Chapter 23

My throat hurts from talking, my cheeks from smiling.

"Are you full?" Danielle shoves another wedge of cheese at me.

"Yes." A yawn catches me off-guard, and Danielle grins.

"I have a bathtub. Soap. Good soap, too, none of that smelly animal fat shit. Clothes." She tilts her head, considering. "They might be a little short on you, but better than wearing a bra around, your tatas out for everyone to look at. I have some lotion too; you've got a bit of star burn."

"Star burn?"

"That's what they call it here. Weird, huh? Sunburn."

"Oh." I glance at my shoulders, and sure enough, they're a little pink.

"There's a lot to get used to, I know. I know. Trust me, I get it. But at the end of the day, they're not that different from us. They're all just people trying to get by." Her mouth scrunches to the side, and she considers the ceiling. "Well, people that sometimes turn into mystical creatures and are somewhat stuck in the middle-ages. But they're good people. Mostly."

"Is Lesath going to kill my sister?" The question whispers out of me, and I hate myself for even considering the possibility.

Danielle drags a hand over her face.

"That got dark." She sighs. "I don't think so. I don't know, though. I've only met him once, and he's a scary fucker."

"Scarier than Kaus?"

"Kaus is a loose cannon, but he's not scary."

"He almost shot me. With an arrow."

She winces. "Oof. Sorry."

"Lesath is worse than that?"

Danielle stands, motioning for me to follow her. She takes me through her riotous home, silent. She's not ignoring me though; her mouth is puckered up like she's tasted something sour.

Finally, we reach a beautifully carved door, and she pushes it open. A copper tub stands in the middle of the space, a lever and spout running out of the floor. Danielle cranks the lever, and a gush of water comes out, splashing into the tub.

I run my fingers under it, and jerk back. It's ice cold.

"Don't worry. Go pick out what you want in the cupboard over there." She gestures to a large wooden armoire, and I hesitate before opening the doors. Soaps are stacked within, fluffy towels rolled up together, jars of ointments lined up like soldiers.

"This is incredible."

Her mouth turns up with pleasure at the compliment. "I've been working on that for a while. They had soap, don't get me wrong, but by the stars above and below, it was not my fave."

I lift a bar up, inhaling. "It smells so good."

She peeks over her shoulder at me. "That one is lavender. Well, what passes for lavender here. I've been working on a vanilla pumpkin one, too, like the basic bitch I am, but it's not right yet. It's weird. Everything is close to what we have on earth, but not quite. Did you see the bees?"

I pick out a towel and some salts that smell amazing. "The Lisa Frank ones? Yeah."

She laughs, and I find myself smiling. "That's exactly what they're like! Psychedelic bees. Flowers that aren't quite right." She grins at me. "I'm really glad you're here."

The tub is nearly full now, and I dip my fingers into it. Still freezing. I bite my lip. I don't want to be rude, so worst comes to worst I'll sponge bathe. God, a hot bath sounds amazing, though.

"Step back." Danielle instructs.

I do. A red aura flames into life along her skin, and she presses her hands against the tub. Seconds tick by. I start to ask what she's doing, and then it hits me. Heat blasts through the room, steam curling from the water's surface.

"Holy shit."

She steps back, the red fading away. "Pretty wild, right?" She flexes her fingers, curling them in. "I can use the heat of the stars."

I cautiously walk closer, testing the heat of the water. "How?"

Danielle shrugs, a hint of sympathy in her eyes. "I don't know. I used it once before we mated, but it nearly killed me. And then, after Dabin and I, you know," she raises her eyebrows suggestively, "did the deed, it just happened. It's gotten easier the more I practiced."

"It just happened?"

"Well, I was, uh, triggered. I needed to protect myself." She looks down at the floor, and her body shudders. I grimace. Whatever happened, it doesn't sound good.

I set the soap and supplies on a wood table near the tub.

"I'll bring some clothes for you to pick from. Take your time. You look like you need rest." I could be offended, but it's not like it's a lie. I am tired.

She squints at me, then hurries over to the armoire. "Here. This might help your bruise. It's made from an herb that— you know what? It just works. And this…" she rummages. "This is for hair. It's conditioner, basically, so use it last. I have some hair ties too. I'll grab them." She drops a couple more jars on the table. "The other door, over there- it leads to a bedroom. Feel free to go conk out when you're done. I'll tell everyone you're sleeping."

"Thank you," I say, suddenly overcome. "I really, really appreciate it."

Danielle lingers at the door. "Listen, Lana, it'll work out. I'm glad you're here. We need you." With a last wide smile, she strides out of the room, purpose in her steps.

They need me.

It shouldn't make me feel better, to be needed. Danielle is great though, and I'll be happy to return her kindness with whatever kind of help I can give.

I strip off my bra, wrinkling my nose as I take in how filthy it is. The rest of my clothes follow. My skin is dark with grime, and I carefully step over the ledge into the tub.

The water is hot, and I gasp before stepping all the way in. The blisters on my feet sting, and it takes a moment before I get used to it.

I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something. It nags at me, and I close my eyes, sinking underwater. Heat rushes around me, and I rake my fingers through my knotted hair.

It's the first time I've been by myself since I drove to New Mexico in a rental car four days ago. Ras. I picture him, his dark blond hair, now shorn short, his dark golden scruff and that masculine jawline that makes my mouth water. His muscled body, the way his strong arms wrapped around me last night. The way he tasted against my tongue. The sound of my name on his lips.

I come up for air. Danielle asked if he'd hurt me, and I can't even stand the thought of her thinking that about him. Water streams down my face, and I reach for the soap and washcloth, scrubbing myself as clean as can be. The conditioner Danielle brought over smells floral and light, and I inhale deeply as I work it through my curls.

The last time I washed my hair, I had Ras's help. His fingers were the ones raking across my scalp, his breath against my forehead. I press my lips shut. I have got to stop thinking about having sex with him. If I'm going to get my head clear, the last thing I need is to muddy the waters anymore with sex.

I dunk my head again, and a bit of water sloshes out of the tub.

Danielle's voice sounds from the adjoining room. "I put a bunch of stuff in here. When you get back from finding your sisters maybe we can all go shopping. There's a really cool town with an outdoor market and the best freakin' street food of your life."

"Thank you, that sounds fun." I yell back, grateful for her interruption. Hard to think about having sex when someone is yelling at you about shopping. I stretch out in the tub, inhaling the scented water.

It's not like I can buy anything if we end up going. It's not like I have money. Or anyway to earn money. God. I didn't even know who I was at home. How am I supposed to know who I am here?

Ugh. I lean my head against the back of the tub. Water laps at my chest. This is exactly why I cannot be thinking horny thoughts about Ras. I need to know myself before I become his mate. Defined by my proximity to him. Well, any more than I already am.

An ache builds between my legs, and my nipples are sensitized from the heat of the water, the friction of the washcloth. Ras's mouth would feel better on them than anything. His mouth would feel amazing between my legs right now.

I groan, both annoyed with myself and turned on all over again.

"That's enough of that," I tell the bathtub, then stand and clamber over the side. I drip onto the stone floor, leaving a puddle around my feet.

I wrap the towel around myself, shaky on sore legs. I open the door to the bedroom, not expecting anyone inside.

Except Ras is at the window. He turns slowly, and I freeze.

His stares, and lust pools deep inside me. I bite my lip, and his gaze drops to my mouth.

"Lana," his voice is a deep rasp, and I close my eyes, inhaling.

I want him. I can't help it. My pulse thrums against my neck, my heartbeat speeding up simply at the sight of him.

Rationally, I know I need to give myself time to heal. I know I should give myself time to get to know him better before I tangle the thing between us up anymore.

I also know I like who he's already shown me he is. I love how he looks at me, how he treats me.

Mostly, I know I want him so badly it hurts.

And he's right here in front of me. Why shouldn't I? For once in my life, why shouldn't I take exactly what I want?

I blow out a breath and drop the towel.