Chapter 34

Brandon

“ T hat’s bullshit.”

My eyes widened in horror. Andrew had never sounded so mad.

“Excuse me?”

He stood from his spot next to me on the couch, set his plate on the table, and ran his hands through his hair. Everyone stared at him as he glared at me.

“How long are we going to keep this up? We’re fucking living together, Brandon. Are we going to wait until after a wedding? Maybe a five-year anniversary? When will you not be afraid that we’ll fail? Because I’ll tell you what, by us not being honest about it, you set us up to do just that.”

Oh no. I couldn’t swallow the food that was in my mouth. My hands grasped for the napkin on the table, and I spit my bite into it.

“Andrew?”

“No. Listen. I was willing to play this game for a while. Dammit, Brandon. I’ve been in love with you for so damn long. You’ve dangled this in front of me so many times and we’ve kept brushing it off. Like a fool, I thought it was real this time. Now look at us.” He paused to motion around the room. My entire body burned with embarrassment as our friends looked on in horror. “We’re going to be living with each other and you still can’t say it. We’ve been real for weeks.”

I gasped for air as he finished his speech. The room blurred as my eyes stung.

“I’m—I’m sorry.”

A humorless laugh escaped from Andrew. His eyebrows slammed down, and I’d never once seen him look so cruel. “Sorry isn’t going to cut it this time.”

He said nothing else, only grabbed his jacket and walked out the front door. My body refused to move, glued to my seat as my heart shattered in my chest.

“What the hell just happened?”

I could barely see Chase through the tears that clouded my vision.

“I...” My throat closed off. Words were impossible. So instead of continuing to explain it to everyone, I stood and followed Andrew out the door, praying that he hadn’t gotten too far.

How long had I remained frozen in place?

By the time I’d made it down the stairs and into the street, Andrew was nowhere to be seen. It didn’t stop me from running down the street, though I had no idea what direction he went in. It was so cold, but I couldn’t feel it with my desperate need to find him.

“Andrew!” Maybe if I yelled loud enough, he’d hear me.

By the time I reached the end of the block, my lungs burned. I never was much of a runner, and the cold wasn’t helping.

There was no sign of Andrew.

My glasses fogged up as I struggled to keep the tears at bay. I yanked them from my face and walked back without them. When I walked back inside, they were still sitting there. I wiped off my glasses and shoved them back on my nose, seeing their confused faces more clearly.

The words still wouldn’t come.

No one asked anything, but the second I dropped to the ground and started crying, Nathan was there, wrapping an arm around me. Chase came in on the other side and I clung to them as I cried it out.

I knew I was pushing my luck the longer I continued to hide what was going on, but I didn’t think it would have tossed him over the edge. Then again, he was right. We probably shouldn’t have hidden it to begin with.

“I want to take it back.”

It made little sense. I knew that. It didn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth, anyway.

“Take back what?” Chase didn’t sound as if he was judging me, but more coercing me into continuing to talk .

“If I—If I could do it again, I wouldn’t ask him to hide. He deserves so much more than that.”

No one spoke, not that they could over the sound of my sobs.

This was an epic disaster of my own creation.

“ I t sounds like he went to Joe’s place.”

I immediately shot up to grab my jacket.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nathan asked as he took it back out of my hands.

“I have to go see him. We need to talk. He’ll forgive me if I just get the chance to explain.”

Chase grabbed my shoulders and shoved me back to the bed. I sat down and stared at my friends as they barricaded my bedroom door. Shawn and Daniel had left, but Chase and Nathan had stayed to make sure that I was okay.

“What you need to do is give him some time and space.” Nathan moved away from the door first, sitting next to me.

Everything ached. Andrew had every right to be mad, but space was the last thing I wanted at the moment. I wanted his comfort, to feel his arms around me, and for him to tell me that this was all going to work out in the end. He needed to tell me I hadn’t fucked us over before we even truly began.

You set us up.

My eyes slammed closed against an onslaught of fresh tears. They stung, and as much as they watered, it didn’t feel like actual tears would fall. Maybe I’d cried them all out earlier. I’d never fucked something up so badly.

“I just want... him.” I still choked on the words. Everything in me screamed to get up, shove past my two friends, and go seek the man I loved. And what a way to have him tell me he loved me. But I’d done that. I’d taken away his ability to tell me in a more romantic way. He’d used the words against me to make me feel bad about what I’d done, and I didn’t fault him for it.

“I know you do. But you need to let him calm down. You both need to calm down.”

It was almost strange to have Nathan be the voice of reason. He wasn’t a bad guy, but Chase had definitely tamed him. He was a lot sweeter than before.

“Do you need help getting ready for bed?”

I sniffled and blinked at Nathan. Was I that pathetic that I needed my friends to get me ready to sleep?

“Don’t let me be alone...”

Nathan gave me a sad smile, looking over at Chase and giving him a shrug. Chase rolled his eyes and pulled his sweater over his head. He had a white t-shirt underneath, but what had me turning away and blushing was when he started undoing his pants and pushing them down his legs.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Not leaving you alone. Hope this bed can handle three people.”

It was enough to make me laugh a little. “You guys don’t have to stay with me.”

Chase shrugged as he sat on my other side. “It’s what friends do. When you’re hurting, we’re here for you.”

The idea of sharing a bed with one of my friends and his boyfriend should have been more strange, but at least it meant I wasn’t sleeping by myself. Just thinking about not having another body next to me was enough to have my heart racing all over again. I’d gotten so used to always having someone around. When I was dating someone, they were there, and when they weren’t, it was Andrew.

I crawled up the bed and under the blankets. I wasn’t as brazen as Chase and Nathan, who got undressed right in front of me. Taking my jeans off under the sheets was difficult, but I threw them across the room once my legs were free of them.

Instead of them climbing into bed next to each other, they were on either side of me. That overwhelming, suffocating feeling was back, but this time it was because I was emotional about my friends caring about me so much. They linked their hands over my waist, and I fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of Andrew never coming back.