Chapter 20

Sage

It's been since before Jodah was injured that I had a nightmare. Of course, right after the most beautiful night of my life, one had to show up to ruin everything. I should have known it wouldn't last. Because once Jodah learns the truth, not having a soul light will give him the excuse he needs to reject the mate bond. To reject me.

"Sage?" he says my name like a question again.

I don't want to see the disgust in his eyes when he learns the truth, so I stare at the fire, but don't really see it. "I told you that when I lived on Earth, I worked for a biotech company. It wasn't what I wanted to do with my life, but I'd hoped by getting my foot in the door, it would lead me to something better. Mannori Technologies is one of the biggest names in science. After I graduated from college, I somehow lucked out and was hired as an assistant to the CEO—the boss."

I'd been twenty-two and confident that once I got hired and could show Mr. Griffith how smart I was, he'd allow me to shadow a few of his scientists, but there was always one excuse after another from him.

"Almost from the beginning the sexual harassment began. He'd make inappropriate comments about my body or my clothes. That went on for a while. I told him more than once he made me uncomfortable speaking to me that way and he'd stop, but it didn't take long before he'd start up again. This went on for a few years. It was a constant issue. Then it escalated. He continued making suggestive remarks, but then he would also touch me. They were only fleeting. Sometimes I wondered if I'd imagined them. But then he got bolder."

The same helpless feeling runs through me.

"One night, I had to work late to finish up some reports. I'd just dropped them off on Mr. Griffith's desk and was about to leave when he walked through the door." I still haven't looked at Jodah and he's remained quiet this whole time. I'm not sure I can bear to see his face. "I knew something bad was going to happen as soon as I laid eyes on him. The way he undressed me with his eyes. He came toward me and I tried to avoid him, but he pinned me to his desk. He kissed me. Grabbed my breast. Inched up my skirt. My hand bumped against something heavy on his desk, and I didn't think. I just grabbed it and hit him. Over and over, I hit him with it. Even after I saw the blood I kept hitting him. All I wanted was for him to stop. I never meant to…to kill him."

All the tears I'd shed have dried up. My eyes are gritty. There's a sick feeling in my stomach and I want to run out of Jodah's tent and throw up. I only hug my knees tighter to my chest with my chin resting on my knees. It's almost a relief, really, getting it all out in the open. There isn't the constant threat that my secret will get out. All I have left to do is face the male who already has a reason to reject me.

Gathering the minuscule amount of courage I have, I turn my gaze from just beyond the fire to Jodah and brace myself for his rejection.

He doesn't speak. But the muscles in his jaw shift, rolling along the sharp edge of it, drawing my attention. It's the only movement I can see. I'm not sure he's even breathing. And then in my periphery there's the slightest twitch of his hands, and I realize they're clenched in fists. I jerk my eyes back up to meet his, my heart dropping into my stomach at the visible sign of his rage.

"Males on your planet hurt their females? They touch them in places only a mate should touch without their consent?" Jodah grinds out the question through clenched teeth. "He hurt you?"

What?It takes me a second to understand. Is he angry forme, not atme?

"Not all of them." I pause, still unsure if I'm right. "But yes, sometimes, some of them do."

"Then I am glad you killed this male."

I blink. He's glad? Slowly, the tension eases from his body and he moves closer until he's seated directly in front of me. It occurs to me just then that we're both still naked. Jodah reaches out and cups the side of my face, his fingers threading through my hair. "Any male who would dare to hurt a female is nothing more than a coward and deserves his fate. I am only sorry that the memories haunt your sleep."

I stare at him a moment longer and then I scramble to my knees and throw my arms around him. "You have no idea how scared I've been that when you found out you would hate me."

He embraces me and holds me tightly against his chest. It feels so good to have finally let it all out. I squeeze him tighter, never wanting to let him go.

"My strong warrior mate. I could never hate you."

I lose track of how long we remain this way, but eventually my knees ache and I shift my weight. As though sensing my discomfort, Jodah draws me back to his furs and we lie next to each other. He strokes my face and pushes my hair over my shoulder."Is this the thing that brought you to our planet? Killing this male? Is this also why you have nearly made yourself sick working to heal both me and the kit?"

"Yes. After it happened and I ran, I commed my best friend. She managed to hide me until the next ship bound for Tavikh was ready to leave. Then, when it landed on Earth, she was able to help me sneak onto the ship without anyone noticing. Of course, being a stowaway meant I didn't have access to any of the personally assigned rooms since they were all coded to an individual's biometrics." A fact neither of us knew about until the ship had taken off and I'd tried to get into one of them. "I ended up hiding out in the cargo hold for the entire trip, which gave me a lot of alone time to let the guilt of what I'd done consume me. I killed someone, Jodah. It didn't matter that he would have done far worse to me."

He leans in and kisses my forehead. "My mate is a fighter. A warrior. You do not understand the strength you have. To have not only endured what you did, but to also survive and thrive. How did you manage to care for yourself during the trip?"

I bark out a harsh laugh. "It wasn't easy. I had to find ways to sneak into the cafeteria for food and hope no one else would be in there. Showering and using the toilet were the two hardest things. But I did it. I have no idea how, but I made it here without anyone discovering me. Although I'm still waiting for the day someone does."

"Does the shefira, or your other tribe sisters know of this?"

I rattle my head and fear seizes my chest. "No. I've been too scared to tell them. What if they hate me?"

"My beautiful, strongkeeshla." Jodah smiles softly. "Do you truly believe your tribe sisters would find fault in what you did? I may not know them well, but none of them strike me as a female who would not also fiercely defend themselves against a male who attacked them. To death, if they were forced to."

Could he be right? I've lived in fear since that first morning when I introduced myself to London and the other women after they'd made their own little camp near my tent within the human settlement. I'd kept mostly to myself the entire six months after I arrived, because it was easier. Safer. I would have remained friendly, but aloof with them as well if the Krijese hadn't attacked the next night and the five of us hadn't escaped together. Of course, not until after one of the bastards grabbed me. Now that I think about it, if Remi had been as skilled with her wooden staff back then as she is now, I bet she would have killed him to protect me.

The knot of uncertainty slowly unfurls in my chest. Maybe Jodah is right. Maybe my friends wouldn't hate me. Hell, Remi and Zara might even cheer me. I let loose a small, relieved laugh. Despite not having any guarantees, all the weight I've been carrying lifts off my shoulders. I lean forward and kiss him.

"Thank you. For everything."That glowing light becomes blinding. I swear a feminine voice whispers in my ear and a ghostly touch glides across every inch of my skin at once and the purest emotion fills my heart to overflowing that there's no mistaking what it is. I bite my tongue to keep the words from spilling out. I'm not sure I'm ready to say them. More important, I don't think Jodah's ready to hear them. Not yet.

"You do not ever need to thank me. You are my keeshla." He says it so confidently, as though there has never been a single doubt. "Now rest. You have not slept nearly enough the last few turns of the sun. I do not want you becoming ill."

I nod. Not only because he's right, but also because fatigue has hit me hard. I scoot closer, burrowing against his heat, and my lips curl in satisfaction when he wraps his arms and tail around me and tugs me even tighter against him. Even if I can't say it out loud, I can at least admit it to myself.

I love you.