Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Poosh examined the note with interest. “I’d be surprised if this was written by a Dhampir.”

“Why?” I looked over her shoulder at the bloody paper towel.

“At a young age, they lose cognitive skills,” she said. Her answer was factual, while her voice still sounded like she’d swallowed a vat of helium. Everything she said sounded bizarre. “Do you know what it says?”

“Augustus and Felix were able to decode it,” I told her. “It says, ‘Help end me before I end you.’”

Poosh tilted her head to the side. “The meaning behind the words is too advanced for the mind of a Dhampir. One would have to think and have the reasoning to write it. Granted, the blood is that of a Dhampir, but I would find it hard to believe that a Dhampir physically wrote it on their own.”

“That’s fuckin’ weird,” Jane commented.

“What in our life isn’t?” I shot back. “I’m just happy the boys could read it.”

“Dick LeBalldong is brilliant,” Poosh cooed.

“I am,” Augustus replied, puffing out his chest. “Thank you, Poopy LaPottyBanger.”

“What did I say about using our real names?” I asked with a raised brow. “I do not want to have to electrocute people. Full on warning—if I’m pushed, I will set your asses on fire.”

“Roger that,” Martha said, skimming one of the human rag mags. “I say we get what we know out on the table, and then we fuckin’ start killin’ shit from there.”

“I agree with most of that,” Ethan replied, looking surprised that Martha made a good point. “Here’s what we’ve learned thus far. Satan alerted us that Vampyre hunters are being trained. He doesn’t know where or who is training them. When he does, we’ll be informed.”

“That’s odd,” Poosh said. “If the Devil wants info, he usually gets it.”

I didn’t disagree. It was unusual for Uncle Fucker not to be in the know of everything going on.

“Are the Vampyre hunters human?” Felix inquired.

It was a good question. “Unclear,” I admitted.

“Astrid is correct. I assumed human,” Ethan said. “Assuming can make an ass out of you and me. Excellent point, Felix. Thank you. Moving on. Astrid received the note written in Dhampir blood this morning. It was taped to the front door of the Cressida House. We don’t know who left it.”

“But, and it’s a big one… We hosted twenty ancient Vamps this past week. They’re the regional leaders of the North American Dominion under Ethan,” I stated. “None of them have any love for me. Ethan doesn’t believe that they would create a Dhampir. I’m not as sure.”

“Why do they hate you?” Poosh asked. “Did you steal from them?”

I laughed. “No, but they think I did. I’ve forced the undead to pay taxes. Suffice it to say they’re not pleased. Also, my being a woman and the Chosen One hasn’t gone over well.”

Ethan placed his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t completely disagree with your assessment. It just seems beyond the pale that any one of the people I’ve trusted for centuries would create an abomination. And yes, they often talk about world domination, but none of them are stupid enough to go for it on their own.”

“Greed can be an intense motivator,” I reminded him. “And those with big egos might think they’re infallible.”

“Point taken,” Ethan said, pulling out a folder and slapping the dossiers of the twenty vamps down on his desk. He leaned forward and began to study each one.

“Call me an idiot,” Martha said as she moved the rag mags out of the way and tucked them into her boob tube so Ethan had room.

“Idiot,” Jane replied with a cackle.

That earned Jane a right hook.

“As I was sayin’ before, that stinky whore took a cheap shot,” Martha continued with a grin. “Tell me again about them hampers.”

“Dhampirs,” I corrected her.

“Right. Them.”

Poosh took over. “As far as human knowledge goes, in Balkan folklore, a Dhampir is a mythical monster that’s the result of a male Vampyre and a human woman mating. The truth is that the mating of a Vampyre and a human is impossible… unless voodoo is used.”

I joined the conversation. “It gets uglier. The human woman usually dies in the gestation.” Poosh nodded that my statement was true. “And if she makes it to the end, she won’t survive the birth.”

“Yes,” the Demon agreed. “Since the combination wasn’t meant to be, the creature that is born has little to no skills. It lives to eat and murder.”

“You’ve seen a hamper?” Jane asked.

I didn’t bother to correct her. I was worn out from correcting Felix and Augustus.

“I have,” Poosh said with a shudder. “Many times.”

“Many?” I asked, surprised. I was under the impression that Dhampirs were beyond rare.

Poosh giggled. It was an unnerving sound. “How old do I look?”

I answered her truthfully. “You look thirty-five.” That was no surprise. Immortals seemed to stop aging between thirty-five and forty. For all I knew, Poosh could be fifty-thousand years old.

“I’m forty-five thousand years old.”

I was close.

“How thrilling,” Augustus blurted out. “I’m dating an older woman!”

“Congrats, my man,” Felix said.

“Thank you.”

“How many have you seen?” I questioned her.

“Unfortunately, thousands,” she replied. “Such a sad and unnecessary crime. While I adore stealing, cheating, property damage, trespassing, shoplifting, jay-walking, indecent exposure, perjury and vandalism, I abhor crimes against humanity. Those who commit heinous injustices should have their skin peeled from their bodies, their entrails ripped from their bungholes with pliers, then shoved down their throats and finished off with dismemberment of the arms and legs to be beaten with.”

“I have a boner,” Augustus announced with pride, pointing to the tent in his pants.

Poosh giggled. Everyone else was grossed out. I wasn’t sure Augustus would survive dating the Demon, but that wasn’t my problem.

“How about we stick to the Dhampir information,” I suggested.

“Of course!” Poosh said. “About thirty thousand years ago, a group of stupid and inhumane Vamps tried to increase their population by mating with human women. It backfired spectacularly on them. The Devil sent out a legion of Demons to end the madness. I was in that group. It took us a decade, but we ended it. Suffice it to say, I learned a lot that I wish I never knew.”

“You killed all the Vamps and Dhampirs?” Ethan questioned.

“Just the Dhampirs,” she explained. “The Dhampirs turn on their makers eventually. That was something that gave me nightmares for a few centuries. And trust me, I’ve seen a lot of ugly in my time.”

That gave everyone pause.

“Ethan, did you know any of that?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No, and I would surmise none of the Vamps on our council do either. No one is older than five thousand.”

“Question, motherfuckers,” Martha said.

“Ask,” I replied.

“Are we sure the Vamp hunters and the Dhampirs are connected?”

I twisted my long, dark curls in my fingers. How in the Hell were Martha and Jane making so much sense today? “We’re banking on the assumption that the note and the hunters are connected. Although, they could be two entirely different issues.”

“Doubtful,” Augustus said with a shake of his head. His tone was flat. He sounded more like a warrior than a dummy. “As it was already stated, there rarely are coincidences in our world. Smoke almost always leads to fire. I believe the two issues are connected somehow.”

“Okay.” I began to pace again. “If we’re going with that, then where in the hell do we start?”

“New Orleans,” Ethan said. “The home of voodoo. Find out if anyone has searched out the spell to create Dhampirs. I have an ally down there. A Vampyre named Tracy.”

“Have I met her?” I asked, certain he’d never mentioned a vamp named Tracy before. I truly hoped she wasn’t one of Ethan’s past paramours. Not that I didn’t trust the man, but I still happily avoided his former bang buddies. Vampyres were notoriously possessive. Ethan was worse than me. He was over five hundred years old. He had way more of a past than I did.

“No, but she can be trusted,” he replied. He eyed me for a moment. “The answer is no, Astrid.”

I laughed. Ethan could read me like a book. He grinned. No one else knew what was going on. Didn’t matter. We did.

Ethan continued. “Very unusual Vampyre—allergic to blood.”

I squinted at him. “How is she alive, or to be more accurate, undead?”

“She still partakes, but it’s not pleasant for her,” he explained.

“Whoa, Nelly! Are you talkin’ about the same Tracy with tattooed eyebrows who does community theatre?” Jane asked, hopping up and down with excitement.

Ethan stared at Jane. “Umm… as far as the community theatre goes, I’m not sure. However, I do believe she has tattooed eyebrows.”

Martha pumped her fists over her head. “Tracy’s a real fuckin’ hoot. That freaky, stubby-fingered motherhumper runs the Martha and Jane Fan Club.”

“Maybe we should stay in a hotel,” I said, not real keen on staying with someone who thought Martha and Jane could actually sing.

Ethan shook his head. “Stay with Tracy. I know her and while she’s got questionable taste, she’ll keep everyone safe. She’s a deadly fighter. Tracy tends to be up in everyone’s business. If a Vamp has been searching out a voodoo spell, she’ll know.”

“Darn tootin’,” Martha agreed. “Tracy knows shit about people before they know it themselves! She told Jane and me we were gonna be stars the first time we met her.”

That was fairly alarming. As I mulled that tidbit over, I realized what Ethan had just said. “Wait. Aren’t you coming with us?” I asked him.

Ethan pulled me in and held me tight. “I’ll meet you there. I’m going to pay a few unannounced visits to some council members.”

“Alone?” I didn’t like the sound of that. If people were playing us, traveling in numbers was the smarter way to play our hand.

“No. I’ll be taking Lizard.”

I grinned. A crazed Demon with a baseball bat and no patience for bullshit was an excellent choice. It would also shock the Vamps and throw them off any game they might be playing. It wasn’t often that a Vampyre Prince traveled with a Demon. I didn’t think there was anyone anywhere who could take down that dynamic duo.

“Our smexy man will have your back,” Martha told Ethan.

“And I’ll have his,” Ethan promised, texting Lizard. “You leave now. I’ll wait for Lizard and call you when I have more info.”

“Are we poofin’ or driving?” Jane asked.

It was a nine-hour drive to New Orleans. We didn’t have that kind of time. Plus, riding in the car with Martha and Jane would make me want to yank my fangs out of my head. I walked over to the desk and put the bloody note into my pocket. “We’re poofing. Martha, let Tracy know we’re coming, please. After Tracy’s been informed, I want Jane and Martha to take Augustus, Felix and Poosh to the weapons room and get everyone armed.” As they went to leave, I held up my hand. “And let me make it abundantly clear… no one will poof with us if they have a grenade up their ass.”

“Outstanding thinking!” Augustus said. “It’s never been a life goal of mine to die by my butthole detonating.”

“That’s a little more graphic than I wanted to go, but thank you,” I told him.

“Not a problem,” he said with a bow.

When the room was empty, I turned to the man who I would die for. “I have a wonky feeling.”

Ethan gave me a tight smile and pulled me down onto his lap. “As do I, but we’ve faced many enemies.”

“They aren’t usually our own people,” I pointed out.

“If Vampyres are behind this, they will no longer be our people. They’ll be ash.” His voice was icy, and I could tell it pained him to think his people were turning on him.

Leaning in, I kissed him. When our lips touched, I could forget about the horror that awaited us. “Promise me this,” I whispered against his mouth. “When this is over, and we win… because we will win, I want to go on a vacation.”

“Your wish is my command,” he whispered back. “Every wish you have until the end of time I’ll make come true, Angel.”

I pressed my forehead to his and smiled. “You’ve already done that.”

“No,” he said. “I’ve only just begun.”

My life was so good, and I was going to make sure it stayed that way.