6. Trayem

The fist struck me in the face with such force I thought my eye was going to explode.

I welcomed it.

I deserved it.

Unlike in the previous fight I was meant to lose, I had no intention of even trying to win this one.

My opponent was an enormous hierog, one of the true brawler species in the prison. They stuck together like glue and weren't built to fight one on one. They were pack hunters and preferred to pummel their prey into submission in groups. Their prey wasn't small either. On their native planet, they were huge monsters that dwarfed much of what could be found in the rest of the galaxy.

This hierog systematically demolished me with his fists. He did not play to the crowd or turn his back on me as my previous opponent had.

Even if I hadn't been told to lose this fight, I would have struggled to beat such a formidable opponent. But no fighter was perfect. There were weaknesses to exploit if you knew where to look.

A fist in the face followed immediately by an elbow in the ribs, and I hit the ground. I lost my balance and skidded along the craggy rocks that tore my cheek open, leaving a streak of blood across the fine sand.

The crowd loved it. They cheered, baying for more.

I doubted I could take much more, not that the hierog would stop the moment I lost consciousness. I was certain he would continue to pulverize me with his fists every moment he could and wouldn't have noticed my body hanging limp and lifeless.

My life rested in his giant hands. It wasn't a life I much cared to live any longer anyway.

No matter the damage he did to me, I couldn't get over the look on Harper's face, the absolute ache and agony, the total betrayal I had forced from her.

Each time I shut my eyes, I saw that curled look of hatred on her face and heard that agonizing scream she'd emitted when I dragged her back to her padded prison cell.

Almost as bad was the look of victory on sister Annas's face. She got to see me repaid for the lies I told about the note she pushed under my cell door. She hadn't been the one to cause this, not directly, but she seemed satisfied…

Or was she?

Would she find some other way to make me suffer for what I'd done to her? Hers was a dark and evil soul and I doubted a simple act like this would suffice to soothe the malice and hate she fostered in her unbeating heart.

What more could she do to me?

What more did she want from me?

I had lost the only girl I ever loved, ever cared about, and the child growing inside her would soon belong not to her but Krial.

And we all knew what happened to babies handed to him, especially in his weakened state.

There was no hope for the child.

I had seen many mothers give birth to their newborns, each with a warm hopeful smile on their faces at the miracle they held bundled in their arms, each certain this time Krial would find mercy in his heart.

It was a hope that was never met.

There was only ever one road open to the child and it was not one the mother would ever wish upon it.

The hierog demolished me with his elbow, smashing my ribcage and splintering it into a thousand pieces. Some of the shards sliced into the surrounding tissues and organs. Nothing life threatening, I thought.

A pity.

At least then I wouldn't have to watch the final act of my betrayal take form.

There was one small victory, and that was that the giant hierog would not be allowed to claim Harper.

A small victory to be sure but it was the only one I could salvage from this entire situation.

Even the memories I shared with Harper had been tainted. They no longer sparkled and shone. They had once been sparkling diamonds in a river of shit, now they lay submerged by the way I had treated her, the blood marking my hands every bit as much as Krial's. A red tint descended over the memories and tainted them forever more.

The hierog, finally done with having fun, picked me up and pinned me against the wall.

My body was limp and I could barely stand under my own weight. The hierog grunted with disgust before he picked me up and held me there with one arm as he drew his other giant arm back to deliver the final blow.

He grinned at me through bent and broken teeth that jutted in chaotic angles. He needed a good dentist.

The hierog paused a moment, staring at me, his head tilting to one side as if seeing something he hadn't seen before. His expression eased a little, the tense muscles in his frown relaxing and giving way to another:

Pity, I thought.

I didn't deserve it.

"Do it," I said, struggling around his enormous fist choking me. "Finish me off. Now. Do it."

The pure rage had left the creature's face and he let me fall to the ground.

"I don't yield!" I yelled. "I don't yield!"

The crowd cheered at my bravery. But it wasn't bravery that spurred me on. It was cowardice.

I didn't want to live with myself. I couldn't live with myself. Not with the danger I had put Harper through. She didn't deserve it.

And I didn't deserve to live.

The creature groaned as he whirled back on me.

"Yield," he growled. "Or it will not end well for you."

"I do not yield!" I said. "I will never yield."

The creature shook his head.

"So be it," he said.

And when he turned back to me, he swung his fist with the movement and slammed it full in my face, knocking me to the ground.

I passed out long before I came to a stop.

I wassurprised when I awoke. After a colossal strike like that from the giant beast, I shouldn't have been feeling anything at all.

I pressed a hand to my cheek and hissed through my teeth.

"Hold still," a voice in the darkness said.

Little light permeated the blinds that screened the sharp red light from the blaring outdoor sun. There were three windows. One large, two small, and as my eyes adjusted to the dimness, I could make out more of the room's details.

The large bed looked comfortable and the paintings on the walls were simple but tasteful. A desk sat tidy with a single short stack of papers. It had a uniform look to it.

"You're lucky he didn't kill you," Tus said. "Here. It'll take the worst of the swelling from the injuries."

He handed me something cold and mushy.

"The order was to lose," I said, hissing as I pressed the mushy stuff to my face.

"Lose, not die. You know Krial likes for his orders to be followed to the letter. It would make him mad if he lost you to the pit."

"I wouldn't have to live with it."

"No, but I would. And so would Annas and Rarr."

"It doesn't matter," I said. "None of it matters."

Tus crossed the darkness and tapped my leg so I would lift it up and he could take a seat beside me.

"And how come you get the best room?" I said.

"Hard to explain to the other prisoners if you, a fellow inmate, got one of the better rooms, don't you think?" Tus said.

"I might be able to come up with something."

Tus chuckled.

"I suppose you could."

A moment of quiet passed between us. Tus was the only member of Krial's personal guard I truly felt safe to be myself around. He was a good man and always did his duty. There were certain topics we never discussed. I don't know why we didn't. They were the things that had the biggest impact on each of us.

"How do you keep doing it?" I said.

He didn't need for me to specify what the "it" was. He must have asked the question of himself as many times as I had.

"We're duty bound," he said simply.

I pulled my legs up and turned them so I was sitting on the edge of the sofa.

"I thought I was the only one to think about it," I said. "Do you think the others do too?"

"Annas? No. She's too much like Krial to think that way. I think she enjoys it."

"Rarr?"

Tus shrugged his muscular shoulders.

"Possibly. Who knows what he thinks. Or if he can even think at all."

"I'm not sure I can keep doing this," I said softly—so softly it didn't even sound like my own voice.

"What else would you do? And where would you go? Do you think there's anywhere you could go that Krial couldn't reach you?"

"I guess not."

"The way I see it, there's only one thing you can do."

"What?"

"Quit whining like a baby and do something."

"I'm not whining."

"Yes, you are. It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you do something. Get your head straight. Think about the bigger picture."

I couldn't say Tus's words gave me much inspiration. "Just do something," wasn't exactly the kind of advice I needed right now.

Then Tus sighed and picked up a small vase that came with the room. We never had enough space to carry unnecessary items like that. He hesitated a moment before picking it up and upending it.

Something rattled on the inside and landed in the palm of his hand. He clenched his hand shut and replaced the vase on the tabletop and turned to me.

"I was planning on keeping this for a rainy day," he said. "But seeing as your rainy day is already here…"

He opened his hand, revealing a coal black pill. I looked at him and took it.

"What is it?"

"It's a pill. For… removing mistakes. Don't ask how I got it. It's… a difficult memory."

I looked at him and wondered what he was referring to. He was always so in command of his emotions that I never even considered the idea of him losing his cool.

Or his heart.

But right then, I could see his pain etched on his face, deep grooves that might have been carved by a master sculptor.

"For removing mistakes?" I said.

The pill was jet black, the same as its purpose. I had only ever seen something like this once, and it was a very, very long time ago.

I wandered down the steps to the apartments that housed the other personal guard members. A far cry from the cell I had been reduced to for the past three months.

I wasn't really bothered about the cell size. It wasn't a pressing concern. It was just a way for me to distract myself from what I was really thinking about.

Harper.

My dear Harper.

She was trapped in that cell and didn't know what was happening. The pill in my pocket seemed so heavy I thought it would stretch the fabric of my jacket and tear a hole in it.

I glanced at the other doors in the hallway and wondered which one belonged to Annas. If she was inside, I could confront her. Face to face, I at least had a chance.

But I could no more hurt her than I could Tus.

Despite what she was, despite what she had done to me, and despite the streak of evil inside her, I couldn't hurt my sister, even if she wasn't sister by blood.

I left that hallowed hall and drifted past the guards standing outside it. I descended down a set of spiral stairs and walked down another long corridor until I reached a room made of glass. I pressed a button, a light buzzed, and I was allowed inside.

As a member of Krial's personal guard, I had permission to go everywhere the others were allowed. I only had to be careful about being seen. The other prisoners couldn't see me wandering around where I shouldn't be.

I entered the science lab from the opposite corner to the one I usually used. Funny how a simple thing like entering through a different door could change your perspective on things.

The scientists paid me little mind as I crossed the science lab in the direction of the hidden cell I knew to be concealed behind the wall.

Through it, I could see Harper curled up around the chair that would have been a lot more comfortable than the floor. But lying in it risked the scientists doing something to her while she was asleep.

I glanced at the scientists on the other side of the room. They looked too engrossed in their activities to bother much with me and what I was up to, but I knew how misleading appearances could be.

I couldn't open the cell door. I had the authority to do a lot of things in this prison but letting out prisoners was not one of them.

"Psst," I said. "Hey. Harper."

When she didn't stir from her position on the floor, I tapped a hand to the invisible forcefield wall. It didn't make a knock sound as I'd expected but a low zap that shot bolts of electricity up my arms and into my chest. It didn't hurt but it felt uncomfortable.

"Harper?" I said. "Can you hear me?"

She grunted, coming awake. She groaned as she sat up and leaned with her head against the padded wall as a pillow. As she did, her lumpy clothing fell away, revealing the bump in her belly. It was big and I couldn't believe my eyes.

A smile lit my face and I couldn't look away from it.

I did that. No, we did that.

A beautiful baby was tucked up inside her. The Miragians had very short reproduction cycles. Our cells could duplicate much faster than most species, owing to our innate ability to replicate ourselves at will.

I took the black pill from my pocket and held it in my hand. It felt heavier now more than ever. Could I really give it to her, knowing what it would do to that tiny bundle tucked inside her? Had I so lost hope that this was the only way to restore it? Was this really the only way out?

"Trayem?" Harper said.

Her voice was agonizingly weak and she struggled to get to her feet. She stumbled over to the wall. She was glowing and gorgeous. I couldn't keep myself from smiling.

I tucked my hand containing the pill behind my back.

"Don't touch the wall," I said. "It could be dangerous."

"I know that. I've been beating on it for days."

"I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't get here before today."

An awkward pause passed between us.

"I'm sorry about earlier," I said. "Even if you escaped from here, there was nowhere else you could escape to."

"I was coming to run to you. I guess you saved me a trip."

I didn't know what to say to that.

"How are you doing?"

"I've been better."

"I… have something for you," I said, bringing my fist around. "It's a pill. It will… fix everything."

"That's it?" Harper said, her face curling into an ugly mask. "Is that your best shot? You thought you could come here dressed as him and get me to take that black pill? Humans might be lower lifeforms but we aren't stupid."

"What?" I said, surprised at her outburst. "I thought you might want to take it."

"I wouldn't take anything from you," Harper spat. "Now, why don't you turn into your real self and we can talk like adults."

She stepped back, folded her arms, and rested them on her bulging stomach. She appeared to be waiting for me to do something. It took me a moment to realize what.

"I'm not Annas," I said.

"Sure, you're not."

"No, really. I'm the real Trayem."

She looked me over and then pursed her lips.

"Prove it."

"How?"

"What was the thing you gave me the first time we met in your room? If you're the real Trayem, you should be able to answer that."

"Chocolate. I got it out of the trunk under my bed and offered it to you."

The superior smile faded from Harper's face but did not disappear. She scanned my face, her disbelief shaken but not broken.

"Trayem could have told his buddies about that night," she said, sounding a little unsure.

I pressed my hand against the wall and sparks hissed from it. I didn't care.

"I rescued you from four gang members in the champion's room when we first met. You took me to see a beautiful view out of a window on the other side of the prison the last time we met and one of your previous… clients came up to us. We escaped to my room. We made love and there were multiple copies of me and every single one fell madly in love with you the first moment we met."

Her smile had vanished and she looked up at me with incredulity. Tears sparkled in her eyes.

"How could you do this to me?" she said.

The smile of success now sank from my face and I lowered my hand from the forcefield. It'd given me minor burns having rested my palm on it for so long but it was nothing to the pain tearing my heart apart at that moment.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," I said. "You were never meant to get pregnant. I wanted to keep you safe, away from the other fighters so they wouldn't impregnate you."

"But you didn't save me. You're the reason I'm here."

"Yes," I said. "It's my fault."

Her voice turned so soft a breeze might have blown it away.

"Was any of it real?" she said. "Did you ever feel anything for me?"

"Of course, I did. None of it was fake. None."

"It's hard to tell."

I pressed myself so close to the wall I almost touched it.

"No, it's not. Look inside yourself and tell me it wasn't real. What do your emotions tell you? Did I ever do anything but love you? Was there ever any malicious intent in what I did with you?"

Tears made a slalom run down her face and she shook her head, her knotted curls dancing about her cheeks.

"Did you get me pregnant on purpose?" she said.

"No. This was never supposed to happen. I was sent here as a spy to watch what happened inside the prison and encourage a riot. I was tasked with getting the previous supervisor fired so Krial could take over. That was what I came here to do.

"I'm not a criminal. At least, I never did the thing they sent me here for. Sometimes Krial… needs things done and we do it. So, in a way, I guess I belong in here more than a lot of the prisoners do. But you… ever since you came in here, it's been like I finally get to see the sun rise every day."

The tears were streaming down her face freely now.

"My love for you is the only real thing about this whole place," I said. "You, me, and that baby in your belly. We can fix this situation. It's not too late."

I hesitated but opened my hand and showed her the black pill. I wasn't sure I wanted her to take it but it was her body and her decision. I would leave it in her hands and support her with whatever she chose to do.

"This pill can… remove the problem," I said. "It sends the baby into a deep sleep… a sleep which it will never wake up from. The baby's body breaks down and flows through your system until he's gone completely. There are no side effects and it's completely painless."

She took in every word and didn't say anything for a long time. She never looked at the pill.

"You want me to get rid of it?"

"I want you to do what's right for you."

I checked over my shoulders. The scientists continued to scurry around and busy themselves with their activities.

"You have no idea what Krial is like," I said. "You don't know what he'll do to the baby. I don't want that to happen to him. I don't want that to happen to you."

Harper clutched a hand to her stomach and stared at the black pill in my hand. Then her eyes flicked up to mine.

"I had the option to take medicine like that a long time ago," she said. "I didn't take it then and I won't take it now."

I was secretly relieved at her decision. In all truth, I wasn't sure I could bring myself to give it to her. The baby in her belly was the culmination of our love and I hadn't yet lost hope that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance we could still save it, could still pick up the pieces of our broken relationship.

"What happens now?" Harper said.

"Now I figure out another way of getting you out of here before you give birth."

"You'd better hurry. I don't think he's going to wait much longer. He doesn't have much self-control, like his father."

I grinned despite myself.

"Around you, who could blame me?"

Harper wrapped her arms around herself.

"I wish I could hold you right now."

"I am holding you."

A blink later and I was right there, inside the room with her. My reflection.

Harper didn't start or flinch back. She only turned into my reflection. Stronger than usual, but not the same strength as when we were joined together in bed.

She hugged me and I could, on the very fringes of my senses, feel her pressing against me. I lowered my arms and wrapped them around her. I placed a hand to her belly and felt the lump growing there.

"He kicks," Harper said. "Really strong too. Here. Feel."

She took my hand and held it where the kick was strongest. Even with my weak senses, I could feel him.

I grinned like a fool. She grinned back at me, smiling and warm and full of love, the kind of love I never thought I would ever see on her face directed at me again.

In her heart was a lot of love but also a great deal of forgiveness.

Harper's mischievous grin faltered and broke.

My reflection winked out of existence and folded back up inside me.

"What is it?" I said, my voice crinkled with fear.

Harper looked down. Her pants turned wet and a puddle formed beneath her. She looked up at me with terror in her eyes.

"It's happening," she said. "Trayem… It's already too late."

The scientists shoved me aside.They deactivated the wall and entered the cell.

Harper backed away from them, clutching one hand to her swollen belly, the other bashing at the scientists.

"Get away from me!" she shouted. "Get away!"

"We're here to help deliver your baby!" the one called Junic said, coming in closer to Harper, who swung a fist that caught the female scientist across the cheek.

I took the initiative and shoved my way through the crowd and entered the space between Harper and the hapless scientists.

Harper looked at me with utter terror. She was scared to death. And who could blame her?

Ever since she came to this place, she'd been imprisoned, forced into prostitution, her method of birth control stolen, and now she was meant to give birth to the child and she had no idea what they intended on doing with it once it was released upon the world.

Even me, the one person she should have been able to trust on this blasted moon, had betrayed her. But I was still the closest thing to a friend she had in this place.

"Harper," I said softly. "The baby's coming. He needs to be delivered. You can't do this alone."

Or maybe she could. I didn't know how humans delivered their offspring.

"Not them," Harper said, jabbing a finger at the scientists and doctors over my shoulder.

"Then who?" I said. "These are the only doctors in the prison. You don't want one of the inmate doctors, do you?"

Few had many qualifications, save a single convicted doctor who was said to have once been the most distinguished doctor in the galaxy… until he pushed his research beyond what some might call reasonable levels.

"Lily," Harper said. "I want Lily. She'll know what to do!"

Harper panted through her nostrils and sucked in as much breath as she could. Already a thick band of sweat wet her brow and plastered her hair to her face.

"Please," she said.

She wanted the madam that oversaw her imprisonment in this place? For some reason, she was the last person I thought Harper would want overseeing the birth.

I turned my head to one side.

"Get her," I said.

"I don't know who this ‘Lily' is," Junic said.

"She's her… handler in the Prize Pool," I said.

"Her handler?" Junic said, staring at me starkly and folding her arms across her chest. "She's not qualified."

I turned on her so fast it made not only her but the entire cadre of doctors hop back in startlement.

"Get her now or I swear to the Creator himself, I'll beat every last one of you!" I growled into their faces.

Junic gibbered before nodding. Her eyes were wide as she turned to the other doctors and issued orders. She ran for the door that led down to the Prize Pool section herself. Any excuse to escape this madness, I suspected, and as far from me as she could get. She barely cast a single glance over her shoulder as she shoved the door open and left.

The other scientists were a sudden hive of activity. Some rushed through the other exit and came back armed with fresh blankets and towels. Others reached for medical equipment not designed for delivering babies but would have to serve a dual purpose today.

I turned back to Harper. Her face was clenched in pain.

She reached out with her hands.

"We have to get you in the chair," I said. "Come on."

I helped her into it and pressed at the controls to ease it backward so she lay flat and stared directly at the high ceiling. I pressed another button which snapped the bottom half of the chair apart, widening her legs to make passing the baby easier.

Harper panted and groaned, sweat slicking her head to foot. She pressed one hand to her bulging stomach and looked up at me every three or four breaths. She clenched my hand in hers and squeezed so tight I thought she might break every bone in my hand.

So be it. I could heal fast.

"Don't leave me," Harper said.

"I won't," I promised. "I'll be here the entire time."

She nodded and focused on her breathing.

A scientist edged into the room clutching a small device to his chest.

"I need to give her something for the pain," he said, looking at me uncertainly.

"You'll do no such thing until I see what you're giving her," Lily said as she rounded the figure and entered the padded cell.

She cast an eye over me and focused on Harper.

"How does it feel?" she said.

"Sore," Harper said.

"The thing with inter-species births like this is that no one really knows how it will work out," Lily said. "It could pass easily or it could be difficult. It really depends on the genetics and, well, no one has ever had a human-Miragi baby before. There's no telling what might happen. I've seen one or two births in my time and I can promise you I'll do what I can. You just need to trust me."

Harper let out another breath and clenched her teeth.

Lily bent down to peer between Harper's legs.

"Bring that painkiller over here," she said.

She consulted with the doctor.

"She's not a horse, man! Lower the dosage!" she said.

The doctor hastily made alterations to the device. No doubt he was used to administering medicine to much larger creatures than Harper. He did so and handed the device to Lily, who checked the reading before injecting it into Harper.

The moment she did, the intensity of the pain lowered by several orders of magnitude. Still there, but at least now it was manageable.

A crowd of scientists amassed outside the padded cell, watching, but made no effort to get involved.

"Now, I'm sure you've seen plenty of movies about birth, right?" Lily said. "It will be a bit like that… but with more screaming and pain and pushing and… other things. When I say, push."

Harper gripped my hand so tight and she almost crushed it.

The minutes dragged by as blood-soaked towels were removed and replaced and the pushing exercise went on and on, until I wondered if there would ever be an end.

"A little more!" Lily said. "Push!"

Then came the most glorious sound I'd ever heard.

The wailing cry of the baby as it was born, its skin red and wet. Lily cut the cord and immediately wrapped the baby in a small towel.

She smiled as she held the baby in her arms and made soft cooing noises. She checked the baby over to make sure everything was as it should be.

The doctor at her side quickly passed a device over it. The device beeped and a blue light flashed on the top.

"He's healthy," he said.

"Of course, he's healthy!" Lily said. "You don't need a fancy device with flashing lights to tell you that! Use your eyes, man!"

The doctor seemed taken aback, not least because he wasn't a man at all but a slimy-skinned alien species called ghoptats.

Lily rounded the chair and handed him over to an exhausted Harper. She took the little baby in her arms.

"Hello there," she said. "I'm your mommy. And this is your daddy. It's nice to meet you."

Her baby.

My baby.

It was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. And right then, in this tiny cocoon of a cell, I felt the bond that held us together. A family, joined by some powerful but unknowable link spanning eons.

Was it love?

The sense of belonging that only came when you were joined together as a family?

I'd never had either of those things—a family or a home. I had a roaming existence but that wasn't the same thing.

Exhausted as she was, Harper turned to look up at me. Her skin glowed, wet and blotchy, but she had never looked more lovely than she did right that moment.

We did this. We made this little baby. We fashioned this family. Not on purpose, of course, but it existed and was real in either case.

And it belonged to me.

"Show's over, folks," an austere voice said from behind the crowd of onlooking scientists.

They dispersed, revealing Annas, Rarr, and Tus standing shoulder to shoulder. Only Tus had the appearance of someone who didn't want to be there. The others wore the blank expressions of those ordered to carry out their duty.

Annas' eyes dropped to the baby clutched in Harper's arms and all the warmth seeped out of me when I thought about what was going to come next, the fear of knowing what would happen if Harper got pregnant.

The inevitable nature of it didn't shock me.

It was always leading to this moment.

"Trayem?" Harper said in a pathetically weak voice. "What's going on?"

I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I could barely bring myself to believe it myself. I'd seen this exact same scene a thousand times, only I'd never found myself standing on this side of the stage before. I had always been with my fellow guards.

The side I should return to now if I had any sense.

But love trumped sense in such situations.

Which way would I go?

I leaned forward and kissed Harper's brow, thinking about what I would do next. I gently took the baby from her arms. She looked up at me with a smile that was distant but hopeful.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice cracking.

I turned and carried the baby out of the padded cell.

"Trayem?" Harper said, her voice regaining some of its strength now. "Trayem? What are you doing?"

I couldn't respond to her, couldn't turn around to face her.

"Trayem?" Harper said, screaming now. "TRAYEM?"

There was a sharp slap sound as she attempted to climb from the chair. Still weak from giving birth, she fell to the floor.

"Trayem!" she shrieked. "My baby! Please! Our baby! Don't! Trayem! Trayem—"

Her voice was cut off as the wall shimmered and locked back into place, locking Harper inside the room, alone without her baby, stripped from him and me.

Harper beat against the wall with her fists, shocking her with electricity and emitting an ugly rasp. Her voice was gone now. She must have felt the pain of the shocks but didn't stop.

She didn't even stop when I ascended the stairs toward Krial's apartment. I blocked myself off from the pain and anger and sorrow in my soul as I trudged, one grim footstep after another up the steps, clutching the gibbering baby in my arms. So small, so fragile and vulnerable.

I knew with cold certainty Harper's shrieking cries would haunt me for the rest of my days.

The blinds had been drawnand it would have been pitch black if it wasn't for the candles arranged in the shape of a five-pointed star. In the middle sat a single pink pillow.

The other members of Krial's personal guard took their positions at each point. At the head was Krial, bent and hobbled and old, leaning on his walking stick the same way he had when I saw him after a three-month hiatus.

His hair had fallen from this scalp once more, his bald dome clear of features. His eyes were a dull dry yellow and I caught the unmistakable sign of cataracts.

"Bring forth the child," he said.

I hesitated a moment, hopefully undetectable in the darkness. I didn't have to go through with this, I told myself. I didn't have to let this happen to the child in my arms. I could have turned and ran and I could have escaped…

But Harper was still trapped in that padded cell. I couldn't hope to rescue her as well.

It was no use. We would never hide away in the prison for long before they found us.

As emotional as I felt, with my heart pumping hard in my chest, thumping hard like it wanted to escape and run a thousand miles from this place, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Krial and the others were my family. You made sacrifices for your family. This was just another one.

Then the baby boy reached a hand and took my thumb in his tiny fingers and squeezed, surprisingly strong for a baby so young.

He peered up at me, though I wasn't sure if he could really see me with his brand-new eyes.

My feet were already moving forward. I placed the child on the pink pillow delicately, his makeshift towel-blanket wrapped tightly around him.

He struggled on the floor and made a gurgling noise at the back of his throat, his arms and legs flailing weakly from beneath the towel.

Krial smacked the floor with the tip of his walking stick, making sharp crack noises. The noise reverberated around the space and he hummed a tune, wheezing, rasping groan from his aged and decrepit throat.

We guards hummed in return, a deep tune in the style of the ceremony we'd been taught, rehearsed, and practiced a thousand times before.

Krial spoke in a deep, guttural voice, the forgotten words of his ancient native tongue that even the translator implants buried in our arms couldn't understand. He waved a single arm, making an arc meant to represent the entirety of the universe, but as weak as he was, he could only do it with a single arm and not both as it was meant to be performed.

As we came to the climax of the song, he reached up for the clasp at his shoulder and let his dressing fall to the ground, revealing the hideous and haggard shape of his aged form. His legs were skinny and weak, his skin hanging like soggy bread. His strength was all but gone. His bones were visible, poking at the thick skin of his body, straining at his flesh like tentpoles beneath too little fabric.

Then our humming came to a halt and a twisting wrenching sensation overtook my stomach and I could barely bring myself to watch.

The other guards looked on, not one, not even Tus, glancing at me as Krial dropped to his hands and knees and crawled toward the infant in a halting, disgusting manner, twisting his arms to use his palms to carry him forward. His shriveled penis swung to and fro, limp and useless.

The baby cried and screamed from the confines of his silk pillow. He kicked and flailed as if sensing what was about to happen. He shoved the towel free from about his body, his soft, pink flesh still a little red from passing through his mother.

Krial bent over the child and placed his hands on either side of it. He sucked, breathing in.

The infant really went for it now, screeching as Krial sucked the lifeforce from the child.

The matter of time and space shimmered as he pulled the youth from the child right before us, like dark magic.

Krial's bones first snapped, cracking into place, and returned to its original strong and youthful position. His skin turned a healthy flesh color similar to that of the young child that he gorged on.

The baby flailed his flabby little arms, defenseless against the onslaught, unable even to smack the creature across the face.

As Krial became younger, his years passed to the child. Its skin turned pallid and grey, and what little hair he had on his head turned white, then fell limply to its skull and slipped to the ground.

Its harsh cry shifted from the youthful spear of anger to the wheezy groan the old man had sung with earlier. His face turned sallow and thin and even his movements altered, turning sharp and lacking their earlier dexterous smoothness.

Krial would sup until his body could take no more. He pulled his head up and sucked smaller amounts now, leaving the child with no more than a handful of hours remaining of its life. He wouldn't have left even that if he didn't have to, but not doing so was to suck too deeply, to feast too fully, and giving in to his greed would only backfire.

Krial got to his feet and peered at his hands, now strong and powerful, the way he had been when I first met him all those years ago. He placed his hands on his head and felt at the warm glow of his flesh and the power that had returned to him. His cock had elongated and stood hard and proud.

He stood upright and his body was muscular. He grinned and refused to look upon the shriveled form of the baby he had just destroyed.

"Dispose of it," he said.

He glanced at me before turning and wrapping his arm around Annas, to lead her to his bed chamber and celebrate the way he always did when his youth had been returned to him.

I left the point of my star and approached the little pink cushion. I looked upon the tiny shriveled grey shape and could have wept. The possibility and promise of a new lifetime had been stolen, leaving approaching death and sickness in its wake.

"I'll do it," Tus said.

I was relieved he offered. I wasn't sure I could do it. And that, by itself, was the reason I knew it had to be me that did it. It was a test handed down by Krial. To prove my loyalty.

"No," I said hollowly. "Krial gave me the order. I'll do it."

It would be my final disgrace.

Tus looked at me with concern but nodded his head.

I bent down to pick up the poor child that lay weak and forgotten on the floor.

My child.

He no longer reached up for me, no longer looked at me. I doubted he could even see me with the cataracts in his eyes and the bedsores wrapped like lovers around his limbs.

I maintained control as I passed through the outer doors and heard Annas' scream as Krial tore into her with his youthful vigor.

I exited through the door that led outside and the wind whipped my clothes and made them crack and ruffle noisily.

The desert wind was cold at night and frighteningly hot during the daytime. The rolling sand dunes would be the little infant's final resting place. An entire life lived in mere minutes. He hadn't lived. He hadn't loved. He had this plague put upon him through no fault of his own, and now he was to be buried out here.

The shuttlecraft stood before me. The method of escape was so close, only it was too late. There was no point in getting away now. Not with the baby's life torn from it and no chance Harper would ever forgive me for what I had done.

Not that I deserved redemption. I deserved everything I had coming to me, and more.

The wind was so strong it slid my tears across my face and flew off the tip of my nose and the curl of my cheekbone, sailing to the ground far below.

Where the child would sleep for the rest of whatever life he had remaining.

I felt something. A soft glow of golden light from the child's breast, so soft it might not have been there at all. I clutched the baby close to my chest and passed my apologies to the infant with a prayer.

I looked over my shoulder at the narrow strip of window that Tus and Rarr stood watching me from. No doubt ordered by Krial earlier to ensure I did as he ordered.

The ceremony wasn't complete without the destruction of the young vessel.

Could I do this? Could I do what I must?

I looked at the baby a moment longer. Though he was old and grey, he was still my son.

I took confidence in that fact and raised my arm out, holding the baby in a single arm above my head.

The baby raised his arms, his grey skin visible in the sharp white moonlight.

And then I let go.

The baby sailed down, down, down toward the sharp rocks and curved sandbanks below.

I looked over my shoulder at Tus and Rarr. I didn't know what I expected to see on their faces. Instead, they showed nothing, and turned and left the window.

Further along, at a smaller window, stood Annas, watching me, lit by soft light from the bedroom behind her. In her eyes, I would have expected a look of triumph, of victory, but there was none in her features. I only saw sadness and the resolute look of someone disgusted with herself.

She turned her head as if someone spoke to her from inside. She shut the curtains without giving me another look and was gone.