Chapter 30

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What exactly does one do with a villain's gratitude?

Monday morning arrives, bringing with it unexpected messages from…Dani.

My chest constricts as the white text on my dark-mode Discord background seers itself into my eyes. I've barely started breakfast, but now my eggs are burning.

DaniBird153 : I'm so sorry I keep doing this. Mom hasn't left me alone for weeks.

DaniBird153 : I'm scared, and I don't have much time to talk, but I'm okay. I am okay.

DaniBird153 : I might be able to sneak away in a few days.

DaniBird153 : It's risky, but I can't stay here. Once I go, I can't bring my phone, so I won't be able to reach out again for even longer.

DaniBird153 : I wanted to thank you. For everything. You've been a bright spot in my life for years, and I appreciate all your care and friendship. I will be okay, so don't worry, and I will talk to you as soon as I can.

Frantic, I pull my burnt eggs off the stove and tap out a reply as fast as I can.

CapyZahra : I can help. I can't quite explain how, but I can. Just tell me where you are, and I'll come get you.

DaniBird153 : No, that's okay. I don't want you getting involved in this. I can't let you get hurt.

DaniBird153 : I'm going to become someone else, Zahra. Someone else entirely. But you are the only thing I'm bringing with me into my new life. I promise. We will talk again. Just maybe pray for me, okay?

DaniBird153 : I love you.

Before I can beg her for a chance to let me try and explain the insanity of magic and faeries and faerie paths and actually, literally disappearing—before I can promise her that I have multiple overpowered creatures ready to keep me from getting hurt— she goes offline.

And I fear I won't see a little green light by her name until she is able to get away from whatever she's facing right now.

"Ash decided he no longer aspired to be awake," Alexios drawls past a yawn as he enters the kitchen in his nightclothes.

I look up at my lop-eared rabbit husband, at a loss for words.

His arms open as a tender smile overwhelms him. "Come here, snowflake. Tell me everything, and allow me the opportunity to make it all better."

My brow furrows.

His arms drop. "It was worth a try, right?" Allowing his bunny costume to morph into his day attire, he tucks his gloved hands in his pockets. "You're anxious, afraid, conflicted, and it tastes different than the anxieties and conflicts you've been wading through since you talked to Castor. What happened, and what can I do to help?"

It's such a simple offer, void of the initial humor he presented.

Maybe it's because of that I abandon my phone on the counter beside my burnt breakfast and go to him.

His heartbeat leaps against my ear, and he straightens before wrapping his arms around me. Voice soft with nerves, he says, "This is…unprecedented."

"There is not much of you to hug, Xios…"

"I apologize." Warmly, he sinks around me, melting into the embrace until we fit so perfectly together it hardly matters that he's not exactly what I'd call cuddly . He murmurs, "I do not share your discomfort."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Are you not?" he asks, so…casually. Then, more content than I've ever witnessed, he says, "You are proportioned perfectly for hugs. Flawlessly friend-shaped." He kisses my temple, and his voice lowers to a rumble that works its way through the worry bundling in my chest. "Talk to me, Zahra."

Squeezing him, I say, "It's Dani."

"Is she all right?"

"For right now, but she's leaving everything behind and running away, and I don't know when she'll contact me again."

His fingers work into my hair, bracing my head against his chest. "So she has decided to flee?"

"At least from what she just told me, yes."

Alexios's hum vibrates in my entire body. Then he kisses the top of my head and moves back. "I'll stay here and watch Ash. Go ask Castor to find Dani for you. He can position his pets to watch her on your behalf and make sure she's okay as she escapes. As needed, we'll then know how to intervene."

My eyes widen. "What? I don't have anything from her. I don't have her full name. I don't even know the state she lives in. He has the ability to find her with nothing?"

"We are beings made of emotion, snowflake. Your feelings for your friend connect to hers for you. Castor can follow that trail. I can only take or manipulate it, which is less helpful right now." He cups my cheek, so gently. "It's okay, angel. Castor won't have any inhibitions where it concerns sending his minions to stalk your friend. Under his orders, they'll protect her while she gets out of the situation she's in." He lets his forehead rest against mine for a moment. "Worst case, we learn she's hesitating to free herself, and Castor kidnaps her for you."

"That is a very bad case. We shouldn't force her to make the decision to leave against her will. If I'd been forced out of my home, who knows how I may have romanticized the horrors that happened. She needs to believe in what she's doing; otherwise, the solution won't last."

His dark eyes open, gaze colliding with mine. "True enough. In that case, do make such a specification known when you ask Castor for help. You know how he is. With kidnapping."

I sure do.

Darn those cheekbones…

After getting to know him, I am nearly convinced his little kidnappings thus far have had some deeper, kinder purpose. But accepting as much is the same as accepting he's a masterful manipulator. And the thing about manipulators is that they shouldn't be trusted.

"Okay," I breathe, breaking away from Alexios. "I'll be back soon."

"Bark at any redcaps that try to give you trouble." He lifts his hand, smiling as he pleasantly waves goodbye. "Or just tell them if they dare to scratch you, Xios will tear them to pieces with their albino lord's assistance."

I turn back around, heading for the stairs instead of my front door. "I think I'm going to bring my pepper spray."

"Or that works, too."

※

"It's rare that guests come to ask favors of me," Castor murmurs, holding back his long black sleeve to pour tea into a dark cup.

My spine prickles in response to the word favor , and I shift in my seat at the small round table covered in an array of dainty pastries, cakes, and cookies. Given the gothic furniture and a crystalline skull atop the fireplace mantel, the ornate delicacies appear starkly out of place. I say, "I have nothing to offer in return for your help."

He lounges on a sofa across from me and pops a small cake in his mouth. "Untrue. You have many things to offer. You simply aren't willing."

Those words roll over in my mind for a moment, then I nod. "You told me to come find you if there was anything you could do. I didn't realize that offer disguised a price."

"It did not. Understand, Razah, you are asking a favor of me, not I of you."

"Oh."

He chuckles. "I apologize that the term causes you some anxiety. Rest assured, Xios would not have sent you to me if he thought the journey would cause you harm."

"Xios might trust you more than I do."

"And you don't yet trust him enough to put your trust in his?"

Basically.

I shift against the ebony velvet upholstery and pin my gaze out the window overlooking a garden swelling with white blooms and the occasional burst of purple berries. Given the gray lighting in this part of faerie, the whole scene appears like a weathered painting.

Wringing my hands in my lap, I don't reach for anything on the table. "Will you help me or not?"

"Gladly."

"How long will it take to find Dani?"

"A few weeks, perhaps. Tracking naught but the trail of an emotion over countless miles is no easy task."

"Yet you'll do it for free?"

"No, but I'll not ask anything beyond what it already supplies me if that's your concern."

That prickle of unease inside me riots.

Here—in this lavish room within the belly of a palace crawling with creatures that have sharp teeth and claws—it is hard to remember this man's goofy moments.

Here, he is a powerful faerie and a villain to those I consider friends.

Wetting my dry lips, I ask, "What do you mean?"

Castor begins counting on his long, slender fingers. "Well, I'll gain some merit in your book; helping someone often results in no less. I'll require access to the thread of your feelings for your friend; that will breed trust, no doubt. I'll obtain access to your precious friend… Do you understand yet?"

I wish I didn't.

"Trust. You will get my trust."

"Very good." His smile then does anything but inspire the trust I'll need to give for this to work. "Don't be so guarded, Razah. Consider it an honor I value your friendship and have learned from past mistakes. In previous relationships, I never could acquire the trust of those I cared for most. You have not seen me at my worst yet. I would like to know you might continue to hold me in some regard even after you've witnessed my more volatile nature take hold."

I wince. "How about we just don't allow our volatile nature to take hold, hm? That sounds like a better plan to me."

He laughs, pulling a strand of his hair forward to toy with. Against the pure white of his hair, his fingertips almost carry an undertone of peach. Almost . Perhaps in a different lighting he'd look a little less like bone. "I have tried before to subdue my nature. It ends poorly. The best I can do now is embrace accountability and transparency. Or so Xios has told me. He says it serves no one to be at war inside themselves. Building an atmosphere of care and finding those around me who accept who I am without trying to curb my chaos will help lead me away from destruction—of myself or others."

"Is Xios your therapist?"

"He has joked about as much, suggesting Polly rubbed off on him…" Castor's smile dissipates. He sighs. "I do wonder how nurture impacts a character… Pollux always did bring me such uncanny peace."

My heart twists. "What happened between the two of you? I understand that Cael didn't tell you he was also unseelie, but what happened with Pollux?"

Castor turns his face toward the sofa's back cushions. "He didn't trust me. I suppose that is the simplest answer." Drawing himself upright, he regains his smile and offers me his hand. "It is the only one I will give you at this time, too, so…tell me…do you agree to my terms?"

"Your terms being that you aren't asking me for anything outside of what makes my request possible?"

"That is correct."

"You know that if you hurt or trick me, Xios will never forgive you?"

"I am quite aware of that, yes."

"So you aren't trying to hurt or trick me?"

He lets his head loll, and the curtain of his white hair catches the pale light. "You are making it very difficult to obtain your trust."

"Answer me plainly."

"No, Razah, I am not trying to hurt or trick you, but you should know that using the word try strips your question of all meaning. Were I planning to hurt or trick you, it's too simple to believe I am succeeding and confirm that an attempt is not being made."

I arch a brow. "Go on, then, confirm you aren't tricking me without saying try ."

"I cannot."

"Why?"

"Because I believe that I am."

"How?"

Dropping his arm and his shoulders, Castor paces to the fireplace. "Xios is an unseelie fae born of suicidal thoughts. I am an agent of death. Our friendship makes perfect sense. You, however, are a star. A being of fire placed in a galaxy with such precision you hang in the balance of the darkest matter without losing your light. You are no less than a creature that provides fullness to the lives around you in ways I cannot begin to comprehend. I want to be near you, but I also want to hide from your brilliance. I envy you. Despite your reservations and logical approach to allowing me into any corner of your world, your efforts to return my friendship are not lost on me. In knowing those efforts afford you nothing, I remember that I am a master of deception. I have raised up communities that adore me and grown weary of maintaining their fickle adulation so many times that now when anyone good and kind pays me a moment of their time, I do wonder if I'm merely manipulating affections that I will eventually tire of yet again. I do not want to hurt you. I want to know this friendship is real. I want you to accept the parts of me I might be keeping from your sight in a subconscious effort to obtain your approval." Plucking the crystal skull from the mantel, he runs his thumbs over the cut edges. Soft, he says, "It's more complicated than it might seem."

I watch him trace every part of the crystal before I drop my attention to the table before us. "How did you manage before Xios without Pollux and Cael?"

"For the most part, poorly."

"It shows."

He exhales a laugh and puts the skull back. "You are truly not grand at asking for a favor."

"I wasn't exactly raised to ask for help."

He echoes, "It shows." Returning to his sofa and sprawling across the cushions once more, he grasps his cup of tea and rests it beneath his nose. "What if I promise to give Xios the power to undo any tampering if I go too far when granted access to your emotions for your friend? Do you trust him ?"

"Xios is young, and I'm not in the habit of trusting that infants know what's best for them. I want the power to protect myself."

"Don't we all?" he murmurs, sipping the tea. "Were you fully fae, I could bond my powers to you…but that would also ask you to trust Xios with your humanity, wouldn't it? And what if it's all been an elaborate scheme? What if, all this time, Xios and I have been working together to allow him access to you?" He lifts a finger, twirling it in the air. "We can go on in circles, feeling our stomachs free fall in the downward spiral…or you can take a leap of faith. The choice is yours. I, for one, am not averse to the company your delay causes."

I don't know why I thought this would be simple.

I'm asking someone who kidnapped one of my friends for help, free of charge.

Of course there are strings and schemes involved.

Even assuming I can trust him because he didn't have to tell me the parameters of what I was asking for might be another layer of his game.

Releasing a breath, I say, "You'll only have access to my emotions where they concern Dani, right? Nothing else? And I don't mean that if I care about her, you can access all of my care."

"That's right," he murmurs.

So, worst case scenario, he cuts this relationship out of my chest, and Dani has to manage alone, right?

It occurs to me what statement he needs to make, so I say, "Promise you won't change my feelings."

He sighs. "I can't. I can't even promise I'll not change them where Dani is concerned. Sweet girl, emotions are complex . By inviting me into contact with this relationship, there is a chance my presence alone will alter your emotions. The chance is quite high, even. Everything we do impacts our perception of reality, and that perception funnels through how we feel. I want to help you; you have to trust me. That is the extent of the simplicity in this interaction. Everything else is complicated."

My arms cross. "This sucks."

"Emotions have been known to cause that reaction in people, yes."

"You understand that friendship means caring about someone, don't you? It means being there for them, protecting them, and absolutely not imposing your beliefs on them."

"A state of mutual trust and support between allies, yes."

"Sure. So you consider me a friend?"

"I do consider you a friend."

"Fine." I loosen my arms, and offer my hand. "Then, I consider you a friend, too. Please help Dani."

He smiles at me, shifts his cup into his other hand, and reaches for mine. "I shall."

"Also."

His lip pouts. "There's more?"

"I know about Pila."

He hesitates. "Yes? Many do. She is a beacon of love. It is difficult for such a creature to exist without impacting everything around her."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that we talk. I know that she met your gaze and didn't turn to stone."

Castor's fingers flinch in my grasp.

"Once I become fully fae, is there a combination of abilities that would allow me to take that power of hers and bestow its neutralizing properties on you, so you can choose when you turn someone to stone?"

His lips part as his arm goes limp. "You'd do that?"

"If it's possible."

He sits up, gripping my hand tighter. "People would still have to trust me, trust I wouldn't betray them. Would it actually change anything?"

"Castor."

"What?"

I lean forward. "Honey, even humans can kill each other. All I'm offering you is more control over that choice. If, of course, it's even possible."

A damp spot soaks into the corner of Castor's blindfold. His jaw locks as his hand shakes around mine. "Sweet girl…" he whispers. "…you present the character of your King well. It has been lifetimes since anyone willingly granted me the gift of hope." He bows his head. "You have my gratitude." Wetting his lips, he contains himself. "And, soon, I hope you shall also have your friend."