22. Cole

Chapter 22

Cole

Imissed Madi.

It had been days since I’d last kissed her. We texted as much as we could and sometimes talked on the phone. It was better than nothing, but I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her against me again. I craved the way her body felt beneath my hands. I didn’t get enough on our night together and wondered if I ever would.

I also missed my kids. They were with my parents tonight but would spend the rest of the week with Sherry, and I was worried. With the help of our new therapist, things had thawed between her and Natalie. Nat had forgiven her, and she said she understood. Sherri had promised that it would never happen again. But that didn’t mean things weren’t still tense between them, and it didn’t make my concerns disappear.

Night shifts were the worst. It felt like being trapped in a different world sometimes.

The sound of my feet hitting the pavement pounded along with the incessant thrumming of the thoughts racing through my mind.

Cozy Creek was quiet at night. The street lights shimmered in the darkness and reflected off the windows of the businesses lining the street.

Tate was oddly quiet, too. Maybe he sensed my mood, and instead of trying to make me laugh my way out of it, he understood I needed this time to think things through. Or maybe he was in the same mood I was.

Night runs with Tate used to bring me peace. They had always cleared my mind, but not anymore.

I spent the last week avoiding having any sort of real conversation with Madi about our future together or even thinking about whether or not she was expecting the topic to arise.

It was probably not a good idea to talk about things like the future, feelings, and doubts through text or phone calls anyway.

But what did I know?

The last time I saw her, I kissed her like I had a right to as if she were mine. But she wasn’t. And even worse, I’d done it in the middle of the sidewalk on Main Street where anyone could see and feel free to draw their own conclusions.

I didn’t know how to navigate any of this. I married my high school girlfriend straight after college, and look how that turned out. I was so afraid of messing up whatever this beautiful, precious thing with Madi was that I remained fixed in place rather than risk everything in taking a step forward with her.

Running into burning buildings, I could do.

Laying my heart on the line with Madi? Not a fucking chance.

“I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Huh?”

I stopped. Ironically, we were near the exact spot where I’d last seen Madi and kissed the hell out of her.

“With Madi. I don’t know what I’m doing with her.”

He looked at me from the corner of his eye as he caught his breath. “Are you fucking her?”

“Tate!” It was dark. We were downtown, and the sidewalks were empty since it was so late in the evening, but I still looked around as if someone could overhear.

“You are. So, what is it? What’s the problem?”

“I have no idea what she sees in me. I can’t stop thinking someone her age would be better for her. That I’m just wasting her time like that asshole she used to be with did.”

“Well, are you? Is she just a piece of ass to you, Cole?”

“No. She’s not just a piece of ass,” I barked. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not wasting her time. Both things can be true.”

“Sherry really did a number on you.”

“I’m fine. That’s over. I’m over her.”

“You can be over her and still not be over the way she made you feel when she cheated. As I said, both things can be true, Cole.”

I ran my hands into my hair, digging my palms into my eyes. “Fuck.”

“You took a hit to your self-esteem. She played you for months with your best friend, who you never talk about⁠—”

“Why would I talk about that motherfucker? He’s dead to me now.”

“And I get that. But look, I know how divorce feels. Your marriage ended. Your best friend since childhood betrayed you. Your life is completely different now. And you don’t just get over it that easily. It hasn’t been that long since the divorce. That sort of shit causes damage, Cole. It changes you. Trust doesn’t come so easily anymore.”

“Who wouldn’t trust Madi?” I argued. “She might be a literal angel.”

And that was the problem. She was too young, too sweet, entirely too beautiful, which made her something I couldn’t resist. I was a selfish prick for pursuing her.

“You can trust Madi and still not trust yourself. They aren’t mutually exclusive; you realize that, right? You can want her more than anything but still be afraid to get hurt again.”

“When did you get so fucking smart, Tate?”

“Who recommended your therapist to you?”

I huffed a laugh. “Point made.”

“This shit takes time. I’ve had months of practice sorting my shit out. You’re going to be okay. Have faith in yourself, okay? You deserve a fucking break for once in your life.”

“Am I self-sabotaging? Putting the brakes on something that could improve my life?”

“You might be. But there’s nothing wrong with slowing down. You don’t have to get down on a knee and propose to her. You don’t even have to tell her you’re falling for her. You’re allowed to go at your own pace.”

“Yeah, true. I don’t want to go through it again. And I don’t want to hurt her. Plus, I have a lot going on between Sherry, the kids, and the job—Is that too much to bring to the table?”

“Lean on your family. Let us help. You don’t have to do it alone, Cole. We’re all here for you⁠—”

I froze as the all-too-familiar sounds of a fire hit my ears. Crackles, pops, and whispered rumbling hisses floated across the night air, but I couldn’t tell where they came from.

“Shh.” I held up a hand to quiet him. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I hear it.” Immediately, he went on alert. “And now I can smell it too. Smoke.”

We followed the scent until we could see the smoke coming out of one of the dumpsters down the alley next to the Enchanted Greenery, the garden supply store. There was a bunch of cigarette butts strewn throughout the alley. One or more of them had probably ended up inside.

“If this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is,” I joked.

“This is not a sign, dumbass. We need to move that dumpster before the fire gets any bigger.”

Despite my mood, I laughed. “My life is the dumpster fire. Every part of it is out of my control. And after this run, I probably smell like one, too.”

He rolled his eyes as he pulled out his cell to call the fire into the station.

The fire crackled as it ate through the dumpster’s contents. If we didn’t contain it immediately, it would spread and potentially put the entire block at risk. Most of these old buildings were connected.

The alleyway was too narrow just to pull it away from the wall. I had to get it to the street.

Putting my shoulder to the side, I shoved it to get it going.

It was heavy as fuck and hot. I grit my teeth, breathing heavily through the sting of it, trying to ignore the intense throbbing pain in my arm and shoulder as I braced my feet and finally got it to move.

Tate finished the call and found some cardboard to place against the side as we pushed it, but it was too late. I had burned myself, and I felt like an idiot. I knew better. And not only that, I trained people to fucking know better.

I was twisted up in knots, losing my damn mind, and I couldn’t take it anymore. All it would take is one more thing to push me over the edge.

Sirens wailed in the distance as we made it to the street.

“Fuck!”

“Shit, Cole. That’s a bad burn.” His eyes darted up the street where one of our trucks, followed by an ambulance, had just turned the corner.

“I don’t need a fucking ambulance,” I ground out. My upper arm throbbed. “God damn it.”

“You’re welcome, jackass. Don’t make me carry you to it. Do you fucking hear me?”

I gritted my teeth against the pain and looked away. “Yeah. I hear you.”

“I doubt it’s more than second-degree. I know it hurts, but now that we’re under the streetlight and can see it better, I think you’ll be okay.”

“Fucking great. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Looks like you owe me a beer for saving your ass and calling for an ambulance too.”

“I don’t need any of this right now. It’s too much.”

“Hey, listen to me. All this shit, Cole? It’s going to be okay.”

I nodded. I couldn’t answer him; I was hanging on by a rapidly unraveling thread.

I watched as Pace and some other guys put out the fire. They checked the alleyway and the other dumpsters to ensure everything was safe.

I held back on giving orders. Tate was on it, and I was a fucking mess as I sat at the edge of the ambulance, surprised when Amber, Tate’s ex-wife, popped around to assist.

After a cursory glance at my arm, she stared her partner down until he returned to the back of the ambulance.

“We’re taking you to the hospital. Get inside, Cole. The spot at the top of your shoulder looks bad. The rest will be okay. I’m not risking your arm to infection or⁠—”

I shook my head, jaw tense with pain, interrupting her warnings. “No, I’m fine⁠—”

“Do not argue with me, Cole. It’s not worth the risk. Think about what you would tell any of the guys on your crew, repeat it to yourself, and let me do my damn job.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” I got up, went inside, and sat at the gurney’s edge.

Tate hopped in with me before she could shut the door. “I’m coming with.”

“Tate. Good to see you.”

“Amber. Yeah, you, too.” Belying her words, she shot him a glare before slamming the doors shut and hustling around to the cab.

“Well, this isn’t awkward at all.” Her partner’s head tilted side-eye told the tale. “Take it easy, Cole. I got you.” He applied more cold water to my arm, and I sighed in relief, already feeling slightly better.

I leaned back on the gurney and closed my eyes. I felt terrible that I didn’t have it in me to comfort Tate right now. The two of them hadn’t seen each other in months.

“I’m fine. It’s fine. Rest,” he said as if he could read my mind. And who knew? He probably fucking could.

“I’m sorry, man.”

“I know you are.” He smirked. “It’s almost like I’ve known you my entire life.”

He touched my knee as Amber sped toward the hospital with the sirens blaring.