9. Jacob

CHAPTER NINE

jacob

I unload my guitar from the back seat of my truck and head inside. When I heard that George and Jalynn were having a barbecue for their friend to get to know other people in town, nothing could have kept me away. I was anxious for the chance to cross paths again with the little spitfire of a woman my mother had hired to help out at the flower shop. A smile tugs at my lips as I reminisce about my previous interactions with her.

I walked in to take that delivery to Bozeman in a foul mood. Again. Ashley has been up to her usual antics. It wasn't enough that she'd lied and cheated or that she'd turned my world upside down. After several days of her hanging around and begging for a second chance, I was angry and mopey and definitely not interested in entertaining niceties with someone new.

A few years ago, I would've been all about putting forth the effort to meet that beautiful dime piece. I would have hugged my mother for hiring her and putting her in my path. It's funny, though, how one snake in the grass can ruin the entire field for you.

Still, I know I should have handled that encounter differently. I've been a jerk to the poor girl, and she didn't deserve that. And the way she made such a common little phrase—"You have a nice day"—sound like a sweet goodbye with undertones of "go fuck yourself" jolted me out of my internal grumblings about Ashley.

I'm not sure if she meant for me to hear her call me an asshole, but when I heard the word spewed at me from those intoxicating lips of hers, I almost spun around to try to figure that woman out. It's just as well that I didn't since I'm supposed to be deciding if I'm giving Ashley a second chance or not. If I can forgive her, we still have a chance at the life I thought we were going to have together. If I don't forgive her, well, I don't know if I'd even try to get in that deep with anyone new. And it's awful hard to think about Ashley while my head is full of another woman.

Just the sight of Lacey tonight ignited a fire in my belly that I'm still trying to extinguish. Ashley showed up before I could make conversation with her. So I still owe her an apology for the way I acted. Caleb is a good guy for her. He's much better for her than I would be. I still didn't enjoy watching him with her, though. It could have been me talking with her and occupying her time, earning her smiles. For a minute, I thought he was going to steal a kiss. I was ready to jump off that table and punch him in the throat. Why? I don't know. I have no claim on the girl, just a feeling that I haven't figured out how to describe.

Kicking off my boots, I strip down to my boxers and slide into bed, ready to have the day over with. Ugh, I have a family dinner to attend at my parents' house tomorrow. Fuck it. They'll have to do the dinner without me. I need a day to unwind and clear my head. I'll make it for dinner next week.

I grab my hiking pack and fishing gear out of the back of my truck and ready myself for my day in Bear Trap Canyon. After the week I've had, my favorite fly-fishing spot is calling my name. I strap my pack on and head down the trail, making myself focus on watching for bears and rattlesnakes instead of the two women who have been in my headspace all week.

As usual, I send a text to my sister, Mia, before hitting the trail, per my standing agreement to let someone in the family know where I'm going when I head out on my trips. I told her I wouldn't be back in time for the family dinner tonight, and she kindly reminded me that our mother wasn't going to be very happy about that. Mia gets it, though. She understands that sometimes I need time and space for myself.

I hadn't taken the breakup with Ashley very well initially, and then when I bumped into her at a vet conference a month later, she was already living with the man she had cheated on me with. That's when it hit me the hardest.

I came home from that conference and told Mia I was going fishing, but I didn't come home for a week. No mother has aimed her wrath on an adult child as severely as my mother laid down her wrath upon me after I finally re-emerged into civilization. Looking back now, I understand why she was furious. For all she knew, I'd been eaten by a grizzly. I hadn't told them where I was going, so even if they wanted to search for me, they didn't know where to start.

Mia helped me dig myself out of my agony with a bottle of whiskey and a new dairy client needing a herd health check. As soon as I was sober enough to walk straight, Mia had me at the new dairy client's ranch doing pregnancy checks until my arm felt like it was going to fall off. Since Ashley and I broke up nine months ago, I've avoided the dating scene at all costs, determined to stay single and unattached.

Maybe that's why it's such a surprise that Lacey affects me the way that she does. From the moment I saw her in the middle of the street, I've had a fire coursing through my veins that I haven't felt since things were good with Ashley. Frankly, I'm not even sure I felt it with Ashley. Lacey has my head racing like a pubescent boy, making me want to claim her as my own.

I drop my pack and climb down the rocky bank to the river so I can look over my options and choose a fishing spot. Deciding to move further downstream, I grab my stuff again and walk it down to the spot I'd scoped out and settle in. I prep my line, then cast into the clear river. Already, I can feel the bottled-up tension I've been carrying zipline down my fishing line and drift away with the current.

In the canyon, a hiking path runs along the side of the river. The mountains loom over, creating a canyon, with pine trees growing up the sides. Spending time outdoors is a humbling experience. The clusters of yellow flowers growing in spots along the river and path remind me of Lacey at the barbecue. She used the yellow mallet in her croquet game with Caleb. I can't help but wonder if yellow is her favorite color.

Shit. I'm not supposed to be thinking about her. I'm supposed to be thinking about Ashley...forgiving her and choosing the family path I've always wanted or accepting the fact that life may be out of my reach.

The tip of my floating line dips down, telling me I've caught the interest of a fish, and I start my slow retrieve to bring the fish in. Gradually, I work the fish closer. When I'm getting close enough, I reach back on the bank behind me for the net to have it at the ready. Once I net the fish, I set my rod aside. I pull the rainbow trout out of the net and hold it in one hand while I snap a picture of it on my cell phone and then free it back into the river. Casting again, I patiently wait for my next catch.

With a successful day of fishing under my belt, I pack my gear up and get ready to hike back out of the canyon. I have about four miles to hike before it gets dark, and I didn't come prepared to stay the night here. I hike out and bask in the peacefulness of this beautiful canyon. It isn't busy with other hikers today, making it the perfect day for me to be out here.

Once I get far enough out of the canyon to receive a cell signal again, my phone goes crazy, buzzing in my pocket. Great. I don't even want to see how many messages I have. I take my time loading my stuff in the truck, and I climb inside and then make myself pull my phone out and face life.

Mia: FYI Mom's pissed.

Mia: I can't believe you made me go through family dinner alone.

Mia: You owe me

Mia: Do we need to have another whiskey night?

Mia: Are you still lost in your feelings?

Mia: You better let me know when you make it out so I know whether to send search and rescue after you or not.

Mia is obnoxious. She's one hell of a sister, though. I reply to let her know I'm headed home, and I put the truck into gear. I still don't know what to do about Ashley, but I've got to come to a conclusion soon.

On Monday afternoon, I walk into the flower shop, and I'm immediately greeted by Mom. Thankfully, she seems to have had time to cool off about me missing dinner. We chat for a bit, and she's telling me something about Dad's latest project that he's in way over his head with, but I can't focus on our conversation. I didn't actually stop by to see my mom. I need to see Lacey. After thinking about it, I've decided I need to explain myself to her.

Mom mentions Lacey is out in the greenhouse watering, and I head that way through the back of the shop. I don't owe Lacey anything. I know this. We've barely exchanged words with each other at this point. I know I'm walking on dangerous ground by seeking her out, but she is all I have been able to think about since I nearly hit her with my truck. Maybe if I make amends with her for my behavior, I'll be able to stop thinking about her and start focusing on the Ashley issue. At least, that's the excuse I keep telling myself.

It's hot and humid inside the greenhouse. My shirt instantly sticks to my skin. The fans on the back wall which circulate the air are so loud that Lacey doesn't even hear me come in. I slowly approach, not wanting to startle her.

Her thick, wavy hair is pulled up in a ponytail. She's wearing jean shorts and a T-shirt under her green flower shop apron, and she's barefoot. Smart, really. There's no way to avoid wet feet when watering the greenhouse. It's one of the disadvantages of the otherwise relaxing job. Lacey must have kicked her shoes off to keep them dry while she waters. It might not be OSHA approved, but OSHA's not here.

Lacey must have caught a glimpse of me from the corner of her eye, because those captivating eyes shoot up directly at me, surprise written across her face.

"Hey," I yell over the sound of the fans and approach her at a normal pace now.

"Hi," she replies, still watering the plants but giving me her attention.

I stop once I'm beside her. What did I come here for again? Damn, she's gorgeous. A few droplets of water fall from the bench of the watered plants and onto my boot.

"I want to apologize," I finally say, snapping back out of my head.

"For?" she yells back over the noise of the fans and continues watering.

"The other day. When I came to pick up the shipment. I was a jerk. And for the time I almost ran you over. And then honked at you..."

Why did I think this was a good idea?

"You're right," Lacey replies, moving further down the bench to water more plants. "You were a jerk."

"It's just, I had a bad day . . . or . . . a bad week."

"Okay."

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I do know I wasn't expecting her to be so nonchalant about it all. She isn't exactly making this easy on me.

"My ex showed up. She wants me to take her back. It was a whole thing. She hasn't been my favorite person for a while now." Lacey's looking at me like I should have more to say, but I don't, so I panic. "I told her I would think about it. About taking her back."

"Why did you break up?" Lacey asks without looking away from the plants.

"She cheated."

"That's terrible. Why would you take her back?"

Lacey looks up at me this time, watching me. She makes it sound so obvious. Lacey breaks eye contact and moves to the next bench. I follow close behind.

"We were engaged. She swears it was all a huge misunderstanding. She wants a second chance, and maybe she deserves one. I don't fucking know." I run a hand through my hair, the stress of the decision weighing on me again. "That's what I'm supposed to be figuring out."

The fans cut off, and it goes quiet in the greenhouse, aside from the sound of the water spraying from the hose Lacey is holding. I notice, suddenly, how close I'm standing to her, no longer giving her any space.

"She's manipulating you to get what she wants." Lacey speaks at a normal volume now, looking up at me. She takes a step to put some space between us and turns back to the plants.

"What do you mean?" I put my hands in my pockets, trying to deny the impulse I feel to pull her closer to me.

"She's making you question your perception of what happened that caused you to break up. And she has you questioning whether you owe it to her to give her another chance. It's not about what you experienced or what you feel. It's about you giving her what she wants. People like that are toxic."

"You know from experience?" I'm mere inches from her again.

"Yes. Years of experience. The longer you stay, the worse it will get, until it feels impossible to get out."

"How did you get out?" I ask in barely more than a whisper. She looks up at me through those long lashes, and we lock eyes.

"I ran away."

I hold her gaze, unable to pull myself from her. I want to reach out for her. I want to wrap her in a hug and just...be. What did she run away from? The thought of someone manipulating and taking advantage of this woman makes my blood boil over. I study her face and notice a thin scar shooting up from her eyebrow. The possibility of this woman experiencing pain is hard to reckon with, and I find myself hoping the scar stems from a good memory being made, rather than something upsetting. Every freckle looks intentionally placed over her slightly flushed cheeks, making her a masterpiece. Her lashes curl up from her bright eyes, and I'm jealous of her teeth that are nibbling on her lower lip.

"I should turn this water off," Lacey finally says, breaking the moment and backing away again.

I step back and take a deep breath, willing the blood to come back up to the head I'm supposed to be using right now. Lacey walks over to the spigot at the back of the greenhouse. My body can't resist the magnetic pull of the force that surrounds her, and I find myself following her, my hands still pushed deep in my pockets. Managing to stop a few steps away, I give her more space this time. I shouldn't have been all up in her business like I was, close enough to touch. Her song is too strong, and I need more distance if I have any hope of resisting her siren's call.

I watch Lacey hang the hose in its spot and reach for the knob of the spigot, closing the valve and shutting off the water. When she never seems to reach the end of twisting off the spigot, I take a curious step closer, ready to inspect it. Without warning, the spigot breaks off of the top of the pipe running up from the ground, leaving a geyser of water spewing into the air and soaking everything around it, including a squawking Lacey.

I rush to the rescue like a knight in fucking armor to reattach the spigot with no success. Lacey squeals next to me, her hands gripping the top of the pipe as she tries to stop the water from coming out. It causes the water to spray at us with a vengeance instead. The generous dousing of cold water helps calm the hard-on I've been fighting, and I'm finally able to get my wits about me enough to remember the main water cutoff to the greenhouse is only a couple of feet away. I reach for the cutoff from where I'm kneeling next to Lacey and the pipe. The water stops, and we collapse side by side on the wet cement floor, our clothing soaked through and clinging to our bodies.

After a moment of quiet, a bubble of laughter erupts from Lacey, coaxing a chuckle out of me, too. I study her, feeling the pull I've become accustomed to when I'm near her. Drops of water from her hair run down her face. A loose strand of wet hair is hanging down from her bun, partially plastered to her cheek. Without thinking, I reach across and tuck the feral strand of hair behind her ear. She stills, her giggles coming to a stop, and I think she might be feeling the same sensation that's clouding my judgment.

I want to pull her hair down from the ponytail and run my fingers through her beautiful, wavy mane. A droplet of water runs down her nose and rests in the dip of her cupid's bow, drawing my eyes back to the lips that I ache to taste.

Lacey bashfully lowers her eyes but only briefly. She must feel it, too. She must feel us being pulled together. Is she leaning into me, or am I the one leaning, giving into temptation? Unable to keep my hands to myself anymore, I reach over again, this time stroking the back of my finger down her jaw, toward her lips. She leans into my touch, tilting her head slightly to the side. Our faces are only inches apart, her touch igniting the fire I've tried so hard to ignore. I don't want to ignore it anymore.

The thunderous rumble of the fans coming back to life jolts us both out of our spell, and we jump away from each other. The longing now replaced with an awkward tension, I clear my throat and rise to my feet, then offer a hand to Lacey. She hesitates briefly, then reaches out and takes it. The warmth of her touch spreads through my palm, climbing my arm as I pull her to her feet.

"I'm sorry," I mutter barely loud enough to be heard over the fans. "I may not technically be taken, but I'm not free to?—"

"No, it's okay," she says. "We shouldn't."

I scoop up the broken spigot, give Lacey a nod, and walk out of the greenhouse.

After I locate my mother in the front of the shop, I try to explain the mishap in the greenhouse with the water spigot. She listens with a look of disbelief on her face. While she finishes processing my tale, I head for the hardware store to get a replacement.

Overall, that was probably the most disastrous apology I've given to date. I'm still not sure how I ended up soaking wet on the damn ground next to Lacey, touching her, and nearly giving in to my carnal need to taste her. Maybe if Ashley's apology to me went the same as this apology just now, I wouldn't have found myself with the self-control of a horny teenage boy in my mother's greenhouse.

Ashley. What am I going to fucking do about Ashley? I obviously loved her. I was going to marry her, after all. An apology from her doesn't fix anything, though, does it? Can I trust her again simply because she says that I should? Are her promises worth anything? I don't know. I want to make the right choice here, outside of the hurt I feel, but I don't know what the right thing is anymore. I'm confident about one thing, though. I need to stay away from Lacey while I figure it out. The rush of hormones she inspires in me isn't going to help me make a levelheaded decision about anything.