Chapter 22

Sage

My eyes are gritty from not only a lack of sleep, but from crying. I hate that Kala is taking Sorin back to their village today. It's too soon.

Jodah was so perfect last night. He held me while I cried and then we made love again. I've just finished washing up when he steps through the entrance. Snow dusts his hair and the top of his shoulders but quickly melts within the heat of the tent. The bottom of his pants midway up to his calf are damp as well from his trek through the village. In his hands looks like some type of hide.

"I brought you something." He holds up whatever it is he's carrying. "They are foot coverings that should help keep you warm walking through the cold dust. Much more of it has fallen over night."

He lowers himself to one knee, sets them down, and gently lifts one of my legs. I watch as he places the dark hide over my shoes and draw it up to my knees. Then he takes sinew rope similar to what he uses to hold up his pants and laces it through the small holes that line each side of the hide. After he's placed them on both feet, he helps me stand.

"These are wonderful. Thank you." I pop up on my toes and kiss him.

"I will have to give you more gifts if I get to mouth touch with you."

I giggle. "Not that I don't love when you say mouth touch, but it's actually called a kiss. Or kissing."

"Kiss," Jodah repeats. He pauses with a small head tilt. "I like this word. Kiss."

"Me too."

"Come. Kala is anxious to leave."

Any joy I feel fades slightly at the thought of Sorin leaving. I don't know what it is about him that makes it hurt so much, but I'm so worried he's going to fall ill again. And this time, I won't be able to save him. I know I should let go of the guilt that drives me to save every life as though I'm performing some sort of penance, but I've been holding onto it for so long, it's not that easy.

Jodah opens the door flap and I'm assaulted by the cold wind and the swirls of white dust it blows in. I step out into snow that has to be at least six inches deep. I'm even more grateful for these hide boots he brought me.My heart overflows with love. I could not have asked for a more perfect male to spend the rest of my life with. Like always, I wrap my arm around his and walk close to his side to absorb some of his body heat.

"Maybe we could go see Nellora and Gitesh later." I want to spend as much time with them as we can, since Jodah doesn't think they will be here much longer. They are the kind of parents I wish I'd had, and I'll miss them when they're gone.

"I am sure Nene and Baba would love that."

We finally make it to the healer's tent. Jodah draws the door flap aside for me and I walk in. Sorin is already on his feet. Kyler—with a bottle in his hand—and Kala stand near the supply table. They all turn at our arrival.Sorin rushes over and hugs me again. He'd taken me by surprise yesterday when he'd done it. I didn't picture the Krijese as huggers. But maybe they're different when they're not fighting and attacking people.

"Gogo and I were about to leave. I was worried I would not be able to see you before we were gone."

"I wouldn't have missed saying goodbye for anything." Despite my initial fear of them being here, this little boy holds a special place in my heart.

Kala approaches—with the same bottle Kyler had been holding—and lays a hand on Sorin's shoulder. His gaze locks onto mine. "Do not forget that I am in your debt."

A part of me wants to call it in already and make them stay a little longer. At least until I feel like Sorin won't have a setback. Instead, I nod and lean into Jodah's side. His tail wraps around my waist in a comforting hug. Kala exchanges a short glance with my mate and then he guides his son out of the tent.

I let loose a ragged sigh and turn to hug my mate. His mint and smoke scent soothes me and I breathe it in, basking in his warmth that seeps through the front of my shirt. Finally, I step back.

Kyler moves to stand near. "The kit will be fine. His baba will see to it."

"I know, but I'm still going to worry about him." Maybe I can talk Jodah into taking me to the Krijese village when the snow melts. With Kala in my debt, I'm sure we'll be safe. I glance up. "Do you mind if I hang out in here for a little while? Organizing the medicine helps relax me. Takes my mind off things."

"Would you like me to stay?"

"No, I know you want to go down to the training arena. Especially if we're going to have to worry about this other tribe."

Jodah cups both sides of my face and stares down at me. His gaze bounces between my eyes. "You are sure?"

I cover his hands with mine. "I'm positive."

He trades glances with Kyler and then he's focused back on me. "When we are finished, we can go visit Nene and Baba."

"I'd like that."

Jodah bends to kiss me and pauses briefly before loosening his hold and walking out the door as well. That weird glow I haven't stopped seeing dims just slightly once he's gone. I rub at my chest where it feels like it originates from. Which reminds me to ask Kyler about it. I walk to the bed Sorin occupied while he was here and remove the wadded up furs he used.

"Can I talk to you about something?" I glance over at my friend and boss.

He sets down the clay pot he'd been holding and turns fully toward me. "Of course."

I take a deep breath, because I know what I'm thinking is utterly impossible. "What does a soul light look like? Or feel like?"

Kyler's brow bones shift and tilt down at the inner corners. "Did Jodah's ignite?"

"No. At least he hasn't said it has, so I'm going to assume that means it's still absent." I clutch the furs against me, fisting them tightly.

"I can only tell you what others have explained to me," he says. "From my understanding, it is a glowing warmth that centers here."He fists the middle of his chest. "And radiates outward from there. Not just within the body, but outside of it as well, although it is only visible to the Tavikhi it belongs to. We believe it is the essence of Deeka's love inside each of us."

"Does it ever shine so bright to be blinding?" I know Jodah had said both people's soul lights merge into one, but I don't understand how. Except if they're both emitting the same blinding light, then, I assume the brightness is what melds them. My chest has gotten hot even if it didn't burn me.

"It is possible." Kyler cocks his head and his tail swishes. "What is this about, Sage?"

I rub at the same spot along my sternum. "I know what I'm about to say can't be true, but I think—somehow—I have a soul light."

He rocks back and his eyes widen. "By the goddess. How can that be?"

"I don't know." I throw up my hands. "I'm probably imagining the entire thing, but…but it feels real. Everything you've described is what I've been seeing and feeling almost since Jodah woke up. The first time I felt something was when we were working on him as soon as Benham brought him in here. It's only gotten more intense since."

My gaze grows unfocused and I stare off into nothing. "Something happened last night. Something only I saw. It was like the sun was inside Jodah's tent. And the whole inside of my body was hot. So hot I should have been in pain, but I wasn't. It's like I was on fire but wasn't getting burned."

I plop down on the stump between the platforms and lift my gaze to meet Kyler's. "All this time, I've thought I was imagining it. Seeing things that weren't there. But now? Now I'm not so sure. Except I know it's not possible. Humans don't have soul lights. The only thing I can think of is that it's a coping mechanism I've come up with because Jodah doesn't have one. So, my mind made it up to make me feel better. Like I wasn't being punished."

Kyler walks forward until he pauses in front of me. He squats and lays a hand on my knee. "Punished for what?"

It's not any easier to tell my friend than it had been Jodah, but he deserves to know the truth. "Back on Earth, a man hurt me. Tried to do something terrible to me, and…and I killed him. It wasn't on purpose, but it doesn't change the fact that I caused his death."

"Does Jodah know of this?" he asks quietly.

"I told him last night."

"I do not know what deity humans worship—if any. But I do know that Deeka does not judge a person on a single event, especially one in the past. She is kind and forgiving. She can see into your heart and know that it is pure. Deeka is also not one to punish her children no matter what they did. That is not what a true and loving deity does. She will only love you. I believe she blessed you with a soul light so you would feel that love within your heart," Kyle says. "Let go of the guilt and the fear. Neither of them are serving you."

He squeezes my knee and stands. I glance up and nod. He returns the gesture and then leaves me to go back to the supply table and whatever it was he was doing when the conversation started. I sit there going over everything he said. Is it possible he's right? That Deeka gave me a soul light because she loves me? Except that still doesn't explain why Jodah doesn't have his.