Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

February 10 th

2:55 P.M.

How had an hour flown by already?

Felt like only a couple of minutes ago she had assured Miguel that he could wait in the car, that she could do this on her own, and nervously knocked on the little house’s front door.

From the second Ella met Piper face to face, she knew that this would help. There was just something about the woman’s warm, compassionate brown eyes that told her everything was going to be okay.

It was more than just knowing what Piper had been through at the hands of an obsessive stalker who blamed her for losing his job at Prey. It was a deep feeling of being understood. Not only had Piper lived through a horrific ordeal, but that ordeal had also started with an obsession, the same way this mess with her and her team had.

In the entire history of Prey there had only ever been three times the company had hired someone who turned out to be unstable and evil. Once was before her time and had almost wound up costing Fox the woman he loved. Once was with Piper and the man who blamed her for getting him fired. And the third time was the mole now determined to get their hands on the Reactivator.

How could she not feel a connection to this woman?

“Thank you, Piper, for not just letting me talk but for sharing with me, too,” she said as they walked side by side toward the front door.

“You don’t have to thank me for that, Ella. That’s part of how I work. I share because I know how important it is that nobody should feel alone. If talking about what happened to me helps someone else, then I do it. It’s not fun, but I care about every single person at Prey. Genuinely care about you all. Whatever your role at the company, you help make the world a better place and that means I’ll give you all one hundred percent.”

“You couldn’t not,” Arrow said, appearing in the living room door with his six-month-old daughter nestled in his arms.

“Thank you for bringing your family all the way over here for us,” Ella said to the man who hadn't hesitated to hop on a plane with his wife and baby daughter because she needed help.

Arrow smiled at her. “We’ve all been there, Ella. All been in that place where we need help. There’s no way I’d deny anyone that help, especially since my wife is the best,” he teased Piper who blushed and waved her hand like it was nothing, but her eyes lit up anyway.

“I don’t know about being the best, but I do know I’ll give you my best, Ella. All I ask is that you give me your best in return.”

“I will,” she said solemnly. And it was true. Her life felt like it was spinning out of control, and she had no idea how to right it again, but she knew she was going to try. With everything she had to give. “I better get going.”

“Yeah, put that hulk out there out of his misery,” Arrow said, turning teasing eyes in her direction.

Like Piper, she blushed. Miguel had come there for her, it was his idea to bring her, and even though she’d assured him it wasn't necessary, he’d decided to stay and wait until she was done rather than going somewhere for an hour and returning to pick her up.

“Miguel is one of the good ones,” Piper assured her as she opened the front door.

“He is,” she agreed. That didn't mean she had a shot with him.

“Same time tomorrow,” Piper reminded her.

“I'm … actually looking forward to it,” she admitted.

“Talking to a shrink isn’t as bad as it’s made out to be,” Piper said with a chuckle.

Wasn't that the truth. Or maybe it was just that Piper didn't make you feel like you were talking to a shrink just chatting with a friend.

Saying her goodbyes she hurried across the street to Miguel’s truck and found him sitting in the driver’s seat, sweaty and glowering.

“What's wrong?” she asked immediately, his angry energy soaking into her the moment she slipped into her seat.

“Someone was watching the house.”

When her hands shook at his words, Miguel reached over, grabbed her seatbelt, and did it up for her. “Watching the house? Watching me?”

“Given they ran when I approached, I'm going to guess watching you,” he replied, starting the engine.

Icy dread filled her.

What would have happened if Miguel hadn't brought her this afternoon?

Had the mole been lying in wait for her to leave on her own before making a move?

“Hey, I got you, honey. That woman is not getting to you,” Miguel vowed.

“It was a woman? For sure?” Given what Cassie had been told when Raul Castillo had abducted her, they knew the mole was a woman, so knowing it was a woman watching her today reinforced the idea that it could be the mole.

“For sure. She ran, got through the fence. By the time I got over it she’d disappeared. I looked around for as long as I could, but I wanted to be here when you came out just in case she had something planned and doubled back.”

Regardless of the vibes he put off, Miguel had been putting her first every step of the way. “Thank you,” she whispered, reaching out to grab his hand and clutching onto it like it was her lifeline.

“Any time, honey,” he said, his eyes softening when he looked at her.

They lapsed into silence as Miguel drove her back to her place. A million thoughts tumbled together in her head. How close she could have come to being taken if that’s what the mole had been there waiting to do left her feeling scared, but she was also still riding the high of her session with Piper.

There were no guarantees in life.

That was becoming clearer and clearer to her.

Not even your next breath of air was guaranteed.

If you didn't reach out and take what you wanted, there might never be another chance.

That thought was the most prevalent in her mind as she and Miguel walked up her front path thirty minutes later.

Whatever was going to happen with Miguel, whether they’d ever get a chance to explore this thing brewing between them, she didn't want him to walk away without her getting to have him just one time.

One time to remember, to look back on if he walked away from her.

If it wasn't what he wanted then she’d understand, she wouldn't push, and she wouldn't ask for more than he was willing to give. But you never knew unless you went for it.

As soon as Miguel locked the door behind them, Ella reached for his shoulders, tugging on them until she could press her lips to his. For a second, he stood there unmoving. She’d caught him off-guard, and she could guess that he was warring with himself about how he should best respond.

Just as she thought he was going to push her away, a growl rumbled through him, and one of his arms snaked around her waist, pulling her possessively up against his rock-hard body. His tongue nudged against her lips, and when she opened them, it swept inside her mouth, a little precursor to what she hoped would happen in the next few minutes.

Her body was a needy, throbbing mess. Sex had always been fun, and she’d been lucky enough to be with partners who cared about her pleasure. But never before had she felt this burning need. It pulsed through her veins, consuming her with each beat of her heart.

They were both breathing hard when Miguel finally pulled back enough that he could look down at her. His dark eyes were stormy with emotion and Ella wished she could soothe it away for him.

“Ella, I can't … I'm not … I want you … want this … but I can't make any promises about the future.”

Those words buried themselves deeply in her heart. It wasn't fair to want him to make promises and yet she couldn’t deny she wanted him to.

One day at a time.

Seize the moment.

Don’t have regrets.

Regardless of whether or not she’d love a promise to explore this thing between them, Ella knew that if she let this opportunity pass her by then she would wind up regretting it. For now, she had to focus on just this, not on what could or couldn’t be in the future.

“Okay,” she agreed, shoving away the pain in her heart. If this was meant to be, it would work its way out eventually, and if it wasn't then she’d patch her heart back together again.

“Are you sure?” he asked, studying her eyes, searching for the truth.

“I'm sure that I want you. Here. Now. I don’t want soft and sweet, I just want raw and passionate. I want to feel you inside me, I want to be consumed by you. I don’t want anything between us. I'm on birth control and I'm clean. If you're okay with it we don’t need a condom. I just need you, Miguel. I need you,” she said again, allowing a little of the vulnerability she felt beneath her desire to shine through.

“I'm here, honey. I'm right here. I've never gone bare before, but with you … with you I can't think of anything that feels more right.”

With those words, his hands gripped the hem of her sweater, and in one smooth move, he tugged it up and over her head, tossing it onto the floor. His own sweater fell next, and then before she knew it, both their jeans and underwear lay at their feet and they were standing before each other completely naked.

“So beautiful,” Miguel murmured as he reached out and tweaked one of her nipples.

“You're pretty handsome yourself,” she whispered back, tracing her fingertips along the ridges of each defined muscle on his sculpted chest and abdomen.

Her hand drifted lower, trailed along the hard length standing ready and at attention. At her soft touch, it jerked and she smiled, liking the powerful feeling she got from knowing with one little touch she could affect this man so much.

“Nuh-uh, honey, no touching,” Miguel said as his hand circled her wrist, tugging it away so she could no longer stroke his erection. “Not if you don’t want this to be over real quick.”

Even though she’d asked for hard and passionate and not soft and sweet, Miguel somehow managed to give her both as he lifted her, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist as he ground her center into his hard ridge.

Her head fell back on a moan at the contact.

The friction felt amazing, and she could already feel the heat in her veins turn into fire.

“I could get lost in you,” Miguel whispered against her lips.

“I am getting lost in you,” she murmured back.

Another growl rumbled through him and then his hands were on her hips. “Are you wet for me, Ella?”

“Yes,” she said, squirming as he pulled her slightly away from his length, taking away the beautiful friction she got every time she rolled her hips against him.

“So wet, aren't you, honey, so ready for this,” he purred, moving her hips until his tip nudged against her entrance. Even though she tried to shift, to take him deeper, he held firm and chuckled when she mewed a protest.

“Please,” she begged needily.

“Please what, honey?” he teased, moving her hips just a tiny bit closer so another inch slipped inside her.

“Please, I need you, want you inside me. Oh …” she moaned when she was rewarded by a hard thrust that buried him deep inside her. So deep that she knew she would forever feel the remnants of this moment. This moment when nothing else mattered but them, but this, but being there together, sharing something bigger than either of them could name.

“Like this, honey?” he asked as he began to thrust into her.

“Mmm,” she moaned. “So good.”

“Perfection,” he agreed. “Is my girl going to come for me like a good girl?” he asked as one of his hands moved to touch her aching bud while his other kneaded her backside.

Why did those words make her insides flip?

Being called a good girl was a massive turn-on.

“Hmm, honey? You going to come for me?” Miguel asked as the fingers working her bundle of nerves began to press harder and faster.

“Yes,” she gasped as sensations prickled to life inside her.

His mouth closed over one of her breasts, and once again, her head tipped back as the fire inside her licked at every nerve ending, setting them all alight so that when she came it was going to be in a fiery inferno.

Each thrust, each swirl of his tongue, each stroke of his fingers worked her higher until she was sure she was seconds away from combusting.

Then his teeth scraped over her pebbled nipple, and his voice rumbled on the sensitive bud as he gave her an order her body couldn’t refuse.

“Come for me, Ella. Come now. Show me what a good girl you are.”

Just like that he set her on fire.

A powerful orgasm roared through her, scorching her very soul with its power and leaving her a shuddering, shaking mess as she felt Miguel spill his own release inside her.

In one simple moment, he had ruined her for all other men.

This was the only one she wanted.

She just didn't know if he would let her keep him.

February 11 th

6:14 A.M.

Why was it so easy to believe that everything could turn out all right when he had this woman in his arms?

What was it about her that stilled everything inside him?

“Miguel?” Ella asked, turning her head so that her chin was propped up on his chest and she looked up at him. They were still in bed, he hadn't even put up a protest when Ella asked him if he’d stay the night and hold her while she slept. Given that she’d had a couple of nightmares, he was glad he hadn't let his fears get the best of him so that he was there to soothe her as she trembled and cried.

When he woke a couple of hours ago, the urge to tuck tail and run had been there, but he hadn't given into it. With no idea what the future held, he wanted to make the most of the opportunities to touch and hold her while they were there.

In a blink of an eye, he could lose this and he wasn't ready to face that possibility yet.

For now, he just wanted to be there, support this brave woman, and give her the strength and comfort she needed. For now, that had to be enough. He could worry about everything else later.

“Yeah, honey?” His hand trailed absently up and down the length of her spine, maybe more in a gesture to soothe himself than her.

“Can I ask you something?”

Even though his stomach dropped at the question he nodded. “Yeah, you can ask me anything you want.”

And he’d answer it.

Whatever she wanted to know he couldn’t help but feel like she had earned the right to an honest answer.

“I know that I probably shouldn’t ask, you’ve already done more for me than you had to. You saved me, and you’ve been here for me. I was just wondering … is there a reason that you … keep things casual with women?”

Without her having to say the words aloud Miguel knew what she was really asking.

Was there a reason he didn't want to give them a chance?

If he hadn't just confessed his secrets to Luis, he might have been tempted to hold back now. To tell her that it really wasn't any of her business. But for some strange reason, it didn't seem all that daunting to tell Ella the truth. Besides, it affected her too since it was those fears that prevented him from asking her out.

“Do you know much about Luis and my history?” he asked.

“No. I don’t know much about him at all other than Cassie has fallen head over heels for him.” There was a wistfulness to her tone that he wished he had the ability—or the courage—to smooth away. If he just believed that he had what it took to keep his dark urges under control then he could.

But he wasn't sure if he could.

Wasn't sure that he wasn't making her his latest addiction.

That would be the ultimate irony. If he finally found a woman he wanted so badly to stay clean and sober for, only to have her become his obsession and that be the thing that wound up destroying them both.

“Our childhood wasn't a good one. Dad bailed and left our mom alone with two little kids and addictions she couldn’t—or didn't want to—get a handle on. Any money she got went on drugs and booze. Usually, we went through dumpsters searching for food so we didn't starve and stole a little on occasion. There was a parade of boyfriends in and out of the house, all were addicts, and some were violent. Mostly they pounded on Luis, he was older and tried to shield me as best as a little boy could.”

There would never be a day that went by when he wasn't grateful for everything his brother had done for him. He’d always wanted to prove himself to Luis and be just like him. Following him into the SEALs had been a no-brainer, but could he follow his big brother into the land of love and relationships?

“I'm so sorry,” Ella said, her fingertips tracing small circles on his pecs.

“When I was nine and Luis was eleven, he decided that if we joined a local gang we’d be able to get money and get a better life for ourselves. Made sense in his eleven-year-old head. Since we were so little the gang decided to use us as a lure to break into a couple of businesses, thinking they’d open up for two kids who needed help. It worked. Only the business they hit up the owners fought back. There was a shootout, cops came, and I was critically injured.”

One of Ella’s fingers moved to his neck and trailed along the pale, silvery scar there. “This?”

“Yeah. I almost bled out, people died, when the cops realized how young Luis and I were CPS got involved. We were removed from our mom’s custody and put in foster care. We really lucked out there. Wound up with a former military family, they had four biological kids but wanted to help some kids in need. I consider them my family, more so than the people who created me. They’ve been there for me through everything since I was nine years old.” Miguel paused to drag in a long breath. It was now or never. “Including through my own addictions.”

For a second Ella stilled, but then she snuggled closer, plastering herself against his side, and her fingers resumed tracing circles on his pecs. “Drugs or alcohol?”

“Drugs. I started out just thinking I was cool and fitting in, smoking a little weed. Then my DNA took over. I almost threw away everything that I'd been given, the second chance at life, a real shot at a future. Before I knew what had happened, it was spiraling out of control. I was lucky my parents noticed and didn't hesitate to do something about it. They put me in rehab, and I worked the program hard. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. Didn't want my brother to be disappointed in me. I got clean and haven’t taken anything since, alcohol included, because I don’t trust myself.”

They lay there in silence for a few minutes. Ella didn't pull away, even though she had every reason to put a little distance between them.

It was one thing for her to be interested in him when she didn't know that he was an addict who could blow up her life at a moment’s notice, it was another now that she knew the truth.

Only she didn't move.

Didn't stop touching him.

Her expressive eyes remained warm and open, full of care and compassion.

Each thump of his heart seemed to echo through his body. Was this something Ella thought she could handle? Being an addict was a lifelong problem, it wasn't just going to magically go away, he would always have to be careful when stressors arose that he handled them in an appropriate manner. It was a lot for anyone to take on, especially a woman who had just lived through her own hell.

“Why don’t you trust yourself?” Ella finally asked.

Not the question he’d been expecting.

And not one he was sure he knew an answer to.

“Hard to trust yourself when you know how addiction destroyed your parents and almost took you down with it,” he finally said. “I never want to put an innocent person in the position that Luis and I were in. I couldn’t do that to someone.”

“You seem pretty aware of your issues, and it seems to me you have all the motivation in the world to keep yourself clean. What would you do if it felt like you were slipping?”

A much easier question to answer. “Book myself straight into rehab.”

Ella smiled like that was exactly what she had expected him to say. Then she rested her cheek on his chest and snuggled closer against his side. “Seems to me you already have a plan in place if the worst were to happen. If there’s one thing I've learned from this whole thing with the mole, it’s that you can do everything right and things still don’t work out. You can't control that. You can't control anything. Nothing that happens around you. The good or the bad. The only thing you have any control over whatsoever is yourself.”

“And what if you lose that control over yourself?”

“Then you do whatever you have to in order to get it back. Doesn’t make it easy, but nothing in life is easy. I might not know you well, Miguel, but I know you're a good guy. I know you save the world, I know you’ve saved me. I know what you were prepared to go through to give me a chance at being safe. I know that you have people in your life you care about, your brother, your family, your team. I know you would protect those people any way you had to. I know that you're strong and brave. I know that you can do anything you put your mind to, including having a future and keeping your addictions under control. The thing is, though, it doesn’t matter what I know. It only matters what you know. I just hope you can figure it out so you can have the future you deserve.”

All this time he’d been so focused on any potential partner’s future and what they deserved that he hadn't given much thought to himself.

Was Ella right?

Did he deserve a future, too?

Could he find happiness with a woman, have a family of his own, and manage to keep his addictions in check as he weathered the storms life would inevitably throw his way?

Or was that nothing more than a dream that would forever remain out of reach?