Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Waking up aboard the boat was a lot different from waking up on dry land in a cozy bed. The bottom bunk was narrower than a standard twin-sized mattress. It was also a lot thinner. No plush mattress topper, no six-hundred thread count sheets, or fluffy pillows. There were retractable nets installed across the side to hold us in our berths in case we hit rough seas, but I rarely used it because it made me feel claustrophobic. The downside to that was waking up flat on your ass, or your back, on the fucking floor.

Kind of like right now.

Funnily enough, that wasn’t what woke me. It was the sound of banging pots and pans in our tiny kitchen. I usually had to drag Sam out of bed, so I knew it couldn’t be him. Using my bed as leverage to pick myself up off the floor, I shuffled into the kitchen, only to start my day with a smile. A huge smile .

My ex's son was standing at the stove, stirring I don’t know what, wearing pink and purple plaid boxers and calf-length socks. He had earbuds stuffed into his ears and was shaking his tiny bubble butt to something I couldn’t hear, but knowing Nicky, I’d bet my first cup of coffee it was something by Taylor Swift. It was his bedhead that made me laugh—a thick mess of brown wavy locks sticking out in every direction that bounced along with his slender body.

Coming up behind him, I placed my hands on his waist and pressed a kiss to his smooth cheek. “Morning,” I growled, loud enough to be heard over the song hopefully.

Nicky jumped and then laughed at himself. “Good morning. There’s coffee,” he pointed to the machine with a spatula.

I could get used to this real fast—coffee and breakfast waiting for me, a crew mate in a chipper mood, instead of a growly bear, like Sam—I loved seeing Nicky in my space.

He popped his earbuds out and laid them on the counter before filling my plate with eggs, bacon, and buttered toast. The only place to sit was at the banquet on the other side of the divider, but I was loath to leave him, so I set my coffee on the counter and leaned against the wall with my plate in hand to eat standing up.

“Thank you for spoiling me with breakfast. I don’t remember you being an early riser. I used to have to shake you, sit on you, and generally annoy the fuck out of you to get you out of bed for school.”

He popped a chunk of scrambled egg into his mouth and grinned. “I know. I’m just really excited about this trip, about the whole summer, really.”

Because of me? Because I felt it too. Something about this trip felt different, and I knew without a doubt it was because of Nicky.

“Today is our last day before we head back to Cooper’s Cove. Would you spend the day with me? There’s someplace I’d like to show you.”

“What about our guests?”

“They chose to spend the day ashore at an all-inclusive resort where they can take advantage of the pool and tiki bar. Sam offered to stay back and keep an eye on them.”

I wasn’t sure it was possible, but his smile grew wider, stretching from ear to ear. “Yes, please!” He forgot himself in his excitement, wrapping his skinny arms around my waist and hugging my chest. Nicky squealed. “I’d love to spend the day with you. Is it an adventure?”

“You could say that. Definitely an adventure.”

We dropped our guests and Sam at the resort's small marina and then set sail twenty-six miles south to the tiny island of Barbuda.

“I would love to take a glass-bottom boat ride over these waters,” Nicky begged. “I bet the marine life below the surface is out of this world.”

“It is, and I can definitely arrange that for us. Soon.” When we were about halfway there, we came across a pod of dolphins keeping pace with our boat. “Look,” I pointed.

He squealed like the ten-year-old version of Nicky I remembered so well. Some things never changed, thankfully.

When Barbuda came into view, I pulled the boat as close as I could and dropped anchor. We climbed into the dinghy and motored ashore.

“Cass,” he breathed in awe. “The sand is pink! It’s pink,” he clapped with excitement. “What is this place?”

“The island of Barbuda. This is the pink sand beach.”

We climbed out of the boat and walked ashore. Nicky looked hesitant, glancing down at the sand before taking each cautious step.

“It’s okay. It’s safe to walk on.”

“From a distance, it looked like soft sand. Like clouds of cotton candy.”

I laughed. Around Nicky, I was always laughing. “ The sand is a mix of coral, shells, and calcium carbonate. It’s a bit rough, but it won’t cut your feet. The pink hue comes from tiny microscopic organisms that wash ashore several times a year. Their crustaceous shells have tiny holes in them so their little creepy crawlies can reach out and anchor themselves in the sand.”

The look on his face was fucking priceless. Nicky looked repulsed, disgusted. His body moved in a fluid shiver, like he was doing the pee-pee dance.

“Too bad I don’t have my waterproof camera with me. You could get down, and roll around in the sand while I take your picture.”

Nicky made a fake retching sound that had me laughing out loud. “Is something going to bite me?”

“Yeah.” I lunged forward and grabbed his hips. “Me!” He squealed and giggled as I pretended to chew on his neck, and we fell in a twisted pile of arms and legs, rolling over the pink sand. I tickled him until he begged for mercy.

“Quit, Cass, please! Don’t make me piss myself.”

When I finally let him up, he was breathless, pink-cheeked, and eyes shining. I didn’t know what it was, some impulse, but I rubbed my nose against his, an Eskimo kiss. I pulled back to look into his eyes, and he giggled.

“Can we swim?”

It was just like him to be onto the next thing already, the next adventure, while I was still stuck in my head about my unwarranted affection. Had I gone too far?

“S-sure.”

He popped to his feet, stripped off his tank top and shorts, and ran into the water. I only caught a glimpse of his tiny white Speedo before he dove under the waves.

When he surfaced, laughing and splashing, his dark curls dangled in his eyes.

It was a moment frozen in time that I knew would stay with me forever. I would always remember the crystal-blue water and the way the sun glinted off the glassy surface, making it glitter like aquamarines. It was a world of pastel colors—aquas and baby blues, pale pink sand, and his joy, the sound of his laughter, his smiling lips. I was alone with my boy in paradise. It felt so real, like a dream I dreamt many times, when I was lonely and missing him and wished he were here with me.

I dove in after him. Nicky was more concerned with what was happening below the water. He repeatedly held his breath, disappearing beneath the surface, and then he would pop back up to tell me about the brightly colored fish and the coral. I swam back to the shore and reached over the side of the dinghy, grabbing a mask and snorkel for him.

“Here, put this on. To save your eyes from burning.”

“Thanks, Cass! ”

I was content to just watch him, not realizing that an hour had passed. “Nicky, come here.”

He swam close and when the water became too shallow, he straightened to his full height and walked out. Leaning against the side of the boat, my jaw hanging slack, eyes wide, Nicky approached me slowly, giving me ample time to take in the view. The thin white spandex of his Speedo had become nearly invisible when wet, and I could clearly make out the outline of his dick, not to mention the bulge of his balls beneath that. My eyes were stuck on it as if I'd never seen one before. At least, not his.

That was the moment I realized my little boy wasn't so little anymore. Nicky was a fully grown young man, and he looked fucking spectacular in that wet bathing suit.

“What's up?”

“You need sunscreen. You'll burn out here before you know it.”

I reached into my backpack and pulled out a tube of sunblock, squirting a fat dollop in my palm. Nicky stood still as I smeared it across his freckled nose and cheeks, down his neck, and across his chest and shoulders. The scent of coconut wafted into my nose. My fingers slid easily over his greased skin. He felt warm and soft, and I felt increasingly uncomfortable. I could actually feel my heartbeat. It pounded in my ears. Louder than the crashing waves. My tongue felt thick in my dry mouth .

I swallowed hard. “Having fun?”

“You bet. Are you going to swim with me?”

“I could, or we could go find some lunch.”

His eyes lit up. “I'm starving! But I don't want to leave,” he pouted, his expression falling.

“I promise you, Nicky, this won't be the last time I bring you here.” I knew in my heart it was a promise I would keep. How could I not bring him back when it made him so happy?

“Then I vote we go eat.”

We climbed back into the boat and motored past the eight-mile stretch of beach until we reached the other side of the island. The wind tousled his hair, and he looked absolutely carefree.

“So, where did you get that bathing suit?”

He glanced back over his shoulder at me, and I didn’t think it was the sun that made his cheeks pink. “I bought it for the trip. Do you like it?”

Did I like it? Was that a trick question? It certainly wasn’t one I could answer truthfully. “Didn’t they have anything less… transparent? Perhaps in a larger size? With more material?”

Nicky laughed. “I wasn’t sure I’d have the balls to wear it, not in front of a crowd. But when I saw the beach was empty, I didn’t hesitate. It kind of feels amazing.”

It kind of looks amazing. “I’m glad you felt confident enough in it. You look good…” Fantastic . “But maybe we can get you another one to wear on the public beaches,” I suggested.

Before long, we pulled into a boat dock and maneuvered into a slip. I showed Nicky how to tie off the ropes. Barbuda wasn't heavily populated and didn't cater to tourism. This was where the locals lived, in tiny houses and even shacks. There was a market open every day and one restaurant. The menu was very limited—if you could even call it a menu. Bijou told you what she had, and you could eat it or leave. Everything was, of course, locally sourced, fresh, and absolutely delicious.

Today she was serving jumbo prawns and wild greens wrapped in rice paper and dipped in a mango chutney that might be the best thing I ever tasted. Nicky moaned over and over again, making me more uncomfortable than I was on the beach.

“Oh my God, Cass, I'm moving here. Fuck school and the rest of the world. I never want to leave this place.”

I chuckled. “I know how you feel. I have to fight myself to leave every time I come. But I told you we'd be back, and I meant it. There are so many other places I want to show you this summer. We've just begun.”

It would be so easy to get lost in his excitement, where everything felt like a brand-new experience. Seeing it through his eyes was intoxicating and Nicky was reminding me just how innocent, unworldly, and maybe even na?ve he could be. Again, my protective instincts reared their ugly head. I've always felt like Nicky needed me, needed looking after, and that I was the man for the job. I convinced myself I understood him better than anyone, that we had some sort of special connection. Did we? Or was it all one-sided? Was I fooling myself because that's what I wanted to believe?