Chapter 23

23

DEREK

W ith Jack gone, a noticeable change had taken place in Jodi’s everyday attitude and behavior. Her shoulders were no longer constantly crunched up, like she was bracing for something. The smile, which had only been seen after a few hours inside my place and would disappear, replaced by the fake “waitress smile” that she used on customers, returned more regularly and for longer periods. She was beginning to seem like she was on the verge of actual happiness.

We began to settle into a rhythm ourselves. Not that I was going to object. We would wake up in each other’s arms, usually naked, shower together, make breakfast, eat, dress for work, work, come home, and disappear into each other’s arms for a while. Sometimes we would watch television first. Sometimes we would watch television after. Sometimes the TV didn’t come on at all.

We were living like a couple. The problem was we weren’t addressing the situation at all. We just kept waking up, showering, working, fucking, and sleeping. It was incredible and fun and enthralling, but it was confusing too. I didn’t know how to start that conversation. How did I address this gorgeous woman who had stumbled into my life and ask her where we stood? What if I screwed it up? What we had currently was not unlike Schrodinger’s cat. As long as things continued as they were, we both did and did not have a real relationship.

As Saturday morning dawned, it was weighing heavily on my head. I wanted to solidify whatever this was into a real thing or know that I was going to have to let go of it. If I let myself get any more attached than I was already getting, then if she did decide it was just a temporary thing, it would devastate me. I knew that about myself. I had to find a way to not only find out where she was, but to let her know that I was serious and that I wanted it to be more than just two people making the best of a situation.

We went into work early and prepped for the lunch rush while Ally stayed home until service began, and then she ducked out to the floor to run tables. Service went smoothly, and I knew I was getting to a point where I was going to have to say something when she walked into the kitchen, and I nearly kissed her in front of Ally.

Not that I thought Ally would have had a problem with it, exactly. I think she and my brothers all knew something was going on more than her just staying with me. We had spent all our time together, and I had even skipped a big family meal to hang out with her. Of course, according to them, I just was feeling run-down and wanted to take a day off at home to catch up on sleep, but I had a feeling my brothers knew better.

A week of going to bed and waking up with her in my arms. A week of showers together. A week of breakfasts in pajamas and less. A week of curling up together on the couch and eating chips and watching TV.

It was a long time, a week. Yet, it wasn’t nearly enough. I was greedy for much, much more.

But how?

Ally ducked out just after service, and when she came back, Jodi was with her. I was nearly done cleaning the kitchen so it was ready for dinner, and the other line cook was already gone. The three others would be in an hour or so from then, and they could do all the prep work while Ally and I took some time off in the middle of the day. Apparently, though, Ally already had plans.

“Jodi and I are going to take a late lunch,” she said. “I’m going to cook it, but I’ll clean it up so you don’t have to again.”

“Oh,” I said. “Alright.”

Ally laughed.

“He hates when someone cooks on his station after he cleans up,” she said to Jodi, who chuckled.

“Well, it means wasted work. I could have been having a beer in the office instead of cleaning if I knew you were just going to cook on it again,” I said.

“So go have a beer in the office,” Ally said. “We have girl talk to do. Go on. Go.”

My eyes passed over Jodi’s, and I resisted the urge to kneel down and kiss her. It felt like she resisted the same urge, and I hurried past them, almost at a jog, to the door.

“Don’t forget the beer,” Jodi said.

I raised one finger as I slid to a stop and then turned around on my heels. I made my way back to my personal cooler and pulled out two beers and grabbed a bottle opener to go with me. I made my way back to the door and overheard a slight whispering followed by a giggle coming from the girls. Girl Talk had begun, I supposed.

As soon as I was out of the door, I saw Alex coming out of the office that was quickly becoming his sole property. Cam had taken over a small office space closer to the kitchen and near the tasting room, and Kane was always down in his cellar office or out in the fields, leaving Alex alone since I was always in the kitchen.

“Alex,” I said, coming up to him and holding out a beer. “I need to talk to you for a sec. Have a beer.”

“Beer?” Alex said. “You know we own and operate an entire vineyard, right?”

“Yes, but a dealer never takes from his own supply. Come on,” I said.

“I just got out of there,” he said. “I was going to go to the kitchen and see if you would make me another one of those Reubens.”

“I’ll make you all the Reubens you want in about twenty minutes. Ally is in the kitchen with Jodi, and I need some brotherly advice,” I said.

“Ah,” Alex said, finally following me into the office and shutting the door behind him. “So, you finally have come to the master, have you, grasshopper?”

“Are you seriously quoting a television show that came on ten years before you were born?” I asked.

“Pop culture, Derek,” Alex said without a wisp of irony. He was the youngest of us, and yet at times I felt like he was the oldest soul. “Get with it.”

“Yeah, anyway,” I said. “I need some advice about Jodi.”

“Are you two…” he began and then looked over to the door before making a lewd gesture.

I sighed.

“Yes, but it’s more than that.”

“I figured,” Alex said. “I just wanted to watch you squirm. It’s fun.”

“Dick,” I said.

Alex did a short bow. “Thank you

“Look, I’m not good with this sort of thing,” I said. “I never really did the whole girlfriend thing, you know? I just dated waitresses, and then once we had some fun, we went our separate ways. But this… this is different.”

“Is she, or is she not, a waitress?”

“No, it’s not that,” I said. “It’s different with her. She’s different.”

“I should say so,” Alex said. “I doubt you’ve ever been with anyone actively on the run from her own family before.”

“I might have been,” I said. “Culinary school was a blur. But that’s not the point. She’s different. There’s something about her that I can’t shake.”

“Hmmm,” Alex said, sitting on his desk, his expression changing a bit. It was as if he was finally recognizing that I wasn’t kidding. That I really did need real advice. That had to be hard for a younger brother to accept, but it was real, and it was there. The baby of the boys was being asked to help his older brother with something.

“We’ve been pretty much acting like a couple for a bit now,” I said. “Sleeping in the same bed, doing couple stuff, the whole bit.”

“That’s why you didn’t come to Sunday dinner?” he asked.

I nodded.

“I didn’t want to leave her alone, but I didn’t think it was time to bring her either.”

“Fair,” he said. “I won’t tell anybody.”

“Thanks,” I said. “But, well, I don’t know where she stands on all this. I know how I feel about her, but we just… haven’t talked about it. She’s had such a hard time through everything, with her brother and her family and all that. And her living at my place, I feel like it might put a level of expectation on her. Like if she isn’t actually interested in something, she might be afraid I’d kick her out and we would fire her. Then she’d be homeless and without income.”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down, Tex,” Alex said. “Before you go down the rabbit hole, what has she been acting like? Does she seem to be happy? Comfortable?”

“Well, yeah, but—” I began.

“Then talk to her,” he said. When he didn’t follow that up with anything, I threw my hands up in the air.

“That’s what I am asking you for advice about,” I said. “I don’t know how to bring it up without possibly scaring her away or ruining what we have.”

Alex laughed, mostly because of course he did, that was his personality, but also because I got the impression he saw my problem as being very simple to fix.

“You just need to communicate, man,” he said. “You can’t just have a whole relationship with someone without ever addressing if it’s actually a relationship. At some point you have to address it and add some boundaries to what is expected of you both. What if some girl hit on you? Would she have the right to be jealous? Vice versa?”

I knew exactly how I would feel if that happened to her. Not that I didn’t think it happened while she waited tables, but I knew better than to take any of that seriously. But if someone were to talk to her after hours, or if I were to see her flirting with someone else, yeah, I knew how I would feel about that.

Alex was right. I needed to talk to her. But I kind of knew that already.

“How do I start that conversation?” I asked. “Where do I even begin?”

Alex looked at me like I had asked the stupidest question in the entire world. Then, he leaned over, put his hand on my shoulder and looked me square in the eye. His jaw opened like he was going to say something, but then it closed, and very quickly, he swatted me on the back of the head.

“Hey!” I shouted.

“Hey yourself,” he said. “You needed that. You need a kick in the ass, man. Just go tell her you like her, you idiot.”

“Just like that?” I said, rubbing the back of my head where he hit me. It didn’t really hurt, but it surprised me, and I wanted him to know I didn’t appreciate it.

“Just like that,” he said. “Now, go. Don’t waste time.”

“Now?” I asked.

Alex sighed and made like he was going to raise his hand to me again. I picked up my fist and held it aloft, and we stood across from each other in a = standoff for a moment.

“Hit me again and I will put your lights out,” I said.

“I’d like to see you try,” he said. “But for right now, I’ll back down. One shot was good enough.”

“You’ll have a receipt for that too, one day,” I said, heading for the door. “But I’ll forgive you if this works.”

“It’ll work. Don’t forget my Rueben.”

I closed the door behind me as I left and headed to the kitchen. The girls were hovering over a table, whispering over a plate of shrimp nachos. My heart did a funny little jump when I saw her, and I realized Alex was right. I needed to tell her before she decided that what we had wasn’t enough.