Chapter 1 Pink Poodle

Mila (Ten Years Old)

"Daddy, I'm scared."

"I know, sweetheart." My dad tugs my sheets up to my neck but they aren't right. They itch my skin and stretch tight around my shoulders.

"Please stay till I fall asleep." He'd done it the first few nights after my mom died, but the last two nights, ever since her funeral, he's left earlier.

"I have work to get done. It's been a long day." The edge of annoyance in his voice makes me feel guilty for being so needy.

My heart hurts. I want my mom to give me a hug and tuck me in like she always did. "I miss Mom."

He drops his head and rests his hand on my upper arm. "Me too."

We sit in silence for a while and my dad's eyes gloss over as he stares at the wall. Grown-ups do this all the time around me lately. After my brother was killed by burglars and my mom died of a heart attack, everyone is sad all the time.

"Can I hold a puppy?"

"Huh?" He shakes his head and tries to focus on me.

"Bring me the pink one, Daddy."

He frowns and glances around the room. "You want a glass figurine in your bed?"

"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?" He makes it sound like I've asked to sleep with a kitchen knife. It's just a figurine.

"It could break."

"I'll be careful with it. Please."

He grunts and stands up. His shoulders hunch as he walks over to the shelf. "This one?" He picks up a pink poodle my mom gave me for my tenth birthday. My last birthday with my mom alive.

"Yes." My voice breaks.

He brings it to me and sets it next to my head on my pillow. I reach up and grab it and pull it against my chest. It's cold and hard but it's the cutest puppy I've ever seen. He has big eyes and a pink bow that's made of real ribbon, not plastic or glass. I love the ribbon. It makes him special. "That's all I have time for, Mila. I have to go make a phone call."

"Can you turn my nightlight on?" Because I hear scary things when I'm alone in the dark.

"Okay." He sighs as he reaches over and clicks on a tiny nightlight plugged into the wall next to my bathroom. "Anything else?"

Now he's really getting annoyed with me but I'm terrified. I don't want him to leave, and I don't want to be alone in the dark.

"Can I sleep with the lamp on?"

He shakes his head. "You can't sleep with the lights on, Mila. You're a growing girl. Your body needs darkness to sleep. Now, stop asking me for weird things."

I don't think they're weird things. I think these are normal things for a girl who lost a brother and her mother all in one month.

"Can Donnie come sleep in my room?" My big brother is stinky and likes to tease me, but I'd rather have him here than be alone .

"He won't come sleep in your girly room with pink poodles. Maybe you can go to his room?"

I tried that before. His bed is too small for both of us and he tells me to get out in a mean voice.

"No. That's all right. Can I please just have more nightlights? Maybe we can even use a string of Christmas lights?"

Now that would help. Little points of light on my walls. That would look so nice and I could pretend I was in a lighted forest.

"You can't have Christmas lights up in the middle of the spring."

I don't say anything. Everyone in the family told me if I needed anything, just ask. I'm asking for some lights and my dad keeps saying no.

He's about to leave and my heart jumps into my throat. I whimper and pull the sheets up over my head. I hear him come back to my bed and sit down next to me. I peek out from under the covers. My heart calms down. He's still here. I'm still safe.

He touches my hair and peers down at me. "I'll protect you, my Milana. Don't be afraid. I've lost a son and a wife and I won't lose you for anything. I'll protect you with my life. You can sleep easy knowing your dad is watching over you. I know it's scary without your mom and Ricky, but we'll get through it together because we're family and I love you. You don't need to be afraid. "

I nod.

"Does that help?" His voice is soft now, less annoyed.

"Yes." For right now, it helps. I do believe he will protect me, and I'm sure he won't let anything bad happen to me.

"Good." He kisses my cheek and turns out the light as he leaves my bedroom.

I jump out of bed and turn on the light again.

I believe what he said, and I know it won't keep the bad men away, but I'm still sleeping with the light on.