of him, which honestly, she couldn't.

"You never need to thank me for giving you what you need," Zander told her. "Are you okay? In pain?"

"Zander, I am not lying one little bit when I say the only thing I'm feeling right now is the peace and contentment from being thoroughly satisfied by the man I love."

A pleased chuckle rumbled through his chest, and he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "Don't think I'm ever going to get tired of hearing you tell me you love me."

"Hmm, good thing we have the rest of our lives to say it then, isn't it?" With a sleepy sigh she snuggled closer.

"Tired, babe?"

"Mmhmm."

"Then let me get some conditioner in your hair and I'll wash this perfect body of yours, then dry you off and get you all tucked into bed."

"Sounds perfect so long as you're going to lie down with me." Although she was trying her best to be strong for Zander, knowing how much he needed her, she was exhausted. But the only way she would get any sleep was with his arms wrapped around her.

"Wouldn't dream of being anywhere but by your side."

That was perfect because it was the only place she wanted him.

January 29 th

6:51 P.M.

"Why is someone knocking on my door this late at night?" Zander growled, making his girl giggle.

"It's not even seven," Lucy reminded him.

"But after the hell you've been through this last week, you need your rest."

"Only I couldn't sleep. I tried. Dozed for like twenty minutes and then that was it." There were shadows in Lucy's eyes as she said that, and he knew why she hadn't been able to sleep properly and why she'd wanted to get up and come downstairs to watch TV.

Nightmares.

The silent killer.

They ate away at you a little at a time while you were at your most vulnerable. He'd suffered them plenty of times since he joined the military, and they'd become an almost nightly occurrence after his team was killed. While he wanted to protect his girl from suffering them, too, he couldn't, all he could do was hold her through them and soothe and reassure her the best he could once he woke her up.

"Go see who's at the door, Zander," she said, a hint of worry in her voice. "It could be something important. The mole is still out there, and I know I'm safe with you, Scarlett is safe with Tate, and people are watching Ella and Cassie, but I still worry."

"All right, babe." Kissing her forehead, he shifted her so he could slide off the couch, then paused to tuck the blanket snugly around her, making her shoot him an amused smile. "Don't want you to get cold," he said gruffly, surprised by how deep the urge to protect this woman from every little thing ran.

"Love you, Zander."

"Love you back, baby girl."

The words were so easy to exchange considering he'd only ever told one person in his life that he loved them, and that was his sister, and he didn't mean it the same way he did when he said it to Lucy.

He was smiling despite his irritation at someone disturbing Lucy this time of night, even if she was right and it wasn't all that late. But when he opened the door and saw who was standing on his doorstep the irritation bled away.

"Scarlett," he exclaimed, reaching out to pick his sister up off her feet so he could hug her. "Did you come to check on Lucy?"

There was a reproachful expression on her face as he set her back down. "No, Zander. Well, I mean, yes, of course. But I … I mean we," she corrected, glancing over her shoulder where Tate was standing with a towel wrapped around what Zander guessed was a casserole dish or something, "are here for you, too. You're my brother, I love you, I'm worried about both of you."

For a moment he didn't know what to say to that.

Over time, with the distance that had grown between them, he'd forgotten what it felt like to have his sister care about him.

Maybe over the last decade and a half, he'd forced himself to accept the fact that Scarlett didn't love him anymore. It was the only way to deal with that distance, first foster care, and then his decision to go after his parents' love by following in their footsteps had created.

But not anymore.

He wanted a close relationship with his sister. Wanted back what they'd had when they were kids, that closeness of knowing that there was always somebody who had your back no matter what.

Now he had two people to have his back. The two most important people in his life, his sister, and the woman he was falling in love with. A few days ago, he'd felt completely and utterly alone, without his team he'd had no one, and when he'd agreed to fake his death it meant cutting off ties with everyone on the peripheries of his life. All that had surrounded him was empty darkness, there was no way he'd been able to stop that darkness from seeping inside him.

Lucy had shined that first little speck of light into his world again.

The more time he spent with her the more that light grew, sending the darkness fleeing. With Scarlett's light as well, maybe there was hope for the darkness to eventually be completely banished.

"Zander? Who is it?" Lucy called out from the living room, and he could hear the growing worry in her voice.

"Can we come in?" Scarlett asked. "Is it okay that we came?"

Dragging his sister back into his arms he hugged her hard. "Of course it is."

"You can say if it's not. Tate thought maybe we would be intruding, and you'd want time alone."

Shooting a glare at the other man for saying anything that upset his twin sister, he then softened that frown into a smile as he kissed the top of his sister's head. "Scar, I know it'll take time for you to believe it, but there is never a time I don't want to hang-out with you. You're my twin sister, we're two halves of the same whole. I love you, always and forever, nothing is going to change that. I made mistakes, a ton of them. I let my need for Mom and Dad's love come between us, but in the end, I was good at what I did and I enjoyed it, well for the most part. I take full responsibility for us growing apart, and I'll do whatever it takes to mend our relationship."

Noticing Tate's approving nod, it was overshadowed when Scarlett grabbed him in a fierce hug, standing on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "We both allowed us to drift apart, but no more. I want my brother back. I thought I'd lost you forever but now you're here, standing before me, and you're in love with one of my best friends, and I'm not going to let you go again."

"How did I get so lucky to have the best sister in the world?" he asked, affectionately tugging on her hair like he used to do when they were kids.

"I'm the lucky one," Tate said, stepping up and dropping a kiss to the top of Scarlett's head.

"With Zander for a brother, and Tate for a boyfriend, I'm the one who's lucky," Scarlett said, sharing her smile with both of them.

"Zander, if you don't answer me, I'm going to get up and walk down to the door myself," Lucy called out.

"Oh no you don't, you're not supposed to be walking on that foot," he warned, ushering Scarlett and Tate into the house and locking up behind them. "It's only Scar and Tate." Since he didn't know Scarlett's boyfriend, he was going to have to sit the man down and find out what his intentions were because nobody was hurting his twin. Scarlett had been through more than anyone should ever have to, and he wouldn't allow her to be hurt again.

"We brought dinner," Scarlett announced as they all entered the living room. "Tate has been learning to cook and he helped me make macaroni and cheese for the first time. It has to go in the oven, and I thought while it cooks, we'll make potato spirals."

"I love your potato spirals," Lucy said, beaming at her friend.

"They're great comfort food and I think we all need a little comfort right now," Scarlett said, her gaze roaming between them.

That was absolutely the truth. Scarlett had been physically and sexually tortured by Raul Castillo, and before she even had a chance to begin the healing process he popped back up in her life and then one of her best friends was hurt, too. And Lucy had been kidnapped twice, once by the weapons dealer and once by a terrorist. All of that within the last few weeks. Both women had physical and psychological wounds they had barely had a chance to acknowledge.

And worse, so long as the mole was still out there neither of them were safe.

How could any of them hope to begin the healing process when there was the constant threat of someone coming after them again?

They all needed a night off. A night to just chill out and have fun. Eat good food and talk and laugh. And a little family bonding would be nice. He and Tate didn't know each other, and since the man had only recently entered his sister's life, Tate didn't know Lucy or really Scarlett well either.

Comfort food and hang-out time were exactly what they all needed.

"Zander and I will help cook," Lucy said, looking hungry for the first time since she'd woken up in the hospital. This might be a distraction from their problems, but nobody said you had to face your problems right away. Sometimes a distraction was exactly what the doctor ordered.

"Only if you don't overdo things," he warned Lucy as he moved to scoop her up before she could do something stupid like try to walk on her broken foot.

"Good luck with that, man." Tate smirked as he slapped him on the back.

"They're a handful, aren't they?" he said to the other man.

"Hey!" Lucy punched him in the arm, her aim off and there was no strength behind it, but he loved her cute little outraged expression.

"Adorable, too," he added, laughing when his girl's eyes shot daggers at him.

This was pure heaven. His girl in his arms, his sister by his side, a man who would likely soon become his brother there as well. Laughter and joy in the air, and a strong sense of love. As a child, this kind of family had seemed so remote from the life he'd lived, but now it was within his grasp.

There would always be a hole in his heart left behind by the seven men who had died horrific deaths in front of him, and there would always be guilt for not saving them. But Zander knew without a shadow of a doubt that every one of those seven men would be smiling down on him right now, glad he'd chosen happiness and light over vengeance and darkness.

For the rest of his life, he'd never have to worry about the darkness consuming him because in his arms he held the brightest of lights.

His light.

His Lucy.