34. Jacob

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

jacob

I grab the eye drops from my glovebox and put a few drops in my tired eyes. Seeing a smile light up Lacey's face this morning when she saw the pie was payment enough for the lack of sleep. Her little display of gratitude after the fact was the icing on the cake. I yawn and pat Lacey's leg as we sit in the driveway of my parents' house

"You ready for this?" I ask. She nods and leans in to kiss me. "Or we could just go back home." I give her a drowsy grin.

"Let's get inside," Lacey says. "They're going to start wondering where we are."

I climb out of the truck and take the pie from Lacey, holding her hand while she slides out after me. We walk hand-in-hand up the sidewalk, and as we make it to the front steps, the door swings open. My other brother, Joseph, answers the door. Joseph looks back and forth between the two of us, eyebrows raised.

"Joseph, this is Lacey. Lacey, this is my brother, Joseph," Jacob says.

"You two look awfully cheerful to look so tired. I remember those days, the days before our sleep deprivation was the product of our previous sleepless nights."

"Maybe you're just doing things all wrong," Jacob suggests and gives his brother a hug.

"Maybe. You're just in time. We're getting ready to put our teams together for the football game."

A chorus of greetings echo through the house as Lacey and I walk inside. Mia comes bouncing up to Lacey, wrapping her in a hug. It's a drastic change from the way Mia used to greet Ashley, and I can't help but smile over how much my family loves my girl. I set the pie down on the dessert table Mom is arranging.

"Oh, Lacey, this pie looks incredible," Mom gushes.

"I really can't take credit—" Lacey starts.

"It's her grandmother's chocolate pecan pie recipe," I cut in. "She whipped it up last night while I was watching football."

"I can't wait to try a slice. I hope you at least cleaned up for her," Mom says.

"What are you talking about?" I scoff. "The kitchen is a woman's place."

Mom smacks my arm, but she doesn't smack me hard. She knows I'm joking. Making food has always been a family affair in our house.

The family is divided up into two teams for the football game, small children included. Mom sits out with the two youngest grandkids and referees the game. Lacey ends up on the opposite team from me, and we wind up nose to nose several times. Most of the touchdowns are scored by the grandchildren due to an unspoken rule that they can't be stopped by an adult. Occasionally, one of the kids is tossed over someone's shoulders or carried under an arm into the end zone. In the end, Lacey's team wins the game.

Three of my nieces come running up to me, pulling on my hands and begging me to come play. I make sure Lacey is in good hands, then let them sweep me away to the other side of the room. The girls command me to sit on a little pink stool, and then they attack me with a pink feather boa, a hot pink wig, and costume jewelry galore. I think I've almost appeased them when one of the girls pulls out her makeup bag. Two of them attack my face while the third paints my fingernails. Pink, of course.

I sit there and take it like a man, allowing my nieces to cake the purple eyeshadow on my eyelids, the pasty pink lipstick over my lips and into the scruff I always leave, and way too much blush on both cheeks. I inspect my painted fingernails, pink nail polish covering my fingers from the knuckles down.

I'm rescued when their mothers take mercy on me and collect their children to get them washed up for dinner. Several wolf whistles ring out when I rejoin the adults looking like a French whore. Jesse snaps a fucking picture on his phone.

"For posterity," he says and slides his phone back into his pocket after forwarding it to everyone in the room.

"I think I'm going to try to wash all of this off," I say and excuse myself to the bathroom.

As I leave the room, I hear Mom order everyone to clean up and get ready for our Thanksgiving dinner. Joseph and Jesse follow me into the bathroom.

"Looks like you and Lacey are getting pretty serious," Joseph says while we wash up.

"Yeah, you could say that," I reply.

"I found a little velvet box in the glovebox of your truck the other night when I was getting that deck of cards," Jesse chimes in.

"Well? Is it true?" Joseph asks.

"It might be," I say with a shrug. "Or it might be something else."

"Yeah, because there's so many things that come in little velvet boxes that men hide in their pickup trucks," Jesse says.

I chuckle and slap Jesse on the back.

"She's the one, guys. She's everything."

I'm grinning from ear to ear when I walk into the dining room, Jesse and Joseph on my heels.

Dinner is delicious. As usual, there are more dishes to try than there is space on my plate. Some of the sides were made by Mia and my sisters-in-law, but the bulk of the meal was prepared by Mom. She always goes overboard.

The tables are covered in her favorite silky white tablecloths with elaborate centerpieces of flowers, greenery, and pumpkins. Rather than paper plates, each place is set with her prized china that she saves for special occasions. Crystal goblets with elegant leaves etched around the glass are used for the punch. Each setting is complete with cloth napkins in a festive napkin ring and a place setting card assigning the seats around the table.

The children are seated at a lower table with a large coloring sheet of turkeys, leaves, pumpkins, and such. Paper turkeys and pumpkins line the center of their table and small jars filled with coloring utensils sit near each spot.

Once the meal is finished, the dishes are cleared away, and we all spread out across the plush couches and chairs in the large family room, designed specifically for occasions such as this one. I silently check in on Lacey. She seems to be soaking in every moment of the day, and I wonder if it's living up to her expectations. I'm about to succumb to a turkey coma when I hear her phone buzz. I glance over her shoulder as she pulls it out to check the message. It's Ben texting her again.

Ben: If you continue to ignore me, I will find you.

Lacey erases the message and puts her phone away. I don't know how much longer I can let this fucking guy harass my girl. I'm still concerned about how much she may be downplaying the situation. I check the time on my watch. As good as it is to spend time with my family, I'm ready to have Lacey to myself again. I yawn and stand up to stretch.

"Mom, it's been lovely as usual, but I'm beat. I think Lacey and I are going to head out for the night."

I hold out a hand for Lacey and pull her up from the couch. Following a chorus of goodbyes and a parade of hugs, I finally get my girl out the door. My family might be as wrapped up in her as I am.

"What did you think about today?" I ask her once we are in the truck and headed home.

"It was amazing. Better than I imagined. I felt like I was in the middle of a movie scene all day. That's how picture perfect your family is. It's exactly the type of family I always dreamed of having."

"I'm pretty sure if my family had to choose between us, they'd choose you," I say.

"Hardly. They're all so sweet to me, though."

"I wanted to tell you, the house will officially be ready in two weeks," I say, shifting the conversation.

"Oh." Lacey looks down at her hands in her lap. "I'm sure you're excited to have more space."

"Gypsy," I say, waiting for her to look at me, "I want you to move into the house with me."

"Are you sure?"

I chuckle at her surprise.

"Yes. Absolutely. What do you think? Will you move in with me?"

"Yes! Of course!" Lacey bumps into me, trying to give me a hug, and causes me to swerve on the road.

"Easy," I say and rest my hand on her knee. "Once we get moved in, I'm thinking we should sell the camper. I know some people who would be interested in buying it." Lacey suddenly stiffens beside me.

"We can't sell the camper, Jacob." Lacey looks up at me, alarm written across her face.

"If you're really set on having a camper, let's just buy a new one. It will hold the temperature inside better, and we can get something bigger and fancier."

"No, you're not understanding. I can't get rid of the camper. What if I have to leave? I have to have my camper." Lacey watches me, her brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?" I turn off the truck and look at her. Now I'm the one who's fucking alarmed. Lacey adjusts in her seat, shifting to face me.

"If Ben finds me, I may have to leave," she says matter-of-factly.

"If Ben finds you, I'll kick his fucking ass, and you'll keep your ass right here in Montana with me," I say. My anger flares at the mere thought of Ben showing up.

"Jacob—" Lacey squeezes my hand still resting on her leg.

"No, Lacey, I'm being serious here. You can't just run. You wouldn't, would you? You wouldn't leave because of him?"

"Jacob, if Ben shows up?—"

I shake my head and climb out of the truck.

I can't do this. What is she saying? How did such a perfect day take such a drastic turn? I breathe in the cold night air. Lacey is climbing out of the passenger door, but she stays on the other side of the vehicle and just watches me. I turn back to face her again, trying to hide the pain that is already claiming my chest.

"No, Lace. No. We're in this together. We're finally together."

"I know that, and you mean the world to me." Lacey takes a hesitant step toward me.

"But not enough to stay?"

It's happening. It's actually fucking happening. I'm not enough.

"It doesn't have anything to do with how I feel about you, Jacob."

"It's got everything to do with it. I'd do anything for you, Lacey. Don't you know that?"

"Ben broke me. I'm finally getting the pieces back together. If he finds me, I'm not going to wait around for him to break me all over again,"Lacey says, standing next to me now.

"We're both a little broken, Lacey. It's when we're together that the pieces mend."

"Jacob, you're a wonderful man," Lacey says, touching her hand to my cheek. "You're more than I could ever have hoped for. I don't want to ever leave you, but I may not have a choice."

I pull away from her, not wanting her to see the pieces of me slowly, painfully, cracking and breaking apart again.

"You always have a choice, Lacey. Please. Tell me that I'm the choice you'll make if it comes down to it."

"I can't promise you that."

"I love you, Lacey. I've loved you from the start. I didn't know what it was at first, and I fought against it, but I know what it is now. I love you. I would follow you anywhere just to be with you. Would it really be that easy for you to just walk away from me, from what we have, and never look back?"

"Of course it wouldn't be easy."

"But you'd still do it?" I wipe a shaky hand over my face. My chest is ready to burst. "I can't do this again. I can't sit around waiting for the woman I love to throw it all away again." I turn back to my truck without looking at Lacey.

"Jacob, where are you going?" Lacey asks, taking a step toward me but stopping short. The realization of what I'm saying hits her. "Jacob, don't!" Tears break loose from her eyes and roll down her cheeks. I focus my eyes on the ground, unable to watch her cry.

"Lacey, I can't continue doing us knowing that one day you're just going to walk away." I look back up into her watery eyes. "I won't survive it."

I shake my head, out of strength to put it all into words. I climb into my truck and slam the door closed. Wilted is the best word I can come up with to describe her at that moment as I pull out of her driveway. She looks lost and alone, desperate for someone to take her into their arms and keep her safe from the world. And I hate myself for not being able to be that person for her.