Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

February 9 th

8:42 P.M.

Panic bubbled to life inside her when she realized someone was standing in the doorway to her music room.

Then disappeared as quickly as it came.

Miguel.

It was only Miguel.

Ella’s fingers quickly recaptured the tune she’d faltered with when she realized she was no longer alone. Something about the expression on Miguel’s face urged her to keep playing.

That smile, it was … magical.

Rapt.

Almost awe-struck.

It wasn't like Ella needed to constantly have her ego massaged, she knew she’d been born with a gift, that she could have made music a career, and that even though she had chosen not to, she was still able to play in front of sold-out audiences a handful of times a year. With her gift, she was able to keep her skills at the same level that someone who practiced hours a day every day had even though she usually practiced only a couple of times a week.

But these last few days she’d been doubting everything about herself. Had she made the right choice by not telling anyone at Prey about the threats so she didn't risk the mole getting wind of the fact she had no intention of handing over the Reactivator? Was there another road she could have taken that, at the time, she hadn't been able to see? Was she overreacting to what she perceived as betrayal by the people she trusted?

Was she crazy to keep thinking about Miguel even though she knew if she allowed herself to develop feelings she would wind up with a broken heart?

And why did none of it mean anything in this moment when their eyes connected, and they seemed to speak the language of music in a conversation that wasn't spoken aloud?

“That was beautiful,” Miguel murmured when the last notes had died away leaving them in silence.

Ella felt her cheeks flush with heat at his praise. “Thank you. It was Antonio Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons. Technically, it’s a solo violin piece, but I love it, and I play it on the cello sometimes when I just want to relax and unwind. I love the way he used music to represent so many things from nature. Singing birds, buzzing flies, flowing creeks, warm winter fires, it’s so well done, so beautiful, I just …”

“Love it,” Miguel finished for her, and Ella nodded.

“Baroque music is my favorite. Vivaldi, Bach, Handel.”

“The Messiah guy?”

“Yep. I love that piece, it’s another of my favorites.”

“Do you miss it? Playing every day? I can't imagine that with your workload at Prey you get to play as much as you want to.”

“I don’t,” she agreed as she stood and began to pack away her cello into its case. “When I was younger, I used to play six instruments professionally—in concert—and another dozen just for fun. When I decided to go to college and study chemistry and forensics, I had to give up everything but the cello. It’s my favorite, and I couldn’t imagine not having it be part of my life so it stayed even when I had to give up the others.”

“I bet you could pick up any one of those instruments and blow my mind away playing them.”

Her blush deepened at Miguel’s compliment. “I could probably still play them, but I'm not up to performance level in them anymore. Takes all the time I have to just keep up my skills enough on the cello to be able to perform the occasional concert.”

“Your worst is still going to be better than everyone else’s best.”

“That’s sweet of you to say but not actually true,” she told him with a grin as she closed the music book she’d been using and returned it to the shelves to join the others.

“I don’t make the rules, honey,” Miguel teased, making her laugh.

It felt nice to be able to relax, and she wished he hadn't pulled out of having dinner with her tonight. If she had to guess, it was because he was already wondering how he could extract himself from her life, and if she made up with the people at Prey then he could back away from her with zero guilt.

Pure speculation on her part, but she got the feeling that Miguel’s playboy reputation had a basis in something that had happened to him. Keeping things casual with women was a way to protect his heart, she just wished she knew what he was afraid of so she could help him work through it.

Bad idea or not, she was already developing feelings for him.

Crazy since she’d only met him a month ago and spent only the last few days of that month having any real contact with him. But the time they’d spent together was intense. He’d saved her on multiple occasions, been prepared to be tortured for her, and been the only one on her side.

How could she not develop feelings?

Despite his reputation, she couldn’t help but think her feelings weren't completely one-sided. That maybe he might have some for her, too. It was the way he looked at her, the way he touched her so gently, the way he was so protective, and seemed to be able to make her feel like she was being taken care of while simultaneously like she was strong enough to take care of herself if he wasn't there to do it.

Too bad it didn't look like he was going to do anything about it.

Yet …

He was there.

Even though he’d told her he had something on with his team tonight and couldn’t make dinner, he’d still come by.

After hanging with the Prey people all afternoon, she’d come home feeling like things weren't completely hopeless when it came to them, that maybe those relationships could be salvaged if she gave it a little time. But as soon as she’d walked back into her home, she’d been hit by that wave of loneliness again.

There had been only one person she’d wanted to call.

Just one.

Miguel Aguilar.

Not her family, not her friends, just him.

She’d gone so far as to bring up his name on her phone, but her finger had hovered above the call option, unable to make herself do it because of fear of rejection. If she told Miguel that she had feelings for him that were more than just wanting to be his friend, she knew what would happen.

He’d vanish from her life like a puff of smoke.

“Ella?” Miguel stood before her and she realized she’d been standing stock still, lost in thought, trapped in an internal battle of wanting to ask Miguel for more while also attempting to be content with what he was comfortable offering.

“Mmm?” When he was standing close enough, she could feel the heat pouring off his body and engulfing her in a heady brew of comfort, strength, and arousal it was hard to concentrate on anything other than that she craved more. More of his presence, more of his touch, more kisses, more pleasure, more everything.

“Are you okay?”

Lifting her head to meet his gaze, she saw the same things she felt reflected back at her. Miguel might not like it, but he craved her, too. How badly she wished he would give in to his desire, pick her up, carry her to her bed, make sweet love to her, and then hold her all night while she slept.

In his presence, she didn't care about the short time they’d known each other, or the intensity of her feelings. She didn't care about anything other than him and her, the two of them, together.

When his palm cradled her cheek, she released a soft sigh, nuzzling into his hand. Was she okay? No, of course not. Would she be? Yeah. One day at least.

“I have an appointment tomorrow with a therapist,” she admitted, a little conflicted on how she felt about that. On the one hand, she knew she needed it, on the other, it would feel weird talking to a stranger about things they couldn’t understand. Not that it was a complete stranger. Piper Hamilton-Eden was Prey’s on-staff psychiatrist who was flying out there to stay for the next few weeks so she could counsel not just Ella but all of Athena Team. Of course, she knew what Piper had been through, and the woman was married to Antonio “Arrow” Eden from Prey’s Alpha Team, if anyone could help, it was certainly Piper.

“You feeling okay about it?”

“Kind of. I know it will help.”

“I’m sure it will,” he agreed. “You have anyone to take you?”

“Take me? Umm … no. I was going to drive myself.”

“I’ll drive you.”

It didn't sound like an offer, it sounded more like an order, like he had already decided that was what was going to happen.

This man.

He made her feel like he saw her as someone who could be more than a friend, and yet he also seemed to make it clear that friendship was all he was offering. All he would ever be offering. Then he went and did something like this, offering to be there for her when they both knew she would likely wind up needing some support.

How was she supposed to figure out if she had a chance with him when he kept sending her these mixed signals?

February 10 th

2:37 P.M.

It felt like ants were crawling all over his skin.

Not a sensation he should be having when all he was doing was sitting in his car outside a small house where Prey’s on-staff psychiatrist, Piper, her husband Arrow, and their baby daughter Dana were staying for the next month while they stayed in San Diego so Piper could help Athena Team.

Only Ella wasn't in his line of sight.

For some reason that was beginning to cause issues for him.

Truth was, even though Miguel was convinced it was for the best he just couldn’t seem to maintain any distance between them.

He wanted to be around her.

Simple as that.

When he was with Ella, he felt this peace take up residence inside his soul. It calmed him in a way nothing else ever had.

Being that he was nine when he almost died, and he and Luis went into foster care he had limited memories of his life before. Enough to remember how bad it had been. The drugs, the hunger, the men parading in and out of their house at all hours of the day and night. He remembered the beatings his brother had gotten trying to protect him and even the couple he’d received himself.

But there was a distance there. For half of his childhood, he’d lived a good life. A happy life. More importantly, a safe life. Things had been good with their foster family and he’d known what it was like to be loved, supported, and receive appropriate discipline handed out in a caring manner.

Never had he known peace like this though.

In fact, he hadn't even known that peace like this existed. Was this what it was like for Luis when he realized he was falling for Cassie? Had he felt this deep belief that as long as he was with her everything was going to be okay?

The relief he felt sharing the secret of his teenage addiction with the big brother he idolized had been unexpected. There had been no disgust or disappointment in Luis’ eyes and now he wished that he’d told his brother a long time ago.

When he was with Ella, he felt like he would always be able to keep those addictive traits under control. How could he not when he had the best motivation in the world to seek help immediately if he felt like he was going to slip up?

It was in the moments when they weren't together that the doubts slid in.

What ifs.

A million of them.

Running rampant through his mind because he wasn't with Ella, and he couldn’t ensure she was safe.

Miguel was well aware he was allowing Ella to become an addiction. Far too quickly. They’d met only just over a month ago, and in that time, they’d exchanged only a handful of words until four days ago when his team had been tasked with going to Mexico and retrieving a suspected traitor.

It shouldn’t be possible to be falling this fast.

And yet it was.

Because he was falling.

Faster than the speed of light.

What happened when he hit the ground?

Could he get everything he had wanted since he was a small boy looking at the other children at school, knowing they went home to a normal life, to normal parents, that they got to be happy? He’d wanted that happiness, too. Craved it. Wanted to one day be just like them, just like their parents, just like the people he saw on the streets going about their lives.

Of all the women he’d been with not a single one of them had stirred up feelings.

None of them had made him question his future and the vow he’d made to himself.

Only Ella.

She made him want to throw caution to the wind and jump in with both feet. She gave him confidence he’d never felt before that he had what it took to keep his addictions under control, or at the very least recognize if he couldn’t and do something about it.

Yet, as he looked at the house she’d entered almost an hour ago an icy dread filled him as he forced himself to remember that there were no guarantees in life.

If he let himself fall all the way for her, he really could destroy her.

Was it worth the risk?

That was what it really boiled down to. Was having Ella worth risking the possibility that one day he might hurt her?

There was no easy answer to that question. None he could come up with now at least. The only way to know for sure was to take that plunge, and as badly as he wanted to jump all in he couldn’t. The fear was too strong, the doubts too controlling. Maybe in time he’d be able to think with a clearer head.

He had time.

Wasn't like Ella was asking for a marriage proposal.

In fact, he could tell she was being as careful as he was to keep things just friendship even though when he gazed into her eyes, he couldn’t not feel how much she wanted to ask for more.

But she had a lot on her plate, a relationship—especially with someone like him—wasn't what she needed right now. Time. That’s what she needed, what he needed, too. Then, hopefully with time, all the answers he sought would become clear.

Straightening abruptly when he saw someone meandering in front of the rental Piper and Arrow were staying in, something about it, about them, put Miguel on edge.

The person didn't have a dog with them, and they weren't dressed in the kind of clothes one usually wore when they went out for a jog. They weren't dressed for the weather either, wearing black pants and a white blouse.

From the size and shape of them Miguel knew it was a woman.

The mole at Prey was a woman.

Was it possible …?

After initially making a list of three people they thought could likely be the mole, Prey had cleared two of them and one had been found to be set up. After that, they’d gone back to the drawing board, gone through every single person who had ever worked at the company, from the cleaning crew up. They weren't doing things by halves, but the reality was, it just took time to go through dozens of people looking for any evidence that they might betray the company and try to steal a drug that was worth millions.

It helped now to know that they were looking for a woman, but that still left a lot of people, and it had only been just over a month since this whole mess started. Even working on it around the clock, Prey hadn't been able to zero in on any one particular current or past employee.

Now someone dressed in work clothes was standing outside a house where his woman was. His woman who had just been threatened into putting her life on the line and almost losing everything.

Anger took hold inside him.

This could be nothing—just a neighbor or local out for an early afternoon stroll—or it could be the answers they’d been looking for.

Shoving open his door he climbed out, doing his best not to draw attention to himself. Lucky for him, the figure in front of the rental house didn't seem to realize they were being watched. Either they were completely innocent and had nothing to do with the mess at Prey or they were cocky enough to believe they were going to remain on top forever.

They weren't.

All it would take was one little slip-up, and the precarious house of cards they’d built would come tumbling down around them.

He couldn’t wait for that day.

Just because the future for him and Ella was uncertain didn't mean he didn't want the absolute best for her. That started with the target on her back being removed so she was free to heal without having to worry at the same time about her life and safety.

While he wanted to streak across the street and barrel into the person still standing there watching the house, Miguel forced himself to move slowly. If this was just some innocent person, the last thing he wanted to do was knock them to the ground and bind their wrists.

Just as he was about to come up behind them, close enough he could get a look at their face and see if he recognized it, the person startled. Knowing that his presence had been detected, he picked up his pace.

“Hey, I need to talk to you,” he called out.

But the person took off at top speed. Confident he could outrun whoever this was, innocent or not—and the running clearly made them look guilty—he followed. Only instead of running straight down the street the person veered to the left. The house four down from the one where Ella was had a broken wooden fence, and the woman headed for it.

Her much smaller body was able to wriggle its way between two of the palings, disappearing just as he reached out to grab hold of them, his fingers instead snapping together around nothing but air.

Nuh-uh.

No way.

If the mole wanted a chase, he’d give her one.

This person didn't get to just slip away.

Not when Ella’s life was hanging in the balance. So long as the mole roamed free, she would never be safe, never be able to find peace or move on.

Grabbing hold of the top of the fence, Miguel heaved himself up and over it. He wasn't giving up until he had the mole in custody and knew his girl was safe.