Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Noah

Lu: I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, if you want to talk. Whenever you're ready. No pressure.

Me: Thanks. I just honestly have no idea what to say right now. When I figure it out, I'll let you know. Talk soon, Lumiere.

It had been two days since Lu texted, and I still didn't know what to say or how to make things right. I was still humiliated and dejected. But more than that, I felt like I was one more complication in Lu's life. Another roadblock on her path to having the family she wanted. Even if the sister she was hoping to form a bond with was a sociopath.

My feelings for Lu weren't really in question. I knew I loved her. What we had was special. She was beautiful and smart, and she had the biggest heart. There was no getting over her. She was my best friend.

Yet it was difficult to imagine a way forward. How did we manage a future together after what we'd discovered?

It was hard to envision holidays and get-togethers when you'd dated one hundred percent of the siblings present. Even if Lu could see past our unbelievable shared connection in the form of her stepsister, I doubted very much that her father could.

"Noah, you in or out?"

The deep voice of Cole Sutter dragged me up from the abyss of my current thoughts. It was Wednesday night poker at the firehouse. My third one. I probably still wouldn't be leaving with the shirt on my back especially seeing as how I was distracted by everything going on with Lu.

I cleared my throat and put my cards facedown. "I fold."

It was a small crowd. Only five of us played tonight in the second floor's common room amid bowls of snacks and sodas. The four other firefighters were on shift, and if a call came in, it would probably be doing me a favor to cut the night short. I didn't know why I'd agreed to come in the first place. I was in a shit mood.

But Cole and Pace were friends now, and I was getting to know the other guys as well. Staying home and wallowing on my night off hadn't held much appeal. Staring at my phone without knowing what to say wasn't getting me anywhere either.

They all shared a look as I settled back in my uncomfortable folding chair to watch the rest of the hand play out.

"You alright, man?" Jeff said from my right. He was a year younger than me and married to his high school sweetheart. They had a baby on the way.

I fought the urge to fidget. "Yeah, I'm good. Just not feeling particularly lucky tonight."

Three hands later, Cole threw a Sour Patch kid and hit me on the forehead. "What is going on with you? You're not even trying."

I stared at the horrible red candy on the tabletop and thought about Lu teaching me how to play. Lu teasing me. Lu propped up on the counter in her colorful kitchen.

Scrubbing a frustrated hand along my jaw, I admitted, "I don't know, man. I think the universe is out to get me."

Cole, Jeff, Pace, and Mason stared back at me expectantly. So I told them. I told them the whole shitty story. How I'd been dating someone online, lost my job, moved across the country only to discover I'd basically been catfished by a version of the girl I'd met on a dating app. When I got to the part about dinner at Lu's this weekend and the big reveal, they'd gasped like a bunch of middle schoolers.

"No way," Mason exhaled. His dark brows were high on his boyish face. This was his first year on the job, straight out of firefighter training, and something about having pity from the young rookie made me want to get out of here. But then he said, "Is Lu okay? Have you talked to her?" and I liked him that much more.

I shook my head. "Not really. She texted a couple of days ago to ask if I wanted to talk, and I told her I wasn't ready."

The deck and the game forgotten, Pace wondered, "Well, when do you think you'll be ready?"

"I don't know, man." Huffing a humorless laugh, I admitted, "It was pretty fucking embarrassing for one thing. Not to mention the reminder of how stupid I'd been to trust Virginia—Ginny—in the first place."

"You can't blame yourself for that, Noah." Cole's tone was serious. He abandoned the candy he'd been eating. "I went to high school with both of them. Ginny knew how to play people. Classic mean-girl, bullying bullshit. She manipulated teachers and parents, who all thought she walked on water. She was subtle in her malicious behavior. Even now, she's probably just bored with her life and using people like you to amuse herself. She was awful to Lu back then—starting rumors about her and filling her locker with tampons. Stupid shit like that. But Ginny was popular, and her stepdad was the principal. She was basically untouchable."

Knowing that she'd tormented Lu for over a decade was salt in the wound. Lu, the brightest light in any room, had obviously worked hard to forgive Ginny for her petty and spiteful behavior. She'd tried for years to forge some sort of familial relationship with her evil stepsister. My poor sweet Lu. She'd never deserved any of that.

Suddenly, I felt even worse because I had been taken in by such a terrible person. My insides twisted in the knowledge that I hadn't suspected a thing. Virginia had been a little self-involved and materialistic when we'd been together, but I hadn't seen what was right in front of me, and that stung.

"It doesn't make you stupid," Jeff added as if reading my mind. "It just means you have a shitty ex."

Pace regarded me with a mixture of pity and understanding. "Everybody has something in their past, Noah. You might think you know a woman, but they can still surprise you. And not always in a good way."

Mason cleared his throat and fidgeted with several of his poker chips. He took a deep breath and admitted, "My ex cheated on me for a long time, and I never knew it. Hell, we lived together, and I had no idea. I trusted her, and she had no problem lying to my face. Working long hours and girls' nights seemed like reasonable excuses, so I never questioned it."

"That's awful," I said quietly. "I'm sorry." I couldn't imagine living with someone—sharing your life like that—only to be betrayed.

Mason nodded. "It's okay. My future is out there somewhere. I'll find her."

"When did you live with someone, Mase? You're an infant. Was this high school?" Cole said, giving the younger man shit.

Mason held up his middle finger. "I'm twenty-two, old man. I've lived."

The others laughed and their lighthearted teasing even got a small smile out of me.

Cole jumped in with another example, "Madison is perfect"—we all groaned—"but a buddy of mine told me this story about a girl who set fire to her ex's motorcycle." All the first responders at the table shuddered.

I thought about what an ass I'd been to push Lu away on the side of the road, saying things that I knew would hurt her just so I could get her to back off. Maybe that arsonist had a good reason for what she'd done. I wouldn't blame Lu if she thought I deserved some payback. But instead, she was understanding and kind, and I hated myself a little more. I traced the outline of my phone in my pocket and thought about what to say to her—how to apologize for hurting her. She deserved so much better than me—better than her family and the hand she'd been dealt.

"Sorry," Jeff said around a mouthful of popcorn. "I have nothing to add. I found the love of my life in chemistry class my sophomore year. I'm a lucky bastard." He laughed and ducked as he got pelted by snacks from the others and my balled-up napkin.

Cole turned to me. "So what's the alternative? You going to break up with Lu over something that isn't even close to being her fault? You gonna leave town so you never have to risk running into Ginny Walker again?"

In the days since the dinner of doom, I hadn't let my brain land on any one solution. There wasn't a right answer that I could see through the fog of indecision. I didn't want to break up with Lu. I loved her and didn't want to give her up.

And Cole was right. Blaming her was a shitty thing to do. But causing more drama in her family felt selfish and wrong on every level. Not to mention, the thought of leaving Cozy Creek didn't sit right. There was nothing for me anywhere else, including my hometown. The truth was, this place was home now, and a big part of that was . . . Lu.

"I don't know," I finally managed, feeling my frown deepen as my resolve waffled and my thoughts ping-ponged all over the place.

I finally had a life here in Colorado. I had another week and a half driving for Huber unless Jimmy hired my replacement sooner. My business was taking off. I had friends and felt settled despite my inauspicious beginnings in this tiny town.

And Lu was here.

"Don't let that psychopath run you off," Mason offered as he gathered the cards and started shuffling.

"And don't punish Lu for Ginny's mistakes," Pace added. "She doesn't deserve that."

Cole and Jeff nodded.

They were right. Lu didn't deserve my frustration or my shitty mood. She definitely didn't deserve me using her own fears against her. I never should have accused her of pushing me or forcing her hand. She'd only been trying to help, but I'd been too blinded by fear to allow it at the time.

The cards were dealt once more and I did my best to focus. I only lost most of the money I'd started the night with instead of all of it. But my mind was drifting down the path toward Lu and how I could fix things—how we could move forward after such a major surprise.

I still didn't know the right answer but I knew it wasn't something I could figure out on my own.