9. The Fear Was Less

9

THE FEAR WAS LESS

S loane listened to what Dane was saying and she’d have to say her heart just broke for the guy.

Talk about nice guys finishing last.

She never wanted to believe that before and didn’t want to now.

Here was this great guy doing everything he could and yet it wasn’t enough.

And though many might think this was too much drama to have in their life, there was something about him that tugged at her heart just a little bit.

The whole adoption she wasn’t expecting.

Not that she’d judge either, but she liked that he felt that way.

Maybe he wouldn’t shun her so much for her background and she had to decide if she wanted to even tell him.

She didn’t tell many because of that fear.

But with Dane, the fear was less.

Her employees knew, but not everything. She’d been a private person for years and they learned that, but she would never outright lie either .

There was time yet to figure out what to say before the night was over. Or maybe there could be another night too.

She liked that she wasn’t shocked that she was thinking it.

“I tell my kids you’ve got to start somewhere. Not sure what this is other than dinner and conversation. If it ends up only being that, it’s fine too. I don’t want to make it awkward to come to you on a professional level.”

“Thank you for that,” she said. “I appreciate it. Can I ask a few more questions before I decide what more I want to say?”

“Sure,” he said agreeably.

She was debating if that was a good or bad trait that he gave in. Though he did say he didn’t give in to his kids that often and in divorce situations that didn’t always happen.

“How often do you date since you’ve been divorced?”

He let out a not-so-funny laugh. “Embarrassingly enough, I’ve had a big four dates since my divorce.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Three years or so,” he said. “How often do you date?”

She’d be honest. It was only fair. “I have probably had the same amount of dates in that time.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he said. “You’re stunning. You’re nice and friendly. I won’t say open because I haven’t gotten all that much out of you except bits and pieces. You do have a sense of humor too.”

“Well, if we are casting stones,” she said. “You’re pretty good-looking.”

“I’ve been told more than pretty good-looking, but we’ll let it pass.”

She laughed and Nicole came back and put their food down, asked if they wanted more to drink and then left .

“You’ve got a sense of humor too,” she said. “You're successful.”

“And I’ve got baggage,” he said. “Not everyone wants that. Or at least I don’t think so. Or they don’t like that I’ve got a good relationship with my ex. It could be a jealousy thing though she is in her second relationship since we split.”

“I’m sure it had to be hard to find that out,” she said. “But you’d be more concerned about how your kids felt about it.”

“I was and still am. It’s one of those balancing acts of not sounding jealous myself because I’m not.”

“I believe that. I believe that you might not be someone that gives a second chance.”

“No,” he said. “That is a fault of mine. I put myself out there and see where the chips fall, but this is one of those burn me once, shame on you, don’t worry about burning me twice, because it’s never going to happen.”

She wondered if that had to do with him being adopted or not.

“I have a bit of that mentality. If I could have done something with it earlier on in life I would have. The minute I was an adult though, I was trying to distance myself. Sabrina did. Go on,” she said. “Eat. We can eat and talk.”

He picked up his sandwich and took a bite.

“Did I answer enough questions for you now?”

“Enough,” she said. “I guess I needed to weigh things in my mind before I went further. Well, one more question.”

“Shoot,” he said around a mouthful.

“Do we get a second date? And mind you, that’s saying a lot for me to even bring it up.”

“I’d like that. I know you work a lot. I work a lot. I’ve got my kids. I suppose this is my way of putting it out there and seeing if it’s something that could even be managed.”

“I close at six on Mondays and Saturdays. I’m open from nine to one on Sundays but rarely schedule any appointments. I use that day for paperwork and inventory. But that doesn’t mean I have to work, just that I don’t have much more going on in my life.”

“That’s good to know,” he said. “I have my kids every four days. I’m on call one week a month. The other days I go in early. My last appointment is at five and I normally stay an hour or so to finish up notes and make calls. Other times I do it at night if I have to. I can make time if you can.”

“Good enough for me. I was born into a cult,” she said.

There, it was out and she wanted to see his reaction. He didn’t even blink. “And?”

“Nothing to say about that?”

“Where or who you were born to doesn’t make you who you are or that you even had any control over it. I guess some things are making more sense though.”

She laughed and shook her head. “No one has ever reacted like that before that I’ve told. And I don’t tell many.”

“I’d ask how they react, but I can guess. But in my profession, I’ve seen a lot of things.”

“You have,” she said. “My mother ran away from home when she was fifteen and ended up in this cult in Tennessee. She became a ‘wife’ to the leader for a short time. Not legally, mind you. She birthed him two children to add to how many more he had. I don’t even know and don’t want to know. That’s why I said what I did about family in Tennessee. Depends on your definition of it.”

“Your mother was raped,” he said.

“Yes, I believe that.”

It wasn’t something that was talked about other than that it was just the way things were done there. They were a law unto themselves.

“Legally, yes,” he said.

“Of course legally. I’m not sure if my mother felt it or not. I think she was brainwashed, but I can’t speak for her.”

He continued to eat and then said, “So you’ve got a lot of half siblings out there?”

“Biologically, yes.” But that didn’t mean she had to have any relationship with them and didn’t plan it.

There were some kids she’d played with back then when she was younger.

Others she’d talked to as a preteen when they all wanted to know what was going on in the real world.

Some were just as brainwashed as her mother had been and she had no use for them.

“But you have no contact with any of them?”

“No,” she said. “When I was fifteen there was talk about ‘marrying’ me off to one of the leaders. No way that was going to happen. I’d leave and was planning on it.”

“Did you?” he asked.

“We all left together. My mother was sick a lot. For the years she lived there she was always having some kind of health issues, but there were no doctors. No real medication. You got through. No one was let onto the property unless they were part of the cult. She became convinced that someone was poisoning her and wanted her dead.”

“Do you think that was happening?” he asked.

“No clue,” she said. “I just remember my mother was always sick. Or seemed it. She, Sabrina and I snuck out one night. In the middle of the night, we packed up what we had and left. I remember walking for hours in the dark.”

“That had to be scary,” he said. “I’m sorry you went through that. ”

“It wasn’t as scary as it should have been because I just thought we were finally getting out. My mother was smart enough to steal some money.” She’d never say how much. She wasn’t positive of the amount, but it was enough to get them set up.

“Good for her,” he said. “It seemed to me she might have been held hostage there.”

“It felt that way. She got us an apartment and government assistance. A job came next. We were put in school.”

Talk about a fish out of water, but she wouldn’t go into those details now. No reason to. She was already saying more than she’d thought she would.

“Which explains the homeschooling,” he said.

“Yes. I’d been working all through school and putting away as much money as I could. I wanted to move out of my mother’s apartment and have control of my own life. I got sick of feeling like we had to look over our shoulders.”

“Did they come after you?” he asked. “Or someone?”

“We moved twice that first year. I moved out when we were in Virginia. I was nineteen at that point. I’d had enough money put away. I felt it’d be easier to get my massage license in North Carolina. I worked while I did my training. It took about a year. People loved free massages.”

Five hundred hours of them she had to give. Many tipped and that helped but not everyone did. For her, every massage was just one step closer to stability.

“I bet they did,” he said. “And now you’ve got your own salon.”

“I do,” she said. “I’ve had it about four years now. I started alone. Renting the space was hard as it was a large space, but I had plans and ideas to grow.”

“Good for you,” he said. “And you’ve focused on that for years. ”

“I have,” she said. “Much like you but not even in the same ballpark.”

“Don’t feel that way,” he said. “You’re successful in your own right. More so for what you accomplished getting there. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I am,” she said smartly. “I did it all on my own. Which brings me to my mother and sister. Sabrina didn’t like that I left home at nineteen and she was seventeen. She was still in school, but she and my mother didn’t get along much. Even though my mother pulled us away, she regretted doing that and having to work and support us. I worried she’d go back and I wasn’t having any part of that.”

“Did that happen?” he asked.

“She was thirty-five when I left. Your age.”

“That just puts so much in perspective in an odd way.”

“I know,” she said. “Which is why I said it. But no, she didn’t go back, though it was hard on her when she didn’t know how to be on her own. When Sabrina turned eighteen and graduated, she left right away. She was dating someone who became a truck driver and she went on the road with him and said she didn’t want to have any contact with my mother again.”

“But she had it with you?”

“For a period of time,” she said. “I respected her decision to move on from our past, but she has my number. I promised never to change it.”

Her sister had disconnected her number and the only way she would reach her was hiring someone to find her. Sabrina had said she’d change her name at one point, but Sloane didn’t know if that happened.

As Dane had said, sometimes you’ve got to let people go for them to be happy.

“You understand some of what I’ve said. ”

“I do,” she said. “As for my mother, when Sabrina left she spiraled out of control. She was clingy and wanted to move in with me. It’s horrible to say, but I told her no. It was more drama than I wanted.”

“Because you wanted to put it behind you too and having her live with you would only keep it in the present.”

“Yes,” she said. “So I carry some guilt there. We stopped talking years ago and I hope she’s happy. She has my number too. But she hasn’t reached out.”

Her mother’s number was disconnected a few years ago so it was the same situation as Sabrina’s.

Did she think of her mother and sister at times? She did.

But she’d moved on and she hoped they did too.

“Wow,” he said. “This made for an interesting date.”

“It did,” she said, laughing.

Both of them were done with their sandwiches and picking at their fries.

Nicole came over with the check and set it down and Dane reached for it first and handed over his credit card.

“I guess the next question we both have to answer is about that second date. I’ve got my kids starting tomorrow.”

“Which means you have them until Monday morning?” she asked.

“I’ll drop them off at the babysitter that morning. I won’t get them again until after work on Friday. And of course I’m on call starting Saturday, so you know, fun times at Mom and Dad’s.”

She rolled her eyes at the look he gave her.

“I find it sweet,” she said. “How about we try for Monday after work?” She pulled her phone out. “I happen to be done with clients at five.”

“That works,” he said. “Do you want me to pick you up there? ”

“I don’t live that far. How about I give you my address and you can pick me up at my place at six thirty? That should give you time if you are held up.”

Nicole came back with his card, he took the slip, filled out the tip, signed and handed it back.

“Works perfectly for me. And we aren’t even the last ones here.”

She looked around and noticed two more tables finishing up.

They got up and walked back to her parking lot. It felt odd to her.

This was a date, but it was a last-minute one. She wasn’t even dressed like she normally would be.

She had her work attire on of black pants and a black T-shirt.

Her hair had been pulled back and again and she was hoping maybe she could give him a bit more to look at the next time.

“I had a good time,” she said.

“Me too,” he said. He reached for her hand and just touched it and then dropped it away.

He’d dated about as much as her and she could tell he was unsure of himself.

She decided to put them both out of their misery and reached up and gave him a light kiss on the lips. “Next time we’ll try for more.”

He actually blushed a bit and she found it adorable.

“We can do that too.”

“Night, Dane. Have fun with your kids.”

“Night, Sloane. Ahhh, I don’t have your number or address.”

She laughed. “I wondered when you’d realize that. I’ve got your number in my files. I’ll text you everything when I get home. I promise.”

He nodded and climbed into his SUV. Nothing fancy or flashy. He didn’t seem to be the type. Then he drove off and she wondered if he was going to be meditating and thinking of that kiss.

Maybe she’d ask him just that question.

Nothing wrong with a little bit of flirting.