13. Lacey

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

lacey

" H ow's it going with Caleb?" Jalynn asks me. "We never get much of a chance to talk about it. It seems like he's always with you, which I assume means things have been good?"

I'm sitting on a stool at her kitchen island, chopping vegetables to go into the salad Jalynn is making. Chopping vegetables is about all she allows me to help with in the kitchen, for good reason. The one time in college she allowed me to make dinner, the meal had been absent of any positive flavors, but we all choked it down anyway. Shortly after the meal, we came down with food poisoning. Jalynn hasn't left me unsupervised in the kitchen since.

"Caleb is amazing...and I can't deny I've been having a blast with him."

"Sounds like a ‘but' is coming." Jalynn stops what she's doing and looks at me with narrowed eyes.

"But..." I say with slight exaggeration, "something's missing."

"What do you mean?"

"He's handsome, obviously. He says all the right things. And he's so gentle, like a gentle giant. You know I get a little uneasy sometimes, but I don't get that feeling very often with him anymore. I have an absolute blast when I'm with him. He's a good kisser, too," I add with a grin. "But there's no butterflies. His touch doesn't short-circuit my brain."

"Okay . . ."

"It's almost like a male version of you that I make out with on occasion. Does that make sense?"

"Maybe the fireworks will come later," Jalynn suggests, swatting George away as he picks at the cucumbers.

"Maybe. How long can I wait, though, without risking leading him on?"

I shrug and finish chopping the last of the peppers. I dump the peppers into the bowl of salad and slide off my stool to go answer the knocks at the front door. Caleb should be showing up soon for the dinner party Jalynn is hosting. Instead of Caleb, though, it's Jacob and Ashley. I greet them as they step inside. Jacob's arm brushes against mine as they walk by, and as usual, butterflies fill my stomach and overtake my body at his touch.

Memories from the greenhouse fill my head. I know I shouldn't let the memories stay. He's back with Ashley, and I'm with Caleb. I respect that. We got caught up in the moment in the greenhouse. That was all. I pull my eyes away from Jacob and start setting the table for our meal, ignoring the urge to be near him.

Relief floods my body when I hear knocking at the door again. This time it will be Caleb. I sidestep Jacob to get to the door, accidentally brushing against him again. Goose bumps run down my arm where we touched. I take slow, deliberate breaths, trying to steady my heartbeat as I wrap my fingers around the doorknob and pull the door open. As expected, a grinning Caleb stands on the other side. Caleb steps through the door. He grabs me up and spins me, pulling a giggle from me. He places me back on my feet and presses a kiss to my lips.

"Gosh, it's good to lay eyes on you," Caleb says.

"It's about time you got here," I tease and turn to lead him by the hand over to our group of friends.

I ignore Jacob's eyes burning into me and focus instead on Jalynn ushering everyone to the table to have a seat.

Dinner starts off smoothly. I'm the newcomer to the group but feel like I have melted in seamlessly. Well, except with Ashley. She glowers at me most of the time we're together and typically doesn't speak to me at all unless she has something snide to say. I thought maybe Jacob had told her about the close call in the greenhouse before they were back together, but after the last time we all hung out, Jalynn insisted it's just the way Ashley is.

"Is everyone going to the summer festival next weekend?" Jalynn asks during the meal.

"I still can't believe enough people go to that stupid festival to make it worth the trouble of doing it every year," Ashley scoffs.

"Ash," Jacob admonishes quietly, sitting back in his seat.

"I'm being serious. It's a ridiculous event," she continues. "I wouldn't recommend wasting your time with it," she says, directing her attention toward me. "You won't miss anything by not attending that redneck event."

"Actually, I'm gonna go. I'm pretty excited about it. I wish my hometown did something similar," I say.

I might be new, but even I have heard how important the festival is to everyone around here. Nearly the whole town shuts down for the night.

"The festival is nice," Jacob chimes in. "Don't let Ashley convince you otherwise. I've been going for as long as I can remember."

I feel his eyes linger on me.

"Me, too," George adds in, raising a fork in the air. He goes back in for another bite.

"We should all go together!" Jalynn suggests. "Make a big group date of it. It'd be fun."

"Sounds good to me," Caleb says. "What do you think, Lace?"

"Yeah. Let's do it."

"I suppose you do look the type to find a silly festival exciting," Ashley says to me, rolling her eyes.

I glance over at Jalynn. When her eyes leave mine, they go directly to her plate.

"Lacey, what happened to your forehead?" George asks, trying to move the conversation along. He has spent enough time with us to know the meaning behind our silent exchange. And he's heard me tell Jalynn how badly Ashley gets under my skin.

"I headbutted a block of ice," I say.

"I took her out to the ice cave," Caleb joins in. "She had a small mishap on the way out, but I nursed her back to health."

Caleb winks at me and goes back to eating the food on his plate. The muscle in Jacob's jaw flexes so briefly I'm not sure if I imagined it.

"It was so much fun, though. It was well worth it," I say.

I know without looking that Jacob is still staring at me. I can feel his eyes on me, making me sizzle.

"There's lots of good places to go around here if you like being out in nature," Jacob says. "Do you like fishing?"

"I haven't fished much," I admit. "But I'd love to learn how to fly fish."

"That's my favorite," Jacob says, his attention locked on me. "I could give you some incredible spots to go." Ashley is glaring at Jacob now, a sour expression on her face, but he doesn't seem to notice her. "Where else have you been?"

"Caleb took me to this super cute little lake. What's that lake called?" I ask Caleb, forcing myself to break eye contact with Jacob.

Caleb clears his throat and uncomfortably shifts in his seat. We all wait expectantly.

"Lover's Lake," he mumbles.

Jalynn giggles, and Jacob's jaw clenches again. Maybe I didn't imagine it.

"What?" I ask, reading the room.

"Lover's Lake is a notorious place for couples to go to...if you know what I mean." Jalynn giggles and winks at Lacey.

"Oh. In that case, I guess I don't have to say anything more about what we were doing up there," I say jokingly and nudge Caleb.

"That's fitting," Ashley snips at me. "You would be the type to brag about going to Lover's Lake with a boy."

I pause for a moment, letting my eyes linger on Ashley. She straightens in her chair, looking uneasy under my gaze.

"Aren't you precious?" I say with a sweet smile. Jalynn struggles to smother a giggle.

"Lacey's some serious competition when it comes to skipping rocks," Caleb says.

He drapes an arm around my shoulders and kisses the side of my face. Ashley rolls her eyes again.

"Gag me!" she mutters under her breath.

"How about you, Ashley?" I ask. "Are you any good at skipping rocks?"

"I can't say I've ever tried." Ashley sits up straighter in her chair and dabs the corners of her mouth with her napkin. "I'm usually much too busy with more important things."

"All work and no play? Bless your heart," I say, feigning pity.

"I'm sure I could give you a run for your money," Jacob chimes in. Ashley turns red beside him. "Maybe we should all go out on the lake one day. We could take my boat."

"We're free next weekend, aren't we, Jay?" George asks, earning a nod from Jalynn.

"Well, we aren't ," Ashley says, giving Jacob a pointed look. "Remember, we're supposed to spend the day in Bozeman."

"Bozeman isn't going anywhere, and Lacey hasn't been out on the lake yet. We'll do Bozeman another day," Jacob says, his eyes not leaving mine, and I hope there's no evidence on my face of the heat building inside me.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Ashley's rage breaks the spell, and I quickly look away.

"What's wrong, Ashley?" Jacob asks.

"You're choosing her over me!"

George chokes on his water, coughing and sputtering to clear his lungs. Jalynn slaps him loudly on the back, trying to help him regain his composure.

"What are you talking about?" Jacob askes in an exasperated tone, leaning back in his seat.

"I thought I was imagining it, but I'm not, am I?" Ashley's voice screeches through the room.

"You need to chill out, Ash. You're blowing things out of proportion," Jacob says barely above a whisper, clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation seems to be headed. "Not everything is about you."

Ashley's face turns red, and her eyes bulge. Without a retort, she scoots her chair back and strides out the door. Caleb rests an arm across my shoulders, looking confused about what just transpired.

"I guess I'd better go," Jacob says, scooting his chair back too and slapping his hands on his knees. "Jalynn, George, thanks for dinner. Sorry to cut out early."

He nods to me and Caleb and follows Ashley's trail of fury out the front door.

"What just happened?" Caleb asks.

"I have no idea," I say with a shrug. I concentrate harder on my plate of food and shovel a bite into my mouth. Jalynn muffles a giggle.

I train my eyes on the table, hoping the guilt I feel will subside quickly. The stockpot of feelings I have swirling around inside me must have been more evident than I realized if Ashley picked up on it. I hope she was the only one. I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so wrapped up in Jacob.

Why couldn't I feel that same spark with Caleb that I feel just being near Jacob? Would that feeling ever come? If I'm honest with myself, I think I already know the answer. As much as I want things to work out between me and Caleb, it's not fair for me to keep stringing him along, waiting for feelings that are never going to come. I can't continue to hang on his arm while my heart is doing somersaults for another man, taken or not.

Caleb and I help clean up dinner. I wash the dishes while Caleb dries. Jalynn sits at the island, by order of me and George, and supervises our progress while giving George directions to put away the leftovers and wipe down the table and chairs.

Caleb puts the last dish away and hangs the dish towel on the hook inside the cupboard door. We say our goodbyes to Jalynn and George and head out to our trucks.

"Are you ready to call it a night, or are you interested in phase two of our evening?" Caleb asks me.

"Oh, phase two, please!" I say, giving Caleb's hand a small squeeze. I should go home, but I'm not ready to say goodbye yet. Even with my misgivings of our longevity, Caleb emanates peace and happiness. Both are things I've been in short supply of for the last several years.

"Let's drop your truck off at your place, then I'll drive us out."

We condense down to one vehicle and travel a few more miles down the dark, quiet back road leading into wild Montana. Caleb pulls the truck off the dark road, into an open field. The terrain makes for a bumpy ride. I brace myself with a palm flat on the roof of the truck as we bounce and rock, slowly creeping further into the field.

Finally satisfied with the spot, Caleb slows the crawling truck to a stop. I slide out of the cab, following close behind Caleb. It's incredibly dark. Caleb leads us around to the bed of the truck with his flashlight and lowers the tailgate. I take the flashlight from him and shine it into the bed of the truck. Glancing over the contents, I give Caleb a quizzical look, waiting for his explanation.

"What's all this?" I ask when he doesn't immediately explain. I scrutinize him suspiciously. "What in heaven's name could we be doing out here in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, that would require a mattress in the bed of your pickup? Did you forget my name? 'Cause it ain't Jezebel."

Caleb throws his head back and laughs.

"No, nothing like that," Caleb says. "Think more along the lines of a drive-in movie theater." Caleb grins down at me. "Here. Climb on up. I've got to grab some stuff from the cab."

With his help, I climb into the bed of the truck and sit on the mattress while he grabs pillows and a blanket from the cab. He hands them over to me, then goes back for a laptop and a bag of snacks. Caleb climbs up and sits next to me, spreading the blanket over our laps and opening the laptop. With a few clicks, the opening scene of a movie is paused on the screen. Caleb reaches an arm around my shoulders and presses play.

"You brought me out in the middle of nowhere at night to watch a scary movie?" I ask him, wide-eyed.

"Maybe..." He looks down at me with a hesitant grin. "Is that okay?"

"That's awesome!" I smile back up at him. "Let's do this."

I cuddle into Caleb's side and soon, I'm screaming in unholy octaves as a terrifying creature overtakes its petrified victim.

Rolling out of bed, I try to wipe the sleep from my eyes. I'm exhausted. Sleep was difficult to find during the night as my mind was all too aware of the significance of the approaching day.

Six years ago, to the day, I received the phone call that Grammy had passed away. My rock, my compass, my comforter, and my only living relative was gone. Grammy had suffered a stroke while driving to work. Her car crashed into a tree, and she was pronounced dead at the scene.

I start the shower running, letting the water warm up, and climb in. I know I shouldn't dwell on the memory of that day. Rehashing it won't change anything. It only makes me ache for a family.

I massage shampoo into the roots of my hair as the warm water washes over my body, offering the only comfort available to me right now. I turn and hang my head back, rinsing the soap from my hair. Grammy loved my long hair. When I was a kid, she would fix my hair in braids every day. Even when I talked her into giving me a ponytail, she always French braided the top to wherever she intended to place the ponytail before pulling the rest of my hair up and securing it with a hair tie.

I dry my body and pull on the clothes I already set out to wear, readying myself for work. I try to keep my mind off the past as I do my makeup and put my hair up in a clip. I check my phone for the time and begin gathering my keys and purse but decide to take one last glimpse in the mirror as I walk out the door for the day. I stand in front of the little mirror hung on my wall, and I study my reflection. Pulling the hair clip back out of my hair, I brush my hair out again and part it to one side. Starting on the larger side of the part, I begin braiding my hair, wrapping the braid around the back of my head and down behind my opposite ear. Today, I'll wear a braid for Grammy.

Work drags on, not offering much mental stimulation to keep my focus elsewhere. Maddie is busy reorganizing the storage closet, and I settle for finding little tasks to do around the shop to keep myself busy.

I wonder what Grammy would think of my new life in Montana. Grammy wasn't known to be adventurous. She'd always told me that I got my free spirit from my mother, who'd gotten it from my grandfather. I like to think, however, that Grammy is looking down on me and is proud of me for being brave enough to leave home.

I slide onto the stool behind the counter and pull out my phone. Opening the internet browser, I google the address of Grammy's house, the home I grew up in and owned for a short couple of years before Ben made me sell it. That was one of my biggest regrets. I miss that old house. The house carried that notorious old house smell but always with undertones of bacon. Maybe one day I'll buy it back.

My phone buzzes in my hand, distracting me from the pictures on my screen. A text message pops up on the top of the screen, and I tap on it to read the message.

Caleb: Hey beautiful. How's your day going?

Me: I've had better. You?

Caleb: Just thinking about you. What's wrong?

Me: Having a rough day is all. Feeling homesick. No big deal.

I slide my phone back in my pocket as the shop phone rings. It's an order. Finally, something for me to do.

With my workday over, I lock up the shop and head for my truck. My handsome Caleb is leaning against the side of my truck, waiting for me. My eyes meet his, and I can't help but smile. Just like that, a chunk of the weight I've been carrying around today is lifted off my shoulders. This man is going to make someone a very lucky girl one day. I wish it could be me, but I'm beginning to think I'm being selfish pretending like he could be the one for me. I want him to be. I just don't think that he is.

"Hey, you," I say, approaching him.

"Hey." He pushes off my truck and stands up straight.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

I rise up on my toes and wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"I thought I'd try to brighten up your day," Caleb says.

"Oh yeah?"

Caleb hands me a small paper bag. It's heavier than I expected, and it almost slips from my fingers. I open the bag and peer inside. My smile grows brighter as I look back up at him and then give him another hug.

I hold up a chocolate Moon Pie and a cola. "I didn't even know you could buy these around here."

"I know a guy," Caleb says with a grin.

"Thank you!"

I let down the tailgate of my pickup and slide up on it, taking a seat. Caleb walks over and sits next to me, watching as I pull out the Moon Pie and open the wrapper.

"Mmmm. This brings back so many good memories," I say through a mouthful.

I hold the Moon Pie up toward Caleb, offering him a bite. He leans forward, letting me feed him as he bites off a piece. He nods as he chews.

"It's alright," Caleb says. "But it's not great."

"They're better when you microwave them but a delicacy nonetheless, so you better not speak evil of them." I chuckle.

Music floats softly to us from the radio of Caleb's truck while we finish sharing the Moon Pie and soda. I lean into Caleb, finally finding peace from the memories.

"I'd better get going," Caleb says eventually, nudging my side. "I hope the rest of your day goes better, though."

"Seriously, Caleb, you have no idea how much I appreciate this. You definitely made my day better."

I follow Caleb's lead, sliding off the tailgate of my pickup. He closes the tailgate for me and wraps me up in his arms, lifting me up off the ground like he usually does in a big bear hug. I kiss his cheek, and he sets me back on the ground.

"I'll call you later," he says.

At home, I change into sweats and wash the day off my face. I'm ready for a relaxed, quiet evening. In the bathroom, I grab my towel and pat my face dry. My scar catches my eye as I peer up into the mirror to make sure I got all of my mascara off. It's slight now in comparison to what it used to be. Instinctively, my fingertips trace over the thin white line.

I stretched lazily in my bed, slowly waking up after a night out with Jalynn. College life so far had been a dream. There was never a dull moment living with Jalynn, my classes were going well, and Ben had finally started to ease up on me choosing not to live with him. Next week was the last week of finals for the first semester of my freshman year, and the next couple of days would be spent with my head in my textbooks in preparation.

I stumbled out of bed, tripping over my shoes discarded from the previous night. I was thirsty, and my stomach rumbled, ready for food. I headed straight for my bedroom door, still in just the panties and tank top I'd slept in.

In the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of orange juice and took a big swig, then pulled out a bowl to mix up some oats. A door down the hall creaked open and feet pattered toward the kitchen. Jalynn must have finally woken up, too.

"Hey, sleepyhead," I say, turning to face her. Only, it wasn't Jalynn. It was the guy from last night, only now he was in his boxers—Brody, the one who had sent drinks over to us and spent the rest of the night flirting with Jalynn. Jalynn and I came home alone. She must have gotten his number and invited him over after we got home.

"Uh, good morning to you, too," he said gruffly. "Water?"

I pointed to the cupboard where our glasses are kept, my feet rooted to the floor, hoping he's too hungover to notice my lack of attire. Brody grabbed a glass from the cupboard, filled it with water, and slung an arm around my shoulders.

"So is this what you girls do? You share playdates?" He raised an eyebrow and began leaning into me.

At that moment, the front door of the apartment slammed open and closed. My eyes darted in that direction, landing on Ben who had let himself in with the key I'd given him.

"Who the fuck are you?" he said, glaring at Brody who still had an arm draped over my shoulders.

"Well, that's not very polite," Brody replied. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm the last fucking face you'll ever see." Ben stormed toward Brody. "Get your fucking hands off my girl."

Ben grabbed my arm and slung me back in the opposite direction before throwing fists at Brody. Still not totally solid on my feet, I stumbled back and lost my balance. I fell, hitting the counter on my way down. Ben was on top of Brody, who was now laid out on the floor, repeatedly punching him. A scream echoed through the apartment as Jalynn rushed down the hall and rounded the corner to see what the commotion was.

"Ben, stop! Get off of him!" Jalynn shouted. "That's enough!" She stood over the both of them, pushing Ben away.

Ben stood, taking a few steps back but keeping his fury-filled eyes on Brody the whole time. Jalynn was helping pull Brody up off the floor, shoving paper towels in his face, when she spotted me still laying on the floor.

"Did you hurt her?" Jalynn yelled, motioning toward me.

Ben, looking confused, turned to where Jalynn was pointing and saw me just beginning to sit up. He rushed to me, dropping to his knees next to me.

"Lacey, baby, I'm so sorry," he said, tenderly helping me lean back against the cabinetry. "I'm so sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you. I swear."

I reached up to my forehead just above my eyebrow where the pain was centralized and touched it with my fingertips. When I pulled my hand away, my fingers were covered in blood. Ben grabbed a towel and held it to the cut on my forehead.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Please forgive me," he said with a sob. "You have to forgive me."

"She needs stitches for that," Jalynn said, now standing over us. "Come on, Lace, let's get you to the emergency room. Brody"—Jalynn looked back to where Brody was, now dressed and putting on his shoes—"do you need the emergency room, or are you good?"

"I'm getting the fuck out of here," Brody said. "The hell with you all."

Three hours and four stitches later, I was back at my apartment, Ben in tow. I sat down on my bed, waiting for the lecture that I knew was brewing. I watched Ben pace across my bedroom floor.

"I can't believe you," Ben finally said.

"Me? What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Did you sleep with him?" Ben demanded.

"Of course not! I'm with you."

"Then why were you half-naked, letting him hang all over you like that?" Ben asked, motioning toward my bedroom door.

"He wasn't here for me, Ben. He was here for Jalynn," I said, feeling like a scolded child.

"You told me you were studying all weekend for finals!"

"I was. I am. I was just getting myself some breakfast in my apartment."

"I can't believe you'd betray me like that," Ben continued.

"I didn't betray you," I insisted as he skulked toward me.

"I don't like you living here."

"Sorry." I folded my arms over my chest.

"I don't want you to stay here anymore."

"Where am I supposed to stay, then, Ben?" I asked, my frustration beginning to boil over.

"Move in with me."

"I'm not ready to live with you, Ben. We've talked about this. Not to mention I can't exactly just leave Jalynn high and dry with the rent."

"I don't give a damn what Jalynn has to do. You're not staying here anymore, and if you loved me, you wouldn't fight me on this."

"I don't have time to move right now. I have finals to prepare for." I pressed my hand to my throbbing head.

"If you have time to play with Jalynn's leftovers in your kitchen, then you have time to move in with me," Ben said flatly. "I'm going to go gather up some boxes. We'll get your stuff packed up when I get back."

"I'm not moving, Ben. You aren't listening to me."

"This isn't up for debate, Lacey. You'll either move in with me, or we're done."

"Ben, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm serious right now, Lacey. This is it." There was a warning tone in Ben's voice.

"Then I guess we're done," I said, not breaking eye contact despite the fear building up as the black fury in his eyes washed over me.

An angry bellow exploded from Ben, and he grabbed the lamp from my nightstand and smashed it against the wall, making me jump. Then, he stormed out of my room and slammed the door behind him hard enough to rattle the wall.

I exhale deeply and lean back against the bathroom wall. My hands are shaking from the adrenaline the memory sends coursing through my body. I breath in deeply again, filling my lungs to capacity, and slowly release it.

I'm okay. That's not my life anymore.

Feeling steadier, I flip off the bathroom light and lie on my bed with a book. Sometimes disappearing into someone else's world is the best medicine.