Chapter 17

Idrag a thumb across Lana's cheek, reveling in the softness of her skin. "What troubles you?"

The question is light, and the easy way it trips from my tongue surprises me. My mind is a battlefield, snarled with memories that threaten to overwhelm. I close my eyes, waiting for her answer.

I already know it— I asked her to sense the bond, to sense me, and then slammed the door to my head in her face. To keep her from finding out what will surely undo the fragile thing between us.

"I don't really know what just happened."

I snort. She can't be serious. I crack an eye open, then stare her full in the face. She's serious, her delicate features screwed up, her eyes filling with tears.

"Surely you remember what happened." I frown. "Or were you untried? A virgin?" Shame spirals through me. Should I not know these things about her? It didn't seem like she was, but maybe I was too eager, too forceful. I rake a hand through my hair.

"That's not what I meant." She makes a frustrated gesture, her arms slapping across the water. "And no, that was not my first time, thank you so much for asking."

A relieved breath rushes out of me. "We mated. We are mates, now." It is not complicated.

"We had sex, yes, and okay, I definitely felt something between us, just now," her motions between us, frantic. "But what does that mean? What does being mated mean? Like, we're talking forever, right? Forever?" She drags the word out.

I inch closer, running my fingers over her plump hips, the soft curve of her ass, and I stifle a groan. I want her again. But she needs reassurance, so I content myself with caressing her body.

"It means that I am yours, body and soul. You felt the link between us. You will grow into your powers now, and I will protect and serve you and honor your body as much as you desire."

She makes a choked noise. "Forever."

I tilt my head, studying her. Despite the pleasure I gave her, the pleasure we shared, she is displeased. Upset. Angry, even. The hot waves of it emanate from her, and I wince. No, it is definitely not time to share what I've remembered with her: why the women of our people, the Starbound women, fled this realm and never returned… until now.

"There's no chance we could just like, not have sex again, right? You know, completely undo this?" She pokes me in the chest, and I catch her hand and hold it there.

It staggers me. My heart aches, and I turn from her, dipping under the water to rinse my newly shorn hair. She does not want me, does not want our bond. Guilt surges through me. She will despise me if she finds out the truth my memories uncovered. I surface and look over my shoulder at her.

I will keep it from her.

"Was our mating, the sex, was it so bad?" My voice comes out on a growl, and Lana shivers before me, blue eyes gazing up through heavy lashes.

I move closer, pushing the truth I don't want her to see into a far corner of my mind, locking it down until it cannot come between us. My hand runs up the arch of her back, massaging, and some of the tension drains out of her as she relaxes against me.

"It wasn't bad." Her breath ghosts across my flesh, and satisfaction rolls through me.

"It wasn't good?" I tuck her in close, thanking the stars above and below for the perfect gift that is my mate.

"That's not the point."

She doesn't deny it, then. I grin. She may chafe at the idea of us, but if I continue to please her, to do right by her… then she will accept the bond. It is as simple as that.

Lana looks up at me, the dappled light reflecting off her eyes. "You don't understand, Ras. Look at my face. Look at me."

My eyes narrow, and I take in the mostly healed lip, the yellowing bruise on her cheek. Wrath burns away my desire, and a low growl rumbles in my chest.

"The last man I was with, he did this. He made me feel…" she pauses, her lips pursed, searching for the word. "He made me feel small. Insignificant. He treated me like garbage, and it took me three years to work up enough courage to leave him. Three years, Ras." Her jaw clenches, and I rub my finger across the twitching muscle there.

"I would never make you feel?—"

"That's not the point. The point is, I just left. I just left that. And now I'm hopping into your bed, like some rebound boyfriend, except you're telling me it's forever."

"What is a rebound boyfriend?"

"Argh!" She drags a hand over her face. "See? We're not even fully the same species, for crying out loud. What do we have in common? I want my sisters, I want to figure out what the hell is going on with me and this place, and I want to be safe. I don't want to have to navigate a new relationship with someone I met one day ago!"

I smooth her hair away from her face, wiping the tear down her cheek. I can assuage some of her sadness, and it is my duty to do so. I swallow hard.

"I cannot make right what your old lover did to you. I cannot change his cruelty. If I could, I would rip his head from his shoulders and use it for target practice. But I can promise you that I will always strive to do right by you, and if that means leaving tomorrow to find your sisters, then we leave tomorrow. If that means I must bore you to sleep with all I have remembered of this world, thanks to our bond, then I will do so." I cup her chin in my hands, and she looks up at me. "Trust in this, though, Lana. I would give my life for you. You will always be safe with me. You are everything."

Her eyes go wide, her mouth parting. I've only told her a half-truth. Guilt pulses through me, as steady as my heartbeat. I can never tell her what I've remembered, not the whole truth of it. Lana can never know that now, mated to me, she won't be able to return to her home realm. Ever.

I close the distance between our mouths, selfish pleasure overriding the guilt. Her lips are soft, and pliant, and I run my tongue along the inside of her lip, tasting her. I will never get enough of my Lana. Her fingers press into my hips, and I pull her up to straddle my stomach.

She groans into my mouth, and my fingers explore her hidden parts. My name on her lips, the slick wetness of her arousal is all the encouragement I need, and I sink deep into her, as though bringing her to climax will wipe away my guilt.