Chapter 11

11

Icouldn’t panic. I would have to keep my tears in check and my wits together, assess the damage and sort it out to the best of my abilities. Then, maybe then I’d figure out what to do with my tutor’s look of indisputable terror.

Juno stared at the talons, watching as they slowly retreated into my skin.

“You…” she began. Then stopped, snapping her mouth shut. “Tavi, what did you do?”

I reined in my anxiety. At least the question was better than what are you, although I knew she thought it. I knew she wondered what the hell I was, because she understood the difference between illusion and reality. Any Fae with magic had the ability to change their outward form for a small amount of time. But it was just an illusion. It was fake, a mastery over the elements, and completely different from cognitive manipulation.

That wasn’t the case with me.

“It’s nothing,” I insisted, focusing on tamping down the transfiguration until my hands and fingers looked normal again. My senses returned to me slowly, my energy centering, and that’s when I felt the pain. Sharp pinpricks of pain beneath my skin like my nerves were mad at me for what I’d done. “It’s a stress response.”

“Do not lie to me.”

“I’m not.”

The soft breeze wafting off of Juno, part of her heritage, turned into a gale blowing the hair away from my face with such force I had to close my eyes.

“Start talking, Miss Alderidge. Now.”

I winced and didn’t look down at my hands again. I kept my gaze on Juno, waiting for the condemnation to come. I saw only anger.

My head was so dizzy I feared I might black out, my heart rate too quick, and the rest of me responding to the adrenaline racing through my blood. “It’s going to be a long story. A long and stressful story.”

“I don’t care. We have all the time in the world as long as you are honest with me,” Juno stated. She squared her shoulders, losing a bit of the animosity but not enough to make me comfortable. “Take a seat. I’ll make some more tea. I seem to have accidentally spilled this pot.”

I didn’t want tea, even though my mouth was suddenly desert-dry and my stomach had plummeted like an anchor into the ocean. How did I find myself in these messes? Why couldn’t I control myself better? I had to learn, no matter how tired, to watch my magic because this kind of mistake was a rookie move. Now I had to trust someone else not to turn me in, someone who didn’t know me and didn’t have any investment in me.

I deserved this, I thought miserably, plopping into the chair as my trembling knees refused to hold me up any longer. Whatever punishment or harsh words Juno wanted to throw at me, I deserved all of it. Because I couldn’t handle myself, couldn’t control my own powers. Somehow, I had to make it right.

So I took the leap of faith and came clean with her. About everything. From start to finish I told Juno the story of my past, without leaving out any details, and watching for her reactions while she simply stared at me. However the anger was no longer there on her face, and the condemnation never came, though I clearly saw the war waging inside of her.

Juno tapped her fingers on the desktop and the spring breeze around her grew in strength for a moment. I shook at the chill before it settled.

“Look, I know you don’t know me,” I continued, staring down at my lap, “but please don’t turn me in to the king.” I spoke louder than was wise. “I’ve done everything I can to make it here and escape an intolerable home situation. Don’t bother telling me I shouldn’t be alive. I know, and I…” I wanted to bury my face in my hands but I refused to break eye contact. “I’m trying.”

Juno sat back in the chair, her legs tucked under her. “I admit I’m stuck, Tavi. I feel like I’m stuck between a good student in need of help and what I perceive as my duty as a teacher and a member of this community. I would be remiss to not inform the Elite Academy of your heritage.”

“No!” I surged forward, gripping the edge of the desk. “Please! I have nowhere else to go.”

My terror must have shown on my face because Juno winced.

“What do you expect me to do?” she argued. “You’ve put me in a terrible position. This is not how I wanted my day to turn out. And I’m sure this isn’t the future you had in mind when you escaped to Faerie, either. I…I don’t know. Honestly, I’m going to need a little time to think this over and decide on the best course of action.”

“Please. I’m begging you, Juno. Give me some time to prove my worth. Please don’t send me right back into Kendrick Grimaldi’s hands. I would rather die a thousand times in the Trials than marry him.” My chest tightened to the point of pain.

She stared at me for a long moment, apparently trying to figure out what to say. There were no words. My heart rose into my throat and threatened to choke me. I couldn’t draw air into my lungs as I waited for her response. As though everything inside of me hung in the balance waiting on what Juno would say.

At last she sighed, and the air stilled around us. “Tavi…all right, I’ll give you some time. I will give you whatever I can. However, you need to make this work. You need to make the effort and master not only these Trials, but work on controlling your secret power of transfiguration, too. If the Trials don’t kill you—”

A grim nod. “At this point I’m not even counting on surviving,” I admitted. Funny, saying it out loud didn’t have nearly as much impact as saying it in my head.

“Well…huh. Well. Okay. If the Trials don’t kill you, then having your secret come to light just might.”

I nodded and barely suppressed a shudder. “I will do whatever it takes. I already have been, haven’t I?” My hands curled into fists on my lap and I made sure to leave the cup of tea where I’d set it down. Otherwise I’d break it into dust. “I’m doing the best I can. Okay?”

“I see it. Trust me, I see it, no matter what I said when I tried to push you. I’m simply not sure how long you can keep this up without breaking. But your secret is safe with me. For now.” Juno held out her hand for me to take and shake.

Half dragging myself from the room, I cut a path toward the castle, picking out details of the town—a certain oddly shaped brick here, or a secret walkway between buildings there. Anything to distract me from what had just happened. I observed more of the town today than I had my entire time here. Maybe that was good, I reasoned. If things went even farther south, if I needed to plan an escape route, then memorizing the town layout might save me.

I was still doing my transfiguration classes with Onyx Grimaldi twice a week, and after that slip-up in front of Juno I had to make an appearance tonight. Although I’d rather sit in a dentist’s chair for hours having each of my teeth pulled without anesthesia, I had no choice. I must learn to master all my powers or I would never survive, either in this realm or the mortal one.

Maybe Onyx would have some sage advice on what to do to control myself.

Although I had to work in the kitchen, I cut my time short, doing whatever I could in two hours before taking off to meet Onyx in the forest behind the castle. We had our own secret spot, a place where the trees cleared and the moon shone down brightly. It was the place he’d first taken me when we began meeting and as he’d told me the first night, this was a thin place. I found I had a soft spot for the trees, the boulders, the vibrations. They helped ground me inside my body when nothing else did.

I scanned the forest for Onyx but didn’t see him until I tripped over an exposed root and found myself sprawled on the ground on my back.

“You’re a graceful one,” Onyx said. He was poised on his haunches, one palm pressed flat to the earth. His warm honey-colored eyes stared down an aquiline nose at me. Platinum-white hair, cut short at the sides and longer at the top, fell toward his ears and he sported a goatee and mustache of the same color. Onyx had the looks of an alpha male but the demeanor of a beta. Or so I’d thought when I first met him.

Now I knew the kind of power lurking beneath his skin and the heritage it came from.

He also looked nothing like his father, who used black magic to appear closer to me in years. As a guess I would have put Kendrick Grimaldi solidly in his late twenties or early thirties. In reality, Kendrick’s son Onyx was in his mid-twenties and not much older than me.

“When you’re right, you’re right,” I replied with one of my first genuine smiles of the week besides the ones I reserved for Mike and Melia. Although Onyx was pretty damn cute and we got along great, there was no spark. Nothing drawing me to him on the same elemental level as what Mike and I shared.

“Better get yourself together,” Onyx answered gruffly. “You’re late.”

I brushed twigs and ice off of my backside from my time on the frozen ground. “I’m sorry, I had work. I came as soon as I could.”

“I thought you told them to let you off early on Wednesdays and Fridays. It doesn’t make any sense for us to continue when we have less than our allotted time together.”

“I did tell them. That’s why I’m here now instead of two hours from now. We have to be happy for small victories.” I glanced behind me again to make sure I hadn’t been followed. One could never be too careful.

“Are you all right? You look pale.” Onyx rose and came toward me, then ran his hands along my cheeks as though he could feel out what was wrong with me.

Onyx could be dead-sexy and gruff sometimes, and mother-hen-like at others. Seemed today we were going with the latter. But this wasn’t something as simple as a fever. Pushing his hands away, I said, “Yeah, it’s been a pretty shitty week already and it’s only just started.” I sighed. “Never mind. I’m fine.”

“You should always be honest with me,” he replied.

I practically snorted. “You don’t want to hear me complain.”

One eyebrow rose independent of the other. “No, I don’t want to hear you complain, because life is too short to fall victim to a bad set of circumstances. I will, however, lend an ear if you want to explain what is making things hard on you and then we can see if I’m able to help in any way. Are you getting enough sleep?”

I rolled my eyes, resigned. “No, I’m not.” Shrugging out of my coat, my stretchy pants and black sweater allowing for better mobility, we faced each other. Neither of us was willing to waste any more time. “Along with the rest of my responsibilities, I had to start working with a tutor at the Fae Academy for Halflings school across town.”

“That’s great.”

Onyx leaped into the air and shifted as he went, his bottom legs transforming into eagle talons as he swiped at the space in front of me.

Here with him, I didn’t have to hide my powers or my true nature. I didn’t have to pretend to be anything other than what I was—or what I wanted to be.

I let my anger do the talking tonight. Everything I’d pushed down and repressed, every terrible feeling causing me to lie awake at night, I used on my mentor. I pushed my body into whatever form it wanted in order to fight off Onyx’s physical attacks. Though I bent back to avoid the first blow, his second struck me on the arm, bouncing off impenetrable scales I’d summoned in an instant to protect myself.

I told him about the rest of my troubles as we sparred. Wow, three days into the week and already things were a tight knot of complications.

“Sounds like you have a lot on your mind,” he said. His hair glowed under the light of the moon, a strange white I’d quickly come to accept. This was Faerie. Things that were abnormal in the mortal realm? Perfectly average here.

“Gee, you think?” I snarled when he landed another blow, the spot on my side where he hit already throbbing. Yup, I’d have a few bruises later. “As much as I enjoy our playtimes,” I told him, already out of breath when I moved to strike back, “I think I’m going to have to cut back on our hours.”

Onyx swung in a circle, a scorpion tail manifesting out his backside and lashing out at me. He transfigured faster than anyone I knew, and although there weren’t many of us with that power, Onyx was surely the best I’d come into contact with.

“Are you kidding me?” he said.

“I’m serious. At least until we see if I make it through the Trials. I have to put all of my focus into my studies or else there won’t be enough of me left to kick your ass. You understand, right?”

Onyx shook his head, clucking his tongue at the same time. I didn’t expect the swoop of a wing to knock me off balance. Not with my attention focused on the sharp stinger at the end of the scorpion tail he still bore.

Not only could he transfigure his shape in a snap, he had mastered the ability to change different parts of his body into different forms and held them all at the same time. I envied him that, not sure whether I would ever reach his level of skill. Maybe with a few hundred years of practice I’d be half as talented.

“You want me to survive, don’t you?” I asked softly. Timidly. Because did I really want to know the answer?

This was the son of my fated mate, after all. Maybe he really wanted me dead and this preparation was just to make sure I’d be a worthy opponent when we squared off at last.

Onyx glared at me. “Of course I want you to survive and make it through,” he growled. “Are you kidding? Why would you even ask such a stupid question?”

He spun around a second time and landed a kick. When I fell on my back, he rose above me and kept me pinned, the sole of his boot pressed to my chest. But he smiled when he looked down at me.

“I understand the need to cut back, Tavi, I do. And I’m not going to be the heartless taskmaster who forces you to do more than you can handle. How about we agree to see each other on Sundays instead? I can spare an hour or two for you then.”

“Oh, my hero,” I said, my voice dry with sarcasm. Onyx wrinkled his nose at me before holding out a hand.

Was it my imagination, I thought when he helped me rise, or did Onyx look the tiniest bit upset about the change?