Chapter 10

Maeve

I'm pretty sure I'm about to throw up, but I swallow it down, because I'm the one who offered to help Benham. All day, while working with Alanda to harvest some of the herbs from the large garden, I have done nothing but think about this whole mate thing. When she and I finished, I made London walk around the village with me while I observed how the males treated their mates. While I know they all say none of the Tavikhi, including Benham, would hurt us, words don't mean anything.

Is there such thing as a platonic mating? Like maybe he and I can just be friends. We could take walks together and tell each other how our day went. Or hang out by the fire during meals. But that would be as far as it goes.No husband-wife stuff. While I'm slowly coming to realize Benham might not be quite as scary as I thought, I'm not ready for anything else, and I don't know if I will ever be.

Clinking sounds come from inside and I shake off the haze. I take one slow step inside and another, but that's as far I can make myself go. My feet are rooted firmly in the ground of a tent that looked a lot bigger from the outside. With Benham in here it's gotten smaller. Way smaller. My hands shake, and I clasp them in front of me to try and make it stop. He's put away his weapons and stands at a table placing a cloth inside a basin I assume is filled with water.

Why did I volunteer for this? I'm not a nurse. I have no idea what I'm doing. I've seen enough of my own blood because of David, but can I handle someone else's? Benham picks up the basin, and in his other hand is a really big knife. What is that for? God, I am so far out of my element. His gaze darts to the pallet on one side of his tent that I've done my best to ignore, but he doesn't head toward it.

The only other place for him to go is a chair near the firepit. It's going to be too hard to doctor his wound sitting.

I flail my arm in the direction of his bed. "Just go lie down. It'll be easier."

Benham doesn't reply. He calmly walks—limps—over to it and sets the basin on the ground and the knife next to it. When he finally lies down, I can almost breathe again, even though the tent doesn't feel any bigger now that he's no longer standing. It's just as suffocating as it had before.

"You do not have to do this," he tells me a second time.

Before I turn tail and run away as fast as I can, I take a step forward. And another. And a third. Until I'm standing over him. Was his bed always this far from the door? It's fine. The door is open. Anyone walking by can see in here. He's lying down.

As if that could stop him.

Shut up.

I lower myself to my knees next to the basin. "What's the knife for?"

"You will need to remove my leg covering from around the wound," Benham says as though it should have been obvious. How else am I going to clean and bandage it?

My hands tremble even harder as I reach for it. I graze the hilt with my fingers and yank them away. "You better do it."

"Maeve." That's it. Just my name.

I shift my gaze to him. He's staring up at me with those intense yellow eyes and they penetrate me as though piercing my soul.

"I trust you."

Three simple words. Yet they resonate inside my head. Benham trusts me. Which means I need to trust myself. I take a deep breath and reach again for the knife. Keeping my eyes on his leg, I slide the tip of the blade through the already present tear and cut his hide pants from just above mid-thigh to ankle. There's a trail of dried blood down the entire length of his leg and the wound still oozes.

"What happened?" I wring the excess water out of the cloth and carefully clean his skin, avoiding the actual wound for the moment.

"A dhibani horn."

I wince and dip the cloth back in the basin to rinse the blood out before attending to the long, and what looks like a pretty deep slice. Benham doesn't flinch, though it has to hurt. I can't help but study the other scars that cover his chest and wonder how he got them. Especially the one on his face. The shiny puckered scar runs along the entire side of it and disappears into his hairline. I can't imagine how painful that had to have been.

"There is a salve in the chest over there." Benham gestures with his chin. "You can put some of it on the wound."

I'm not an expert, but I don't think slapping some salve on this thing is going to cut it. Still, I stand and go to the chest. Sure enough, there's a round wooden container near the top. I open the lid, just to make sure.

Man, this stuff stinks.

I come back to sit next to him. "Are you sure this is going to be good enough? It looks really bad."

"It will leave a scar, but the salve will help heal it."

"Would anything not let it scar? Maybe there's something else that Kyler or Sage has." Why do I keep pushing?

"Maeve," Benham says my name again in that soft tone that makes me look up at him. "I wear my scars proudly. They are a sign of strength. That I am a worthy opponent. Even if it is only against a dhibani."

It's so self-deprecating, I manage a small smile. "I'm sorry."

"You do not have to apologize. I am honored that you care."

My smile falls. Not because I don't care, but because I do. Even though I haven't accepted the mate bond, Benham has still been kind.

"Right, yeah, sorry," I fumble the container and rip my gaze from his to yank the lid off. "Let me get this stuff on the wound."

I hesitate and glance around me. All I have is a bloody cloth. This is so unhygienic. I dip my fingers in the goo and carefully spread it over the cut, making sure I cover every inch. Once I'm satisfied, I wipe the excess off on my pants and replace the lid.

"Now that I'm finished and looking at it, I realize how much of his leg is exposed, and if I open the hide any farther, it's not just his leg I might be seeing.

I jump to my feet and move several steps back. My cheeks are flaming hot. Completely on fire. I need to dump a cold basin of water over my head. "Um, sorry, yeah. Do you need a bandage?"

"Thank you, but I can bandage it myself."

"Okay." I keep my eyes averted. "Is there anything else I can do while I'm here?"

"That is all. Thank you for your help."

I bob my head up and down and walk backward toward the entrance. "I…I hope you feel better."

Before Benham can say anything, I bolt out of the tent and nearly crash into Zara.

"Whoa, are you okay?" She clasps my arm to steady me. "I heard Benham got hurt? I was coming to check on him. Wait. What were you doing in there? Why is your face all red?"

Her lips tighten and a fierce light enters her eyes. "Did he do something to you? I don't care how big he is, if he hurt you, I will ram one of those daggers of his right through his heart."

"No, no," I rush to get out. "I'm just being me. Benham didn't do anything. I helped clean and doctor his wound. That was it. I just weirded out for no reason. I promise."

Zara slowly loosens her shoulders, and the tightness around her mouth eases. "You swear?"

I look her straight in the eye. "Swear."

"Good, because I'd really hate to have to murder my boss."

She'd probably try, too, and get herself killed in the process. "No murdering needs to take place."

"If he ever does something to hurt you, I won't hesitate."

Although I know it makes Zara uncomfortable, I give her a huge hug anyway, squeezing her tight. "Thank you for being my friend."

"Yeah, yeah." She awkwardly pats me on the back and I let her go.

I chuckle. "You're going to get used to us hugging you one of these days."

"God forbid," she deadpans and I glare at her. "Anyway, since I found you and since I doubt Benham is heading to his forge today, London and I are going to hold a session for the kids if you want to come along. She's trying to teach them how to read and write. Although I have no idea why considering there aren't a whole lot of books—meaning none—available to any of us. But she wants to do it, so I guess we are, since she's the chieftess or whatever."

For a second I'm tempted, because it will occupy my mind. But there's something else I should do. "Why don't you go ahead?"

"All right. Catch you at dinner then." Zara walks away but turns and walks backward with a smirk. "Oh, and if you see Benham again, let him know I'll be at the forge tomorrow."

She winks and keeps walking. My cheeks heat, because that's what I'd been thinking of doing. He missed the midday meal, and he shouldn't be walking on that leg. Before I question and overthink every decision I've made in the last two days, I quickly head to the central fire.

"Hi, excuse me, is there anything left over from lunch? The midday meal, I mean."

The male looks me over. "You are Benham's mate?"

Flustered, I stutter. "No—yes—no—I don't know." I snap my mouth shut and breathe. "I'm his friend and I would like to take him a meal if there is anything left over since he missed it."

He stares at me a minute longer, before putting some leftover meat from an animal I don't want to know about and a few root vegetables on a wood plate and hands it to me. "For your friend."

I take it from him with thanks, ignoring his sarcasm, and slowly make my way back to Benham's tent at the far side of the village. Except I make a pit stop first at mine and fold up the large fur I forgot to return. When I make it to his home, the hide flap covering the entrance has been closed. I smack it. He didn't leave, did he?

"It's me, Maeve. I brought you some food."

Several seconds pass before I hear anything inside. The hide moves and there Benham stands with his brow bones raised. He's already put on a clean pair of pants. "You did not need to bring me anything."

"I know I didn't. But I also wanted to return the fur you loaned me." I lift my arm the fur is draped over.

"That was meant for you to keep," he says. "As a gift. I know humans get much colder than Tavikhi."

A gift? For me? Except for the few Christmases when my parents were able to save enough money, no one has ever given me a present before. The stuff David gave me were nothing more than bribes.

Benham gave me a blanket so I didn't get cold. One special to him. I tug it close to me. "Thank you for the gift."

He bows his head. "You are welcome."

"Here." I practically shove the plate at him in a nervous gesture. "Your food."

Benham takes it from me careful not to touch me. "My thanks."

We stand there, neither of us making a move to leave. I rock back on my heels. "Right, well, I guess I won't keep you then. Thank you again for the fur."

Feeling awkward, I hurry away, clutching the blanket tightly to me, and go search for London and Zara. I'm not really sure what I thought would happen when I took Benham food. I guess I'm trying to get to know him better.

It's the why I don't understand.