Chapter 6

Sage

I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to cry.

Except blinking and squeezing my eyes shut isn't working that well. I swipe at a stray tear and take in a deep cleansing breath. The frigid air burns my lungs. Stupid cold season. Just because I didn't want to continue torturing myself by staying with Jodah, I also don't want him to be by himself, so I go searching for Kyler.

He's just leaving one of the elder's tents when I spot him. His eyes widen briefly at the sight of me. "Is all well?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I just wanted you to know I'd left. Somebody should probably be with him until he's more healed." And right now that just can't be me.

He studies me closely. "Did you and Jodah speak of the mating then?"

A laugh tinged with hysteria pops out of me. "You can't be mated to someone whose soul burst thingy didn't come on."

"It does not mean that a bond cannot form between two people," Kyler tries to reassure me, but I'm feeling way too sorry for myself at the moment.

"I'm not going to force my presence on a male who doesn't have any interest in me. I'm not that desperate for a mate."

Kyler glares. "You are not forcing anything on anyone."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I point toward the tent he just left. "How's the elder doing?"

He opens his mouth, but with a single narrow-eyed stare from me, he sighs. "He was given a dose of medicine, and I left the bottle with him with the instructions that he must take another dose after the midday meal and another before he retires for the night. He will need to take the same dosage for three turns of the sun."

"I'll come back and check on him later to make sure the cough isn't getting any worse. In this weather, it wouldn't be good for him to get pneumonia."

Kyler cocks his head. "What is this new-moan-a?"

"Pneu-moan-eea. It's a lung disease humans get, although there's nothing to say Tavikhi couldn't get it either. It's some type of infection." I'd gotten it once during my teens and it was the worst I've ever felt in my life. I thought for sure I was going to die.

"I believe I have seen something similar before. Yes, it is a good idea to check and make sure it does not happen."

"I'm going to go work on my healing balm for the humans for a while." It's almost perfect and yes, it's an excuse to not go back to the healer's tent. At least not until Jodah's recovers and can return to his own. Am I being a coward for avoiding him? Maybe, but I'm also not a glutton for punishment.

Kyler grips my arm in the brotherly way he has. "Do not give up hope, Sage. I will pray to Deeka for her wisdom."

Deeka's not on my list of favorite people right now, but I won't blaspheme my friend's religion, so I settle for a thank you. While the healer makes for his tent, I head for mine. Everything is changing. I've never been good with change, so I've been a lot more on edge lately.

There's busyness all around the village as everyone goes about their daily tasks. There are a lot of things that need to be done, especially since the tribespeople's numbers have increased by fifteen or so since their last cold season. More and more hunters are staying out longer to bring back more animals whose hides are used for both furs and clothing and their meat used to feed everyone.

A couple of the still-recovering warriors are hauling wood to the supply tent. Between all the residences plus the central fire for cooking, we go through a lot of firewood to stay warm. I pass a couple of the human children helping whose small arms are laden with a few sticks. The Tavikhi children often go out hunting, so they're not always here. Then, there are my friends and their different tasks that keep them busy.

London has her shefira duties which is basically wandering around the village and making sure everyone has what they need and that they're taken care of. She's also still teaching the kids how to read and write. Or at least figuring out the best way to do so, since there are virtually no supplies on Tavikh for writing. Painting and etching pictures on rocks, but not actual writing. For now, she's using sticks to write in the dirt. Meanwhile, Remi is busy sparring or going out on hunts.

Zara barely leaves the forge anymore unless it's to meet at the central fire for meals or come back to our tent to sleep. She's been Benham's apprentice for a while and ever since he showed her how to make arrowheads, she's been obsessed, working all day until she gets them right. They're getting better, but she still has a ways to go.

When Maeve isn't with Alanda harvesting the last of the root vegetables, fruits, and herbs to store for the rest of the cold season, she's at the forge as well. She loves watching Benham work, plus, she says it's much warmer there.

I reach my tent and duck inside. The fire has burnt low and there's a chill in the air. I grab a piece of wood from a small stack Zara and I keep stocked and add it to the pit. A few minutes later it catches and the flames grow higher. I stand close to it with my hands out in front of me to warm them up a bit. Once they're toasty enough, I settle into my furs and bring out the stash of items I keep stored in a small chest.

It's taken me almost a month, but I think I've finally figured out the last piece I need to add to my jar of lotion. My hands always used to chap and crack during the winters back on Earth, so I've been working on creating something to combat it, not just for me, but for all the humans. I'm almost done with the first batch for testing.

I learned a few things listening to the scientists back at Mannori Industries, so I'm trying to use the minimal knowledge I have. I've always enjoyed figuring out how things work and thought to be a scientist at one point, but my life didn't turn out anywhere close to the way I'd planned or expected it to.

Except I can't focus. Because all I can think and wonder about is why didn't Jodah's soul thingy turn on? Is it my fault? Is this just another form of punishment for the life I took? No matter what I try to do—no matter how many people I save—will it ever be enough to make up for my crime?

Someone slaps on the hide door flap, and I jump.

"Come in."

A crack of sunlight appears and grows larger while a dark shadow fills the space until London steps into view. "Hey, stranger."

"Hey."

The flap closes behind her and she gestures toward the end of my pallet. "Do you mind if I sit?"

"Help yourself." Not that it's unusual for London to pop by, but her timing is a bit suspicious.

She settles herself on my furs and I set my clay jar in my lap while I wait for the reason for her visit. I don't have to wait long.

"How are you feeling?"

I'm going to play dumb. "About what?"

London glares like she knows exactly what I'm doing. "You're going to make me drag it out of you, aren't you?"

"If I tell you I don't want to talk about it, will you let it go?"

She studies me. "If that's what you really, really want then, yes, I'll let it go. Even if I could, I'm not going to force you to talk about something you're that strongly against. But I hope you do."

That's one of the things I love about London and the rest of my friends. None of them push. Slowly over the last month, the other women have revealed things here and there about themselves. Like what their life was like back on Earth or why they came here. I almost find it funny that other than Eloise, we all escaped from something. With Remi, it was her parents and an arranged marriage. Maeve, an abusive ex-boyfriend. Then there's London. None of us would have guessed she chose Tavikh over prison. And for such a small crime. Now, more than ever, I'm glad I didn't call the authorities.

Either way, talking about our past has always been voluntary. Everyone has willingly chosen to tell their secrets. Except me.

"I've watched you, Remi, and Maeve all find your mates and fall in love. It wasn't something I realized how much I wanted until I couldn't have it." I finally admit it.

London reaches for my hand. "Why can't you have it?"

I stare at her a moment. "Haven't you heard? Jodah doesn't feel the bond despite his mating marks. Apparently Tavikhi have this soul light thing that turns on inside them when they meet their mate. Well, my mate has a defective one."

"A soul light, yeah," she confirms. "But none of us humans have one and we still managed to fall in love with our mates. And while divorce is a thing on Earth, humans can still fall in love with each other, call each other their soul mates, and stay together forever. Why can't the Tavikhi do that as well?"

Is it because I want that fairytale? A man—male—who is instantly in love with me?

Although Jodah acted as if he didn't have any interest in me if his soul light didn't turn on. Like that would be the only reason he'd want me as his mate.

"Have you tried talking to him?" London asks.

"Not really." I hate admitting it. "I sort of ran away."

She squeezes my hand. "It doesn't have to be right now, or even today, but maybe the two of you can talk about how to move forward. Maybe he still wants to get to know you. And maybe wants to see if you both can make something together. A bond can grow even without the soul light. At least I don't see why it can't if each of you nurture it."

"You sound like Kyler."

"He's a pretty smart guy, don't you think?" She grins.

"You know, you make a damn good Shefira. You're like a mother hen looking after her flock."

She laugh snorts. "I don't think I've ever been compared to a bird before. And I suppose I'm getting the hang of this whole Shefira thing, even if I never could have imagined myself in this position. I've never been the type of person others come to for guidance. Mostly because I never knew what I was doing. It's probably why I ended up on this planet. Poor life choices and all that."

Poor life choice or not, things worked out pretty well for her.

I blow out a breath. "I should talk to him."

"All of these males have wanted to find a mate ever since Zander and I got together. Jodah might surprise you."

There's still a growing fear. "What if he doesn't?"

"What if he does?" London counters with arched brows.

"Fine. I'll talk to him."

She leans across the narrow distance between us and hugs me. It's nice to have friends who care so much. Even if it makes me miss Makayla.

"Things will work out. I know it may not feel like it, but they will. According to Benham, none of them thought Jodah was going to survive the trip back to the village after he'd been injured, and yet he did. That has to mean someone was looking out for him for some reason. Why can't that reason be you?" London tightens her hold for another second and then she releases me.

"Thank you for being such a good friend. I'm not sure what I'd do without you, Remi, Zara, and Maeve."

She smooths down my hair. "I don't know, but something tells me you'd be okay."

With a quick smile, she climbs to her feet and walks out of the tent. Her words still echo inside my head long after she's gone.