Chapter 42

Forty-Two

SARA

Walking back home seemedto take a dreadful eternity. What made it worse was that I couldn’t stop listening to his messages or reading his texts.

6:00 p.m. Missed Call—Voice Message: Sara, baby, where are you? I’m back in New York. I wanted to surprise you. Just left your apartment. Doorman said you hadn’t come back since you left this morning. Running late from work? Call me, okay. I’m dying to see you.

6:04 p.m. Text:Where are you? Call me.

6:30 p.m. Missed Call—Voice Message:Still haven’t heard from you. Hope everything is okay.

7:01 p.m. Text:Call me.

7:15 p.m. Missed Call—Voice Message:I’m sorry to keep calling. Did you forget to charge your phone again?

8:00 p.m. Missed Call—Voice Message:Now I’m really starting to worry. Baby, please call me back. I just want to make sure you are okay.

8:16 p.m. Text:Seriously, Sara, why aren’t you calling me back?

9:00 p.m. Missed Call—Voice Message:Stopped by your apartment again. Hoping maybe Jen was home. Tried to call her but no answer. Does anyone pick up the phone anymore? Sara, please. It’snot like you not to call me back. Gonna drive by your office just in case.

9:25 p.m. Text:Parked outside your office. See some lights are still on. Guess you guys are working late?

9:35 p.m. –Missed Call—no message left.

9:45 p.m. –Missed Call—no message left.

That was the last missed call I had from him. By then, he’d probably come into the studio looking for me, followed the music, and found me and Alexei.

I couldn’t imagine what he must have felt seeing me dancing with Alexei. I had told him I was just Rebecca’s assistant. I’d told him I wanted nothing more than to rip off Alexei’s face. Yet, there I was, gliding through the air in none other than Alexei’s arms.

The confrontation replayed in my mind over and over again. I didn’t know why I said the things I did. I danced like I hadn’t in four years and had been running on a serious high. I was still caught up in all the emotion, and when I looked into Alexei’s eyes at the end, I saw approval, satisfaction. I wanted to hold on to that feeling forever.

However, as soon as I saw Tom’s face, guilt covered me in a slimy coat. I hadn’t cheated on him with another man, but for some reason, it felt like I had. I had shared an incredibly intimate moment with Alexei—not the dancing—the thrumming in my veins, an elation verging on ecstasy that made me feel like I was on top of the world.

That moment should have been Tom’s.

It wasn’t even the lie that cut him; it was my inability to own my mistake, the erratic reaction and senseless anger spewing from my pores. He had every right to walk away from me, to leave me alone in the studio.

I deserved his rejection.

Wanting to avoid Pedro, I rushed past the front door and lobby of my building. He yelled after me, trying to give me the message that Tom had stopped by looking for me. I waved him off with a brief thank you and scurried into the elevator.

Still wiping tears from my eyes, I walked into my apartment, my hands streaked with mascara. Jen was in the dining area getting ready to sit down and eat when she saw me. “Sara, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

As soon as I looked at her, I began sobbing again and covered my mouth. Trying to choke back my anguish, I rushed to my room and laid on my bed, weeping into my pillow.

Jen sat down on the floor next to my bed. She brushed loose hair away from my eyes. “Sara, what happened?”

“It’s…over.”

“What’s over?”

“Me and Tom. He broke up with me.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s my fault, Jen. I screwed up.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Not now. I just want to be alone for a little while.”

“Okay, hon. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

I cried myself to sleep and awoke two hours later. I walked out of my room in a daze. It was almost one a.m. and Jen was in the dining room studying. I sat next to her, my mind still in shock at everything that happened. It all ended so suddenly.

“Tom found me dancing with Alexei,” I blurted out.

Jen snapped her head toward me. “Wait, back up. Why were you dancing with Alexei? And isn’t Tom supposed to be in California?”

I told her everything. How Tom had wanted to surprise me. How he had tried to reach me, but I missed all his calls. How he’d tried to come find me, and then the confrontation in the studio.

She rubbed her temple. “Of all people, it had to be Alexei.”

“I should have listened to you. I should have told him about it sooner.”

“It’s not like he gave you an opportunity to explain.”

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, my chest tight with sorrow.

Jen placed a hand on my shoulder. “You deserve a chance to explain your side. If he still wants to end things, well fine. But he needs to know the truth first. He owes you that much.”

“He said not to even bother calling.”

“Since when do you do what people tell you?”

“He won’t listen.”

“Are you ready to give up on him?”

I peered up at her, sniffling and wiping away the wetness from my cheeks. “I don’t want to lose what we had.”

“Then fight for what is important to you, hon. If he chooses to give up on you after you tell him the truth, well, maybe you guys were not meant to be after all. But if you don’t do this, if you don’t try to explain, you’ll never forgive yourself. You will always think, what if?”

What if?

What if he absolutely never wants to see me again and I make a fool of myself?

What if he never forgives me?

What if?