Chapter 34

S he made two calls from the road: one to let Cal know she wouldn't be making it back to the office for the last couple hours of the workday, and one to Liam, to let him know she would be staying with him for a while until Rose found a place. Her apartment might have been big enough for the two of them if she didn't have so much stuff, but she couldn't fix all her problems at once. That would come later.

Thankfully, Liam's phone went to voicemail, so she didn't have to hear him smugly call her girlfriend . God, she loved him so fucking much.

She pulled up outside the house and took a deep breath. She could do this. Gravel crunched beneath her shoes, the August sun beating down on her neck like she needed something else to sweat about. She stopped outside the door, raised her fist, and knocked.

Footsteps sounded beyond and Jazz steeled herself as the door was pulled open. Surprised eyes blinked at her.

"Liam's not here. He's working on site today," Maggie said, eyeing her warily. Her expression alone made Jazz want to get to her knees and beg for her forgiveness.

"I know," she replied, her voice steadier than she felt. "I'm here to see you. If that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," Maggie said, her voice warm. "Did you think it wouldn't be okay?"

Jazz lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. "I didn't know what to think, to be honest."

Maggie opened the door further and stepped back. "Get in here. We've said worse shit to each other over the years, Jazz. You're my person. It's all good."

Jazz flinched. It's all good . Just like that.

That was the old Maggie speaking—the people-pleasing, put everyone else first, scared to disappoint the people she cared about, Maggie. The Maggie she shouldn't have to be anymore.

Jazz crossed the threshold and closed the door, taking a shaky breath as Maggie reached for her, folding her into a tight hug. "Thank you. But it's not all good. It wasn't okay. I have to start holding myself accountable for the shit I do and say."

Maggie pulled back, an impressed expression on her face. "Okay then. Yeah, let's talk."

Jazz followed her through the townhouse, to the big living room the team usually used as their office base. It was quiet, and Jazz assumed Maggie must be the only person working in the office. She'd spread notecards out all over the table, her version of a physical spreadsheet .

They both took a seat on the couch, Maggie waiting patiently, giving Jazz space to open the conversation.

"I love you," she said, after a moment. "I love you more than anything in the whole world, Maggie. How I acted the other day—how I've been acting in general lately… I've been so shitty. I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said. I don't think you're boring, and I don't think you're overworking yourself. Well, you are, sometimes, but not for the reasons you used to. I'm sorry."

"Thank you for apologizing," Maggie said, reaching for her hand. "You really don't have to, but I appreciate it."

"I do have to apologize. You don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treating you lately."

Maggie frowned, her brow pinched. "I've noticed you've not been yourself for a few months. What's going on?"

"Honestly?" Maggie nodded and Jazz blew out a long breath before continuing. "You got married, and I think that made me panic a little. I couldn't be happier for you, for the record, but it just made me feel… I don't know, like you were leaving me behind. You were growing up, and I didn't think I was ready for that, and then you've been making other friends who are all incredible, amazing women who are achieving so much and I'm just… me."

"Oh. Jazz, I could never leave you behind," Maggie promised. "I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone a little this year and meet people, because my therapist told me I should, but honestly? I wanted you with me. But after inviting you so many times, I guess I just assumed you didn't want to hang out as much anymore."

"I convinced myself you were just asking me to hang out because you felt sorry for me," Jazz admitted. "I didn't want to be a third wheel for you and Cal, or tag along with your new friends, just because you felt obligated to invite me. But I should've talked to you."

"Probably," Maggie agreed. "But I should've asked. Just so you know, Nadia and her friends intimidate the hell out of me too. They're amazing, but I feel like I've accomplished nothing next to them."

"Are you kidding? You're amazing. You've made all your dreams come true."

"Most of them, yeah. And you can see that, just how I can see how amazing you are and you can't," Maggie pointed out. "We weren't raised to be proud of ourselves. It doesn't come naturally to us. But you know what does?"

"Being proud of each other?" Jazz asked, and Maggie wrinkled her nose.

"Shit, I was going to say self-sabotage, but that's so much nicer. Listen, it doesn't matter how old we are, or how married I am, you'll always be my number one."

Jazz drew in such a big breath that her lungs burned. "I know," she said, after a moment. "But I think… Shit. I think maybe it's okay if I'm not anymore." Her voice cracked, tears springing to her eyes.

Maggie's face fell. " Jazz?—"

"No, Maggie, it's okay. Really, this isn't a bad thing." Jazz wiped at her face. "I love Cal so much, and I love him for you. I couldn't have dreamed up anyone better for you than him. And I know you loving him doesn't mean you love me any less, so it's okay if he's your number one now. He should be. If you'd asked me a few years ago, I would have confidently said that there was no one in this world good enough for you. But Cal… He really is."

"He is." Maggie sniffed, silver lining her eyes. "He really, really is. I wouldn't have him without you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah." She could take a little credit for helping Maggie and Cal get where they were, and it might just be her favorite thing she'd ever done. "You deserve that kind of love, Maggie."

"You do too, you know."

Jazz rubbed her face, chuckling. "Yeah, well, Liam seems to be taking that choice out of my hands anyway, so."

Shock and anger crossed Maggie's face. "He ended things? You have to be fucking kidding me."

"Whoa, no, no, the opposite actually," Jazz clarified, and Maggie's expression turned to confusion. " I tried to end things, and he said no and told me we're actually in a relationship and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Oh. Damn," Maggie said, looking as impressed with Liam as Cal had. It had been pretty impressive. Jazz could begrudgingly admit that (but not to him—where was the fun in that?) "Clearly, you have a lot to catch me up on. Tell me everything."

So Jazz did. She gave Maggie a rundown of the night before, stumbling through her feelings just as she had with Cal. But unlike her husband, Maggie understood right away. Because Maggie had been there.

"You don't want to end things," she said with complete certainty. "That's not the problem here."

"It's me. I'm the problem. He's perfect and I'm… This." She gestured to herself, and Maggie's face fell. "I'm chaotic and messy, selfish and difficult, and I fail anytime I try something, so I just don't try because I'm scared. I'm so scared."

"You're human, Jazz. You're made up of thousands of things, millions of things, and I promise there is more to you than the things other people have deemed unworthy. There's more to you than your parents have deemed unworthy." Maggie's words hit her like a punch in the gut.

"I'm so scared," Jazz whispered, her nails digging into her palms. "I love him, Maggie. I really, really love him. I mean, how could I not? He's perfect. How can I possibly be enough for him?"

"No one's perfect. Not even Michaelsons," Maggie pointed out. "They just seem that way to us because of how we grew up. They're pretty close to perfect, but let's not forget it took Liam two years to do anything about the fact he had the world's biggest crush on you. And he didn't tell you about said crush before you made your orgasm pact, then he decided you were dating and in a relationship without asking you. Not to mention the mustache."

"I kind of love the mustache," Jazz begrudgingly admitted. "Actually, I kind of love all of it—all of him."

Maybe she'd been pissed at Liam for keeping shit to himself in the moment, but she also understood why he did it. Because he understood her, and he knew she'd bolt if he came on too strong. It wasn't like the signs hadn't been there. Jazz could have protested until the day was done that they weren't dating, but what the hell else could it have been? He hadn't hidden what they were doing from her, he just hadn't explicitly labeled it. Maybe that was wrong, but Jazz found it hard to care. She said as much as Maggie laughed.

"Of course you do. Because when you love someone, you love their imperfections too, right?"

"I guess."

"So it stands to reason that Liam loves all of your imperfections too," Maggie said gently, like the mere idea of it would scare the shit out of her. Which it did. "You're not the first person to freak out because you fell in love. Are you forgetting that Cal pushed me into agreeing to a date with Liam? Or that I literally quit my job and fell off the grid for months?"

"But I'm not you or Cal," Jazz protested. Why could no one seem to understand that? "You always land on your feet, both of you, no matter what life throws your way. If you want something, you just make it happen. Everything I touch fails. "

"That's not true, Jazz. Cal and I wouldn't be together without you. And I've known Liam for eight years and I've never seen him as happy as he is now. You did that."

"Maybe I did that, but then I do shit like Saturday night and ruin it." It was impossible to reconcile the version of her that held Liam's hand, keeping him calm at the wedding, and the version of her who tried to break both of their hearts because she was scared to try. The version of her who hyped Maggie up when she and Cal broke up, and the version of her who called Maggie boring for marrying him.

"You haven't ruined anything. But you have to forgive yourself. Give yourself a little grace and try."

Jazz sniffed, her brain a swirling mess of emotions. "What if I mess things up? What if I try and I fuck it all up?"

"Well, luckily for you, you fell in love with a Michaelson man. And they have a weird amount of patience for emotionally stunted women who escaped Marysville with a boatload of trauma."

Her words drew a watery chuckle from Jazz. "Shit, our parents really did screw us all up, didn't they? Actually, speaking of them, I have even more to tell you. Is there any chance you can ditch work for the rest of the day and I can catch you up from the road?"

"That depends—are we running away from Liam?"

Jazz shook her head. "No." Never. Well, perhaps in a sexy way, but… Not the time to be thinking about that. "You're right. I need to try. I'm going to try." And she wo uld trust herself, and Liam, that they'd work through things if they started to crumble. Together.

"Excellent. So where are we going?"

"We're going to Marysville," Jazz said with determination. "To stop my parents from fucking up my siblings any further."