5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

TIA

I feel guilty for being back in this home but it's nice spending time with Paval and his fathers, with a home-cooked meal and conversation that doesn't loop around to my treacherous mother. My grandparents have done more than they were ever required to but meals always consisted of begging me to answer Ada's calls or at the very least send a message. But how can I face a mother who threw everything away for a fucking program?

And then when she didn't achieve whatever she set out to do, she threatened everyone for her rights to me. I vaguely remember telling her that I didn't want to see her, that I didn't want her. I cried for weeks after that when I thought no one could hear—not because I lost my mother, but because everything I thought was true, wasn't.

Because it wasn't just my mother. It was also my father and my other uncle, Liam. They had all been involved. All I have left is my grandparents and Rhys' family but that makes me feel no less guilty for what happened. Someone laughs and I look up, smiling as Valentyn wrangles Dmitri into a playful headlock, Rhys trying to keep them from knocking over the pot of chili. Gianni has his head thrown back in laughter, a relationship full of love and warmth on display.

Unfortunately, Paval is quiet. He's in his head again but I'm not sure why. It better not be because of my face. I don't want to explain to him what's going on or that not having money to pay off the debts in my little black book is getting me in trouble. That macho man—Heath—from the library is the least of my worries. It's Beck, the fucking law student a year behind me who knows that this entire operation could ruin my entire career.

He's also got a mean right hook and anger issues that the twins curtailed just a second too late. I'm fine, Beck is not but he's still clamoring for his wins from the fight two nights ago. Which he'll have when the few who are late on their payments pay up. Had this been my only concern—keeping the bets for these fights—I would have had excess money to move around.

I've used all of those extra dollars for my degree, with barely anything left over for food and amenities. Either, I'll have to up my percentage or I need to change my tactics involving demanding late payments. This is one of many reasons I wasn't planning on coming tonight—my mother being the biggest one.

Needing a different distraction, I excuse myself to the bathroom and dial Cairo. He's the only sane one between us three—Paval, Cairo, and I at this moment and I just need grounding from someone who understands my current predicament.

"Hey, love," Cairo purrs through the earpiece. "Thought I would catch you before the fights. Where did you disappear to?"

"Pav's. He had those puppy dog eyes and I needed… fuck." This is complicated. My relationship with Cairo isn't defined but neither is my relationship with Paval. In the end, Cairo just wants me to be happy and Paval doesn't think he deserves me. What a lovely bunch of men I've chosen.

"Love, everyone needs a little time with family. You're lucky that you have one to run to."

Fuck, I hate myself. I slap my lips a few times, reminding myself that Cairo doesn't have a family. Or rather, he does but his father should be in jail for the shit he's done over the years. The nightmares Cairo carries with him are obvious but he's never detailed them. I just know that it's one of many reasons why Cairo fights—to ‘expel the demons', he says.

"Tia, would you like to tell me why Beck came looking for you an hour ago?"

"Seriously? I thought the twins took care of him."

"Oh, they did. He looks horrible but he mentioned something about money and how if it isn't there in his account tomorrow, there will be consequences. Why didn't you mention that there was a problem with money?"

I sigh, sagging against the counter before falling to my ass and tucking my head between my knees. "Because it's not your problem. You have enough going on, Cairo. I'll be fine. I think I just needed to hear your voice."

Cairo chuckles on the other side of the phone. "Mmm, that makes me feel special. Bring Paval with you tonight. I'm sure he'd love it."

I snort because Paval absolutely would. Unfortunately, the man is a little unhinged and he'll either be torn apart in the ring or smile while he's beating someone's face in. "I'm not bringing him, Cairo but maybe if you just decided to talk to him then—"

"And where would I meet him, love? He's in the graduate program and I'm finishing my senior year in undergrad. If I had a little less tact, I would just approach him. Is he bi? Please tell me he's bi. Because fuck, I need that in my life."

Laughter bubbles up in my throat at Cairo's silly antics but this isn't the first time he's brought up Paval. While I'm trying to figure out where I fit between them, Cairo knows exactly what he wants but is too timid to grab it. Although, I have no idea how Paval will react. "What happened to just dating me?" I joke but the thought of Cairo and Paval is creating fantasies in my head. A small gasp leaves my lips before I can catch it, Cairo chuckling in my ear.

"Jesus, I'm mostly joking but fuck, if it's going to get you to make sounds like that, I'll find him."

"Cairo, I have no idea of his preferences." I check the time and sigh. "I've got an hour. Let me finish dinner and I'll figure it out." I push to my feet and stare at myself in the mirror, not excited to see the woman staring back at me. A few years ago, I was full of life, gungho about becoming a lawyer that everyone could be proud of me for. Now? I'm not exactly sure what happened but I'm barreling toward disaster.

I exit the bathroom, not feeling any better after hanging up with Cairo. Maybe watching him bash someone's face in tonight will help. The evening ends with more lighthearted chatter, Paval still relatively silent and his fathers sending me a few uneasy glances. When Rhys asks if my grandparents have spoken with me, I decide it's time to leave. Whatever they want to say will most likely be about my mother and I can't handle that.

The ride back to campus is nearly as silent as the way over here but with one difference—Paval's eyes are blown wide, darting between me and the road. His breathing quickens, his hands tightening on the wheel until I realize that he's panicking. That whatever he believes is supposed to happen isn't happening in the way he planned.

"Pull over, Pav. Pull over!" The car swerves and I clutch at my seatbelt as he pulls into a little crevice off the side of the main road. "Babe, what is going on? You didn't talk all night. Is this about the bruise?" I reach over the console, Paval's brow furrowing before he glances over at me, fear etched into his expression.

"I can't protect you, Tia."

There's so much heartache in those words, his voice wobbling. I've never known him to break like this. Sure, he gets confused when people act outside of the box he's constructed for them but he usually just freezes. This is something else. I force a smile onto my lips, knowing that we don't have time for this but needing to make sure Paval is okay. "Babe, I never asked you to. I appreciate that you do anyway but I can handle myself." I pat his arm but he steals it back, shaking his head.

"She's getting an early release. I can't protect you from her. I don't know how she works. There's no data. She…" He trails off, staring out his window as his words sink in. That must be what my grandparents have been trying to tell me all week. It's why Rhys and Paval's other fathers kept glancing at me. It's why they had that hushed conversation while Rhys pulled me into the kitchen.

My heart sinks into my stomach at the thought of that woman walking around freely. Even with the protection order in place, that won't stop her. She's been trying to get me back for twenty years. She won't stop because of a stupid order from the court. Anxiety creeps up into my chest as I try to keep my wits about me. That is going to be a problem for tomorrow because tonight, I have a few fuckers that need to pay up and a certain lawyer that needs to be put in his place.

Once I've had my little freakout, I swallow down my emotions, ready to reel Paval back in. "Pav, look at me. Babe, you don't need to protect me from her. She's not allowed to approach me. I'll be okay." He twists around to meet my gaze, leaning in when I cup his cheeks in my hands. "I see the way you look at me. The way you want and expect so much from me because you think I am your sunshine. I'm not." It dawns on me why Paval keeps believing we won't work. He thinks that he'll dim my shine when that's already been done away with. I'm no more than a woman trying to pay off college at this point. "If you knew who I really was, you wouldn't look at me like that."

"Then let me see that version."

No hesitation. I love that about him but I'm also selfish enough to ask him to stay away because he deserves the happiness that I can't seem to let myself have. "I prefer you to remember me as an angel." I place a gentle kiss on his nose before releasing him so that he can drive us home. This time the silence is uncomfortable.