Chapter Eight

Cade

T hen - Age Nineteen

"Titan, you're such an asshole!" January yells so loudly I hear her from the street.

"What the fuck?" I mutter, my eyes widening. I jog up the steps to their house just in time for something to crash against the wall inside. I yank the door open without knocking to find her and Titan facing off in the living room. Titan is on the far side of their old sofa, with January standing next to the television stand on this side, a remote in her hand. There's another in pieces at her brother's feet.

"Put the goddamn remote down, January," Titan growls, scowling daggers at her. There's a red mark on his cheek that looks suspiciously like a handprint.

"Stay out of my room and out of my business!" she shouts right back and stomps her foot. She lifts the remote over her head to throw it at him.

I take three quick steps in her direction and snatch it out of her hand before she can launch it at his head. Wrapping an arm around her waist, I pull her to me. She fights me, trying to break out of my hold as Titan rattles off a string of curses.

"Calm down, little monster," I murmur in her ear, worried she's going to hurt herself trying to break free of my grip.

She immediately stops fighting me and huffs. And then she cries out in alarm.

I glance up just in time to see Titan charging at us like a bull, his face a thundercloud. I pick January up and toss her onto the couch out of harm's way. Titan plows into me a second later, knocking me into the wall. The television stand slides across the floor, careening into the movie shelf on the other side. DVDs crash to the floor in a pile.

"She's sixteen years old, you bastard!" he yells, pinning me to the wall. His face is red with rage, a vein in his forehead throbbing.

"Titan, stop it!" January demands. Another remote sails through the air toward us.

It cracks Titan in the back of the head before crashing to the floor. A split second later, she comes flying at him like a winged demon. She pounds on his back with her fists, yelling at him to stop being an asshole and to let me go. Her eyes are rimmed in red like she's been crying, but her face is flushed with anger.

I have no fucking clue what's going on with her and Titan, but I haven't seen her in a week, and I'm not in the mood for this shit today. My classes are kicking my ass, Ma Lucia is sick and dying, and I'm exhausted from running back and forth between campus and the hospital.

"January, knock it off now!" I bark at her.

She jumps backward, her mouth open in a shocked little "O". I've never talked to her like that before. I feel like a dick for doing it now. But it gives me enough room to get Titan off me without hurting her, and that's all I need.

With a frustrated curse, I push him, throwing him off me. As soon as he stumbles back a step, I spin, putting his back to the wall and my elbow against his throat, effectively pinning him in place and putting myself between him and January. She's so mad she's liable to hurt herself.

"Settle the fuck down before you hurt her," I bark, holding him to the wall until he meets my gaze.

His dark green eyes are hard, his jaw clenched tight. The vein in his forehead still pulses with the force of his anger. He jerks his chin in a nod though, letting me know he's willing to back off so she doesn't get hurt. He's my best friend, but I will lay him out if she gets injured trying to murder him for whatever dumb shit he did to piss her off this time.

I loosen my grip on him slowly and step back.

January immediately pushes her way under my arm and nestles into my side. The two of them glare daggers at each other. They're both panting from exertion. But at least they've stopped trying to kill each other for the moment.

"Either of you want to tell me why I could hear you yelling from the street?" I ask, glowering at both of them.

January's cheeks turn pink, but she doesn't answer me. "It's my business, Titan," she says instead, still glaring at her brother. "Not yours. Stop being a hypocritical asshole and mind your own damn business."

"Man, fuck this shit," he snaps and shoves past me, knocking into my shoulder. He stomps to the door and storms out. The door slams so hard behind him, the windows rattle, and a picture falls off the wall.

January immediately bursts into tears.

I pluck her up from the floor and into my arms. She wraps around me like a blanket, her entire body shaking. I carry her to the threadbare couch, holding her to my chest. When I sit down with her in my lap, she cuddles into me, burying her face in my throat. Her hot tears soak into my skin.

I have no idea what to make of her reaction, but it's freaking me out a little. I fucking hate it when she cries. And I have never seen Titan so pissed before. I've never seen them fight like that before, either. He riles her up just to get her going sometimes, and they have typical sibling spats, but they've never resorted to violence. Titan is as protective of her as I am. For him to act like that, whatever they're fighting about has to be serious.

She's crying so hard it's breaking my heart.

"Don't cry, baby girl," I plead with her. "Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry," she sobs, clinging to me.

"What happened?" I ask, rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down.

"He found my birth control," she chokes out between sobs, still hiding her face in my throat.

My hands freeze on her back as soon as I process her words.

"Shit," I mutter, not sure what to say to that. No wonder he tackled me. He thinks I'm sleeping with his little sister.

She and I aren't having sex, but since she turned sixteen a few months ago, she's been pushing the issue. Holding her off is getting harder by the day. I want her so badly it hurts. I'm trying to do the right thing, but then she crawls into my lap, and all the reasons why we need to wait fall away. It's come close a few times before I was able to get myself under control, but I'm not sure how much longer that's going to last.

I'm constantly hard for her.

"He hates you now, and it's all my fault," she sobs. "I ruined your friendship!"

"He doesn't hate me," I tell her, hoping like hell he doesn't make a liar out of me. "And you didn't ruin our friendship. He's just worried about you."

Mandy thought she was pregnant about a year ago. It freaked Titan the hell out. He's probably thinking about that, worrying January will end up where he thought he was back then. I know Titan better than I know myself sometimes. He adores the girl currently clinging to me like her life depends on it. He always says she's going to be the one who gets out of here and does something great with her life. There's no way he'd be okay with her getting pregnant at sixteen.

Hell, there's no way I'd be okay with her getting pregnant at sixteen. We're too fucking young to have kids. Between school, taking care of Ma Lucia, keeping Kaleo from claiming this block, and all the shit that goes hand-in-hand with that responsibility, I barely have time to see my girl. There's no way I could juggle a kid on top of it. And there's no way I'm letting her jeopardize her future by becoming a teen mom. That's exactly why we decided she needed to be on birth control. That's why I carry a condom everywhere I go. I'm not taking any chances.

Eventually, I know I won't be able to tell her no anymore. It's already hard as hell to keep pulling us back from the edge. As soon as I feel her soft hands on my body or she pulls her shirt off and puts my hands on her, I lose track of everything but her. I want her more than she knows. But when we finally do take that step, I want us both to be prepared.

"He's so mad at me."

"You were throwing shit at him, January." I don't mention the definite handprint across his cheek.

"Only because he said he was going to kill you!" she cries.

I shake my head, bemused at how upset she is over that. It's equal parts adorable and ridiculous. I love her for wanting to fight for me, but damn. She's five-two. If Titan really wanted to kill me, it'd take a hell of a lot more than her little ass and a couple of well-aimed remotes to stop him. He lived up to his name. He's linebacker big, with a temper to match.

"I love you for trying to defend me," I tell her, tipping her head back and forcing her to look at me. Seeing the tears still shimmering in those long lashes breaks my heart all over again. She's too beautiful, like a little porcelain doll. She was made for laughter, not tears. "But no more throwing shit at him. He could have hurt you."

"He'd never hurt me," she protests, jumping to his defense.

"He'd never hurt you on purpose," I agree before she gets herself all wound up, trying to defend him this time. I swear to God, she's like a little lioness sometimes, so damn protective of me and Titan. It's absurd. What she thinks she's protecting us from when we run this fucking block and are over twice her size, I don't know. But she tries anyway. "He could have easily hurt you by accident and then you'd both feel terrible."

"Okay," she agrees and then buries her face in my throat once more. She's not crying anymore though, thank God.

I close my eyes and just hold her. She's so soft and sweet. Her body fits with mine like she was made to cradle my larger frame. She's soft where I'm hard. If there's anything better in the world than the feel of her in my arms, I don't know if I'll survive finding it. This is perfection enough for one man.

"How's Ma Lucia?" she asks a few minutes later, worry in her voice. She loves Ma Lucia. Everyone does.

"She's a little better," I lie. She's not better at all. Truth is, she probably isn't going to make it home from the hospital, but I don't have the heart to tell January that. I'm not even ready to face it myself. Ma Lucia is the only family I have left—except for January and Titan, anyway.

I've known for a while that she isn't doing well, but there is no such thing as preparing to lose someone you love. Watching her waste away brings back too many memories of losing my mom. She was there one minute, then gone the next…killed by a man who thought driving right after hitting the crack pipe was a good idea.

I still have nightmares about the accident. About lying there and listening to him scream about killing her. That memory is still painful. I try not to dwell on it, but watching Ma Lucia waste away brought it roaring back to the surface.

"Can I go see her soon?" January asks me.

"Yeah, sweetheart. I'll take you to see her tomorrow," I promise, knowing I need to give her a chance to say goodbye. It'll devastate her if she doesn't get to see Ma Lucia before she dies. It'll break Ma Lucia's heart too. Ma Lucia adores my girl.

"Okay," January says sweetly.

"You good now, baby girl?" I ask her a minute later.

She nods her head, the top of it bumping my chin with the motion.

"Then I need to go deal with Titan."

"Please don't get in a fight with him," she whispers, clearly distressed by the thought.

"I'm not going to fight him." He might take a swing at me, but I won't fight back. He has every right to be pissed that his best friend wants to sleep with his little sister. I can't blame him for that. If our roles were reversed, I'd be pissed. But he knows I love January and that it wouldn't be simple fucking for either of us. As soon as she's old enough, I plan to put my ring on her finger and make her my wife.

"Promise?" she demands, pulling back to peek up at me.

"I promise you that I'm not going to fight with him," I vow.

The worry in her eyes leeches away, replaced with trust.

"Okay," she says and leans in to brush her lips across mine in a sweet little kiss.

I find Titan reclining on the hood of my car, one arm thrown over his eyes to block out the setting sun. His body is tense, his cheeks flushed with anger. He appears as pissed as he did inside, but when he hears me coming, he doesn't try to take a swing. Instead, he lowers his arm enough to peer at me.

"Boots got picked up yesterday for boosting car stereos over on Rosecrans," he mutters.

"Dammit. They release him yet?"

"Nope."

"Son of a bitch." I tip my head back to stare up at the sky. Boots has been one of ours for a long time. He's a good kid, but he has sticky fingers and a penchant for getting himself into trouble when we aren't around to keep him straight. There's nothing I can do for him now though. I warned his ass that he was going to get hooked up for that shit one day, but he didn't listen.

"I'm not sleeping with January," I tell Titan, leaning back against the car.

He grunts and puts his arm back over his eyes.

"In the spirit of full disclosure, that's not because I don't want to sleep with her," I confess, refusing to let this be any more awkward than it has to be. "I just don't want you and your mom and Ma Lucia pissed at me. I know she's only sixteen, man. I'm trying to do the right thing, but it's hard. I love her."

He grunts again.

"I'm going to marry that girl someday, Titan. You going to be pissed at both of us for that too? Because I gotta tell you…it's going to break her heart if me and her being together— really being together—is a deal breaker for you now. It'll break mine too if I have to choose her over you."

"You'd choose her?"

"Yeah, man," I say honestly. "You're like a brother to me and it'd fucking suck to lose you, but yeah, I'd choose her. How could I not? She's been it for me since…fuck, probably since the day she tripped and fell trying to chase after you. I've wanted to protect her and keep her safe since then. I think I've probably loved her since then."

"Jesus," he mutters and then he sighs. "I'm pretty sure she'd fucking choose you too." He lifts his arm from over his face and sits up, but he doesn't turn to face me. Instead, he stares out into the street. "I'm not mad that you two are together. Hell, I'm not even really mad about the birth control. I knew you'd be together like that eventually. Honestly, I don't know how you held out this long. You have more self-control than I do, because I never waited for shit."

I smile at that because he's telling nothing but the truth. He's been chasing pussy since he was thirteen. He blew through half the girls in our senior class when he wasn't with Mandy. I'm pretty sure he's in love with her, but they're both too wild to make it work for long.

"You and January are exactly alike," he mutters, still not looking at me. "You're both smart as hell and you'll get the fuck out of here and do great things with your lives. You're already killing it at UCLA. You're both destined for more than poverty and all this bullshit. Me though? I knew a long time ago that this was going to be my life. That's what's fucking me up. You're both going to get out of here and I'll be left behind. So yeah, I know you'll choose her. I know she'll choose you. And I don't blame you guys for wanting to get out of here and be happy together somewhere else. Doesn't make it suck any fucking less for me."

"You think we'd leave you behind?"

He shrugs. "Aren't you already? I didn't even know the two of you weren't already sleeping together. I found her birth control and it just hit me that you two are already moving on while I'm still stuck here. We aren't a trio anymore. It's the two of you against the world."

Well…shit.

"Things are changing, man," he says with a heavy sigh. "And I'm not ready to face it."

"It doesn't matter what I do with my life or what January does with her life, you'll always be part of us," I tell him, heat in my voice. "You think she'd have it any other way? Or that I would? Even if you hated me for being with her, I'd still love you and so would she. We'd still want our lives all mixed up together like they always have been. That's how this shit with the three of us works."

"Not any longer, brother," he says, a sad frown twisting at his lips.

"Titan, I–"

"Cade!" January cries, panic in her voice.

I whip my head around to see her racing down the steps toward me, my cellphone in her hand and tears in her eyes. Titan hops down off the hood of my car as she barrels toward me.

"It's Ma Lucia," she says, out of breath when she reaches me. She thrusts my phone and car keys into my hand. "It's bad. You gotta get to the hospital." Tears pour down her face. She doesn't even try to wipe them away as she grabs my hand, holding onto me as tightly as she can. "She doesn't have long, Cade."

My heart clenches in a painful vise. I knew this was coming, but like Titan, I'm not ready to face my life changing like this.

How do you say goodbye to the woman who stepped in when she didn't have to do it and gave you a family when you had none? How do you say thank you to a saint? There are no words adequate enough to express my gratitude and love for this little old lady who gave up so much just so I could have something.

I cling to January, fighting like hell to keep my composure. I have to be strong for her. That's my job now. To be her rock and love her until I take my last breath.

"I'll drive," Titan says, snatching the keys from my hand. "Get in."

"Thank you," I whisper roughly, clearing my throat.

"Come here, sweet boy," Ma Lucia says, her voice weak and her words slurred. One side of her face droops like it's frozen. Her doctor says she had a stroke a few days ago. Now her blood sugar is rising and her blood pressure keeps dropping dangerously low. They can't get either to stabilize. Most of what they said after that was nonsensical doctor talk I'm half sure they use to make us plebeians feel like they must know what they're talking about even when they don't have a clue. At the end of the day, it all means the same thing. Ma Lucia is dying. Not slowly or bit by bit, but here and now. By the time the sun rises tomorrow, she'll be gone.

I shuffle toward her bed, hating how frail she looks in that thing. Her usually supple mahogany skin is pale and gaunt. The hair she always took such pride in and had done weekly is flat and lifeless. She can't move the left side of her body without assistance.

I hate everything about this.

She tries to smile at me, but it seems more like a grimace of pain.

I take her hand in mine and sink down into the chair beside her.

"Sweet boy," she slurs and squeezes my fingers weakly. Her fingers barely even flutter around mine. "Your mama would be s-s-so proud of you. You've grown into an incredible young m-man."

I lay my head on her hand, fighting like hell not to cry. Without Ma Lucia and her pictures, I'm not even sure if I'd remember my mom. I'm losing the only link to my past that I have. If I think about that, I'll cry. I haven't cried since my mom died and I can't do it now. Ma Lucia and January need me to be strong for them. I can't fall apart.

"Gotta tell you something," she says. "Your mama's parents were s-s-something. Important f-folks. Uppity f-folks. They died n-not long after you were born." She stops talking for a minute to breathe. It's apparent she's wearing herself out, but the determined gleam in her eyes tells me to keep my mouth shut and let her talk…that saying this is important to her. "Your m-mama didn't want n-nothing to d-do with anything they left her. S-said she had no use for it and wouldn't r-raise you the way she was raised. But she s-s-saved it all for you."

I lift my head and blink at her, not sure what she's talking about. She's told me bits and pieces about my grandparents over the years, but not much. I know they weren't nice to my mom, that they treated her like an inconvenience and a possession instead of a child. When my mom met my dad, she ran off with him to escape their clutches. Even after my dad walked out on her, she never looked back.

"T-t-the paperwork is w-w-with my will, s-sweet boy," Ma Lucia says.

"Paperwork for what?"

"T-t-trust f-f-fund," she slurs, blinking at me. "M-m-millions. Y-y-you i-i-inherited it all. T-turned eighteen."

Jesus Christ.

I gape at her, speechless. I have a trust fund, but she lived like a pauper to take care of me. We never wanted for anything, but we didn't have anything more than we needed. This whole time, she could have had whatever she wanted, whatever she needed. A bigger house. Better medical care.

"T-take care of J-J-January, sweet boy. L-love her." Her fingers flutter beneath mine once more and then her eyes fall closed. For a second, I think she's gone, but then I see her chest rise and fall and I'm able to take a breath of my own.

"I'll love that girl forever," I vow, but I don't know if Ma Lucia can hear me or not. For a long time, I sit there, trying to process what she just told me. My grandparents were rich, but my mom didn't want anything to do with it. Ma Lucia didn't either. Didn't even tell me about it until she didn't have a choice any longer.

For a split second, I think of all the things I could do with that money. With millions of dollars, I could do anything, go anywhere, and be anything. So could January. We could see the world. She could go to whatever school her heart desires, have anything her heart desires.

"I don't want it," I whisper to Ma Lucia. "I don't want to lose what I already have. January and Titan…they're all I've got now. I don't want this to change us. Titan said things were already changing and he's right. I don't want this to change too."

I don't want to lose the only two people I have left, and money changes everything. Little by little, it would change all of us too. We'd fall apart, just like Titan fears. There's no way in hell I'm going to let that happen.

My mom and Ma Lucia taught me what was important…taught me that I don't have to live like my grandparents did to be happy and have a full life. My grandparents were nothing to me. But my mom and Ma Lucia? They mean something. It's their example I want to follow.

I don't need the money. None of us do.

I tuck Ma Lucia's blankets around her and fix her hair the best I can. It's not perfect, but she looks more like herself than she did five minutes ago. Once that's done, I take her costume jewelry out of the bedside drawer and slide it on. She loves that shit and I want her to have every comfort when she passes.

When January comes in to say goodbye, I want her to remember Ma Lucia the way she knew her.

"Thank you, Ma Lucia," I whisper and lean forward to kiss her cheek. "You gave me everything that mattered. I love you, and I'm going to miss the hell out of you. I'll make you proud though. You'll see."

It's not nearly enough, but it's the only goodbye I know how to say.