20. Shay

TWENTY

Shay

W hen my eyes cracked open the next morning, a warm, languid feeling suffused my limbs. That had been a hell of a dream. Was it possible to orgasm in your sleep? The sticky residue between my thighs said yes, yes, it was.

The question had a blush burning in my cheeks as I quickly scanned the room, only to spot wolf-Dirge—not to be confused with hot-as-sin dream-Dirge—sleeping peacefully in front of my door.

Who knew that the instant I tried to consciously distance myself from my mate, my subconscious would nip that idea in the bud? Well, more than that. Drive me to dream of the mating bite.

I'd never been one for vivid dreams, beyond the occasional flashback-style nightmare. But that… it had been so vivid. Granted, I felt a little sheepish considering I had no idea what Dirge actually looked like. I could just have had insanely intense dream sex with somebody's mailman, for all I knew.

That thought had me biting my bottom lip and making a mental note to ask Reed if he could show me a picture of his brother .

Another guilt-laden peek at Dirge, and I mentally amended, Today. I'll ask for a picture today.

If my brain was going to provide crazy-good dream sex, it should at least be with the right man.

I shook my head and then went about the business of getting ready after a quick scratch behind Dirge's ears. I had a hard time looking him in the eye after the night I had, but otherwise, things between us slipped back into the same routine we'd had before I asked Gael to escort him to my room last night.

He followed me out when it was time for breakfast, and I didn't argue. If last night had shown me anything, it was that while it might be painful to hold on to a mate who wasn't actively choosing me… I still wasn't ready to let him go.

Clearly .

Knocking on Leigh's door only got me a grouchy "Go away until lunch." So I moved on down to Brielle and Kane's. I wouldn't have known it was theirs—they'd left the gathering last night hours before I had—except Reed was stationed outside it.

He seemed fresh as could be, no sign of overimbibing the spiced wine, like my idiot self had.

"Good morning, Shay, Dirge." He nodded to me, and then his brother. The look of sadness never quite left his eyes these days, and I couldn't blame him. But maybe sharing old, happier memories with me would cheer him up? "Come to see Brielle?"

Remembering could make him worse, but I had to hope not.

"Good morning." I was getting better at talking around the most trusted men of Kane's pack, but the words were still quieter than I would have liked. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I am, but I also have a question for you. If you don't mind," I added, still feeling preemptive guilt about dredging up memories that might be painful for him .

"Of course, anything." His voice dropped low, his eyes holding mine with a worried question. When I didn't immediately respond, he took a step forward. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry." My cheeks burned. Asking a simple question shouldn't be this hard. Probably wasn't this hard for most people.

Granted, most people hadn't been through what I had as a child. I shut those memories down hard and fast, not letting the fear-tinged visions of men who beat you for speaking, or rusty shipping-container walls close in around me right here in broad daylight, thousands of miles away from where it had all happened.

With a quick shake of my head, I forced a smile. "I was just wondering if you had any pictures. Of Dirge, from before?" Reed's blank stare prompted me to continue. "When he was a man. I was just wondering what he looked like and realized you knew." More blankness. "I mean, if it's too painful, I?—"

"No! No, of course not. Yes, I have pictures of the two of us. Hold on." He fished a sleek black cell phone from his pocket. After a pause where it scanned his face, he thumbed through the device and spun it around. "I can't believe I didn't think to show you sooner. Honestly, I?—"

He continued talking, but the words faded into background noise. I was too wrapped up in the stunning hazel eyes staring out at me from a deeply tanned face. Long, straight, black hair framed chiseled cheekbones over a devilish smile. A five-o' clock shadow ran along his cut-glass jaw. The fierce beauty in and of itself would have stunned me plenty.

But nothing could compare to the shock of recognition.

The face beaming from the photo next to young Reed was the man from my dreams. I'd had real dream sex with my mate. And I had no idea how.

I thought I might be sick.

"You look like you've seen a ghost. You okay?" Reed settled a hand on my shoulder, and I shuddered beneath the unwelcome touch.

Dirge stepped forward, nosing his brother back and whining up at me.

I forced myself to meet Dirge's eyes for the first time since the night before. "It was you. Do you, I mean, did you also, uh—" My cheeks burned as I quickly glanced up at Reed and changed my mind about airing our activities in front of Dirge's brother.

A single dip of his muzzle.

Beethoven's shiny white composer ass , I swore mentally.

I had dream sex with Dirge. He nudged my hand, then snuck a lick in before I could snatch it away.

"Don't get fresh with me right now, dude. I am processing !"

"Uh, Shay, you feeling okay?" Bri's question startled me from the utterly ridiculous one-sided argument with Dirge.

"I'm not sure," I murmured, heat still suffusing my cheeks. I might not want to tell Reed, but bestie time was way overdue. "Can we talk?"

"Absolutely. Let me grab my sweater." She ducked back inside the room for a second, then appeared with a true, granny-gray cardigan slung over her shoulders. My bestie prioritized comfort over style.

"Don't give me that look. It has great pockets." She emphasized the point by looping her arm through mine then jamming both her hands into them. "Reed, we'll be on the porch. I already told Kane—he's still showering."

"I'll give you some space. We both will." Reed shot a pointed glare at Dirge, who huffed but walked by his brother's side instead of mine.

I breathed a little easier as we stepped out the front door of the small bunkhouse we'd been put up in and settled onto a creaky porch swing. I loved everything about it, from the weathered wood to the little bounce from the springs as we started to swing.

Brielle let the silence stretch comfortably between us, unhurried. She was never one to rush me, no matter how badly I struggled with words.

But frankly, there was no way to tiptoe around what I needed to say.

"I had hot sex in my dreams last night with a stranger, but Reed just showed me a picture of his brother and it was Dirge . How did I imagine sex with the real him if I've never seen him out of wolf form?"

There was only silence in response, so I braved a glance at Brielle. Her face was stunned, mouth agape as she stared at me.

"I'm sorry, I… You had sex with a man. In your dreams. But it was Dirge?" She paused for my confirmatory nod. "The real him," she muttered under her breath. "Wait, did you drink the special wine last night?"

"What do you mean, special wine? The herb stuff?" She nodded apprehensively. "Yeah, Ilana said it increased our chances of getting drunk. Why?"

"You weren't there at the beginning of the feast. The first pour came with a warning that it can increase your chance of dream walking."

"What the hell is that?" I blurted. I had no calm left in me this morning.

"Well, I'm no expert, but my understanding was that if you stayed awake, you'd hallucinate, and if you fell asleep… you'd enter the dream world. Leave your body behind, and…" She lifted her fingers in a floating gesture.

It wasn't much, but any level of explanation made me feel better. I wasn't crazy. I hadn't somehow developed weird prescience. I'd just… drunk hallucinogenic wine and met my mate for the first time. Instead of talking to him , I'd banged his brains out because I thought it was just a dream .

Oh my Goddess. He'd bitten me .

My hand flew up to my neck, and relief that there was no scar under my fingertips nearly knocked me from the swing. So, there were still physical limits.

"So… I drank the wine. But Dirge didn't, so how does that work?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "How does any of it? Sometimes, it just does."

Then realization hit, determination and excitement both filling me. "Bri, do you think our hosts would be willing to share another pitcher of that wine tonight? I need to have a conversation with someone, and apparently, the only way to do it is to get piss drunk."

Both of us looked up to where Reed and his brother stood at the far end of the porch, facing away from us to give our conversation privacy.

Brielle turned a wicked grin on me. "Goddess, yes."