Chapter 16

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Only one…tiny bat.

"Do you find this amusing?" Castor drones into a can of soda.

Alexios and I have just returned from movie night. The second I was past the threshold, I homed in on my fussing baby refusing his bottle in Castor's arms. The instant I swept him up, he settled and took his bottle, so Castor snatched up a drink from my fridge, mumbling about ingrates.

Now, wittle Ash is done with his food.

So I'm holding him toward Castor, watching his face crumple, then pulling him back to me and watching how he brightens.

Sometimes, he wiggles when he comes back to Mommy.

"Yeah," I chirp. "This is great ."

Castor frees a long-suffering sigh, and I picture him rolling his eyes beneath his blindfold as he turns his head away.

"Did you have a good time?" Alexios asks, mischief in his stormy gaze.

"I don't want to talk about it." Pushing off the kitchen counter, Castor says, "If there's nothing else I'm needed for, I'll be on my way."

"Oh, right." My stomach knots itself into a pile of spaghetti as I cradle my sweet angel. "There is something."

Alexios eyes me.

"Castor, next Friday…"

Alexios's brows rise, but a warm smile takes hold of his features, crinkling the corners of his eyes as he dips his head and runs a gloved finger across the island counter edge.

"What of next Friday?" Castor inquires.

"Are you busy?"

"I might have something devious planned…although certainly nothing so time-sensitive as I cannot adjust my schedule." His teeth flash, bright and fanged. "What manner of event have you in mind?"

This is going to take several mustard seeds of faith.

Which is saying a lot.

Because most days I'm positive I don't even have one.

"Xios and I…were invited to dinner."

Castor's mirth depletes. "Oh." He sips his drink, then he pauses, draws the can away, and fixes his attention between Alexios and I. " Oh . You want me to watch the babe again. Am I to take this as a glowing review of my services tonight? Have you decided I'm responsible and trustworthy? What honor. What thrill. How mindful, demure, and cutesy of me."

"I…" I fight to bring a cooling breath into my lungs. "I wouldn't go that far…"

For the record, I would never go that far. Giving Castor a phone suddenly feels like a crime. Whoever gave him access to garbage internet trends should be taken out back and shot.

Oh.

Darn.

Chipper, Castor continues, "You're right, of course; I should go farther. You are willing to entrust me with the most precious being in your life. I have proven myself worthy, in spite of every odd. I shall be telling Whimsy of this. In vast detail."

My mouth opens and closes. My brow furrows. "Whimsy?"

Alexios coughs to cover a laugh. "His birb. On…that Finch app."

For the love of Sir, Alexios roped Castor into that, too?

Delight in his every pore, Castor says, "She's a little princess, and I find myself ranting to her in depth. The more words I write, the more money it gives me, and the more money I have, the more articles of clothing I can purchase for her. Thus, I find myself trapped in the tumultuous, never-ending cycle…"

From here, it looks like a downward spiral…

But, I mean, technically that app is for mental health and self-care? Maybe it'll do Castor some good.

Castor sighs, pitifully. "Xios's invitation to join his Tree Town was the first message I received after you helped me set things up a few days ago."

I turn my attention to my…very odd…soulmate. "Xios, I think you have a problem."

"I think you might be jealous that I have more friends in my Tree Town than you. Do you feel threatened, as an extrovert?"

I pout. "Aw, sweetie. No, see, I actually talk to people, in real life , and when I talk to them online, I have more than a dozen vague actions I can send them through a chubby bird…" Rocking Ash, I suck my teeth. "So…yeah…it's more concerned , less threatened . Do I need to take you out and socialize you better?"

He lights up. "I'd gladly let you take me out. On a date. With a gun. I am open to the options."

Castor clears his throat. "I think I ought to excuse myself before…whatever this is gets too painful to watch. What time should I be by next Friday?"

"They want us there at six-thirty… I don't know where we're going." Only that we're going into Faerie . The part under Cael's jurisdiction. Which promises to be less of a gothic ghost town full of oddities in every corner than Castor's kingdom. And…now that it's too late for me to back out…I remember that Faerie only has cell service right next to the trods.

Which means I won't be able to get any updates on my baby.

My heart sinks as I look at Ash's face.

"It should only take us thirty minutes or so to make it there." Alexios toys with the tail of his braid. "We'll see you a little before six?"

"I suppose I can be convinced to scrub enslaving the human race from my schedule for that evening in order to be here at five-forty-seven." Much too content, Castor downs the rest of his soda. "Until we meet again, my dear friends…who trust me."

"I said not to go that far." I frown. "You're still on probation."

Castor hums, tossing his empty can in the trash under the sink. True villainy. I have a recycle bin. "Of course, if your humanity says so."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Smiling at me, Castor says, "Humans lie. And you, Razah, are still part human. Entrusting me with your little one again when I am quite positive you do not have to means you're either delusional…or still very human."

With that, he takes his leave, and I cuddle my baby, offended.

Because, excuse me, who says I can't be both ?

※

Xios

My eyes snap open in the dead of night to a whispering whimper that builds and crackles through the monitor on my nightstand. Swinging my legs out of bed, I head toward my open door, hopeful I'll make it to Ash before Zahra this time. Ever since getting the monitors, it's been a toss up between us, but I am getting better at shaking off dreamless rest in favor of silently sweeping in to tend to the infant.

Once I've reached the threshold, the crackles coming through the monitor behind me rise until static overwhelms.

My heart lunges painfully, seeming ready to escape the cavity in my chest.

Losing delicacy, I march, tossing open Zahra's door.

Beside her bed, in his crib and half buried in the fresh dirt I brought from Faerie a few days after movie night, Ash remains asleep.

Over Zahra…however…a boogeyman hovers.

Its red eyes slash toward me, decaying flesh peeling away from the too many teeth that don't fit in its mouth. Its maws drop open, as though ready to devour Zahra, as it grips its claws into either side of her pillow.

I have not been long in this world…but I have never seen the wisp of an under-formed unseelie this size…and I have seen many such wild culminations of emotions in my frolics about glade and glen.

The acid in my stomach riots as—one by one—drops of ink swarm and coalesce into unseelie all around. From the shadows, whispering creatures born of hate, anger, anguish, and fear come to life.

The horrific ballet takes over, crawling up Zahra's bedsheets, looming in the corners of her room. Voices hiss and purr, buzzing in my head until an ache builds behind my eyes.

My mouth dries.

But I have enough sense to do whatever any young adult might…

I take a picture.

The boogey screeches—eyes going bloodshot in the wake of my phone's flash. Releasing Zahra, it gallops toward me, sending jolts of terror straight through my veins.

It is literally not even enough to compare to how Pollux responds when I push him too far. The sensation barely registers as a tickle of apprehension on my spine.

Disdained, I glare when its claws stop centimeters from my face. "You think you know hunger," I whisper, gripping its bared organs in my fist and dragging the whole beast closer. "This doesn't hold a candle to what I feel. Every. Single. Day. " The sensation of the fear's striking hunger absorbs into me, burdening my limbs, weighing on my chest, suffocating my throat. "I'll take it…" Fixing my attention beyond the monster as its body evaporates into mist, I locate the rest of the cowering, hissing beings, spread my arms wide, and reach for every ounce of pain resonating in them. "I'll take all of it."

Before I've finished the sour meal, Zahra gasps, breathing heavy as she jolts upright in bed.

Her eyes jet toward me, while I'm dropping a squirming dark emotion of guilt into my mouth.

Pale, her face twists with horror. She casts a look toward Ash, finds him well, and clasps her shaking hands together in her sheets. Beneath the blankets, a drop of hatred writhes, and she sharply intakes a breath as she scrambles out of bed, stumbling away from it, toward me. "Xios, what…"

The hate clings to her, like sludge. She battles against it until I stop her, grip her arm, peel it off, and drop it—screaming—down my throat.

The silence in the wake of its existence is…well…chilling.

So, I smile. "Pleasant dreams, snowflake?"

Unease flashes in her eye as she cups a hand to her mouth, puts distance between us, and squeezes her eyes closed.

Even without the free rein slumber allows, the same emotions that have been birthing fae congeal in the air around her—overwhelming and powerful.

"What…just happened?" she whispers. "The…the voices. Those things are what have been behind the voices I've heard my entire life?"

"It would seem so." I lock my hands behind my back to keep myself from reeling her into my arms. She is shaking. Watching her, I murmur, "I have never seen so many collected like this before. Are you all right? What, pray tell, prompted such a display?"

She ignores my question, tossing a trembling hand my direction instead. "A-and you ? You just… ate them?"

"Before they gain any true consciousness, they are little more than the physical embodiment of whatever core origin creates them. Like the dream eaters, who can feed on fears, I can feed on many abstracts."

" You can eat writhing monster babies, but you have a problem with mushrooms ? " she blurts, voice low.

My nose wrinkles. " Mushrooms have a slimy texture. Emotions go down like air, and I am quite almost used to the sensation of breath."

Fragile, shallow laughs leave her as she inches back toward her bed, peels the sheets away, and searches the bedding. Upon finding nothing, she slumps onto the edge and wraps herself in a hug.

I step forward, cautious. "Angel…would you like to talk about it?"

Her head rocks slowly, side to side. "I don't…know what there is to say." Her eyes close. "I had a rough childhood, Xios. Sometimes I get nightmares about…it."

"It?"

"All of it. Bits and pieces. Unresolved situations. Suppressed emotions." Threading a hand into the long half of her hair, she grips the dark roots. "My…mother has some very condemning beliefs about the world. When I was younger, they were impossible and suffocating. Now that I'm old enough to see her as a person, suffering and real just like everyone else, I understand that her misery and hopelessness spills out everywhere because that's all she has inside. I was drowning on the pain she couldn't keep in. Nothing I said helped. She was too proud to accept that anyone else knew better than her." Zahra manages a labored breath as a tear falls down her cheek to hang suspended on her chin. "Religion was her preferred weapon, because God was an absolute force. She'd teach me that He never changes, while her rules always did to match her moods in the moment. If I ever questioned any inconsistencies, she was only doing her best . I think—" Zahra's voice cracks and I can no longer stop myself.

I sit beside her, hesitate a moment, then wrap her in my arms.

Pressing her face to my chest, she grips my shirt. "I think she hated herself. But maybe I'm just trying to make so much agony make some kind of sense."

I settle my cheek against the top of her head. Feel the prickle of her cropped hair against my jaw, and…find it tolerable despite my aversion to unexpected and unfamiliar sensations.

"We're all broken, Xios. But sometimes, when we break, we cut other people. I pray every single day…that I might someday be able to forgive her and let go of all this resentment. But…I don't know. It's so hard ."

I pull my fingers through the long strands of her hair and watch Ash in the shadows of her bedroom. "I…don't mind resentment."

"What?" she whispers against my chest.

"You're welcome to give it to me, if you don't want it anymore." I press a kiss to her hair. "I'll swallow it for you."

Lifting her face, she finds my eyes. Hers are starlit, sparkling with unshed tears around damp lashes.

My heart can barely handle it while I'm holding her soft, supple figure in my arms. She…is truly the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on—human and fae alike. Her ethereal beauty takes all the starry host itself prisoner.

Her lips part, and I feel the moment she closes herself off, several seconds before she pushes away from me in favor of coddling herself. "I can't do that. These are my feelings to work through. Just giving them to you isn't going to change anything."

It, quite literally, will. But if she isn't ready, if these feelings of hers that are destroying her from the inside out have yet to untangle from other precious parts of her, I can't very well tear them free without hurting something important.

Lifting my hand, I sweep back the silken curtain of her hair and pin it behind her ear. "Whenever you're ready, I'm here."

"I…appreciate it."

Drawing my hand back to my lap, feeling the thundering beat of my heart in my ears, I force down a deep breath and remove my enchanted cuff links to set on her nightstand. "Would you like me to stay with you the rest of the night?"

She exhales a laugh. "This is normal for me, Xios. Believe it or not, having a grown man in my room would not help anything." The frail edge of humor in her tone dies. "Not even remotely."

"I'll respect your wishes, Zahra, but…you would hardly know I'm here…"

Her head turns toward me, an eye roll primed.

I shift into my Honduran White Bat form before she gets a chance to open her mouth.

Whatever she was thinking vaporizes as her damp eyes widen. "Oh. My. Word. You're tiny ."

Since I'm not actually suited for standing, or sitting, as a bat, I fall over.

Zahra gasps. Delicately, she cups me in her hands, and I snuggle her thumb on my belly.

" No ," she whispers. " Stop ." Breathless, she says, "You're too cute…the cutest thing I've ever seen…" So carefully, she touches her fingertip to my little orange, leaf-shaped nose.

Ha. See? I told Castor I was adorable.

Soft, almost reverent, my beloved soulmate murmurs, "How do you fit all your mischief in such a little body?"

Not to brag, but I am beyond skilled.

Jutting a lip, she looks at Ash, then at the unused half of her bed. With a sigh, she splays a pillow for me and lays me gently in the center. "Fine. You can stay for tonight. Just in case you need to eat more…things."

Awkwardly, I nod, then wrap myself in my wings and close my eyes.

I don't watch as Zahra moves back beneath her covers, even if I hear every brush of her body against the blankets. I focus my senses on her heartbeat alongside mine and Ash's, if only to ignore the way her scent envelopes me in a sweet and seductive embrace.

Yeah.

It's going to be a long night.

Possibly, equally the best—and worst—of my entire life.